Are You Religious?

Our family is not religious, but I love many of the traditions I see our friends and neighbors celebrate. Here, eight Cup of Jo readers share the religious rituals that mean a lot to them (and I’d love to hear yours)…

“I’m Jewish, and every Friday we celebrate Shabbat. At sunset, my wife and I gather our daughters, and we recite blessings, light candles, eat challah bread, and drink grape juice. It’s a simple ritual, conducted with simple objects, right in your own home. Shabbat is the day of rest. And you mark this day by putting away all the clutter of everyday life, and focusing on things that are good to drink, things that are good to eat, and the people you love.” — Josh

“My favorite part about Catholicism is Ash Wednesday, when a person marks your forehead with ashes, while saying, ‘Remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return.’ Every year, my eyes well up. I work as a pediatric intensive care unit nurse and have been with many children as they’ve died. Remembering we are all dust, and will return to dust, is oddly comforting and beautiful.” — Emily

“In Buddhism, there’s a phrase: ‘Just this.’ I actually got it tattooed on my fingers, facing me, so I am always aware. The idea is that there is no more and no less than just this moment, without expectation. It comes from the teachings of a wonderful roshi named Charlotte Joko Beck. Another is a poem by Izumi Shikibu: ‘Although the wind / blows terribly here, / the moonlight also leaks / between the roof planks / of this ruined house.’ In Buddhist terms, nirvana and samsara are entwined — that is, enlightenment and suffering are one and the same.” — JDS

“My wife is heavily into daily Hindu rituals and prayers. I have nothing against that, but to me I would rather experience my religion by going to the homeless shelter and spending my Sunday afternoon cooking a meal. If I can help someone today, that’s my goal. After the pandemic began, when we couldn’t go into the shelter, I tried to organize funds, so I could deliver pizzas there every Sunday. The point is, the needs don’t go away. I’m no genius, I’m no philosopher, but I try to do what is right.” — Sasi

“Growing up, my family went to Quaker Meeting every Sunday, but after college, I lost touch with it. Last year when we went into quarantine, I moved home with my parents and started witnessing a very sweet thing: Zoom Quaker Meeting. Quaker worship is typically an hour of silence. Sometimes people share messages, other times it’s totally quiet (my dad’s favorite kind). On Zoom, it’s also… silent. At first I cringed — how awkward! My whole existence in quarantine had been trying to avoid awkward Zoom silences, but remote Quaker Meeting changed this. Thirty people on Zoom, sitting in silence, eyes shut, hearts open, listening to each other. It has brought religion back into my life in a way I never anticipated.” — Shannon

“I am very proudly and very visibly Muslim (thanks to the hijab on my head!). One of my favorite things about my religion is that we are obligated to stop what we are doing five times a day and dedicate a few minutes to prayer. Sure, when I was younger, I was like, ‘What?!? You mean I have to pray five times a day?!’ But now it is so ingrained in my daily routine that I can’t imagine life without it.” — Nazeefah

“In the Mormon community, Monday night is considered ‘family night.’ Each family keeps that evening open and does something fun together. (You also get a treat!) We used to go bowling, biking or to a museum. When the kids got older and started going out more often with friends, family night changed to a night in — like a movie night or game night.” — Heather

“In Jainism, there are eight days a year when you fast, pray and meditate. On the eighth day, everyone gets together for a three-hour prayer, during which you fold your hands and bow your head in apology multiple times; you are asking for forgiveness of all living beings for anything you may have done knowingly or unknowingly to hurt them. Afterward, you ask for forgiveness from your entire social circle; of course, these days it’s over text. To me, it’s so important as a human to acknowledge that we are not perfect; we all make mistakes and sometimes all we can do is hope to be forgiven.” — Minati

Are you religious? Are there rituals you like? We stand with our Jewish readers during the recent surge in anti-Semitic sentiment.

P.S. The trick of life, and how do you think about death?

(Photo by Tripty Tamang Pakhrin/Stocksy.)

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Gatorsmom

July 31, 2023 10:29am 10:29 am

I’m devout Catholic. The best Ash Wednesday sermon I have ever heard was this year. Our new pastor is part Hispanic, part Native American. He said that his great grandmother used to use face paint on certain religious days in the NA culture to symbolize her belonging to a particular family. Our pastor explained that the ashes rubbed on our foreheads are our face pain and tell others that we belong to the Catholic family and to Jesus’ kingdom. Several people walked out of that mass whispering, “best sermon ever”.

