Do You Talk About Money With Friends?

My friends and I have no problem discussing money together. We actually talk about money problems and lend one another in case of necessities. If we’re not comfortable talking money matters with our friends, it seems that the relationship is not strong yet.

I’m extremely open about my finances, the way I’m open about my struggles with mental health. (Obviously I wait for a natural lead-up to both topics, I don’t just meet someone and go SO I MADE 40K LAST YEAR WBU?)

I find that being honest and open about these things leads others to sharing their own struggles and strategies with you.

I’m definitely better at managing money than I was 5 years ago, and I hope to be even better in another 5. I credit a LOT of that to asking “dumb” questions. :)

Glad someone is talking about this! We talk about finances with our friends in percentages as well and it is helpful to be able to share best practices and get budgeting tips from each other!

When we don’t talk frankly about money, we allow for all forms of injustice to be perpetuated. Income inequality disproportionality affects women, especially WOC. If you can’t talk about money with your friends as a starting point, how will you be able to talk about it in public dialogue, when it really matters? And the talk needs to be explicit-“I make x, I expect to make x at my next job, I spend x on rent, x on essentials, discretionary, etc.” And you have to talk with your coworkers/peers in similar fields about salary-how can your correct for the wage gap if you don’t know what others are making? Economic justice is at the root of all major social movements. Power concedes nothing without a demand. Cmon folks, talk about money! Whats more important–social etiquette that allows poor and working people to stay in poverty, or correcting injustice?

A friend’s father recommended The One-Page Financial Plan to me. This book is amazing. For anyone looking for some realistic advise for any financial situation, this book is a must. It encouraged me to actually look at my student loans, the various interest rates, etc. for the first time and start paying them down rationally (instead of just minimum payments every month). I read the book a year ago and my student debt (undergrad and grad school — given I worked through most of grad school) was at 35k. After a year, even with a ton of unexpected emergency expenses this year, it’s down by 10k (will be down another 7k by February if all goes to plan). I make good money, but I live in an expensive city, so it’s hard to save (rent is crazy), but without giving up things I like, my husband and I have been able to save quite a lot, open a Roth IRA, monitor our 401k. I know we’re a bit behind in terms of Roth and pension savings, but it’s all about being “woke” and continuing the progress. I talk to my mom about this (in specifics), but it’s a bit more challenging to talk to my friends. We talk occasionally, but not in specifics.

I will also add that our travel is almost completely taken care of through mileage points and credit card sign up bonuses. If you have no problem paying off your credit cards every month, setting credit cards up for automatic payment, etc., there’s no reason you shouldn’t get into credit card mileage programs. There’s also a big myth about how opening credit cards hurts your credit score. Basically, the rule of thumb is that if you’re looking to buy a house, don’t open new cards for a year or so around that, but otherwise, you are fine opening and closing cards (with in reason) — also, you have to be paying them off every month. These points have paid for flights and hotels…to the point that in 3 years I’ve gone on 5 vacations (ranging from weekend trips in the US to several overseas 2 week vacations) without paying for hotels or flights.

I love this! I try to be relatively transparent with my friends about money, and that’s made easier by the fact that I’m in grad school right now and so many of my friends and I just don’t have much money. I worry a lot, though, about whether I’m “doing it right” with money, and am self-conscious about my shopping and coffee-buying habits — are all my friends constantly judging me for spending too much? Am I actually spending more than them, or not? Is it okay? Eager to talk about these questions and more!

70 percent of Americans might think it’s rude to talk about money in a social setting, but I think Americans are talking about their wealth socially when they wear obviously luxury-branded clothes/shoes/purses, wear ostentatious jewelry, talk about eating at expensive restaurants or taking expensive trips, brag about their new car or huge wedding, etc. It is very weird to me that people who have no problem wearing a handbag that says a luxury brand name on it in 2-inch letters would say it is uncomfortable to discuss money socially, because what is a purse like that doing other than screaming “MONEY!!!” at everyone?

I think that if we did talk about people’s money problems more openly, it could help us all to live more communally and more happily. I have a family member, for example, who I only recently found out gave up on trying to have a child because she and her husband couldn’t afford in vitro. I know that if we had known at the time, the members of our (very large) family could easily have come up with the money to help them out. And wouldn’t we all be happier if we had used our money to help bring joy to our family rather than spending it on restaurants or shoes or whatever? I can understand why my family member would have felt awkward about asking for money (plus she’d have to discuss her fertility with us, so double awkward), but man do I wish I had known at the time.

