Relationships

How Are You Feeling Today?

flowers by Madeleine Johnson

My loves, how are you feeling? What a night! What a day! The 2020 presidential election is a true nail biter, with key states still counting votes. I’ve been glued to the New York Times homepage, with a few mental breaks to watch Schitt’s Creek or eat a hunk of cheese the size of my head.

I’d love to ask today, if you’re up for sharing: How are you feeling? What are you watching/reading/eating/doing? Is there anything that feels like a pick-me-up to you, during this intense wait?

squad

Some good news:
* The “squad” of four Democratic congresswomen (above) — Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York, Ilhan Omar of Minnesota, Ayanna Pressley of Massachusetts and Rashida Tlaib of Michigan — all won re-election. (New York Times)
* Delaware Democrat Sarah McBride will become nation’s first-ever transgender state senator. (CNN)
* Mauree Turner won their election for state House in Oklahoma’s 88th district, making history as the first Muslim person elected to the state’s legislature AND the first openly non-binary person ever elected to a state legislature in the United States. (HuffPo, Victory Fund)
* Michele Rayner-Goolsby became Florida’s first openly queer Black woman state legislator. (Lily News)
* Cori Bush made history by becoming the first Black woman elected to Congress from Missouri. (Newsweek)

Sending everyone the biggest hugs today! Hang in there. Let’s chat below.

(Flower photo by Madeleine Johnson.)

  1. Rachael says...

    My husband and I, here in Ontario, Canada, both woke up at 4am, nervously thinking “it must be over now”…we’ve been glued to our news feeds since. Our hearts go out to you – let us hope for a brighter future, together.

  2. Marnie says...

    So very sad that this many people see Trump as a leader.

    • Shannon McQuilkin says...

      Me too Marnie… Read Frank Bruni’s NYTimes Nov4th opinion piece. He describes how we are feeling perfectly.

      This election wasn’t just a “nail biter… try soul crushing.”

  3. Kim says...

    I’m both shocked and not shocked by the close results. He’s had four years to stoke the fears in his base and they’ve been invigorated. The good thing is we cannot ignore this unchecked bias and racism anymore. We must fight it with education and reform.

  4. Charlotte says...

    I am upset about a conversation I had with my dad the night before the election. I learned he was voting for Trump, and my heart sunk. My parents taught me everything I know about morals, integrity, and compassion – and here they are, voting for one of the most corrupt people I’ve ever seen. How? How is this possible?

    My dad is a veteran, and a senior on Medicare. He also has a pregnant daughter (me), who is very much concerned about my rights as a woman if my health/the baby’s health is compromised. The irony is not lost on me.

    How do people not let this election affect their personal relationships? I’m really struggling here.

    • Jean says...

      I’m sorry, Charlotte. I am going through something similar. I don’t think many are succeeding at not letting it affect their relationships. There’s no going back to the way things were, and it’s very sad.

    • Shannon McQuilkin says...

      It’s so hard. I’m very close with my Dad who also voted for Trump. On a family chain this morning he said “The Dumbocrats think they have it all figured out.” I called him immediately and screamed at him to stop name calling, that I am a Democrat and not dumb.” We, of course, will talk it out after I’ve calmed down, but it’s been really rough on my respect level for my father. I feel like this is tearing us apart.

      Anyway… you aren’t alone. It’s sad.

    • R says...

      Charlotte, I have no advice, but just wanted to say that I’m struggling, too. I also found out–through my 6 year old!–that my parents voted for Trump. They are conservative, but this caught me completely off guard and I am devastated. To be clear, this is not about politics, it’s about putting morals above politics. You expressed it perfectly–the values my parents instilled in me and my brothers are the polar opposite of how Trump conducts himself as a person and as a candidate. I have never felt so deeply disappointed by my family before, and it’s hard to know how to move past it.
      Sending a big hug.

    • Dawn says...

      I’m also really struggling to navigate family relationships during this time. No advice, just solidarity. Hugs.

    • CL says...

      Charlotte. I feel you and am hear for you. I have had very similar challenges with my parents and some of my closest family members.

    • Lana says...

      It’s so hard seeing something in your parents that disappoints us. Lots of us are there. Take care of you and that baby!

    • Lindsay says...

      Charlotte, can you please tell me why you think Trump is a racist? He has won almost half the Latino vote this time. My Muslim friends voted for him. He won the jew vote. Trump didn’t hire and train the cops who are not treating blacks right. Trump was given awards for his support of black communities even before he was president. I just don’t buy that he is a racist. Biden has said more racist comments actually. And are you talking about abortion? I’m pro life and support abortion in the first 3 (4 if danger to mother ) months. Are you really ok with late term abortion? See I think we all want similar things. Republicans are much more moderate these days. The left keeps going further left and are losing support. Exit polls show many LGBTQ
      Voted for trump too. Trump is obnoxious and a bully but Biden can barely walk and talk and had 47 years to do things and didn’t. Please don’t limit yourself to only watching and reading the mainstream news which is so biased. The exact same things were said about Bush too. Immigration? Cages? They were just as bad under Obama. We want structure and order when it comes to immigration so that it is fair. People in Yemen should have just as much of a chance to come here. Just bc people are close enough to walk in doesn’t mean they get to no matter what. It’s not fair and we can’t afford to have endless people rushing in and give them free health care to boot. “If you are 20 and conservative you have no heart, if you are 40 and liberal you have no common sense. “

    • Jill says...