Someone mentioned before that the Catholic Church has had role models that have hurt so many people. That is very true. It is a “kingdom” made up of imperfect humans. I often wondered why Jesus chose Peter to lead his church because Peter was definitely a flawed man. But that fact gives me hope.

August 2, 2021 10:49am 10:49 am

I’m a Catholic, and I think leaning on something bigger than myself has made a difference in my life. My faith has shaped my heart so much, and I find purpose and peace in my religion. Being at my church is one of my favorite things; it’s inclusive, peaceful, the community there is wonderful, and the priest is kind and a true example of our faith. The scandals and injustice in the Catholic Church is so real and makes me angry. I am so hurt by the so-called “role models” who have caused deep pain, especially to children and the most vulnerable.

I don’t plan on leaving, though. Weirdly enough, I always remember a High School Musical song whenever I feel low. “But your faith, it gives me strength, strength to believe.” It helps me remember people who are kind, true examples of Jesus. I think of my friends, family members, and mentors, who are truly faithful and on fire for the Lord! That makes me feel one hundred percent better. Sending a virtual hug to whoever needs one! Thank you to this amazing community – I love COJ!

Cassis

June 30, 2021 1:21pm 1:21 pm

Like some of the commenters (and many in the U.S.), being part of a Jewish community is very important to me, but I have never considered myself “religious.” It’s an interesting phenomenon with American Judaism — feeling culturally connected, celebrating some holidays, wanting to raise your kids with a knowledge of history and tradition, but not necessarily attending official services or talking much of deities…. I’ve found that while New Yorkers and East Coasters are often used to this idea, most people in Seattle for example are much less so. And trying to describe this in other countries is even more difficult. How do other people feel … do you feel culturally but not religiously connected to, say, Islam or Catholicism?

Sharon

Reply to Cassis

July 28, 2023 8:07am 8:07 am

I’m in the South, and I would agree this seems to be a thing in the North East. Not just around being Jewish, but also your cultural background – Italian, Irish, Polish, etc. I find it wonderful, but was so puzzled when I first started working with a team in Pittsburgh and everyone was asking me “what I was.” I was like, I’m white?

Annie

June 29, 2021 8:00pm 8:00 pm

My father was raised Catholic and not in a joyful way. My maternal grandmother came from a somewhat abusive Lutheran church and my maternal grandfather was an atheist and a hardcore scientist. (He thought a town with more churches than libraries was a bad sign). So, to no ones surprise I was not baptized and raised in a vague secular Christian way, but barely. Honestly it turned out to be a gift for me, I had the chance to attend church with friends when I slept over on Saturday nights, and I took some courses in Hinduism in college and now work with some orthodox Jewish families and families from all over India, and take every opportunity to learn new things. I think not having a reference point allows me to totally soak up all of the neat things that I learn from all of these friends and everyone has been so excited to share things with me. So far, one service at Presbyterian church stuck with me (you’re probably going to sin, but try not to, and try to have a good reason if you do) and the Buddhist concept of non-attachment helped me immensely during time my father was dying of cancer. I find Buddhism to align with my heart best so far, but I am so thankful for the opportunity to make this choice myself.

Britt L

June 29, 2021 11:10am 11:10 am

Thank you so much for highlighting these wonderful rituals. What I love in reading them is that while the specific traditions are diverse, they are all very similar at their core: our unique religions keep us grounded, engaged in a community, and focused on enriching our lives with meaning.

Like Josh I am also grateful for the Jewish practice of Shabbat. Specifically, lighting the candles to welcome in the Sabbath eve on Friday before sunset. We started doing it after the Pittsburg synagogue shooting to end that painful week with a moment of hope and to bring more light into the darkness. Since then, the weekly ritual has brought me great comfort as tragedies have struck across the world and in my personal life as well. My mom was always the strongest Jewish force in my life and she died from brain cancer earlier this year. Every Friday I feel her love and presence as I light the candles and it reminds me to shift my focus from the stresses of the week to a place of gratitude.

Thank you also Cup of Jo team for sharing your solidarity against antisemitism. It feels so good to know that the inclusivity of your platform extends to all who experience hatred for their race, religion, ethnicity, orientation, or otherwise. xo

.S.

