Do You Have Friends of the Opposite Sex?

Huh. I’m struck by how ignorant it comes off that you continuously mention friends “of the opposite sex” as if you’ve never imagined the idea of queerness or something.

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This topic has a lot to with the age group. I guess those in their younger years are comfortable with two people of opposite sex being friends in true sense.But the older lot will have apprehensions with their partners having exclusive friend of opposite sex. This is because of the prevailing ideas on friendship during their growing years.
The sexual undertones in the friendship has always been there whether its between a same-sex or opposite sex individuals. Its only more pronounced with few selected male friends, not with all of them. We can reach a consensus if we have some male readers give their opinion.

One of my very best friends and the person who I can tell everything is a guy, and it works, mostly because I had a wicked crush on him, told him, and he accepted it while making sure I knew nothing would ever, ever happen. Since it’s always been clear what we “are”… it’s a wonderful friendship.

It really depends on how you know each other as friends, and how the relationship develops. The phrase “Its takes 2 to tango” applies in this friendship to g/f, b/f scenario.

If one has strong feelings than the other, and the other doesnt feel then sometimes there can be awkwardness, and a feeling of avoidance.

I ve asked my best girl friend out (Im a guy) but I havent pursued her as much as I did in the beginning. Shes kind of hung up about her ex at the moment but I dont think she is attracted to me as if she were then she`d be ripping my clothes off.

I know she likes me a lot but as a friend, and I hate that term “as a friend”. I ve got hundreds of photographs of me and her on our Facebook. Theres a picture of us “kissing” in one of my birthday pictures and it was on her profile for weeks and she never deleted.

Its a shame we`re not a couple as I like her a lot, and shes called me “boyfriend material”.

Its how life goes, but I think people get attracted to people they know and this begins from friends. The foundation of any relationship. Some make it, and some dont.

So funny since I had this topic with friends recently. It seems like so many girls think they can just be friends whereas guys disagree. I think it is possible. :)

Without a doubt! Two of my dearest friends are male, and I’m pretty sure it never crossed our minds that we could or should be more, not even in the silliest most drunken teenage moments. I think sometimes you meet a person and you swear you could be brother and sister.

Absolutely! Though I didn’t really have male friends until I was in my 20’s and was always a “girl’s girl,” today I have lots of purely platonic male friends. I am grateful for their different points of view, their attitudes, and having these amazing people in my life – but I would never want to date them!

I do believe that guys and girls can be good friends, best friends even, but I’ve experienced both sides of the argument so my belief is no longer as steadfast as before.

I ended up dating my male best friend in high school but we broke up shortly after we started dating, and things have never been the same ever since. We don’t speak any more. So my advice is, if you want to be friends with those of the opposite sex, hard as it may be, quash any semblance of attraction before your relationship goes south.

It surprises me that adults in 2012 would have this conversation because it seems to be so highschool (the idea that opposite sex friends must be secretly attracted to one another). It surprises me even more that young people in this day and age have ‘rules’ about opposite sex friends, especially those who are married. I think women who think their guy friends would bed them, given half the chance, are a pretty sad example of how women think of men. Do you also think your lesbian/gay friends are secretly attracted to you? Doubt it.
Of my closest friends, half are female, half are male. I’ve never thought anything of it. Some of my friends are partnered/married, some are single, but if I socialise with a guy friend, it’s no different to going out with a girlfriend.

A couple of my best friends are guys and that has always been the case really, throughout primary school, high school and college. Maybe it is the way that I seem to do friendships or something, but with myself and my girl friends we seem to change and grow apart much more easily than with guy friends. At university (2nd year at the minute) I do still have quite large groups of friends which probably lessens the issues of attraction between the sexes, in that it is rare to be in a situation that could evolve into anything, but obviously it does happen. The thought of anything happening between me and any of my guy mates has crossed my mind, in a sort of imagine if way, but I’m genuinely not remotely attracted to any of them (plus very much taken). Also, I know way too much about my closest guy mate’s sex life to ever, ever have sex with him! We’re just two people who have similar thoughts on a bunch of matters and make good company, in a small university town where such company is hard to come by. People have assumed that something is going on between us, because we have private jokes that give us the giggles and are seen together a lot, but we just tell them nope! If I asked him if I turned and offered to shag him he’d probably say that he wouldn’t say no, but it just really would never happen. There is definitely the idea there that if a guy and a girl spend a lot of time together it must be sexual though.

