Relationships

Coming Together

Statue of Liberty

How are you doing this morning? First of all, I want to take a moment to send a hug to everyone out there, no matter what your political beliefs are. It has been a long and hard election.

This past month, we’ve been excitedly working on a big post to celebrate Hillary’s victory — we asked 10 of our favorite illustrators to draw how they would feel today, and the illustrations were ecstatic: from Hillary and Obama jumping into the air; to a little girl at a museum staring at a painting of Hillary among other great women in history; to faces of women of all races, ages and ethnicities smiling above the White House.

Of course, we won’t run that post today. I feel a huge mix of emotions: shock, sadness, disbelief, grief for what could have been. I keep thinking maybe I’ll suddenly wake up to Anton and Toby asking for milk and realize it was just a dream. I’m sure many people feel the same.

But.

Tomorrow I’m going to dust myself off. Because I also feel love. And fervor. And a commitment to my children, friends, neighbors and people in our country, especially marginalized people who may fear for their future.

“The worst thing that can happen in a democracy — as well as in an individual’s life,” says Hillary Clinton, “is to become cynical about the future and lose hope.”

So we will not do that, I’ll explain to my children. We will respect the democratic process and honor the outcome of the election and hope the country heads down a better path. “The Republican Party and Donald Trump will have control of all the levers of government,” writes Thomas J. Friedman in the New York Times. “That is an awesome responsibility, and it is all going to be on them. Do they understand that? Personally, I will not wish them ill. Too much is at stake for my country and my children. Unlike the Republican Party for the last eight years, I am not going to try to make my president fail. If he fails, we all fail. So yes, I will hope that a better man emerges than we saw in this campaign.”

We watched the results last night with a group of friends, including one who is Arab-American. When Trump was announced the winner, he said, “I didn’t realize how much my country hated me.” But I hope that’s not true. This morning I read a post by Ali Michael, an educator, about what to tell our children today, and she made this great point: “Remind them ― to ease their minds ― that not everyone who voted for Donald Trump did so because they believe the bigoted things that he has said this year. Many of them voted for him because they feel frustrated with the economy, they feel socially left behind, and they are exercising the one power they have.”

There are so many good people in this country — so many — and we can come together and make change. And look at how the young people voted! That definitely gives me hope.

We’ll make big changes on a larger scale, but also here are ways to help on an individual level, as Rachel Howe pointed out: Ask everyone if they are okay and if they’re not see what you can do. Say hi to strangers. Volunteer, anywhere. Shop locally. Host people in your home. Cook for yourself and others. Speak up when you see racism and sexism in action. Protest. Donate time and money. Talk to older people more. Talk to kids more. Teach empathy. If you feel your future is in danger, start now to build a secure foundation for yourself. If you’re in less danger, reach out to those who are and offer your time and money and care to them.

inclusiveamerica_penelopedullaghan

This flag gif by Penelope Dullaghan was one of the 10 illustrations we commissioned. It celebrates Hillary’s message of unity.

WE CAN STILL BE THIS COUNTRY.

  1. Michaela says...

    This is so crucial, thanks Joanna! This blog has a lot of useful applicable tips for building empathy, I’ve found it extremely relevant in my current relationships that have suffered from the current political climate. Check it out:
    https://ltnat.wordpress.com/2017/03/23/listening-empathy/

  2. Marla Foreman says...

    Just a friendly reminder that not everyone in America voted for Hillary. That is why she lost. And we don’t all feel sad or frightened for America now. You can share your opinions if you wish… which you have. I just don’t agree.

  3. Kim says...

    It doesn’t take a man or woman to change this country but a body of people! Let’s accept this and move on! #spreadlove

    • Lara says...

      Amen sister! Life is too short for loathing thoughts. So many opinions on who the best candidate was and… one thing is for sure…. the popular vote would most likely have concluded “Neither!”

  4. Katie says...

    It’s been a few days and I am still devastated by the election results, it seems so hard to find a way forward.

    I am a woman of color and feel that the anger and fear, especially from marginalized communities, is more than justified. I understand the need for accepting the election results and the peaceful transfer of power but also worry that talk of “giving him a chance” and “let’s wait and see what happens” will normalize the very worrisome idea of a racist, misogynist, bigot in charge of our nation’s direction. I don’t ever want to forget or be numb to the fact that this is KKK endorsed candidate, a sexual predator and a man who started his entire political career furthering the racist lie that our first black president is not a real American. It all feels so unjust and upsetting.

  5. This is such a great post. I’m not American but I lived in L.A for quite a while so it was impossible not to get sucked into the election. I was disappointed to hear about Hillary’s loss but would honestly still love to see those illustrations. Although she lost the message she inspired will never leave those people it touched. I hope that Trump does a good job and proves us that don’t believe in him wrong – not just for the good of the USA but for the global good.

    Abigail Alice x

  6. Thanks for your message of hope, Joanna. I would have loved to have seen the Hillary-victory-post.

    Over here in Europe, we are still in shock. Honestly, it is so disheartening to see that people are still denying sexism played a part in all this. I have a four year old daughter – wouldn’t it have been the best thing to have been able to tell her: “You can be anyone you want and do anything you want to do!” Now, what do I tell her?

    https://anecdoteanthology.com/2016/11/10/you-cant-always-get-what-you-want-why-there-might-be-hope-even-after-the-trump-election/

    • Kim says...

      You tell her “You can be anyone you want and do anything you want to do!” As a parent it’s our job to instil that into our children not someone else’s.