June 28, 2021 2:32pm 2:32 pm

The description of Shabbat resonated so much with me. I’m an agnostic/cultural Jew who loves, loves, loves Shabbat. It’s the most peaceful, restful holiday, and such a wonderful way to mark the end of the week – homemade challah, good food, good conversation, no phones, candles burning low. I also love Rosh Hashana, the Jewish new year, which takes place in September/October (Jewish holidays follow a lunar calendar, which is why the date changes a bit every year). It’s such a beautiful time of year to gather with friends and family, and reflect on the year that’s passed and the year to come.

There’s plenty I don’t agree with in Jewish tradition (especially conservative/orthodox traditions) but there are so many parts that I love. Someone below mentioned shehechyanu, the bracha (blessing) that expresses thankfulness for being in this moment and for doing something for the first time, which is one of my mom’s favourites. When she translated the brachas for my sister and I when we were little she would use the word “universe” instead of “God”, and explained that different people (Jewish and not Jewish) conceptualize and believe in God (or don’t) in different ways, but that for her, thanking the universe generally/broadly captured the spirit of being thankful for all of the things that brought her to that moment, the ones she understood and the ones that she didn’t.

I’m also deeply comforted by our mourning and grieving rituals (cw: death, burial, grieving). Jewish bodies are buried within a few days with no preservation or embalming, and in recognition that we are all equal in death all bodies are treated the same, carefully washed, wrapped in plain cloth, and buried in a simple coffin so that you return to the earth as quickly as possible. After the funeral the immediate family sits shiva (seven days of mourning) where your community and family care for you, bring you food, share memories, whatever you need. Shiva is actually the first seven days of shloshim, which lasts for 30 days, and is the process of gradually re-entering everyday life after that intensive period of mourning. If you’re mourning a parent the ‘official’ mourning has a third stage, which ends on the first yahrzeit (anniversary) of the person’s death. The depth of understanding and support for people who are mourning is so meaningful to me, and I love the recognition that grieving doesn’t end at the funeral.

Something I wish more people knew is that there are so many different Jewish traditions and communities. In North America most popular Jewish references are to Ashkenazi tradition and experience (ie. Yiddish, bagels, matzah ball soup, Seinfeld, Broad City, Seth Cohen, etc) but the Jewish community is so much more diverse – there are Sephardic Jews, Mizrahi Jews, Beta Israel, Bene Israel, etc, all with different traditions and histories. Sephardic Jews historically spoke Ladino, which is a mix of Spanish and Hebrew with Turkish, Arabic, French, Greek and Italian influence (Yiddish was historically spoken by Ashkenazi Jews and is a mix of German and Hebrew, with Aramaic, Russian, Slavic, French and Italian influences); t’beet, a stuffed, slow cooked chicken and rice dish, is the traditional Shabbat lunch for the Iraqi (or Babylonian) Jewish community, which is one of the oldest in the world; Sigd is a fasting holiday observed by Ethiopian Jews (or Beta Israel) between Yom Kippur and Channuka; mimouna is a Moroccan celebration at the end of Passover that has become really popular, especially in Montreal which is home to a large (primarily French-speaking) Moroccan Jewish community; Bukharian (Uzbek) Jews make samsas, a meat or veggie filled dough similar to a samosa. In recent years the term “ashkenormativity” has started catching on as a way of talking about the centrality of Ashkenazi Jewish tradition – and exclusion of non-Ashkenazi Jews – in public perception and understanding of Jewish culture, particularly in North America and Europe.

Cassis

Reply to .S.

June 30, 2021 1:11pm 1:11 pm

Thank you! I feel similarly about all of this and appreciate you sharing. And echoing the thank you to COJ for expressly saying, We stand with you against antisemitism.

Elisabeth

June 28, 2021 2:08pm 2:08 pm

I’m protestant and actually a female pastor here in Germany (the majority in our church are actually female pastors). We try to be a church open for everyone and we try to spread the love of God in words and actions. My favourite part in my religion is praying for each other in the service. It gives me so much hope to know, that other people pray for me and that I can give them support by praying for them.

Danielle Breen

June 28, 2021 9:02am 9:02 am

I was raised Catholic, and spent a good deal of my life listening every Sunday to the teachings of Christ.

