Relationships

A Surprising Sex Tip…

Want to hear a surprising sex tip?

Whenever I’ve read sex books (for magazine work, I swear!), they always seem to recommend a bunch of tricks: acrobatics, role play, the whole shebang. But I’ve found one of the sexiest things is to just…

…be quiet. Lie with your partner in bed–with your clothes on or off, it doesn’t matter. No talking or kissing; just lie together. Be still. Feel the warmth of each other. Look into each other’s eyes, trace his eyebrows, hug tightly, rub her back, hold hands. Wrap your arms around each other. Press your bodies close together.

But absolutely no kissing or talking.

This quiet closeness is surprisingly profound. And really, really, really sexy. The tension builds to a fever pitch, and once you finally can’t take it any more and start kissing, it’s like fireworks are exploding. You feel incredibly connected, and even the most basic sex will suddenly be off the charts.

Have you ever done this? It’s amazing! I’m blushing! Try it this weekend;)

P.S. How long do you wait to sleep with someone? And an easy tip for keeping the sparks alive.

(Photos from W&D)

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  11. Very interesting to do i never did that kind of strategy.I am always game and ready not a type of that but still i will try it :)

  12. you know I have done this but I’d forgotten!!! you are right though, it’s very hot. Also trying to stay totally quiet can really add something sometimes

  13. This definitely works when two people appreciate PDA. My best friend (better term) is the best cuffler & I so enjoy touching him, clothes on too and “absorbing” every quality I enjoy about him. Its not about his looks but the amazing feeling this exudes for both. Great post, thanks for sharing

  14. I think this works for two people in love, but if I’m not actually in a relationship with the person, the dude might find it awkward.

  15. This sounds absolutely TERRIFYING! I have been with my husband for around 14 years, 8 of those married and that sounds like the scariest thing ever. So please post on how to get over this!

  16. You are so absolutely right! You pick up so much more from a person intimately without the complications of words. Beautiful piece, Joanna!

  17. amazing and romantic tip. you look like a romance master. amazing

  18. awesome tip! i need to try this soon. seems very loving

  19. I agree about the sex books- they are all way too over the top. You should check out “Passionista.” I think you’ll find it very inspiring. :)

  20. I may be missing the point, but it seems to me like you’re just describing snuggling!

  21. Anonymous says...

    I dated a Cuban and my friend dated a Peruvian and this is a very big thing in their culture. My ex called it careños, and it’s basically cuddling all night and nothing else. Which seriously just makes you want it more.. enjoy!

  22. We do this a lot. He suggests we ‘snuggle in bed naked’ and it’s like fireworks every time!

  23. i’ve tried it a couple of times and you’are right, the basic thing seems to be the most exciting and awesome feeling afterward.

  24. I thought all couples do this? In our house we just call it cuddling. “And if we happen to have sex afterwards, then so be it,” says my husband with a grin.

  25. Anonymous says...

    I have done this many times…it really is explosive in the end. Doesn’t have to be hours you’re quiet like this, but maybe an hour…then start kissing and see how long your clothes last. I also recommend an extended make out session before sex, old school: petting kissing touching but nothing else. Sex is so much better when you’re connected by your desire.

  26. Simple is the way to go…
    In the end it is all about intimacy and love… Right.

  27. Anonymous says...

    Love this. Want to try it.

  28. Anonymous says...

    My husband and I do this but usually because I am just to tired to do the deed. (I’m pregnant) But it is so romantic to just touch all those little parts of someone you love that don’t get a lot of attention while love-making. My husband has such smooth skin, I love touching all his smooth parts, (belly, hips, shoulders even his feet)

  29. simple is best, it all about eye contact. I been doing the Art of series and that exactly what trying to say in it when comes to seduction. You don’t have to use 900 props, it all about those moments when together that count.

    http://www.lovelypinkdiva.com

  30. um, is this why the temper pedic was so nice? ;) ;)

  31. erica b. says...

    this sounds awesome. you can make it either loving, tender, and sweet OR hot and passionate. or both! can’t wait to try :)

  32. Anonymous says...

    I wish! My husband has inattentive adult add – there is no way just laying there is silence would keep his attention, unfortunately :(

  33. I think this is great because it brings back the feeling of just observing and experiencing someone like you do at the beginning of a relationship. It brings back the tension of not knowing who will make the first move and when – which is where all the excitement comes from at the beginning!!

  34. I have tried this before, and it’s more intimate than sex. It is strange at first but it is when you can be quiet with someone and not have to fill the void of no sound or actions that you truly become comfortable with someone.

    Good tip!