I’m 24 and just paid off my student loans this past year. It took me around 22 months to pay off my 4 years of debt. In this same time frame, my boyfriend and I put down a 20% downpayment on a house.

What changed the game for me was taking Dave Ramsey’s approach. My boyfriend, who is an Accountant now, was obsessed with Dave while we were in college. My boyfriend’s biggest passion in the world is debt free living. Over time he slowly got me to listen to Dave, read his book, and take a Financial Peace class with him. This lit a newfound fire beneath me.

We worked as a team during the process of getting debt free. We talked regularly about finances and numbers. I cut up my one and only credit card. We had budget meetings and signed our budgets like they were contracts. This was tough for me since I am I a creative person by nature and numbers make my head swirl. However, we talked equally as much about our dreams and goals for the future (which really appealed to me – the creative dreamer). I realized financial security and freedom were major factors in achieving our dreams, reaching our goals, and living the life we saw for ourselves.

For 22 months we were laser focused. We lived off of less than half of our income and became frugal in most matters. We threw any extra money toward our debts (bonuses, raises, birthday money, Christmas money, etc). We downgraded our living situation temporarily while getting out of debt and cut cable from our life. We adhered to a strict grocery budget, ate in regularly, and took our lunches more often. We carpooled when possible. We rarely bought any new clothes, shoes, or accessories. We still did so many fun things during this time – weekend trips, nights out, charitable giving, etc. However, we mostly just had to exercise careful planning and lots of patience.

Nowadays, I can’t quit talking to my friends about finances! Debt free living has become something I’ve now become very passionate about. I always want to be an encouraging and non-judgmental person in a friend’s life, especially when it comes to finances. We typically talk about approaches to debt free living vs actual numbers. Sometimes they have specific questions and I do my best to provide an answer. It’s been great to break down that awkward barrier and turn that conversation into something positive. Every situation is different and it’s been very unique to see so many different friends thrive financially or become inspired to take control of their financial situation!

Related to this discussion, one thing I find interesting is how American culture dictates that discussing salaries is taboo. Not just among friends, but coworkers. Why is this so? Other countries do not hold this stigma. In the end, who is this lack of transparency benefitting? This is particularly harmful to women who are still making 77 cents on the man’s dollar. According to the World Economic Forum, there are only 7 countries in the world that have a larger gender pay gap than the United States. If we were more open about finances, we could help advocate for each other.

What a relevant post! I am almost 30 and about 2 years ago moved from San Francisco, where I was fortunate to have a cushy tech salary, to Madrid, Spain where salaries are shockingly low. Although the original plan was to return to California after a year, I met a boy worth staying for. I now experience a rather constant internal battle with myself over what I value more: utter financial freedom or having a simpler, nearly stress-free life but without the ability to see my family or friends as often as I would like because of international travel costs. Whereas money was never a worry for me previously, the constant social pressure I felt to be successful in San Francisco has been replaced by “can I afford to see my parents once a year?” Bringing it back to the post, I would love to see more posts around finance, including how to reconcile having a significant other with a vastly different spending philosophy, how spending habits differ across the world, tips and tricks, etc.

Excellent post! My wife and I are in the exact same boat. We recently became “financially woke,” and the topic of money has been brought up a few times among our group of close friends. When we talk about our goal to retire by the time we’re 40 (we’re 30 now), they seem very skeptical and confused. With hard work and discipline, I really feel it can be done. We’re on schedule to be debt free by this December! Feel free to follow me on our journey!

I live in San Francisco, and it feels like everyone here talks about money all the time because it’s just so darn expensive. For those of us who live here just because we love it and not because of a cushy tech job, the day-to-day struggle of paying rent is a bonding experience.

I would love a post or a few posts on how to save for retirement and how to invest! I feel so lost at 31, and while I am saving for retirement, a how-to on investing would be fabulous!

Salaries (at least ballpark salaries) aren’t at all taboo among my friends (all early 30s, some just out of grad school, some have been working through their 20s). Ditto student loans–the folks who have them are very open about it. Family money is a bit more taboo, but it’s still fairly clear who has it. The thing that no one talks about is actual money habits. I have friends who really prioritize saving, and friends who don’t save anything, and everyone kind of assumes that everyone else is doing what they’re doing. In grad school, where we all made the same salary (although amounts of debt and other resources differed), some of my friends knew exactly what day our paychecks came through, and other friends would let the paychecks stack up in their mailbox, because they had enough in the bank not to think about it. Both groups thought the other group was crazy.