    • I think there were so many other factors going on than sexism that that part has been mainly overlooked. I have begun to wonder however if we all subtly undermined Hillary Clinton during the campaign season by calling her by only “Hillary.” I understand that we were trying to distinguish her from her husband but why call her “Hillary” and him “Trump?” We should’ve called him Donald to level the playing field.

    • Lara says...

      I will read your blog post and thanks for sharing this. (Just scanned over it and can certainly appreciate the oxygen mask analogy!) Always nice to find a refreshing and hopeful voice, void of depressed sentiments and doomsday fears. ✌🏼️🌎💕

  7. Sundus says...

    I’m broken. I am a Muslim trying my best to not be defensive and afraid. Today I had a man return my greeting of “hi” with , “Surprised they still let people like you into this country.” I can’t tell my friends, my spouse, my parents because I can’t have this incident unravel me. I am nervous, and I’m very uncertain of the people around me. I don’t want to be either. I will keep striving to smile and greet anyone I encounter. I refuse to give into fear. But I am afraid, and I don’t want to be. I ask of anyone to please reasure me. I desperately need it today.

    • Katie says...

      I have been walking around in a daze of tears for the past few days. I feel so scared and disappointed. Part of me has adopted a “well we’re in this together” mentality to make myself feel better. However, I am a white, Jewish woman who, in the scheme of things, has little to fear in terms of my personal safety or my ability to comfortably exist in my day-to-day life. I can’t even begin to fathom the fear you must feel, and the courage and grace you have to be able to stay strong (or at least upright) in the face of the ugliness you’re encountering. It blows my mind how horrible some people can be- and thanks to the outcome of this election, many of these people now feel even more empowered.

      I don’t think there is anything I can say to make you feel better, but please do know there are SO many people out there who are your allies, and who now more than ever feel a renewed sense of duty to actively combat prejudice and intolerance, and to support our friends and citizens who need our love. I’ve never been one to be a passive bystander or hesitant to speak my mind (perhaps to a fault!), but the message sent by this election made me realize I need to do even more. Sending lots of hugs and love you to, my friend. xoxo

    • Meg says...

      Everything Katie said! Many hugs! Hopefully those Trump supporters who truly aren’t bigots will similarly denounce this behavior. Much love!

    • Catherine says...

      Sundus, before this week I did not believe that so many people could be so intolerant (or at least permissive of intolerance). The Trump campaign did something horrible to this country by validating hatred. I am a white woman and I’m fearful for what this cultural shift will mean for my life, but I can’t imagine what you must feel like today.

      I can tell you that I still believe that most people in this country do not hate you. Less than half of eligible voters cast a ballot, and even then more people voted for Hillary. I believe that diversity is beautiful and you do not deserve to live in fear because of your religion. Thank you for staying brave and don’t forget to stare at that map of how young people voted!

      >>sending virtual hug>>

    • Roxana says...

      I am so sorry to hear this.

      Please do not give in to fear. That is easy for me to say perhaps. I am a Christian woman. I am white. I have had an easy life. I can only imagine how hearing that would make you feel. Please know that despite all that’s been said during this last election, and despite the result, the vast majority of us are not bigots. We’re not xenophobes. We don’t wish anyone ill. I echo Katie’s sentiments.

      Among Christians there is a belief in what’s called “common grace.” It’s the idea that God has given us all a sense of grace, a sense of right and wrong, a conscience. I venture to say that the vast majority of people in this country (and around the world) try to live in a way that is sensitive to that grace. Please do not let one fool make you disbelieve in it!

      I hope and pray that you experience that grace through all those you encounter in the coming days.

    • Catherine McKnight says...

      I’m so sorry. I wish I had more to say, but you are welcome and you are loved. There are so many people out there in your corner. One idea for reassurance: if you join pantsuit nation on Facebook you’ll find about 3 million welcoming people and many many stories of support. Hugs

  8. What a touching, inspiring message <3 Although I am from the Philippines, I fear for America, too, and for the rest of the world for what might happen if Trump makes good on some of his promises. As they say, "When the U.S. sneezes, the rest of the world catches cold." But I also hope that eventually things will be better, that people will still come together to support and love each other. After all, that is the best thing that we can do in these challenging times. To hang on to hope :)

  9. Ingrid says...

    I could not read this until today. I’m still not ready. I live in Indiana, where Republicans have ruled for years, and I don’t have much hope for a better country under national Republican leadership. I’m not hoping they will fail. I’d love to see them succeed, but it certainly hasn’t been good here. (Check out all the lists of state rankings for women and children’s issues, health statistics, economic growth, etc. and you’ll find Indiana near the bottom of every list.) So don’t talk to this old person looking for comfort. Now if you try to make ME feel better, that would be lovely. I’m just still so sad that you can’t post all those lovely celebrations of HRC, our would-be first woman president. Thank you for trying to cheer us all up though. I do appreciate it.

    • SallyK says...

      Another “old” Hoosier here and I completely agree with you. As a white woman I have little to fear, yet I’m afraid. I can’t begin to imagine what others are feeling. The first reported hate talk in central IN started in Columbus, IN — Mike Pence’s hometown. Haven’t heard the VP elect denounce it.

      What really frustrates me is that HRC won the popular vote and the margin keeps increasing. Unfortunately, it’s mostly in blue states.