As I have become an adult, I find it very difficult to turn a blind eye to the current state of the Catholic church and how far I think they have strayed from those very basic initial teachings of Christ: be a good person to everyone, not just those who meet your requirements of a good person; forgive others and ask for forgiveness, for yourself, allow yourself to be forgiven.

At this point in my life I don’t feel the need to attend a mass every weekend and haven’t in many years, but I am a good person who understands what it means to be kind, compassionate and merciful.

I think that at the end of the day if you believe in heaven, no one is going to be checking attendance records at church but will be looking to see if you embodied the values of Christ. The bible teaches that the whole universe is God’s church, you can pray anywhere, and more importantly you can be a representative of his values anywhere to anyone regardless of their social standing, religion, colour, creed, sexual preference etc

That is obviously my take, and I mean absolutely no offense to anyone at all.

Brittany

June 28, 2021 8:53am 8:53 am

So great to see non-Western/non Judeo-Christian religions included here!

Rachel

June 26, 2021 3:46pm 3:46 pm

Adding a late comment because I keep coming back to this post to read and learn from the comments, and I want to thank you, Jo and team, for making space for this conversation – and for your support not only of Jews during this time of increasing anti-semitism but also your overall support and love for humanity as a whole which is evident throughout your posts. Much love!

Sally

June 26, 2021 8:08am 8:08 am

I’m atheist, but at the same time, I have carried two fairly religious quotes with me for many years.

“There, but for the grace of God, go I.” It comes to my mind often, like when I see a homeless person, or see an ambulance zoom by, or hear of some tragedy befalling someone. We are all just a few sliding doors away from completely different lives.

The second is a quote from Mother Theresa, “We can’t all do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love.” I first heard it around the time my dad had a psychiatric breakdown, and I had to become one of his primary carers, and it gave me a lot of encouragement to love and care for him the best way I could.
Now I think of it every week, when I donate to the community foodbank! I can’t solve the poverty in my area. But I CAN slip some packets of rice, or a box of cereal in a collection box once a week.

I don’t think you have to HAVE a religion to learn from, and carry, some of the best, and most honestly human parts, of what they have to offer.

Peg Serena

June 26, 2021 2:41am 2:41 am

I was raised without religion and I just believe that compassion is the most important spiritual goal. Compassion for self and others. I at one point made up a religion for myself and called it The Undefinable Spirit. How I feel and what I believe I can’t really describe in words, and I don’t feel that I need to ?

June 25, 2021 12:08pm 12:08 pm

I am Anglican and love Rogation Day – the ancient custom of blessing the land and the people working the land! Each year we process around our farm with our priest and pray and sing specific prayers of blessing. We end our time with a traditional feast and beer. I love this Rogation prayer –

“All we can do is worth nothing
Unless God blesses the deed;
Vainly we hope for the harvest-tide
Till God gives life to the seed;
Yet nearer and nearer draws the time,
The time that shall surely be
When the earth shall be filled with the glory of God
As the waters cover the sea.”

Rogation Day is also celebrated by many Catholics, Orthodox, and Celtic churches.

Nadia

June 25, 2021 4:36am 4:36 am

My parents were each of a different faith. I was raised in my father’s faith. However, I feel like it was never in a way that I truly connected with. I prayed and followed the rules out of fear of a higher power more than anything else.

As I grew up, I began to enjoy more of the rituals involved (i.e. expressing gratitude before a meal for instance). But stopped participating in other aspects (i.e. fasting).

This meant that my parents saw me as being “not religious”, which is hard because this comes with being excluded from family gatherings to celebrate religious holidays and losing out on the sense of community, because they think religion isn’t important to me.

Where I stand now is that I believe in a higher power, I believe that gratitude should be something we carry with us daily, using our power to help those without it, and other personal morals that I hold for myself.

But I feel like even as an adult, I want my parents to accept this and be more understanding of what my faith looks like now. Instead of seeing everything so black and white (i.e either you have a religion or your don’t). I wonder if anyone else has had a similar experience.

Reply to Nadia

June 25, 2021 12:27pm 12:27 pm

Being religious is viewed from the POV of who’s asking. For example. I’m a Catholic who attends Sunday mass when I can. For my mother who attends Mass Sundays, First Fridays and all holy days of obligation – I am not religious. For my friend who attends mass only every Easter and Christmas – I am very religious. I still hang out and love them both.

