Design

Have a Delicious Weekend.

What are you up to this weekend? New York is going to be 90 degrees, so I’m busting out some summer dresses, including this gingham number. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few fun links from around the web…

My beauty editor friends have been raving about this.

Oh my gosh, a human library is incredible.

Strawberry rhubarb crisp.

How cool is this colorful Fire Island home?

This podcast episode was amazing and hilarious; I was laughing while walking down the street.

The pandemic allowed women to go gray. (New Yorker)

Busted.

Jumping from 25,000 feet without a parachute and landing safely!!!!

8 secrets to a fulfilled life.

This bedroom wallpaper is so pretty.

28 cool hotels around the world.

Juggling from above.

Plus, two reader comments:

Says Holly on what’s your nickname: “My dad always called me ‘Smoke.’ When my mom asked why, he replied, ‘Where there is Smoke, there’s fire!’ I told my BFF that I missed hearing my nickname used since the death of my dad several years ago; it’s like that part of my youth also died. My BFF has now taken up using the nickname when we’re on the phone. It makes me smile and think of my dad.”

Says Rose on three TV shows we’ve loved recently: “I really appreciated episode four of Master of None’s third season. So rarely do we see the nitty gritty of trying to get pregnant via IVF — especially as a queer or single person. Spelling out the financial reality for queer and single people undergoing IVF is necessary. My spouse and I are currently saving up to do reciprocal IVF and it kills me that nothing will be covered by insurance simply because we don’t have sex with people with a penis. Kills me. I felt that frustration and anger reverberate throughout Alicia’s experience of IVF and the actress played it beautifully. She was incredible.”

(Photo by Food52.)

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  1. Alyssa Hartman says...

    @Meghan came here to find the same, and was relieved to see it! @Michaela, thanks for your comments. Was excited to listen to the episode while working in the garden this morning and felt gross and sad by the end. @Joanna did you have a chance to listen? I’d give a thumbs-up for taking down the link, if that’s an option!

  2. Elizabeth says...

    I’m listening to your episode of your sister’s new podcast and had to stop and come here to say how much I appreciate what you said about dealing with writing publicly about personal experiences and keeping in mind that even Michelle Obama deals with haters! I have been working on an essay for over a year and a half (!) about something deeply personal and significant and sometimes feel stuck that I don’t have something important to say, or that I’ll receive horrible comments if I get it published. Listening to your and Lucy’s conversation reminded me that I do have something important to say and if that means a few bad apples choose to say something obnoxious, that says more about them than it does about me. Thank you <3

  3. Kara says...

    Also busted: just last night I was patting myself on the back for how good my vocab is after proving via Google that the big word I used that my husband had never heard was accurate for the context haha! (The flip side of this is that I typically learn these words via reading soooo don’t always pronounce them correctly 🙃)

  4. Julie says...

    In response to Rose’s comment, a queer friend once snarked at me that she was happy to hear that an *insured* hospital birth might cost me, her hetero friend, $3-7k out of pocket. Being happy that I might be out a significant to me amount of money didn’t actually put anymore money in her pocket or make the system work any better for her.
    It’s ridiculous what insurance doesn’t pay for. Even having the privilege of the easy/free method of penis in vagina conception doesn’t mean that the American health insurance system is set up for me or *anybody* really. Sure there are varying levels of how bad it is for each of us, but we are more in the same boat than different boats.
    Rose, I wish you luck on this journey into parenthood. Don’t use up all your rage on the lack of
    insurance coverage for IVF, save some rage for the lack of insurance coverage for parts of pregnancy and labor, the lack of parental leave, the lack of affordable or available childcare, and just for the patchwork way that America as a society approaches caring for children.
    For all the divisions in America, I think the one thing that may truly unite us is the powerlessness we may all feel over medical bills and what insurance doesn’t cover.
    (Obviously, I’m assuming you’re American…)

    • K says...

      Appreciate this comment, I feel much the same.

    • Rose says...

      Hey Julie, I am sorry your queer friend snarked at you – I just want to separate my comment from that experience you had. I was referring to the experience of IVF (which I know insurance often does not even cover for hetero couples) which is an exorbitant cost for queer couples. I was not talking about healthcare overall or childcare. By calling out a unique experience of a marginalized group, I am not seeking to divide queers from non-queers. I am amplifying that this is an issue that a group of people faces.