  10. Sarah says...

    Hi Jo,

    You and your team are so wonderful! The election news, along with Leonard Cohen’s passing, had me in such a fog. Thanks for reminding me that hope and love and inclusivity haven’t been extinguished. We Canadians stand with you!
    xo,
    Sarah

  11. Really, really, truly lovely. You are so level, constructive, hopeful, honest. Thank you.

  12. Kate says...

    God bless America. From a British stand point, I don’t understand the result. As a mother I would have loved to tell my seven year old baby girl that the most powerful person in the world is a woman, extremely qualified. However I respect the wonderful american public and their vote.

    Loads of love and best wishes xxx

  13. Thank you so much for this. I have more respect for you than before, if that is possible. Thank you for posting this. Thank you for not pretending it didnt happen and go on posting scheduled content. Thank you for the positivity. And for instigating this conversation.

    I have a request : could you talk about climate change and human habits in the future posts ? If the govt doesnt do it, we can do our part.

  14. I’m so sad.

  15. I’m a Hillary supporter. I grew up in a rural area, a blue county in a sea of red. Personally I am more centrist, and would have possibly voted for a republican, but found Trump repulsive. But I have to remind myself – I’m a hardcore feminist. I read feminist, anti-rape culture articles on the internet. There are many women out there who don’t do this, and don’t put as much weight on his allegations, words and actions towards women.
    Some observations:
    Neither Hillary or Obama are very popular in some areas of this country. Many people don’t like Obama’s economic policies. Having Obama campaign for Hillary did nothing for her.
    Also, my mother, a die-hard liberal, told me she doesn’t like Hillary. I wasn’t in the mood to discuss politics so I didn’t ask why, but something must have rubbed her the wrong way in the last twenty years, because I vaguely remember long ago she said she liked her. (She probably voted for her anyway, but I can see why some wouldn’t). Also Hillary did very little to try to appeal to the rural masses. Trump did.
    So, many voted for Trump because they don’t like Hillary. Also, her past anti-coal comments really didn’t resonate with some.
    Also, many simply voted along party lines. I don’t agree with that, but many people do this. I don’t think it comes from a place of hate.

  16. Melisa says...

    This was a beautiful post, Joanna. Thank you.

  17. JuneK says...

    Here’s the thing , girls, popular vote was for Clinton, but her turnout was low. The latests reports show that trump’s popular vote was lower than Romney in 2012. In 2012 Obama got 5 million more popular votes than Hillary did this year. In 2016, “other” candidates popular votes were 6.7 million. Another 90 million eligible voters did not turnout this year.
    Every eligible voter who went with third party candidate or just did not bother to cast a vote is responsible for her loss. Anyone who may have voted for her but was not inspired enough to keep Trump out of the WH is also in part responsible. Did you volunteer on her campaign? Did try to talk some sense into your friends, family and coworkers who may have been leaning trump or 3rd party or were uninterested to go to the polls and cast a vote for Hillary?
    I am a 61 year old women who alway voted in all the elections local and national . I remember seeing this narcissistic buffoon on TV and hearing him on radio before many of you were born . I knew he was a conman in the 80’s. I gambled in AC casinos but always avoided his … just because I didn’t want my money going to trump. I’d rather lose it elsewhere thank you. When I saw trump winning GOP nomination, I knew it was time to step up my game. I did all I could do to help Hillary with contributions and volunteering on the campaign. I am heartbroken, too. Sorry for the lecture but you all need to do better for your future. Step up when a choice is so very clear. Vote in every election not just presidential and try to find the time and money to support the candidates who best represent you. Encourage others to do the same.

    • Cara says...

      I’m curious why you blame people who voted 3rd party for Hillary’s loss? And people who voted for Trump? So just because they didn’t vote for the candidate that YOU think is best, they are responsible for the outcome? That is a little short sided, in my opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own vote and their own thoughts/beliefs. She lost. There were a lot of reasons that she lost, not because people who voted for 3rd parties voted that way. You can’t assume they all would have voted for her anyway- what if they had all voted for Trump?

    • JuneK says...

      Cara, The tone of the original post and most comments were from Hillary supporters who seemingly could not fathom the outcome of this election.. I, too, was in support of Hillary and volunteered for her team . I, too, was very disappointed on her loss. However I was not totally surprised. She was the second candidate in my lifetime to lose an election with a MAJORITY of the popular vote and that just does not seem right. So yeah, I was a little PO’ed.

      Being older than the average Cup of Jo reader I only wanted to give my own opinions and a historical perspective to a younger generation of women, encourage them to do more than just vote every four years, become involved and educate themselves, become influencers who speak their minds and hearts . So now in both 2000 and 2016 the popular vote winning Democrat candidate lost the presidency. I was bitterly aware of the fact that 3rd party and non-votes can make a difference and many Americans from that earlier election had great regret that Gore did not win the office.

      As an aside, if you read about the history of the electoral college you’ll see that it’s not a very fair system and was set up that way on purpose. Hopefully, it will be eliminated in the near future.

      If you are offended, let me say that I understand in this country we are still free to vote for the candidate of our choice. However, I remember Trump and his words and actions from almost 40 years ago , believed that he was unfit for the office and most importantly knew he did not in any way represent my values . Therefore I worked as a volunteer and voted for Hillary Clinton. Other voters feel that Trump was the better candidate, then you got your wish.

      So now he’ll be our president. We shall see how this plays out. My fear is that while Trump and I will be long dead it could be that younger persons their children and grandchildren will suffer from his actions. My prayers are for the future generations of our planet.

