In The New Yorker, Scaachi Koul explains the Things That Will Happen If I Don’t Take My Phone Out Right Now

1. Someone will post a photo of a brunch sandwich—like, a really great brunch sandwich, one with bacon and avocado—and I won’t get to comment, “omg where.”

4. I’ll come up with a great idea—a tampon that is also a mild antidepressant — and won’t have a way to write it down.

6. I will get bangs without consulting everyone I know on the Internet, and they will be a mistake, as bangs ALWAYS ARE.

10. I will have to spend at least one second of my life not agonizing over how everyone else’s life seems better. (How are you always at a cottage? Who drove you there? You don’t have a car and I don’t understand.)

Still laughing. Read the whole list here.

P.S. Taking a phone break.

(Thanks, Stella, for the find. Photo by Hulton Archive.)