  35. This came at the perfect time for me (and my marriage.) Thanks :)

  36. wow. it feels so magnetic in a very subtle way. i dunno if me and my partner have that same ability. but will give it a go when it is right. thanks for the tip. :-)

    http://jamwordscrolls.blogspot.com/

  37. It words – stat.

  38. Man, I’ve never had sex before, stuff like this just bums me out.

  39. Anonymous says...

    We are so sorry to hear that Liapez. Condolences from the Cup of Jo community.

  40. I’ve done this- It’s nice and all but I’m a big kisser. LOVE me some kisses for hours! My old sex rule before I was married was this. If I liked a guy and/or thought he had boyfriend potential, I waited about 3 dates. If I liked him but didn’t really see a future together? I probably slept with him immediately. Funny thing is? The ones I thought had no potential and was slutty with? Turned out to be longer relationships than the others who I held out for. Go figure!

  41. total HAWWWTNESS! I gotta remember this the next time it happens, hehehe. I’ve become a big fan of patience and letting the emotions build up. It seems like it would feel so much more sensual and satisfying.

    xoxo

  42. Anonymous says...

    Joanna,
    I swear you have some kind of telepathic energy in you or something. Almost every post you’ve made about dating/love/sex, it’s happened to me the day before. Or a few days before. Seriously. The peeing thing in front of your boyfriend or husband… Now this…

    Did this with my boyfriend last night with a candle on and some soft music. It was really really sweet. And sexy. Probably sexier than having sex.

  43. Lauren C.T. says...

    What @AVY said! :)

  44. Nice to hear. A clean, loving way to do it. In the dating world, and relationship world sometimes I get really confused about all the expectations. The expectation is… love. :)

  45. Usually these “sex tips” you read are so cheeseballs (I’m talking to you, Cosmo) and totally irrelevant to any normal person’s reality, but this seems so sweet and logical and doable! Thanks for the blush-inducing tidbit, might just have to give this one a shot.

    http://nomadic-d.blogspot.com/

  46. Reminds me of the scene from City of Angels where she tries to get her lame doctor bf to do this with her, the way she does with Nic Cage. Then he laughs in her face and she gets annoyed.

    I’m all about hands. Touching each other’s hands. My favorite thing about my husband next to his dimples ;)

  47. Liapez says...

    This was how I kissed my college boyfriend the first time and it was one of the most intimately amazing moments of my life. It didn’t end up in sex, but we didn’t need it to, just ending up kissing for the first time was amazing. It seriously still makes me tingle to think about it. Sadly, he passed away from cancer a few years ago (we were still together, still had amazing chemistry). Ahhhhh, thanks for bringing up such a wonderful memory for me.

  48. Jen, so true! at my grandparents’ house one time; we came back downstairs with rosy cheeks, i think everyone knew what was up:) embarrassing:)

  49. I agree with what Jen said.. something so sneaky about doing it when guests are in the other room. I have not tried this but love the tip and will definitely give it a go!

  50. Yep, what it’s all about. And No rootling about in a drawer for some ridiculous toy. Intimacy pared down to its sexy best!

  51. Thanks for the tip ;)

  52. I love this little tip! So sweet and simple and puts the emphasis on intimacy and love (not just pure, lusty sex – which definitely has its place too!)

  53. I love this… I totally agree. You don’t need a magazine to tell you what to do!

  54. Yeah girl this is what’s up!!! I agree 100%. Please write a sex book. Just sayin’.

  55. You are awesome Joanna :)

  56. I feel like this is especially good for a busy, sleep deprived Mom like myself. Intimacy, isn’t always easy to prioritize. This sounds simple and rejuvenating, not to mention sexy! ;)

  57. Yes, I have. So good and spontaneous.

  58. a sweet and sensual sex tip ;)

  59. Anonymous says...

    yes yes yes yes yes! i am dating someone now and we do this every night we’re together :) before & after sex or whatever else happens, and it’s seriously the most intensely wonderful feeling in the world. never gets old & makes everything else so much more intimate and fun.

  60. so so true.

  61. What Jen said!!

  62. i love those quiet sexy moments, looking with each other. it’s the simple moments that remind you why you’re together and can be so sexy!

  63. I did this with my husband once. Just laid together in bed completely naked while the sun streamed in through the windows (yay for sunday afternoons!). After doing this for a while, we then had some of the best sex of our entire marriage.

  64. have you ever tried having sex while you have guests in the house or are guests in someone’s house? you try to do it as quietly as possible and it becomes so so intense and sexy that way!

  65. diana banana says...

    my hubs and i do this a lot, but we end up snuggling into comfortable positions and fall asleep like kittens. not so sexy, but still one of our favorite things to do :)

  66. So simple, loving, and tender!

  67. wow. so trying this.

  68. I agree! You hear all about these extreme (sometimes embarrassing) things you’re supposed to do. This seems so excitingly different and simple.