Sit down with your parents and talk. Tell them community is important to you and that you would love to join the family gatherings. Emphasize that religion is important to you but with a different intensity. Parents see gray too – not black and white – especially with their own kids.

Sab

Reply to Nadia

July 28, 2021 3:40pm 3:40 pm

This so resonates with me. Wow. Thank you for sharing. I’d love to know what (if any) progress is made with parents and loved ones.

Best.

Liz

June 24, 2021 8:24pm 8:24 pm

I identify as an atheist. I believe is that we are all here to learn and grow amongst each other and to have that knowledge continue through all generations of humans. For a very simple explanation of why I follow a strict moral compass without religion- it makes me feel good. Causing harm to others makes me feel harm myself. A world with less harm, and one with more kindness, acceptance, knowledge and safely is better for everyone including myself.

Mary

June 24, 2021 6:42pm 6:42 pm

I converted to Catholicism after 15 years of exploring all sorts of world religions. I have been blown away by the intellectual and spiritual depth it provides. It is not what is portrayed in the media. Total misrepresentation of the belief system. I am a psychotherapist and I also love how much wisdom there is for living that the 2000 years of the magisterium provides and how science and psychology is just now catching up. I believe there are many angles by which to view the Divine but after years of searching I truly believe the Catholic faith provides the fullness of the truth!

Brooke

Reply to Mary

June 30, 2021 7:43pm 7:43 pm

I grew up with no religion and became Catholic in college. Best decision of my life. Attend a Traditional Latin Mass to see the beauty and ritual of the faith.

June 24, 2021 3:35pm 3:35 pm

I want to applaud you for this photo.
I did a double take as that could have been me, and I would never have thought myself to be beautiful given how absent anyone who looked like me was from mainstream publications. The wavy bangs, that beautiful skin tone and I could recognize my beloved Kathmandu anywhere and this beautiful photo is all the more special because of it – bravo Tripti!

Naila

June 24, 2021 9:03am 9:03 am

I am grateful for the range of religions showcased in this article. As a Hindu myself, it would have been nice to have learnt something about the practice of the religion itself. While Sasi’s comment and actions are beautiful, it would have been nice to also see some commentary about the actual rituals of the religion itself. How an individual incorporates these rituals into their lives like many of the other comments discuss. I absolutely love this discussion, so thank you!

Cheryl

Reply to Naila

June 24, 2021 6:38pm 6:38 pm

I agree! Missed opportunity but a fantastic post.

Titilayomi

June 24, 2021 2:29am 2:29 am

I’m Methodist. The part I love most about my faith is reciting the Creeds; The Nicene Creed and the Apostle’s Creed. It’s just so peaceful. I love singing the hymns too.

Natasha

June 23, 2021 11:34pm 11:34 pm

After years of searching for something I felt at peace with, I finally came to paganism for some of the same reasons as one of the other posters here—a connection to nature, wanting a tradition that wasn’t patriarchal, and an inability to stomach some of the harms I had seen with organized religion.

I have always been quite spiritual, and I have a diverse religious background, with Protestant, Catholic, Atheist, Agnostic, and Jewish all mixed in with both my family and with my personal experience. And yet in spite of my searching intensely and longing for a religious home for years, none of these truly fit me.

So I eventually went back to the things that just felt right to me: worshiping in nature and truly being grounded every day in nature and it’s seasons; worshipping a female goddess (who I needed so much In my life after some of what I have been through as a woman), and having my worship of that goddess not be a rejection in any way of an equal male divine; believing wholeheartedly that the Divine created all people, including all LGBTQ+ people and ALL races and as PEOPLE—amazing and miraculous in their diversity and uniqueness: special and sacred and beautiful; following the golden rule, and ultimately the rule of three; trying every day to treat both others and myself and the earth with respect and compassion. It was a beautiful day for me when I realized that others in the world worshipped this way too and I wasn’t alone, and when I then after so many years found the courage to be honest with my family about what I truly believe.