I love “When Harry Met Sally” – one of my fave movies of all time. I think some of the best relationships start out as friendships first. =)
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my best friend is a guy. for a year we were platonic and hooking up with other people. we only started hooking up with each other recently but it does cause things to get very complicated. it’s like we can kiss and hold hands and be best friends with no relationship but when we hook up the emotional flood gates open and we start bickering over dumb stuff lol…..i think we both know that we’re in love with each other a little bit. how can you not be somewhat in love with your best friend? i am just not at a point in my life where i want to be in a legitimate relationship…and as much as i love him, he’s not what i’ve always imagined for myself. that sounds selfish and a little shallow but maybe i’ll change in time….that’s why i know i am just not ready to be in another serious relationship right now. especially with my best friend. the risks are outweighing the benefits ;)

Since highschool my closest friends have been boys. I seem to connect to them easier and more intense than girls.
Of course people around us tend to think that there is romantic going on, and the truth is, that even though we never fooled around there is a sexual tension. Otherwise i could just as well hang around girls…

Yes, I do think guys and women can be just friends. My teaching partner is a male and over the years of working together, we have become very good friends. His wife is one of my best friends. I do more activities with her- shopping, walking, movies. But because he is married, I would never just invite him to do something outside of work unless I also invited her. Having this friendship has helped me in my relationships with other men. And I thank him for his friendship.

I’m getting hitched in a few months and my fiancé is my best friend.
That being said at work I have a male friend who I get on really well with and we are really good mates, someone suggested we were *wink wink* getting it on and that just made me laugh and I went home to tell my fella. In fact my male college and my fiancé met and they get on really well together, means I have good taste in friends!
I’ve come to the point where if others are making stuff up and stirring the pot it just looks like they’re trying to cause a problem and entertain themselves. At the end of the day I go home to my lovely man and plan the rest of our lives together!Hurrah

i think it is a bit demeaning to both men and women to think we can’t have fulfilling and inspiring relationships without involving sexuality. i am glad to see that the majority of commenters are developing cross-gender friendships. if we don’t, that implies a hang up on gender that seems really unhealthy to me.

also not sure if anyone else has mentioned this but Iris Krasnow has a book called The Secret Lives of Wives in which she extols the virtues of being married and having a best male friend (or several) on the side. i haven’t read the whole book but i read an article excerpt. the only thing that bothered me was that there was no mention of what happens IF the male friend does begin to develop an attraction.

great topic! so fascinating to hear what people think about this kind of thing.

A note: I won’t actually date a guy who doesn’t have women friends.

I have lots of guy friends. But it is complicated. My oldest friend ~ we’ve known each other for 25 years ~ is a guy. We were each other’s go-to people all throughout our teens and early 20s. That all changed when he met his now-wife. We hardly ever talk anymore, as he doesn’t “need” me. I have another guy friend who I’m very close to, yet he doesn’t tell me about new girlfriends he has. I’ve never been able to figure out why; I tell him about my boyfriends, and he meets them too!

I’ve just moved to Australia, and my only real guy friend here is awesome. We acknowledge that we’re completely, 100% NOT attracted to each other, and we have such an easy/comfortable friendship. Yet everyone wonders if there’s something more, which there isn’t.

Bottom line: it’s possible. But it’s complicated. Mostly because of society, like the author points out.

I do. I am among these girls who guys always consider it best to be best friends with rather than get romantically involved. Not sure if it’s a good thing or not, but after walking out of a verbal abusive marriage, I am content with this kind of relationship.

As a married woman, I had platonic friendships with members of the opposite. And like you, some of them I had dated but once I got married, the sexualization went out the window.

BUT…

As soon as I started to go through my divorce, the sexualization came back, with some of my guy friends professing they had secretly still carried a torch all these years.

So, I guess “it’s complicated” is a good answer. lol.

I feel like it depends on how you met… most of my close guy friends are because one of us was in a relationship at the start of our friendship. That way it was already established that friendship was the only thing we could offer each other. Ugh! Such a tricky topic!

Hey Joanna,
that question is quite interesting since I do have a male friend. Our relationship is very close, which means that we talk about intimate things like love. But I have to admit that for me he isn’t just a good friend, even if I know that we could never be more than friends. Fortunately we don’t see each other that often as he lives in another city. But anyway I think it depends on a persons character if she is able to have friends of the opposite sex.

Of course. Most of them are married and I’m friend with their wives, either because I knew the wife first or because I became friends with her because of him.

This was a fascinating topic! I have several close friends that are guys and in every instance became friends because a mutual friend tried to set us up. As there were no sparks between us, we became strictly platonic friends. I have found that these guys are some of the greatest friends I have ever had. I can tell them anything and know that it won’t be taken the same way. We are all in relationships, and none of our significant others mind! I strongly encourage girls to have guy friends – why not? Guys will typically give honest advice and lack the catty attitudes found in women.

I live with three men- and my boyfriend doesn’t mind a bit. And it is, and has always been, totally platonic. Seriously, these guys are like my brothers.
I love having male friends, they have so many great qualities which you miss if you just hang out with girls!
Male friends for the win!

Some of my closest friends are of the opposite sex. I have a couple of close girl friends also. But I find that girls get offended and are bitchier about things than men. My male friends say it how it is and that means everything to me. I enjoy being around them, but it doesn’t mean I want to have sex with them!!