I only ever talk about it with my closest friends, who overall are very open in similar ways to me, and my boyfriend, who I don’t think talks about it with anyone else. I wish we’d all talk about it more. My friend recently started a new job (we are recent grads) and has alluded to ‘good pay’ but is not the type to share details about what that means, even a ballpark. It’s actually kinda irritating because good pay means something really different in my (underpaid arts) field than in hers, and using the same vague descriptor across fields doesn’t make sense!!

I love this subject! The level of comfort I feel talking to my friends about finances depends on the topic and their situation. There’s only a couple of friends in our friend group (late 20s-early 30s) that we can discuss retirement plans with, but it’s easy enough to talk about car loans and interest rates with the rest of the group. A lot of our friends make half or less than what my husband makes so that can bring some discomfort and we never mention his salary outright. Another cause for discomfort is that I generally don’t feel we have a strong understanding of a lot of the subject yet. But! I just signed up for a Personal Finance course through Gale courses (for free through my library), so I will hopefully become much more literate at this in the coming weeks.

I may have left this comment twice, but oh well.

One thing that’s made me more insecure about money is Zillow. Although their estimates are often wrong, now all of our friends can see how much each other’s homes cost. I do it too, and it makes me feel odd like, “Oh did we spend too much,” or “well if they spent that, they must earn that.” It feels sort of dirty to guess at people’s salaries, but I do it ALL the time.

Everyone wonders about money, it seems. I’m an aggressive saver and very anti-debt, so that drives my financial decisions, and I know that’s not true for everyone. But it is tough not to compare, especially on social media.

One thing I like to remember is that people usually prioritize in categories. Housing is important to me, a new car is not. I often assume that everyone is spending in EVERY category but that isn’t true. Unless they’re a celebrity or mega blogger and if so, I should stop comparing myself to them :)

I love talking money with friend and coworkers for two reasons:
1. I worked as an accountant before I became a nurse and I love helping friends do budgets and discussing how compound interest works in a retirement account. I’ve helped many coworkers set up a budget and start saving and paying of debt and I think it’s important to bring these subjects to light.
2. People refusing to discuss what they make only favors the employer because they can pay other people less. I share what I make with coworkers and they do the same and it encourages some people to ask for a raise.

I would LOVE if there were more openness when it comes to discussing finances! I have a few close friends who I do share with, but not all. I’m in a unique situation right now, I have a very high paying job ($300K plus annually), and my husband is stay at home dad to our son. This causes a lot of strain in our relationship- he’s not at all comfortable that I pay for everything. I say that we are fortunate to be in this position, and that if the roles were reversed, it wouldn’t even be a topic of conversation! I anticipate lots of interesting conversations as our son gets older and my husband goes back to work- it’s not likely that he will ever have a salary that’s close to mine, so I just hope it doesn’t create issues down the road. At the same time, I’m proud of how hard I’ve worked and where my career has taken me!!

I wish I had time to read all these comments. They’re so great! And I agree with everyone, this should be an on-going topic!

So from my end, my friends and I do talk about money in more vague terms. I think we all kinda know how much all of us are making and some are more forthcoming about their finances than others. I often ask them like how much do they pay for their gas bill, are they re-financing their mortgage, stuff like that.

What I find fascinating is the dynamics of finances among couples. Some couples do it together, some keep separate finances and I have friends who have no idea about their finances. I’m in that corner, although it’s my husband who has no idea about our finances. I manage the money in our household. Probably because I have an interest in it while my husband does not. Why that’s the case, well, that’s another story.

A few things I would add. Wealth is passed down. I see it among my friends. However, not all parents are willing to help financially even when they have the financial wealth to do so. S

I highly recommend getting a financial advisor. Even if you don’t have a lot of money to advise on. We went to one when we had our first child. Mostly so that if anything should happen to either of us, we would be financially secured. We set up our life insurance, our will, and since we’re also self employed, we set up disability insurance in the case if one of us stops working and most importantly, we were able to establish financial goals, retirement, home ownership, college fund, emergency fund etc…

I have noticed a shift recently with people my age talking about money, and I really like it! We talk about apps we use- like Robinhood (definitely worth checking out!) and Acorns, and our savings goals. Another portfolio management platform worth checking out is Ellevest- founded by a woman (Sallie Krawcheck) specifically for women.

I would love to see more posts about this in the future! Posts about savings goals, about what different investment terms mean, and a post about how to get started. It’s important for people to feel like they have the power over the finances, and knowledge is power.