      Charlotte, I feel you! I’m dealing with it in my family too. It feels like I’m going through the stages of grieving. Yes, it’s a struggle.
      Keep the faith. I don’t have any solid answers.

    • Katherine Achterman says...

      I really relate to this Charlotte. Sending you love.

    • meg says...

      I’m in this boat with you and it is so destabilising. The feeling of loss is confusing and overwhelming.

    • agnes says...

      I’m so sorry Charlotte; my father has absolute opposite views (I’m in France), but we love each other so: we don’t talk about politics, or religion. We talk about what we do have in common: the grandchildren, the weather, literature, this amazing dish, a glass of wine; it doesn’t mean the boudaries are not clear. My father knows some topics would ruin our relationship. You can find that space.

    • Jackie says...

      My mom and I also had an argument. She said she felt “bad” for Trump because of what the media did to him. I honestly was dumbfounded. She also said I hope you like raised taxes and paying college for illegals.

      I don’t know how my family and I are so far apart on this.

    • Mel says...

      I don’t know but i’m with you. I was raised by conservative Evangelicals which meant in the 90’s lots of youth group and Jesus songs and prayer and parents who loved unconditionally. But now it means parents who idolize a man I find to be completely abhorrent and the antithesis of Christian values. They *mostly* stay quiet around me as they know my husband and I spend way too much time studying politics. My beloved Aunt who has been a second mother to me tho goads me and my husband all the time via facebook messenger with pro-Trump garbage and it’s hard. I fear that while I still love her, I have no respect left for her and our relationship will never be the same. Yesterday she posted multiple conspiracy theories about how the election is rigged and I fact checked her publicly (though kindly and non accusatory) on all of them. As expected at 10pm my Mother called and texted to scold me about being publicly political against my Aunt. I dont know what to do. Integrity and truth is so important but so are relationships. I guess for me, what is at stake is our democracy and the future of our planet and our children and their rights and I have 2 mall girls to fight for so for me – it’s them. It has to be.

    • E says...

      I would advise to listen to the most recent episode of the podcast The art of happiness with Arthur Brooks called “politics and unhappiness”. It talks about that and it was helpful to me.

    • susan olivia says...

      Lindsay – not only white people are ok with racism, there are people of color who are also racist and/or uphold white supremacy. Saying “but so-and-so voted for Trump” doesn’t mean Trump himself is not racist. And it truly doesn’t matter whether or not he is personally, it comes down to his policies. He’s a racist white supremacist and he is responsible (as the president) for over 800 police shootings this year, deaths in ICE detention, over 200k lives lost to COVID because of a complete break down in federal response.

    • Elizabeth says...

      Hi Charlotte,

      Like many other commenters, I’m in the same boat. My dad is one of the “Obama Trump” voters. He’s an immigrant, pro-choice and is not religious AT ALL and strongly believes in the separation of church and state and still voted for Trump. He disliked Hillary more than he liked Trump, and after he voted for him, he started watching Fox news and now he’s full on the Trump train. My in-laws are also Trump supporters/listen to conservative talk radio. The thing that took me a really long time to understand is that if you get all of your news from FOX news/conservative media, you don’t see Trump the way we “the left” see him…at all. He’s painted as a completely different person. I’ve said this in a comment before but I try to read as much conservative media as I can to try and understand, and the bias is very strong (on both sides!!) and it really made me realize that this country is basically living in two different realities based on where you get your information. They don’t see Trump as being blatantly racist, because that’s not how he’s being covered.

      My dad and I were arguing a lot, and even stopped talking for a few months, which for my close knit family, was a BIG DEAL. We decided we just aren’t going to talk politics anymore. I know it’s hard, but I already hate what the Trump administration is doing to this country and I was not going to let him ruin my relationship with my dad.

      A great resource to understand media bias is https://www.allsides.com/unbiased-balanced-news. It’s honestly shocking how differently issues are covered. We’ll never agree on anything if we all stay in our bubbles.

    • CL says...