  18. Xus says...

    Bravo, Joanna! Just thanks for your words. XO

  19. Jan says...

    I live in one of the “reddest” states in the country, and I have not seen or heard the bigotry, misogyny, and homophobia here (except on Facebook of course). The people I know who voted for Trump did so out of concern for the economy, national debt, and our continued involvement in military conflicts. I’m not intending to turn this into any kind of political debate. And I don’t wish to sully the comforting tone of this site – which I greatly appreciate. I include the link to this article by a Democrat-sort-of-turned Libertarian in hopes that reading it will provide insight, and consequently comfort, to those who are fearful. I believe not all of this vote, maybe not even most of this vote, was a result of bigotry, etc.
    https://medium.com/@trentlapinski/dear-democrats-read-this-if-you-do-not-understand-why-trump-won-5a0cdb13c597#.xc2qa65yc

    • Ashley says...

      I am so happy you posted this response. While I understand there is a huge sense of shock, sadness and loss, I am tired -extremely tired- of being cast as a racist, or hateful, or sexist. My vote for Trump was one of the most difficult choices I have made as an adult but not one ounce of it was based in hate. If we could all take a step back from the TV/FB/media and instead look at each other, TALK to each other, there would be so much more understanding. Here is another great read https://cassandrahewlett.wordpress.com/2016/11/09/i-am/

    • Jan says...

      Thank you Ashley for your response to my post and for attaching the link to Cassie Hewlett’s post. Your comments and her post reference a deep concern of mine. Social media – and all of our amazing technology – which could bring together people from all walks, instead, seems to pull us apart. We don’t see each other because even when we communicate “noble” ideas, we’re thinking, “I, I, I, me, me, me.” Human nature, of course, but my hope is that we choose to really see and hear each other.

    • Kelly says...

      Jan and Ashley, I just wanted to let you know that I truly appreciate your comments. I voted for Hillary with great conviction, and like many of her supporters, am devastated by the results of the election. I’ve spent a great deal of time over the past few days trying to understand the mentality of those who voted for Trump, and have only found rhetoric that has made me more fearful and confused — words full of vitriol, and “Hillary Hate.” The gentle and thoughtful nature of your comments provides me with the hope I was looking for … that we may not be so divided as we fear, and may be able to work together toward a safer future for all. Thank you.

    • Jan says...

      Thank you Kelly. And I just found time to read the article linked in Kelly’s comments (just below where you commented). If you haven’t had a chance to read it (don’t let the source deter you), please do so. You might find great comfort in it. I’m hoping what the writer expresses is what most of us are working toward.

    • m says...

      Thank you Jan, for your comment/explanation for your vote for Trump. The only thing I can say for anyone who cast their vote for him out of concern for the economy, national debt, and military conflicts, to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE continue to reassure those of us who feel marginalized, fearful, alienated, and rejected by Trump being elected, that they are safe, included, and loved. These 4 years are going to be terrifying for us (especially those who don’t live in a blue state), and we’ll need all of the reassurance we can get.

    • Jan says...

      Thank you M. Let me clarify that I DID NOT vote for Trump, nor did I vote for Hillary. Yes, I did vote, and my friends and children tell me I wasted my vote. However. I had to follow my conscience which would not allow me to 1) skip voting 2) vote for Trump who lacks the restraint to even attempt civil discourse – and who has a multitude of other short comings I won’t waste space reiterating. 3) vote for Hillary after observing her political life and reading Hell to Pay, a well-documented account of her political philosophy.
      So I studied the other candidates and voted for the one that best aligned with my views and conscience.
      As I said in my first comments, I am surrounded by people who voted for Trump, and most did so for the reasons I referenced.
      Let me add that I’m a retired high school teacher and have many former students who are first generation citizens. During the Obama administration, two sets of illegal immigrant parents of students on my campus were deported. Their high-school-age children (legal because they were born here) remained in the States with their much-younger siblings. These teens attended school, worked to support the remaining family, and became caretakers of the younger children. This is just one of the many issues that concern me and those around me. I just keep thinking our politicians, brilliant enough to navigate treacherous political waters, have to be capable of devising rational plans for issues that have such crucial human consequences – if only they could stop worrying about re-election and party loyalty, etc.
      Let me assure you again that what you read in the link I posted is truly the view of most folks in my area who voted for Trump.
      I’ve decided to move forward by making a stronger effort to help someone. We have many hungry children here, and my family wastes much food, so I will begin there.
      All the best to you. Chin up!

    • Eleanor says...

      I think Republicans and Democrats alike are both concerned about the economy, national debt, and continue involvement in military conflicts. But what people who voted against Mr. Trump are afraid of is the fact that he personally attacked who they are and started a very violent and scary movement against minorities.

      Thank you so much for posting this article! I hope many get to read it. It is a source of great comfort for such a confusing time.

    • Even if you voted for him because of his economic policies, or party affiliation, I’m sorry to say you still cast a vote for racism:

      http://whatever.scalzi.com/2016/11/10/the-cinemax-theory-of-racism/

      I’m not trying to start an argument, but the analogy makes sense. I hope I’m wrong and I hope this country does not descend into hate.

    • Jan says...

      Denise. I’m guessing you overlooked my post in which I explained why I DID NOT vote for Trump, I DID NOT vote for Hillary, and I DID NOT skip voting. I won’t waste space reiterating. Let me simply say again that I voted my conscience.

      I read the linked article you posted. If it’s analogy holds true, then all Hillary voters must be in favor of clandestine missle deals with Middle Eastern rebels and dealing uranium to Russia. I would guess most of her supporters are not in favor of those behaviors or several others.

      What I think I hear you saying is that when one votes for a candidate, one agrees 100% with that candidate’s character and philosophy – something I’ve found impossible in my voting experience. And in your view, the most important aspect of a candidate’s complete platform appears to be human rights/morality. I would not disagree.