      Nowhere did I say that I think it should be harder for hetero couples. No – I just said I wish it were easier for queer couples who want to conceive. I take no joy in the ridiculous American healthcare and childcare system and I feel so odd that my comment was so taken out of context that you gave this response. I almost didn’t respond because I felt silenced and chided by your response. I encourage you to sit with why you needed to respond in this way to a marginalized person sharing about their experiences.

    • Jessie James says...

      I agree. Healthcare is such a mess for most of us.

    • Julie says...

      I apologize for my projection, Rose!
      I sincerely wish you the least painful and most successful possible IVF journey.

  5. Rusty says...

    LOVE the going gray and the human library!
    I looked up human library and my local community library is invloved here in Western Australia! Thank you! 💗

  6. Lynn Marandola says...

    Girls Gotta Eat podcast rec! Two of my worlds have collided!!! I love this blog AND this podcast. Both bring me so much joy! xx

  7. DeeSea says...

    I keep hearing great things about Skinceuticals, but they’re not cruelty-free. Does anyone know of any good CF dupes?

  8. k says...

    Hi! Curious why former COJ contributor Ashely C. Ford’s memoir, “Somebody’s Daughter” wasn’t mentioned in the roundup or any post this week? It came out on June 1st.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh yes!! we put it in our newsletter this week; we’ve also promoted it on the site over the past few months and I’m sure we will include it in an upcoming roundup. we adore her!

  9. E says...

    What is the podcast?!?!!! I could use a laugh! When I click on the link I get an error from Spotify!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      it’s the Girls Gotta Eat podcast — the episode called What’s Wrong With Being Confident? — from august 2018 — featuring Katie Sturino. I loved it!

  10. Michaela says...

    I’m always looking for good podcast recs, so I checked out that episode of Girls Gotta Eat you linked to. I was really disappointed by the convo at the very end where they discuss a listener’s boyfriend’s interest in porn with trans women. It felt transphobic to me, honestly. I see the episode was from 2018 and I know trans issues were not as openly discussed even just three years ago; I’ve definitely personally learned a lot in that time. I know COJ values inclusivity and making a community for all women, so I just wanted to share that it felt really out of step for that to be overlooked, especially during Pride Month.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh, I actually didn’t hear that part — I don’t usually listen to the final game they play with reader questions. ugh, I’m sorry, that’s really disappointing. I’ll listen to it tomorrow.

    • Anon says...

      @Michaela, I did not listen to the podcast, so mine is more of a general reaction, but please remember that there is an issue with porn itself. It is not for everyone and it can create problems in a relationship if both partners are not into it… regardless of what is being portrayed in the porn itself.

    • Meghan says...

      Thanks for this, Michaela! I came here to see if anyone had the same experience/reaction. Their comments left me feeling really gross :/

  11. Charlotte says...

    The “8 Secrets to a Fulfilled Life” article from the Guardian is excellent! The idea of opting for expansion rather than happiness reminded me of the discussion of wholeness versus happiness on Lucy’s podcast. I’m currently grappling with some big life decisions while also dealing with a bout of moderate depression. Both of these sentiments really helped bring me clarity and comfort. Thank you!

    • Agnès says...

      I also loved it.

    • Sasha L says...

      I loved it too, just shared with everyone I care about!

    • Michaela says...

      Same that list is wonderful— I need to reference for years to come

    • KJ says...

      Gretchen Rubin has said before “Choose the bigger life” – I often opt for the opposite (going to bed early, saying no because I’m tired) and I find this helpful.

    • Sam says...

      I felt the same way about it (and am also coming from a place of decisions and depression.) I also liked the idea of choosing what to neglect in favor of what matters most, since you will inevitably neglect things anyway. I’m a perfectionist, and that’s really hard for me. Makes me miserable when I can’t do things “right”, and that’s no way to live.

  12. Julie says...

    Hi Rose (or any other queer folks on the road to being a family)

    If you see this, I identified with your comment too. My wife and I did IUI but the road for queer couples to become parents is certainly not highlighted often. Ours was easier than most but felt so difficult for a number of reasons. Not sure if you’ve heard of queerconceptions on Reddit but we’ve found a lot of community there. We also found this blog a gal started about her and her partner’s road to being parents:

    https://leoradeflumere.com/

    It’s brand new but I am loving it. It’s so valuable to hear experiences like your own. Hope you (or anyone else) in the same position find these helpful too!

    Sending you light this Pride month and always as navigate the queer (in)fertility road. XO.