      Hi Lindsay – I can’t speak for Charlotte but I can share my own perspective on why Trump is a racist.
      1) I am married to a Brown man – who leans conservative and if he could vote (not a US citizen) would probably have voted Republican over the course of several elections in the past. He experiences Trumps’ America as a more racist America. He sees/feels the rhetoric of Trump is racist. So first and foremost I believe his experience.
      2) During the most recent debate he refused to denounce white supremacy. And not only did he not denounce it or just avoid the question entirely, he then said “Proud Boys, stand back and stand by” – you know, as if he was their leader. The Proud Boys took that as call and then went to change their logos with this as their motto and still the president did not denounce them.
      3) This year Trump’s administration moved to halt employee training at federal agencies on topics that include “white privilege” and “critical race theory” earlier this month
      4) He has regularly retweeted white supremacists
      5) He invited the couple who point guns at BLM protestors to speak at the RNC
      6) During his presidency he publicly called Mexicans rapists, drug dealers and criminals
      7) In 2018 Trump called Haiti and African nations shithole countries. I have been to Haiti and 4 different African countries and sure they all have problems just like America. But they are all beautiful with unique things to offer, powerful cultures and traditions and amazing people.
      8) In 2015 Donald Trump told TIME that he does not know whether he would have supported or opposed the internment of Japanese Americans during World War II. “I would have had to be there at the time to tell you, to give you a proper answer,” he said during a recent interview in his office in New York City. “I certainly hate the concept of it. But I would have had to be there at the time to give you a proper answer.” – you shouldn’t of had to be there to know it was wrong. And even Reagan signed legislation apologizing to people of Japanese ancestry (citing Time article)
      9) In 1991 Trump Plaza Hotel and Casino was fined $200,000 on for shuffling black and female dealers to accommodate the perceived preferences of a big- betting craps player (citing an AP article)
      In 1989 Trump spent $85K to place an ad in a newspaper calling for the death penalty of the boys that were called the “Central Park 5” – these were five young boys (black and latino) wrongly accused of rape, who were found innocent and later another man confessed and the DNA evidence supported this confession. And to this day Trump refuses to apologize for this action. (Citing a USA Today article)
      10)In 1973 a civil-rights lawsuit was brought by the Justice Department against Donald Trump and his father Fred Trump claiming that African-Americans and Puerto Ricans were prevented from renting apartments from Trump.
      11) During the Charlottesville protests he stated out loud that there were good people on both side – however one side was white supremacists

      And that is only an incredibly short list that demonstrate long standing racism.

      Also – real quick on abortion – “late term abortion” is actually not a medical term. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 1.3 percent of abortions were performed at or greater than 21 weeks of gestation in 2015. These percentages are similar to estimates by the Guttmacher Institute, a nonprofit research center that supports abortion rights. Usually a medical decision this late into a pregnancy is because there is high risk of maternal death. So how do we choose which life to save mom? or baby? What if the mom has other kids waiting for her to come home from the hospital? The government should be responsible for deciding if mom or baby gets to live? I found Gary Peters recent story in Elle very illuminating on this topic. Puts a personal story to the issue: https://www.elle.com/culture/career-politics/a34339956/senator-gary-peters-abortion/

    • Anonymous says...

      I just want to say, I’m struggling with this too. My father and I were so close when I was growing up, but for the past several years barely talk. I still love him and I miss our old relationship, but I know it’s the healthy choice for me. I can’t talk to him and pretend everything is OK when his worldview is so abhorrent to me. It was harder in 2016 when I learned that my favorite aunt – basically a second mother – was attending Trump rallies and voting for him. We didn’t talk for a long, long time after that and we are still distant and polite with each other – another person I love dearly that I have to keep at arms’ distance to protect my sanity. This year, though, has been the hardest. It’s my mom this time, who is basically my best friend in the world. She taught me love and decency and kindness and generosity and warmth, and I love her more than anything, so my heart is breaking that she could vote for someone who is the antithesis of all those things. I want to try and talk to her about it, to really be open to why she feels this way and try to express to her why it makes me so upset, but not right now, not yet. It’s still too painful, and I don’t want to say something that would do irreparable harm to our relationship.

    • Jenni says...

      I feel for anyone going through this divide with their parents. I had to deal with this in 2016, when my sisters and I discovered our parents had both voted for Trump. I started therapy not long after, and my therapist told me that there was new training/courses for therapists in the wake of these huge divisions in families as they figured out how to cope with this heartbreak.

      I personally now have relationships still with my family members where we do not talk any specific politics unless they bring it up. I have lost respect in my parents and it hurts to recognize but it ultimately was very freeing as well, to know that I have chosen to raise my kids in a better way. If my dad shares something that is completely wrong I will let him know, and he has largely stopped sharing political posts now after my sister and I gave him an education in finding factual news. So, small victory there? I send a big hug to anyone who was raised in evangelical homes who is trying to do better now for their own families. I take a lot of hope in the Christians I know who are raising their kids in a way that I think aligns with what Jesus would have really been about. (My kids are not being raised in any sort of religion, for the record, which is probably another thing that my parents think I am doing wrong but I am over it!)

    • Kara says...

      Lindsay, (in addition to what Susan Olivia said, which I would also extend to the LGBTQ+ community) Trump’s history of racism is well documented. It starts with his real estate company’s history of racist practices towards tenants and goes to present day, from embracing birtherism, referring to African nations as “shithole countries,” telling congresswomen of color to go back to where they came from, calling Mexican immigrants “rapists,” and so on. Re: police violence against Black people, he insists it’s a major problem for White people despite data showing how much worse it is for Black Americans. He says that the Black Lives Matter movement and protests are anarchists and Marxists. This quote comes directly from the White House webpage re: his executive order to “protect America’s founding ideals by promoting patriotic education”: “Unfortunately, some versions of American history offer a misconstrued and one-sided account of our founding in an effort to paint America as a systemically racist country.” In other words, he does not believe in systemic racism in our country and is fighting against American history projects like The 1619 Project, which aims to show how slavery and the contributions of Black Americans are central to American history, something that has been whitewashed in our education system.