      In my post regarding those in my geographical area who voted for Trump – and the link I included with it – I simply attempted to reassure those expressing extreme worry that I know many Trump voters who do not and would not behave in a bigoted, misogynistic, etc. way.

  20. Sam says...

    I don’t like Trump, I didn’t vote for him, and I really, really, really dislike Glenn Beck. But someone I love sent me this article, so I read it, and it helped me feel better and think about how I want to spend the next four years. I thought I would share it here in case it helps anyone else.

    http://www.glennbeck.com/2016/11/10/what-a-gay-muslim-pakistani-american-immigrant-learned-traveling-to-rural-alaska-the-week-before-the-election/?utm_source=homepage&utm_medium=top-stories&utm_campaign=homepage

    • I just read the article and wanted to say Thank you for the link – it helps a lot to see the reasons behind other people’s choices or opinions and how to find common grounds to move forward in a positive way.

    • A says...

      Of all the insane things this insane week, the fact that Glenn Beck of all people has made me feel a bit better might be the insanest of all.

    • Roxana says...

      Sam,
      Wow! Thank you so much for sharing this! I’ve read things along these lines, in addition to this (kind of) being my experience (I know a lot of people who voted for Trump; many did so reluctantly, I might add). It’s nice to read a piece that so graciously explains “the other side” and reminds us that we have a common humanity.

  21. Chris Weber says...

    Sorry but I’m not feeling quite the same way – it’s more like 9/11 for me. I am deeply disappointed that the America of the 50’s is back in full swing. Perhaps Mr. Trump will be a better person – he only has one direction to go, but he is a deeply flawed individual. I’m holding my breath for the next four years – hoping that we survive!

  22. Karen says...

    Amen sister.

  23. Joanna says...

    Oh the hysteria! Ask yourselves “Is it better to feel good than to do good?” Clearly the majority of commenters are doing the former. Why are you so hung up on gender, race and class? Isn’t that sexist, racist and elitist?

    • Roxana says...

      Thank you, Joanna! Completely agree.

    • A says...

      I’m sorry but I can’t let this comment stand without responding. Your candidate won. Congrats. But please, please ask yourself how you’d feel if you were a sexual assault survivor, given the President elect has boasted about grabbing women by the genitals. Ask yourself how you’d feel if you were Latino, given the President elect had declared Mexican immigrants to be rapists / drug dealers. Ask yourself how you’d feel if you were Muslim, given the President elect has called for Muslims to be barred from the United States. Ask yourself how you’d feel if you were disabled, given the President elect has openly mocked disabled people on the national stage. People are ‘hung up’ on gender, race and class because the President elect made gender, race and class a central part of his negative campaign. Now that he’s headed for the White House, you surely can’t expect people to forget his language, or pretend like it never happened? What you call ‘hysteria’ I call legitimate fear. And I can only assume you’re luckily enough not to be a marginalized person, given you’re able to dismiss that fear so callously.

    • Laura says...

      Trump’s actions and temperament are a big deal. No one or president should behave like he does. We aren’t hung up. We are observing and appalled.

  24. Lenae C says...

    Thank you for this post, and for publishing the beautiful illustrations afterall in your weekly email. I think the quote from Friedman is really important; it may feel nearly impossible to do or feel that optimistic right now, but it’s a good message on how to move forward from here. Thanks for sharing.

  25. This is a tough day (nay, week) for many people, myself included. While it’s unlikely that I would support Hillary in any other election, I did in this race. Why? Because she was the most qualified, intelligent, and judicious — plain and simple.

    For me, this race wasn’t about female vs. male. I understand for many it was. I would like to break the last glass ceiling as much as others, but I think the more important thing to consider is this question: who is the most qualified? She undoubtedly was. That’s all there is to it.

    I am very tired of qualified women getting beat out by brash and overconfident men. I’ve seen it, I’ve experienced it, I know it too well. I’m frustrated, but I’m going to keep working to change things. That’s all I can do.

    Here’s to hoping Donald is a quick learner, or at least knows enough to put smarter people than himself in positions of power.

    • Meg says...

      Agreed!

    • Ingrid says...

      Amen!

  26. Em says...

    Trump’s win was was tougher than I would have imagined, and, as a sexual assault survivor, it felt really personal. I am teaching my three year old daughter that she is in charge of her body, and that no one can touch her without her permission. It is incredibly troubling that our president elect has bragged (in private or otherwise) about doing just that to women. Words matter, and Donald Trump’s hateful words about women and others embolden and legitimize hateful behavior. I realize that not all Trump voters voted for him because of his hateful rhetoric, but I am really grabbling with how we ended up in a place where so many people were willing to vote for him in spite of it. I hope that Mr. Trump shows us that he is better than his words and behavior would indicate, and that he can provide some of the relief his supporters are seeking.

  27. Joanna, thank you for this post and for being so vocal about supporting Hillary, even though some readers were not happy about that decision. I was not as vocal about my support of her as I wish I had been.

  28. Mary says...

    Thank you for this considered post , Joanna. My family and I are Irish, living in Ireland, but have plenty of US friends. My 11 year old daughter cried at breakfast yesterday when she heard the news and the kids I teach in a tiny rural primary school were numb with disbelief. Your article is helping me to help them make sense of the upheaval in the world.