I make my own rituals now. Here is an example of one. This year when my father was having heart bypass surgery, I built an altar outdoors using a few wooden logs stood on end, and on top of them I placed the symbols of my goddess, a red felt heart to symbolize my Dad’s heart and our love, and dishes with water, crumbled herbs I had grown the past summer, a tiny candle, and good dirt from my garden (to represent the elements), and then, saying a prayer and calling on the elements, I lit a white candle for my Dad and a fire. I then tended the candle and fire for all the hours my Dad was in pre-op, surgery and recovery. Keeping that fire and candle going for all that time in the snowy cold of January felt so right, and so meaningful for how important he is to me. And it also gave me something to do, when otherwise I couldn’t have done anything but wait. It was one of the most rich, profound and meaningful experiences I’ve had when praying for something. And it was a deep comfort to me as well.

Sending you all love today, and thank you Joanna for making this discussion possible. I am loving reading what everyone says.

Charlotte Bennett

Reply to Natasha

June 25, 2021 3:24am 3:24 am

I love this. I’ve also rejected organised religion because of its patriarchal history, but I’m still drawn to the expression of the Divine and find it most in nature. I have great respect and affinity for the teachings of Christ, whom I believe was a real, charismatic, humble man, but I don’t believe the rest – just that he had a strong connection to the Divine and showed people what is possible. Other teachers have that too, and I think the common flame is the Divine in all of us.
I never know what to put on forms any more for this, because I’m definitely not atheist or agnostic, but I don’t fit any of the big religions. Thank you for this.

Irene

June 23, 2021 11:08pm 11:08 pm

Ana and Kiana – couldn’t agree more. I hope not to see more religious posts on CupOfJo.

Ali

Reply to Irene

June 24, 2021 9:51am 9:51 am

so sad for you to dismiss the many thousands of people who find hope, solace or meaning in many different religious expressions. Please try and be more open minded.

CEW

Reply to Irene

June 24, 2021 1:20pm 1:20 pm

Ali, it’s okay to not want to see religious posts and has nothing to do with “open-mindedness.” In America, I feel surrounded by it and inundated by religion (or “spirituality”) absolutely everywhere I turn. Speaking cynically, I just see these sorts of hot topic posts as ways to ensure a ton of engagement on the blog.

Reply to Irene

June 24, 2021 3:40pm 3:40 pm

Cew. There’s a difference between being triggered and having by a topic be triggering. I’m not religious- at all- and did not find this post triggering at all. It also didn’t feel gimmicky for the sake of engagement. Talking about something that hundreds of millions of people participate in is interesting. It’s much weirder to be uncomfortable with that and with the neutrality of this presentation than it is to just read this as another bit of writing.

Julie

June 23, 2021 9:00pm 9:00 pm

I am not religious, and we are raising our son that way too.
I grew up Catholic and never felt connected to any of it at all- the rituals, the masses and ceremonies, etc.
Here in Canada, the recent findings of hundreds of indigenous children buried at the residential schools (ran by the Catholic Church and the Canadian government) further pushes me away from religion. They literally erased hundreds of indigenous cultures and identities by assimilation into Catholicism.
What right does any religion have to do that to generations of children?
I definitely feel spiritual when I think of nature and the Earth. That is what I feel connected to.

Ali

June 23, 2021 7:54pm 7:54 pm

Having been brought up Catholic and attending a few Christian churches over the years I’ve come to a place now where my beliefs are pretty much that God is Love. Simple as that. The universe, the higher power, the feeling of peace, the way we are all connected to each other is Love. and the opposite of that to me is Fear, fearing others and their differences is what hinders Love and our connection to one another. I guess that’s what my struggle with organised religion has always been, fearing people into loving God & others? It doesn’t add up.

joss

Reply to Ali

June 24, 2021 7:56am 7:56 am

Ohhh interesting thoughts Ali!

MyHanh

Reply to Ali

June 24, 2021 7:26pm 7:26 pm

Same here!! God is love.

Peace be with you.

Lyn

June 23, 2021 6:41pm 6:41 pm

I’m Episcopalian, and have been a church professional–choir director and organist–for many years. I love our church’s liturgy; Sunday morning services are always peaceful and healing for me even though I’m responsible for playing several pieces of music at exactly the right moment in the service. The way a liturgical year unfolds feels magical! Our church calendar begins with Advent in early December; we observe twelve days of Christmas, then Epiphany, Lent, Easter. Observing this ongoing cycle as part of the body of Christ is so meaningful.

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