A Funny Way to Have Better Conversations

I’ve started listening to a lot of random podcasts on my commute (I added to my collection from the reader comments on a recent post), and I’ve been surprised by how much it’s added to the conversations in my life. While visiting my family last weekend, I brought up that I finally learned the origin of the term “government cheese” from a podcast (Planet Money), and it turned into a hilarious and interesting talk. I would never have talked to my dad about his middle school lunches and 1970’s politics at the same time without this random conversation starter.

Well, I just love how positive and fun all of you are! It’s not always like this on the internet. I also love these suggestions.

Best conversation starter with any crowd of any age: “Is a hot dog a sandwich?”

Ask any of the questions posed on this blog, especially those that generate lots of comments. :) My college-aged kids and I had a fun conversation about “simple pleasures” after I read a recent post. I now have some new ideas for stocking stuffers and care packages. They also found out ways to make me happy – and followed up with sweet acts of kindness.

Another tip is to expand on topics that come up organically. When a fellow mom offered band-aids and bug spray from her purse, I asked other moms, “What do you have in your purse that you think no one else carries?” (I think that was a CoJ topic as well.) We all laughed a lot talking about that one.

Or if someone dominates a discussion, I ask other people a related question so they can contribute…what are other favorite vacation spots, shows to watch on Netflix, traveling horror stories, etc.

Other questions:
* Worst first date – The *MOST* hilarious stories ensue.
* First jobs/worst jobs – Who knew that there was a job determining the sex of insects?
* If money (and talent) were no object, what would be your dream career? SO interesting to hear people’s secret desires.
* Ask for advice – good family movies, gifts for in-laws, tooth fairy budget, etc. Almost everyone loves to offer their opinions.

The one rule I follow in any social setting:

When talking with a good conversationalist, you leave the conversation thinking, “Wow, what a cool person.” With a great conversationalist, you leave the conversation feeling, “Wow, I’m a cool person!”

My husband and I have been together 10 years and we have two kids. When we have a date night coming up, both of us write an “agenda” of things we want to talk about (saved to our phone notepads over a few days leading up to the date). Before, we would end up discussing our kids the whole dinner. Now, we both actively seek interesting things to talk about: articles, anecdotes, ideas, dreams for the future. It’s made us both feel like whole people again, and not “just” parents.

I love this and it is especially sweet that your dad was so thoughtful about putting in the effort.

Other commenters may have mentioned this, but for more ideas I highly recommend Tabletopics https://www.amazon.com/TableTopics-TT-0101-A-Original/dp/0975855603

I use them at work for our monthly birthday potlucks (put anyone with a birthday that month in the hot seat!) , but have definitely brought the ideas for questions home. Really fun way to learn more about people (whether you know them well or not!) The seemingly simple questions usually lead to some really interesting stories or insights.

I love this question which generates really earnest thought and discussion… If you had to give up either cheese (in any form, e.g. on pizza) or alcohol for the rest of your life, which would you give up?

Knowing how to talk, draw people out, and leave them feeling incrementally better about that moment in their day is one of the hardest and most undervalued things! I am often sent to conferences for work and when I first started my boss was astounded by the glowing reviews from others in the business, and especially clients. He asked what my trick was and I said “I never bring up work. ” Luckily he didn’t fire me : ) Especially at parties and conferences and weddings there’s a set routine of small talk (how do you know the bride and groom, what company do you work for, etc.). I find asking people about themselves in whimsical open ways such as what was the name of your childhood pet?If you won a trip anywhere tomorrow where would you go?! What is your favorite ride at a fair? Best museum you’ve ever been to? It leads them to open up a bit more and remember really fun things they might not have thought of in years! Plus, it’s always a fascinating and you end up laughing tons and it feels like you have an inside joke when you see them later and know that their favorite game is wack-a-mole and they once won a greased pig contest!

My sons love to randomly declare what their new “Entrance Songs” are (An entrance song being the song a WWE wrestler walks out to, usually something ominous or very loud and fast). One week it was Salvation by The Cranberries and the next it was a section of the musical score for Lord of the Rings. So, I guess my go-to conversation question to keep on hand should be “So, what’s your entrance song?” :)

This tip is from my mom, and it’s a good one: Ask couples how they met! The longer the couple has been together, the better it works. Asking this is almost like giving a little gift- the chance to relive finding their sweetheart!

I can not thank you enough for posting a pic from The Wonder Years. Hands down best modern show from the 1980s.

My mother, who is 87, shows up to family dinners with a handwritten list of jokes that she got off of the internet. She does it mainly to entertain the grandkids, and it works, and often puts them, and everyone, at ease and gets them chatting. And the adults always get a laugh too.

For myself, I sort of keep a list of little stories and topics in my head to bring up, but also I try to remember to take an interest in others, and ask questions during a conversation. Sometimes just a simple “tell me more about that” will get the ball rolling.
(btw- looking forward to season 3 of Serial, but also I just listened to episode 1 of a podcast called “Last Seen”, investigating the 1990 art heist from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston. I am hooked!!).

Before we were dating my now-husband would tell people “if you are nervous about having to do small talk at a party bring Jenna and she’ll take care of it all for you.”

Lull’s in conversation freak me out so I can’t help but ask tons of questions, beginning with “tell me how you spend your time” and typically ending up with something very random ask I grasp for content starters. I think it’s important to remember how enjoyable it is to be asked a question…any question!…and to have your response listened to attentively. Thus we should never feel awkward or weird about asking other people their thoughts if we are happy to listen and respond to their answers!

Love this idea! And Serial Season 3… I don’t think I could be any more excited! I live in Cleveland, and I’m organizing a Serial meet-up discussion group of mostly casual twitter acquaintances, so you know it’s gonna be a good conversation!

Two great conversation starter questions – what was your first job? what was your shortest job (i.e. – how quickly did you quit or get fired)? Both bring up good laughs and lead to great conversation.

As a teen, I used to jot down topic ideas for a phone chat with a boy. Even if I didn’t use them, it made me feel easier about that first hello.

It takes a lot for me to get out of my head at crowded functions enough to have fun, so I usually have to employ some social strategies. Here are a few that have worked for me over the years.

-Ask people what their go-to karaoke song is. Music talk can take you pretty far.

-Ask people what their name means or if they were named after anyone. I always ask about people’s middle names because I don’t have one. If you find yourself chatting with someone, you can both guess the names of other people at the party/event. This frequently turns into creating elaborate backstories for people you don’t know.

-Insist that Tom Cruise peaked in the 80’s and ask everyone I meet what their favorite Tom Cruise movie is in an attempt to prove my point.

-Ask someone what type of booze gave them their first bad drinking experience- most people never go back to that drink and almost always want to talk about it.

-If it is at all available to you, dance. Socializing on a dance floor is actually way less awkward than when standing still.

-Ask someone what their “Plan B” career would be.

-Ask someone what magazines they buy at the airport/subscribe to. I love magazines.

I’m also open to any others!