      Re: late term abortion, I highly recommend watching Pete Buttigieg’s interview on it on Fox News or googling what he said as it’s widely available. Anyone getting a late term abortion is in one of the worst imaginable situations for a pregnant person and their family. Involving the government in that decision is completely unnecessary. I recommend having some empathy for these families instead of a desire to control their choices.

      Re: Republicans being “much more moderate these days.” Please read widely from people who study the political parties. It is a fact that the Democratic party has had to widen its political stances as it encompasses a larger diversity of the population while the Republican party continues to narrow its focus. It’s actually something that conservative thinkers are lamenting because they see it leading to Republican’s future inability to garner widespread support. Furthermore, if you compare American political parties with global views, Democrats are the centrists.

      Re: cages, the policy of family separation was created by the Trump administration. Full stop. This is what people are so understandably horrified by. (Also we are talking about the current administration, not Bush or Obama. They aren’t up for re-election.)

      Whenever someone lists all the things you did and then advises the other person to “not limit themselves mainstream media,” I get very concerned about where you are getting your information. Journalists are trained to be rigorous about their fact checking, and while some media outlets may have a particular liberal or conservative slant, if you are widely read, you will get factual information. I agree that reading should extend to academic and research institutions, as well as government laws, policies, and documents. Based on your comment, it looks like you need to diversify your sources.

  5. Watching with bated breath from New Zealand and hoping with every fibre of my being that my American friends (and all of you :)) come through with hearts and souls intact. It completely blows my mind that a country that prides itself on being a great democracy has a president that seems hell-bent on destroying that hard-won right. And this might seem a strange thing to say but I’m feeling all the feels here … so here goes! I am so proud *insert heart emoji face* of all of you incredible people who work and volunteer and march and keep fighting to gain back some semblance of normality and at the same time recognise that there is a real need for change. Thinking of you all and as we say in Maori, nui te aroha (so much love) xxx

    • J. says...

      Thank you so much, Jane– in a really chaotic day, this honestly brought me to tears. Knowing how many people around the world (and the COJ community!) are watching and rooting for good to triumph here is so overwhelming, humbling, heartwarming, and appreciated. Thank you so much xx

    • Rusty says...

      I’m right there with you.
      Sending strength and continued courage to all of you.
      The closeness of this election does my head in.
      How? What? Why?
      Be strong and stick together.
      Education is yhe key to productive change.
      Love from Australia xx

    • Miranda Rake says...

      Hi Jane! I have been thinking about your comment all day! It’s just so kind and heartening. Thanks so much for thinking kindly of us even as we reckon with the mess we live in, the mess we’ve made. P.S. can I please move to new zealand now?

  6. Rachel says...

    Having a lot of trouble focusing on work today. Just trying to check in with my coworkers, family , friends. Something about all of this has made me feel enormously grateful for the people I love in my life.

  7. Monica says...

    Honestly I’m feeling very alone.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Oh, Monica, I’m sorry. Sending a hug. You are not alone ❤️❤️

    • Amy says...

      Hugs 🤗 🤗 🤗 hoping tomorrow is a better day for you ❤️

    • Meghan says...

      Haha! Earlier today I texted my friend to tell her that over the past 12 hours I had stress eaten an entire block of cheese.

    • Hi from Atlanta, Monica. I’m sorry you’re feeling alone tonight. I’m thinking of you <3

    • M says...

      Me too, but you are not alone🤍

    • mika says...

      I feel the same, Monica. As an Asian-American woman, these results make me feel like I don’t belong in America. Even if Biden wins, it’s a very very terrifying place to be right now.

    • Lana says...

      You’re not alone! While the number of Trump supporters is terrifying, Biden has the MOST VOTES HISTORY!! That many people are beside you tonight, tomorrow and here on out.

  8. Michelle says...

    Like many other Canadians, I’ve been glued to the news coverage since last night and I’m very hopeful for a democratic win. Sending hugs, we’re with you!

    • Sarz says...

      Yes! We Canadians are cheering you on. 🤞Call it superstition, but I’m wearin’ all-blue ’til the results are finalized!

  9. LynnMcQ says...

    Unfortunately, our care and concern for Trump supporters will never be reciprocal. That’s my take-away.

    • Caitlin says...

      This leads me to question if you are truly aware of the awful things your candidate has wrought upon our country. If so, by all means…please justify them.

      Please justify forcibly separating mothers from their children, without a plan to help them find each other again

      Please justify rolling back environmental regulations put in place to protect us all

      Please justify intentionally and openly encouraging violence and racism

      Please justify removing healthcare access for people without a plan to replace it.

    • Kara says...

      I read LynnMCQ’s comment as meaning the care and concern Democrats extend towards Trump supporters is a one way street and won’t be returned.

  10. Jenifer says...

    Running on the last of adrenaline right now and 4 hours of sleep. It’s been one helluva a tidal wave of anxiety, some despair and hopefulness the past 24 hour and hoping that the next 24 hours will unfold to bring decency and common sense back to us all here!

  11. Calla says...

    I live in California and have been having fantasies about become our own country. I used to feel so strongly about helping people despite themselves (speaking of the many of Americans who vote against their economic interests) but something about watching that red sweep on the election maps hardened me.