  29. Elizabeth says...

    Thank God this is not a dictatorship. The president doesn’t have as much control as some people think he does – there are check & balances within the government. We as citizens have more control than we think we do and now is our time to do something about it. I hope he proves everyone wrong (or right, depending on how people voted) and becomes a good president. As for me personally, I’ve always aimed to be a kind, considerate, accepting person and no president is going to change who I am. On a positive note, the stock market is doing great!

  30. Cara says...

    Thank you for this post. I am still waking up from a depression hangover. I had champagne in the fridge ready to toast our first female president and am still recovering from the shock of that not happening yet. But I have to remind myself that it’s the YET that matters. She’s out there, and I hope to see her soon.

  31. M says...

    Thank you for this. As a young woman in the early stages my career, I was also preparing to celebrate the historic election of Hillary and the shattering of the glass ceiling. The result was shocking, sobering, and deeply distressing.

    I will need time to process and regroup. But I am fully awake to the reality facing not just women, but all marginalized communities, and I am ready to fight like hell to preserve an America that is inclusive and is for EVERYONE. Forward, forward, forward.

  32. Talia says...

    This post brought tears to eyes. Thank you for your honesty. That final gif is so touching!

  33. Linda says...

    thank you jo.
    i was refreshing your page, waiting to hear your thoughts.
    firstly – i don’t normally comment online as most comments are a cesspool of trolls and hate. but i love that you have created a community of women and readers that can address and discuss such a delicate topic in a healthy, calm way.
    people- stay woke. may the flames of this injustice against POC, women and LGBT keep our anger and motivation to fight on.
    Remember this moment. Soak in the sadness and pain.
    Let this fuel your fire to keep on fighting the good fight against all the wrongs in the world.
    I truly and deeply love the country we live in and i truly hope that the SOB proves us all wrong.

  34. Erzsébet says...

    From a friend in Canada – we too were shocked and dismayed by the election result. We hope the Republican government acts wisely and doesn’t alienate its friends and allies around the world. We especially hope your citizens are all treated fairly. The USA is a great country and neighbour and we hope it continues to be.

  35. Beautiful post. I do feel many things today, but one thing I feel is motivated. Yesterday, I donated to Planned Parenthood, signed up to provide a Thanksgiving meal to a family in need, had a nice chat with a policeman who was taking his shift at the protests in front of the Boston State House (I was just walking by – not participating – and the sight of it brought tears to my eyes), opened the door and said hi to strangers….I feel even more motivated to be a better person. To do what I can to contribute to the kind of society I want to live in. That’s what’s in my control right now, and I’m going to do all that I can.

  36. Allison Hicks says...

    As a Native American woman, I hope that this President does not succeed in implementing all of the hateful, misogynistic, anti-LGBT and racist policies he has been touting during the campaign. I will be working with the ACLU and other groups to stymie anything he may do to curtail our civil liberties and constitutional rights.

  37. Caroline says...

    Thank you Joanna. I am so devastated by this.

    “And to all the little girls who are watching this, never doubt that you are valuable and powerful and deserving of every chance and opportunity in the world to pursue and to achieve your own dreams.”

    I hope so.

  38. Refugio M. says...

    I feel a terrible hollow in my heart and a great sense of loss. I suppose I’m grieving for what could have been. Thank you for this uplifting and comforting post.

  39. PJ Decker says...

    Thank you for your words. I am grieving and struggling to accept this new reality. Have not been able to watch the news at all. I need a few more days to heal my heart and mind.

  40. SS says...

    This post perfectly describes exactly everything that I, too, was feeling. It is amazing to see here and elsewhere so many of us with the exact same feelings. The very next morning after the election I changed my phone and desktop photos to this beautiful quote “Be the change you wish to see in the world”. I want to remind myself not to do the same things to others that are painful to me. I don’t want to be intolerant of the people who are intolerant because then how would we ever break the cycle? To have love and hope, we need to give love and hope. There are many things outside of our control, but this we can, and I believe makes all the difference.

  41. LC says...

    This week I didn’t vote for Trump or Clinton (I wrote in a candidate)…
    However, I am saddened by the refrain of #notmypresident. While I did not vote for Obama, and have disagreed with a lot of his policies, I respect the office in which he serves and the awesome responsibility he faces each and every day. I hope that we can get there as a country with our new President-elect.
    KIPP schools have a simple slogan that they teach their students: Work Hard. Be Nice. This is advice that I think we all can, and should follow.

    • Catherine says...

      With regards to the “not my president” chant…I don’t love it, and hope it doesn’t continue for much longer. BUT…so many of us were not expecting this outcome, which means it may take a little longer for us to go through the stages of grief — I think a lot of people are still in the denial stage. I have hope they will reach acceptance, and that it will mobilize them to do good things (which includes listening to others, not tolerating bigotry in any form, and fighting for people without a voice). Let’s all be a little more compassionate today and from now on. I never want to see this country in this much self-inflicted pain again.

    • Meghan says...

      The rejection of Trump goes beyond purely ideological differences. If this were a “traditional” presidential race, I could accept that outcome. But I cannot accept Trump’s message of bigotry, misogyny and racism, and pretend as if those words are just words. Words have impact, and we’ve seen the impact of his words already. He does not represent me, and I cannot accept his words and actions as my leader.

    • Ruth says...

      “Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official, save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to stand by the country. In either event, it is unpatriotic not to tell the truth, whether about the president or anyone else.” – Theodore Roosevelt

    • Linda says...

      I also voted for another candidate, not Clinton or Trump, but am bothered by the riots that have ensued. We as Americans must unite and realize that our similarities are far more important than our differences. We must love and respect each other, look into each others’ hearts, try to understand and help one another, and heal the divide that has separated us. As Martin Luther King stated, “Hate has caused a lot of problems in the world, but hate has never solved any problems.” (paraphrased). Hating, division, these are states of mind that will ultimately destroy us I fear.