I have a group of really amazing girlfriends, but I also have two very close male friends. They are two of my longest friendships, dating back to junior high school, and both hang out in my (mostly married) friend circle as well as see me and my husband (separately and together) without issue.

That said, I dated both of them (in college) and it was mutually agreed upon at the time we were better off as friends. I think men and women can definitely be “just friends” but in my case it’s been easier on my significant other that the option was already explored and mutually decided against.

Honestly, I think men have a harder time maintaining men/women friendships than women ever have.

I always had more guy friends than girl friends growing up, and it was never romantic or sexual. I got more girl friends when I left for college, but I still like my guy friends better. (Shh; don’t tell!)

Hm, it’s definitely complicated. I think one or the other will always have an underlying sexual tension. It’s just how humans are made. Men have an innate attraction to women (nothing to do with infidelity) but it’s our makeup. To reproduce. I think you can be “friendly,” but there is always, on some level, curiosity. The dynamics of men and women is so profound and interesting. We’re actually really primitive. Obviously, we’re living in modern times so you won’t always act on those impulses, but it’s still there. It’s our responsibility, if we’re in relationships, to be respectful of our partners and to include them in the friendship. And if your partner’s “friend” doesn’t include you, then that’s a red flag. Or vice versa. If your partner keeps you out of the friendship. BIG red flag. But it’s healthy to incorporate all types of friends, as long as it doesn’t make anyone in the relationship feel uncomfortable. That’s should be the priority, within reason.

I have a male coworker who claims that absolutely with zero exceptions would a single guy be friends w/ a girl unless somewhere in his body he is attracted to her in a sexual way. Basically, guys (single ones anyway) don’t waste their time being friends w/ women without the possibility, if even remote, that they may get some action at some point!

The women in the office fervently disagree, but since he said that, it has kind of stuck in my head as something to keep in mind and in a way I can see how that would be true when I look back at my single guy friends through the years.

Some of my best friends are guys…and it IS totally platonic! One of them I’ve known my whole life, he’s practically a brother and my best friend. One I see maybe three times a year, and he’s a great friend of mine. Granted, my significant other now was ‘just a friend’ but we both knew that was a lie. But I think having a guy/girl platonic friendships is totally natural and healthy. It’s always very undramatic, not ‘catty’ and there’s just a really cool ability to get to know the other sex from a purely ‘friendly’ view. I think it’s totally possible and really great!

Some of my best friends are guys…and it IS totally platonic! One of them I’ve known my whole life, he’s practically a brother and my best friend. One I see maybe three times a year, and he’s a great friend of mine. Granted, my significant other now was ‘just a friend’ but we both knew that was a lie. But I think having a guy/girl platonic friendships is totally natural and healthy. It’s always very undramatic, not ‘catty’ and there’s just a really cool ability to get to know the other sex from a purely ‘friendly’ view. I think it’s totally possible and really great!

Sorry!! Here is the article (hopefully):
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200109/can-men-and-women-be-friends

On average the worst form of cheating for men is physical/sexual, and the worst form of cheating for women is emotional/relational. Which makes it interesting when this discussion happens that, on average, women will say friendship is possible and men will say that friendship is not possible.

I would be interested to hear what people define friendship as, though. I think men, women, introverts, extroverts, and different “personalities” would define it slightly differently.

Here is an article from psychology today that talks about this very question:

I personally have never seen such a thing as a man and woman being truly just friends outside of marriage… Not saying it is impossible. It does seem rare, though.

I had a good guy friend in High School and we went to Prom together. I also had a bf that I loved very much and understood our friendship. He was a little jealous I suppose. Sometimes people would tell me that it was obvious that my friend liked me, but I never got that vibe, we even slept in the same bed together and considered sharing an apartment, and I swear nothing ever happened! I moved away and we lost touch, we have tried to meet up but it never works out due to busy schedules. I do miss having a friend that is a boy that i can trust.

My sister has a guy friend that is considered like her brother, we were all friends. A couple of years ago he and my ex-husband became best friends. When the marriage ended, he chose my ex’s side. His only explanation was that “he didn’t want to hear you and your sister say anything about him” we never said anything to make him think that. I will never be friends with him again, even though my sister is again. I considered that to be a betrayal after knowing him for 12 years, and him only knowing my ex for 2.

I am married and I have a couple of really good guy friends. I know there are some people that think it’s kind of fishy, but those guys are engaged and one has a kid. We are completely, COMPLETELY platonic. I am completely open with my husband about time I spend with them. I think that’s what makes it work.

I have 4 best girl friends and 4 best boyfriends and although girls are my favorite, I love having friendships with both sexes. BUT the mainstream pressure to sexualize every single relationship/event in life has me often thinking about my male friends naked and making out with me, I never go there with my girls! I think the better question is do you have longterm friends of the opposite sex that survive marriage and relationships.

Yes I do, and I like the points of view they give me about things. Some of them are very good friends.
Yes, we can! ha ha

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