    It was not shocking, but still deeply upsetting to see the evidence that so many people are happy with all the hatred and lies, and that there is a rejoicing in self-serving actions at the expense of others. It makes me feel like I don’t want to help these people anymore, I don’t want to find common ground. That feeling has been growing for a long time, but seeing the popular vote results come in was the final straw.

    • Ellen says...

      This is how I feel exactly. I’m considering leaving the country. I want to live in a place with civility and where education and honesty matter.

    • jdp says...

      really hard to disagree with you. i am absolutely on your side here, and grateful to you for expressing something i haven’t been able to yet.

    • LO says...

      Same. The coasts are constantly carrying everyone else (native NYer here)- financially, and otherwise. It’s exhausting. Should’ve let the ones who wanted to secede do so when they wanted to. Been dragging everyone else down since then…

    • mika says...

      So well put, Calla. I live in California as well, and though I feel very grateful to live here, that sea of red completely hardened me. The first time I thought, “hey, maybe they just wanted to give him a chance.” But after 4 years of hatred, racism, misogyny, white supremacy, ineptitude and lies about CoVid, I’ve come to the conclusion that this is deeply rooted in racism, tribalism, and xenophobia.

      I’m just exhausted, and done with giving these people the benefit of the doubt anymore.

    • Annie says...

      You’re not alone in this. I’ve always considered myself an American first, but these days I feel more like I’m a Californian first. After watching my hometown burn this August and Trump threaten to withhold federal funding, something broke in me. Our state pays more in federal taxes than any other state in the nation. And yet, given our immense population, we are not appropriately represented in the federal government. We are suffering the effects of climate change more intensely than most of the nation, and yet our future depends on the whims of science-deniers who live thousands of miles away and watch our communities blaze on TV.

      I still have hope for America. But there’s no doubt in my mind that Californians are more frustrated and disillusioned with the United States than ever.

    • K says...

      I am originally from OK but I recently moved to WA in the past year. I understand what you’re feeling, and I felt the same way when I saw that map. 64% of Oklahomans voted for Trump and it was so heartbreaking. But I remember that people are complicated. I know people who have lived in the rural countryside for generations and love being independent, and could not fathom a federal government that intrudes upon their lives. They also love their families and children and grandchildren to death. They’d do anything to help their neighbors out. They do have antiquated views and narrow mindsets regarding many issues, and it’s borne from where they were born and the opportunities they were afforded. But they can be good people too and I’ve seen it… but yeah. That’s what I tried to remind myself when I was consumed with anger the past 24 hours… I also felt extremely fortunate to be in a similarly-minded community like I am currently in and also remembered there are communities in OKC that were also heartbroken just like me.

    • Mimi says...

      Agreed, and I live in the Midwest! My husband and I debate pulling up roots and moving to a coast, but one of our daughters is on the spectrum and her few friends were a long process in the making.

    • Shannon McQuilkin says...

      I feel the exact same way. Where is the common ground with people who vote for someone who is so abhorrent and corrupt? My only wish is that he goes to jail and people will realize they voted for a criminal.

      Thanks to CupofJo for asking how we all feel because it’s really nice to read comments of strangers that feel exactly how I do.

    • CL says...

      If you want a book to help escape and imagine what a world like that might be like I recommend Eco-topics. May be a little extreme but i have thought about this book, which I read 14 yrs ago in college, a lot these last four years. Often wishing certain coastal states would secede.

    • HH says...

      As an Independent who voted for Biden in Oklahoma and who was (why, I don’t know) as shocked at the red sweep as you, please do not see that sea of red and think that no one in the middle of all that red voted for a return to decency, environmental responsibility, respect for others, etc. Because I voted for him. And almost everyone I know did. Despite what the electoral college maps suggest, that paint those of us in the middle of the country as uniformly red, and oversimplify our politics and beliefs, my city is not so simple. My family is not so simple. I am not so simple. We are here and already discouraged feeling like islands in our own state. Please encourage us because we need encouragement perhaps even more than those of you who are privileged to live in a place whose politics on a broad scale mirror your own. We need your encouragement, not your anger.

    • Shelly says...

      Another Californian here. So happy call Los Angeles my hometown. Flawed? For sure, but also so vibrant and fluid and welcoming of all kinds of diversity. Right now I can’t imagine being anywhere else.
      Been listening to Joni Mitchell’s “California” on repeat all day.

    • Annie says...

      I understand how you are feeling (really), but please don’t indulge too deeply in this way of thinking. I think that this is how they want us to feel – divided and different from each other.

      Red states are not monolithic, just as each of your states have red areas as well. As a West Virginian, I have been disappointed to see my state go from reliably blue to reliably red in the past 20 years. But it’s complicated.

      Racism is definitely a major issue everywhere (and not just the red states). Additionally, my state in particular has been exploited greatly by rich interests who don’t live here. They take from us and don’t give back. They use their money and power to ensure that our state politicians serve them and not the people. That results in decreased funding for social programs and education, which decreases our quality of life and invites means for easy escape, like the opioid pandemic. We have been beat down. The system is the problem. Please don’t take the easy way and place blame solely on the people. We are more similar than different.

    • Maudie says...