  42. Joselle says...

    Thank you for this post. I needed it. On Wednesday, my body reacted with shock and horror by sobbing and my stomach seizing up. Today, I am just as dismayed by the election results but I’m resolved to continue to fight. You are a good ally, Joanna and I so appreciate how your blog is one of the few lifestyle blogs by a white woman that makes a conscious effort to be diverse and politically conscious. As a woman of color, I so appreciate what you are doing and I will continue to read and find inspiration in what you create. Thank you.

  43. Yaindy Lara says...

    This post literally brought me to tears because is so hard for me today to put my feelings in to words. I’m trying so hard not to loose hope.
    Thank you so much !

  44. Publish them anyway, like you said it will give us hope and make us smile

    Shruthi
    http://nyambura.co

    • Yes, we want to see them! Here’s to hope!

  45. Courtney says...

    Thanks for your lovely post! I am not a Hillary supporter, but I will say that there is so much hate coming from both sides-it’s sad. My little 7 year old niece had a fake election at her school and another little girl told her if she didn’t vote for Hillary she would be a “lady-hater” and then another boy at school told her that Hillary is a “baby-killer”. Clearly words stemming from parents’ beliefs, and my little niece came home in tears yesterday (over a fake election!! GRRR). We really need to be kind to others and no matter who you supported, be respectful and AMERICAN! I think your post did just that.

  46. Angela says...

    Thank you, Joanna. Love what you do for us!

  47. Cara says...

    I also just keep hearing “what do we tell our daughters” and “we have to come together as women and support a woman in the white house”. Really? This is the woman/role model/wife/mother that you want your daughters to look up to? Do you all really feel that way or is it something else? I just cannot wrap my head around this logic at all. A woman who has been investigated by the FBI twice during this election (we know, she wasn’t convicted, I’ll leave my thoughts on that off of these comments), a woman who’s husband has cheated on her multiple times and has been the center of scandal and controversy for years, a woman who has yet to answer to issues surrounding Benghazi and other foreign scandal, who has yet to talk about issue surrounding her foundation, etc. She has so much baggage, political and otherwise, that I just can’t understand the defense of the fact that she is a woman, we are women, therefore, we must support her over Trump. I am by no means saying Trump is a great human being, not at all, but the reverse logic excusing Hillary just blows my mind. The media is very much responsible for a lot of it, but we are also responsible for the knowledge that we choose to seek out and believe.

    • Keegan says...

      Thank you for saying this, I’ve felt this way the whole election and I am a mother of two little girls. I want them to have positive female role models (Ivanka Trump is a great one actually) not someone like Hillary. I would have been thrilled to vote for a female candidate for President this year or any year if there had been a great option and I truly believe most people would do the same if their political party, whatever that may be, had a female candidate they loved.

    • Erin says...

      And why does Bill cheating on Hillary reflect badly on her? I’m all for questioning Hillary’s policies, but that argument makes no logical sense. It is not a woman’s fault that her husband cheated on her–and if she chooses to stay with him, that too is a private decision.

    • Samantha says...

      Amen sister. You just tell your daughter, kids, whatever, that Trump won, and that’s what happens in a democratic country. Sometime’s your candidate wins and sometimes your candidate loses. Either way you must respect the choice that the most electoral college made.

    • Linda says...

      -A woman who has been investigated by the FBI twice during this election – > 1 time she was investigated and cleared. second time was related to Anthony Weiner.
      -a woman who’s husband has cheated on her multiple times-> How is that a bad reflection of her? Her husband cheated on her and you immediately blame the woman?
      -a woman who has yet to answer to issues surrounding Benghazi and other foreign scandal-> Hilary addressed an 11-hour hearing/question by Republicans. She more than explained and answered.

      I do not blindly support her because she is female. I honestly and truly believe that she has the experience, the brains, the poise and the ability to perform the duties of the President. It’s a cherry on top that she is female.

    • Abigail A says...

      You may have some valid issues, as Hillary supporters have valid issues with Trump. However, my issue is with your comment. It’s incredibly sexist to blame Hillary for Bill’s infidelity. Many marriages end in divorce, and many of them for this very reason. Many women choose to stay for their children and their families, and others choose to leave. That is a personal decision. I pray that you are never faced with this decision. And if you are, i hope that you can forgive yourself (it would be your fault after all, applying your own logic). Trump is a serial philanderer and has publicly bragged about it. Married 3 times, separated from his first wife after his affair became known. Etc Etc. Current wife has inappropriate photos floating around on the internet. So where is his moral high ground? Lets not throw stones in a glass house.

    • Cara says...

      Erin, Linda & Abigail- Let me clear up my comment about Bill cheating on Hillary. I did not say that it was HER fault or that she brought it on herself. My point in mentioning Bill’s cheating (Linda, this goes towards your comment about Trump and his infidelities and marriage) is that everyone loves to talk trash about Trump and his marriages and wife and family, but everyone praises Hillary and Bill. Give me a break, it is completely hypocritical, if we are talking about character here and what examples we want to set for our kids. That is fine, and her choice, to stay married to him after his long list of scandals, but don’t turn around in the same breath, say that Trump is a terrible example of marriage, etc. Hillary is no shining example of a healthy marriage. You can’t have a double standard for her and Trump. And while she isn’t responsible for his cheating and his actions, she’s accountable for what comes after that. Also, don’t misunderstand my criticism of Hillary for acceptance or approval of Trump’s baggage and actions. They are both horrible examples of leadership to children, but no one is telling their kids that Trump is a great role model and people ARE telling their kids that Hillary is. Why?