    • Rose says...

      Thank you so much for this awesome comment! I appreciate the resources – it will be nice to connect with people undergoing a similar experience.

      Glad you hear that your IUIs went well – sending all kinds of well wishes to you and your family. <3

      Thank you also to Joanna for posting my comment. I appreciate all you do to amplify queer voices.

    • Hi Julie (and Rose)!

      I am that gal! Thank you so much for linking here – it is super brand new, so I so deeply appreciate your sharing it here. Sending such good vibes and so much pride in our community for supporting each other.

  13. Charlotte says...

    How funny, ‘histrionics’ is the word I googled this week to make sure I’d used the correct word! :)

  14. Sarah says...

    That skydiving video!!!! OMG!!!! Why am I crying?!? Incredible. Humans are ridiculous and incredible.

    • Judy says...

      I”M CRYING TOOOOO! WHY???

    • Lala says...

      same. i cried too. i didn’t understand why.

    • C says...

      Same!!

    • Erin says...

      Me too!! I can’t even imagine how his wife was feeling. Holy sh!t.

    • Kari T. says...

      Ha, I also cried!! Definitely did not expect to cry. I think it was just such a huge shot of fear and adrenaline to watch it then the relief was where the tears came from :)

  15. Alex says...

    Podcast recommendation – No One Is Coming to Save Us. It’s about America’s broken early childcare/education system. Everyone should listen to it, not just parents, because it explains how high quality, low cost early childcare benefits EVERYONE in society.

    • Fgb says...

      Thank you for the rec Alex. Went on a solo hike and listened to all four episodes. An important listen, indeed.

  16. Amanda says...

    My mother-in-law was “famous” for her Strawberry Rhubarb Crisp, she always made it from memory…however she has altimeters and now she doesn’t remember the crisp at all! We just found out yesterday that no one in the family actually has the recipe. … I may be trying the recipe above..it looks close… good timing on posting it!

    • carson says...

      Is it possible she will make it along with you? It might be fun way to give her some of your time as well as jog her “cellular memory”!

  17. Karyn says...

    That juggling video is the most mesmerizing thing I’ve seen in a long time!

    Also, between Kim’s TV piece, Christine Han’s beauty uniform (with a Caroline cameo!), and Joanna’s incredible interview on her sister’s podcast, this has just been the best week of CoJ content. Your readers love you all and this site so much! Thank you for it all 💖

  18. Lily says...

    Nisolo question! I know lots of y’all own and love their shoes : )
    I ordered my first pair of shoes from them this week – huaraches – but they’re a little tight. Will they stretch out at all, or should I return for a bigger size? For reference, I ordered the same size that I wear in Rothy’s.

    • Julie says...

      On the prior Nisolo post, a lot of people were recommending wearing them around the house with socks for a bit, so the leather will stretch. I have a friend who did that successfully and the shoes ended up perfectly fitting. (I have the opposite problem…I ordered a pair and they fit perfectly, but I’m afraid once they stretch they’ll be too large!)

    • Liz says...

      Yes, they will definitely stretch out — it takes a few wears to get them to fit your feet exactly. The wearing in period is a little tough, but so worth it!

    • Abby says...

      Mine never stretched (and I wore them a couple dozen times) and I ended up ordering a half size up on Poshmark.

    • Jojo says...

      I followed their recommendation to size down and I emailed customer service to switch because it seemed highly unreleastic, ha. I’d say order true to size!

  19. spenser says...

    TL;DR There’s never been a better time to go natural!

    I let my thick wavy/frizzy brown hair go gray several years ago as well as doing nothing to it – have just worn it in a ballerina bun for years. That always looked pretty good when I was younger but I felt I needed to refine my image now that I’m a bit older.

    Just before the pandemic – with pretty timely insight, if I do say so myself – I decided to have it cut into a long bob and straightened with a Brazilian blowout. Being naturally salt and pepper/driftwood brown, it came out looking like the silkiest, most expensive silver/grey color job in the world. Even the stylist was impressed. Forgive me if this sounds like bragging but people out and about actually stared, haha, because, ironically, haha, my shimmering silver hair looked like the hair of a 20 year old influencer though I was clearly not, (I’m 45). After decades of not doing anything to my hair it made me feel really good. It was just good luck that “the kids” have been going grey for fun so I ended up really getting my money’s worth.

    • M says...

      That’s so cool! I’m inspired!