      That is my take away too. Regardless of who wins we are two countries. There was something that shifted within me, an undeniable understanding, when I saw the country painted in red and blue on the front pages of every newspaper.
      If we had a more representative form of government and not just one side “wins” if it holds the majority with the ability to hold others hostage these lines might not be so hardened.
      The ideal I will fight for is the concept of power with and not power over – something our elected officials do not understand at this time.

    • Emma says...

      I totally agree with you, I feel this is the beginning of the end of what is America. I fear for our country and it’s break-up into what will be a nightmare for all of us. Trump has taken us all down a deep dark path of hatred and pure evil and those that voted for him seem to be the same, Is this how America is, have I been blind by the teachings of my grandmother who taught me about the word respect and integrity?

    • Leda says...

      @Mika I absolutely agree. I feel betrayed, distrustful, and heartsick by the millions who voted for trump. As a proud Asian American and immigrant, all I hear from those millions of people is that I and my child don’t belong in this country.

    • Kara says...

      I have felt these sentiments, too, along with feeling grateful that I live in a very blue, economically thriving state. I think it’s valid to feel your rage and pain this way. Ultimately, we need to remember what HH and Annie say. I grew up in Ohio and still have many friends and family there. It is actually about as purple as you can get, not red like the maps show. There are countless people living there just like us in California. They are likely having more of the needed tough conversations with the other side than we are because they are more likely to encounter them. What’s happening in states like West Virginia and Kentucky is a national tragedy. Mitch McConnell is funded by coastal conservatives who can’t change the color of their states, so they’ve targeted states with less resources to further their political goals. The system is broken in this way, and we can’t abandon the people affected. In times like this I think of the people who worked tirelessly to flip states, often WOC. Georgia wouldn’t be at this previously unthinkable stage of being flipped without someone like Stacey Abrams working as hard as she is. Imagine what it would be like if we all used the rage and pain we feel to help them.

  12. Kristin says...

    Sad, scared, on-edge. But. Trying to embrace the only truth we know right now: we do not know who will win. I have been dealing with failed IVF treatments for over a year now and have gotten reallllyyy good at this mindset of embracing “I don’t know.” (A two-week wait after your third embryo transfer is agonizing in its uncertainty). It’s OK that we do not know. When you don’t know, there is fear, but there is also possibility and therefore hope.

    • Ceridwen says...

      I am feeling for you all from Australia. What a time. Take good care of each other. My mum passed away a very short time ago. We had her funeral on Sunday. I am taking very gentle steps. Taking my time. Finding comfort in mothering. A coffee in a lovely place. Enjoying the light. Allowing her voice in. Adjusting. She was so brave and kind. Thinking of her. She wanted to see you have a new President.

    • Sending love your way Kristin – and hope for the IVF and this election.

    • Katie says...

      Sending hope and strength, Kristin!

    • Lisa says...

      I’m in the two week wait right now after an embryo transfer. Hearing that is helpful – I’ve done all I can, I’m doing all I can now.

      Wishing you all the best for your IVF journey. It sucks

  13. Karin says...

    Election Night 2016 (and the following day I spent in the fetal position) is etched in my memory so I did not get my hopes up at all. I also assumed it would take a while to see results so I wasn’t expecting any definitive answer last night.

    This year I have learned a lot about institutionalized racism and how it has been used in politics. (Whiteness is the single largest predictor of who will vote for Trump.) Seeing Trump take the “law and order/dog whistle” approach from Nixon and Reagan’s playbooks, I thought HE might win in a landslide. I was actually surprised to wake up this morning and see that Biden has a shot.

    Two things have been key to my sanity in the past year:

    1) Refusing to engage with any “what-might-happen-if-Trump-does-X” articles (i.e., 87% of all news). My energy does not need to go there and my mind does not need to spiral into panic.

    2) Buddhism – meditating on loving-kindness and the oneness of all beings helps me see the long term and the bigger picture. (Or to cite Joanna’s tip – “think of the Grand Canyon!”) Yes, we happen to live in interesting times, but so have many generations before us.

    That said, I wish more than ever that the West Coast would secede from the Union!

    • Sarah White says...

      Karin – thank you for the reminder of loving-kindness meditating. It’s something I used to do and it helped so much. This was a helpful reminder to read today. No matter the outcome I am saddened to see so much of what has happened, and need to spend some time working to heal from that.

  14. P Paschal says...

    I read this for entertainment not because I am interested in your political bias. No longer reading.

    • Tracy says...

      Bye bye !

    • Kim says...

      LOL! Don’t let the door hitch a where the good goddess split ya!

    • Jenny says...

      By all means, stop reading. But know that it is your privilege to bow out of the political dialogue because it interferes with your “entertainment”. If only we all could pick and choose so easily.

    • Melody says...

      And yet here you are

    • Margaret says...

      It’s not political bias it’s being a decent human who wants the best for other humans.

    • Mary says...

      Buh bye 👋🏼

    • NM says...

      Politics can be seen as a tool for self service, as special interests, as strategy. Because it often is.

      But politics is also—
      What gave women the right to vote.
      What outlawed slavery.
      What made it illegal for a husband to hit or rape his wife.