    • Roxana says...

      Thank you, Cara!

      I think Trump is a total and complete slime-ball, but that doesn’t make Hillary great.

      Additionally, I am not going to vote for someone just because she’s female. That is just as stupid as voting for someone because he’s male. I mean, seriously? What an insult.

    • Meghan says...

      Amen.

  48. CathyS says...

    Loyal opposition = Republicans this past 8 years. That’s what the opposition does. Don’t worry, the Democrats will do this too!

  49. I held my breath as I listened to the news early yesterday morning. The sun broke over the horizon and suddenly we were in a country I didn’t recognize…one where hate, xenophobia, misogyny, racism, and rape culture are accepted and granted power by the majority of people. I want so badly for it not to be true.

    My heart is heavy, but I am trying to find hope and renewal in my role as a mother, purpose in the task of raising my daughter to be better than this, and comfort in the fact that our real role models are in our family and community.

    But, believe me, I understand this: My family has it easy. We are white and privileged and doing just fine, and we’ll probably continue to do just fine no matter who our President is. My heart is with those feeling despair and fear for REALLY LEGIT reasons right now. I hope I can put my privilege to good use for them. And as hard as this feels right now, I believe we WILL rise from this stronger and better.

    I saw this mantra on the Pantsuit Nation Facebook page, and I repeat it wholeheartedly here:

    My LGBTQ friends, I will continue to support and fight for you.
    My black, brown and friends of every race, I will continue to support and fight for you.
    My Muslim friends, I will continue to support and fight for you.
    My female friends, I will continue to support and fight for you.
    My immigrant friends, I will continue to support and fight for you.
    My disabled friends, I will continue to support and fight for you.
    My veteran friends, I will continue to support and fight for you.
    My planet, I will continue to support and fight for you.

    Another short reading that has given me pause and peace recently–this excerpt from a WW poem. It speaks to me because animals have been some of my most profound teachers in my life.

    I Think I Could Turn And Live With Animals…
    by Walt Whitman
    I think I could turn and live with animals,
    they are so placid and self-contain’d,
    I stand and look at them long and long.
    They do not sweat and whine about their condition,
    They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins,
    They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God,
    Not one is dissatisfied, not one is demented with the mania of owning things,
    Not one kneels to another, nor to his kind that lived thousands of years ago,
    Not one is respectable or unhappy over the whole earth.

  50. Maria says...

    Thank you.

  51. Genia says...

    I wrote a letter to my future children thinking this will be a historic election with a female president. Had to throw it out because it’s too upsetting. One of my coworkers said that yesterday felt like one of those days you remember everything about years after the date, kind of like 9/11. The one positive thing was that I realized that i’m surrounded by some smart and outspoken people and sources. Cup of Jo is one of them. Thank you!

  52. The aftermath of this Election is going to be a long grieving process. Today, and most likely for a long time, I will grieve for Hillary. I am sick for her. I keep wondering what she is doing right now. Does she have an appetite? Is she holding her grandbabies? Has she really comprehended the results? Does she want to be surrounded by supporters or left alone? Has her entire journey to get to this spot just flashed before her eyes?

    When my daughter woke up this morning and asked who won, I of course told her the truth. That Hillary did not win the Election. She then asked, “Now what will Hillary be?” I did not have an immediate answer, but I thought– Not what she intended to be. Not the job she has been preparing her whole life to do. Not the next leader of this country who will continue to establish and enhance basic human rights for every…single…person.

    No, I did NOT want Donald Trump to win this election. But Hillary wasn’t a default choice for me. I WANTED her to win.

    Writing this post is helping me get through the morning portion of what I imagine to be another long day. #imstillwithher

  53. Lesley Faulkner says...

    Dear Joanna, thank you for this post. I re-read it today. I am a Canadian but had more at stake in this election than any of my own strangely enough. Hillary Clinton has been a huge inspiration to me throughout my adult life and I woke up on Election Day feeling an excitement and fervor I had never felt before. I have a 4 year old daughter and even when she was born I imagined this moment and thought “Oh wow, Hillary could be the first President my daughter knows.’ The power of that image. My daughter Beau, seeing her as the leader of the free world and not knowing how extraodinary that would be. It would be “Well, of course Mama!” But it was not to be. I am carrying a deep sadness that I want to remember. Because it is important. And as you beautifully put in your post – I will dust myself off and then look, learn, explore what I can do to help my community. That Beau sees her mom as someone who protects all people of her community, that everyone is worthy and equal and deserving of love and respect. As I lay in bed on election night (because I couldn’t watch anymore), I thought of you and what you would write the next morning. Thank you for starting the healing. For inspiring us all with your words, your thoughtfulness, your generosity of spirit. As your neighbor, know that I sat in a room at work the next day with a large group of co-workers (women, men, straight, gay, every colour) watching Hillary’s concession speech in silence. We clapped, we cried.
    Sending love and solidarity from the North. Thank you for what you do. I have 3 best friends and you and the blog are a constant in our lives and ALWAYS brought up on our girl nights :) We have loved sharing this journey on your blog about our girl, Hill. To better days… xo

    • Alex says...

      Thank you for putting so perfectly what so many non-Americans are feeling today.

  54. Vanessa says...

    Thank you for Joanna! i had been holding inside until I read about your plans for a victory post. Thats when the tears started flowing. I needed that.