      And lots of things that I am sure have improved your life for the better. Even if you didn’t vote for them.

      It’s the same now dear. Most of us here voted:
      Not to put children and babies in cages.
      We voted not to force woman to keep a pregnancy (including those caused by sexual abuse and incest).
      We voted to stop killing Black people.
      If you didn’t vote for those things, fine.
      But that’s not politics.
      That’s hate.
      And hate has no place here.

    • jssatx says...

      I don’t think the original post indicated any bias. It celebrated political victories for diversity and women in our country. How sad that “those” have been perceived as biased statements. I wouldn’t judge the blog by the bias of its readers. Perhaps just stay out of the comments?

    • Kristin says...

      P Paschal, are you just noticing this bias now?? Jenny, Amen! I so want to go on a privilege rant to some of my “friends” who just don’t get it.

    • Erika says...

      Boo hoo.

    • Sage says...

      I so hope Cup of Jo will recover from this devastating blow.

    • mika says...

      BYE Felicia!

    • T says...

      I love when people think they are so important online that they need to announce an exit. 😂

  15. Emily says...

    About 80% of what I voted for in my local measures and initiatives went the other way. Soooo, I’m discouraged and worried about the town we have chosen to put down roots and raise our family in.

    I have hope Biden will win in the end, but boy is it going to be ugly. The fact that Trump is sowing so many seeds of distrust in the voting system and dared to declare victory last night makes my blood boil.

    Also, I’m generally not shy about my political beliefs, though I stay out of online arguments because- not worth it, usually. (For reference, I’m verrry middle, moderate, independent, seriously can’t stand the extremes of either party.). However, for the sake of extended family relationships, I’ve decided I can’t ask my in-laws who they voted for. I really love my husbands parents, but I know if they tell me they voted for Trump, I may never be able to look at them the same way. To be fair, I don’t think they did, I know they really don’t like him generally. But I also know they couldn’t bring themselves to vote for Biden, they are still so loyal to the Republican Party. Anyway, totally rambling here. But maybe a thought for folks who find themselves angry with people they love. There are definitely some relationships that aren’t worth ruining! If you know that what you say won’t make a difference and the person will be in your life for the rest of your life, maybe consider whether you really want to know/ask/talk about it with them.

    • Calla says...

      Ugh that’s a tricky one for sure! Leaning towards blissfull ignorance definitely has an appeal sometimes!

    • Peg says...

      I feel this. We just switched to multi generational living last year, as my fil has dementia (still voted Trump tho).

      It is very challenging to know these two lovely, educated people who I love dearly are racist elitists.

      And I live with them/they with us :/

    • Rachael says...

      I’m feeling hopeful about the election (it’s 7 pm on the east coast) but gosh, I am so upset over the millions who voted for Trump. It was one thing in 2016 when we didn’t know what kind of president he would be, but to see such horrifying numbers actively choosing racism and bigotry? It’s just so sad and scary, and I say that knowing I’m incredibly privileged as a white woman.

    • M says...

      Ugh, similarly, one of my best friends told me she and her husband voted Trump – from Pennsylvania. I feel disappointed and sad, and then exhausted doing mental gymnastics to remember that good people make bad choices for various (to them, reasonable) reasons. She texted me something mundane today and I can’t text back for now.

    • Yael says...

      Same. I once saw a flow chart asking “should you get into arguments on the internet?” It has one box below, that simply says “NO”. I had it as my computer wallpaper for a few years :)

    • Emma says...

      One thing I have learned in this mess is that there is NO longer a Republican Party, it is now the Trump Party as the top former Republicans have sided with all things Trump, so we have a whole bunch of Trumpettes calling them selves The Trump Party…….I used to be a Republican a long time ago and really believed in what the party stood for….it has totally disappeared with the force of Trump at the helm.

  16. Acknowledging the fear and the pain, choosing hope.

    Nauseously (as Liz said above) but intentionally/determinedly hopeful.

    • Becca says...

      I asked my husband to tuck me in last night and stay up with our teenage boys to wrap up homework. He pulled the covers under my chin and kissed my forehead and we both had tears in our eyes, thinking that Trump really might walk away with the win.

      Today, watching things slide towards Biden, I feel more hope than I have for years. This election result feels like the end of a really crazy (4 year-long) movie!

  17. Molly says...

    This election has been the stressful cherry on top of the 2020 shit sundae.

    In terms of the election, I came across this PEW article and found it very informative. It breaks down the top issues and where Biden and Trump voters stood on a scale of most to least important. It helped me gain some clarity/perspective on what Trump supporters see as their important issues because I was having difficulty wrapping my head around the appeal.

    https://www.pewresearch.org/politics/2020/08/13/important-issues-in-the-2020-election/

    Of course, diversity is needed in any society, and beliefs and viewpoints need to be on a broad spectrum. BUT to see that climate change was one of the least important issues for Trump voters makes me so sad. I am also shocked that it wasn’t a top priority for Biden voters either. While all the issues are important and need our concern, how is it that it’s one of the least important factors is our planet?

    • Calla says...

      I live in California and have been having fantasies about become our own country. I used to feel so strongly about helping people despite themselves (speaking of the many of Americans who vote against their economic interests) but something about watching that red sweep on the election maps hardened me.

      It was not shocking, but still deeply upsetting to see the evidence that so many people are happy with all the hatred and lies, and that there is a rejoicing in self-serving actions at the expense of others. It makes me feel like I don’t want to help these people anymore, I don’t want to find common ground. That feeling has been growing for a long time, but seeing the popular vote results come in was the final straw.

    • Shannon McQuilkin says...

      Thanks for sharing this Molly!

  18. Bee says...

    Proud to be in the blue state of Washington, but terrified by the possibility of another four painful years of enduring the circus and unraveling of the country. Sad baffled by the fact that Trump still has the support of so many Americans, when he’s proven to be a grotesque human – inside and out!

  19. Tammy says...

    I am so frustrated and honestly annoyed reading through these comments of everyone expressing their *shock* and *disbelief* about how close the results have been. Have you spoken to any of the Black or Indigenous people in your lives? This is not a surprise in any way for those of us who have to live here every day, in our skin. This country and system were literally built on the backs of black and indigenous people. Our blood, sweat, and tears are embedded in the foundation of this country and yet the system was specifically designed to discount our voices and our votes. The system is doing exactly what it was designed to do. Again this is not a shock for us, NOTHING HAS CHANGED!

    What has changed is that now you (white liberals) are becoming more aware of the true American experience for marginalized groups. Since you have aligned yourself with those marginalized groups in support, you feel threatened because you now see your proximity and you see how quickly white supremacy turns on anything in its way.

    I hope we learn from this and are able to flip the Senate in 2022

    • SG says...

      Yes, agreed, Tammy. Alot of people reading your comment may get offended (esp. in the 2nd paragraph) but I hope they slow down to really think about it, and realize that what you say is so true. I think this year has been a turning point for many white liberals but none of this is a surprise to anyone of color. I am not shocked, but truly dismayed, at just how many Americans out there want to see the last 4 years continue. Even if Biden does eventually win, the stain is there. Nonetheless, we need to continue fighting the good fight because even though change is ever so slow, the more people are aware and are fighting for it, it will happen. But first we need to rest and recharge. Take a moment to breathe. There is so much ahead of us.

    • Lisa says...

      I think some of the shock is coming from the difference between the predicted results (by the polls) and the actual results, independent of any beliefs beyond the polls might be right this time having learned from 2016.

    • JJ says...

      Also, what exactly are dems bringing to the table for marginalized communities? No M4A, housing relief, or UBI for months amidst a plague and then they want us to carry it home for them. The hubris!

    • Amy says...

      Truth. Thank you for saying this.

    • Joaquina says...

      Órale.

    • Claire Ity says...

      Yep.

  20. Chandra says...

    I won’t pretend to know the demographic of COJ readers but have always had the feeling they skew majority white and female. That said, I’m just sick of all the performative “burn it all down”, tears for RBG, allyship talk when we see the same results year in and year out. I’m tired today, annoyed by the political circus, and very disappointed in America, AGAIN. I also love how we all just have accepted that the majority of white men will vote in favor of disenfranchising everyone else’s rights.

    • KP says...

      I’ve been thinking of this too, Chandra. I am a white female (Canadian, albeit, so not directly involved in the election) and my politics are very progressive, as are all of my girlfriends’. My shock at the stats showing white women continue to vote for Trump (in higher numbers than 2016!!) is really highlighting my own privilege and has been a wake up call for me.

    • Michelle says...

      Actually, stats released today show Trump lost ground with white men this election but gained significant ground with all other ethnicities, especially non-white.

  21. watching/ a mix of CNN, MSNBC + Fox (because I want all angles)

    reading/ Recipes on NY Times and Kitchn

    eating/ Slow Cooker dinners (my comfort food) and Xanax

    doing/ working out, drinking a touch of wine, talking with parents at school pickup, pacing, crying, texting like-minded friends & family,

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      thank you so much, jean xo

    • suzymcq says...

      Thank you. I truly needed this story to put these difficult days into perspective.

    • GH says...

      This story is beautiful, thank you for sharing it. What a brave couple they are. And Go Sarah!! So encouraged and inspired by her victory.

  22. kath says...

    I am furious with the Democrats. I truly think that it takes a stunning level of incompetence to not be able to, as the opposition party, destroy the people who have presided over 250,000+ deaths and an economy in the sewer. Yes there are people who were going to vote Trump no matter what but the fact that Biden lost ground with key segments of the Dem vote is truly awful.

    So yeah, I have not been able to do anything but refresh twitter and the news constantly. The Biden presidency is shaping up to be a true placeholder, a respite at best but for what who knows. I know life long Democrats who decided to vote third party and I am not sure I can blame them, the Biden campaign never reached out to them or people like them. It is a catastrophe.

    Thank you for accepting this rant haha

    • Vero says...

      It should have been Bernie (+ Stacy Abrams). I know a lot of Dems were okay with the status quo but so many people wanted REAL CHANGE. Progressive politics. Diverse representation. Actual BOLD MOVES. And to be served up Joe Biden… I’ll take him over Trump in a heartbeat but Dems should have learned their lesson in 2016…. establishment politicians are not going to cut it anymore.

    • Hayley B says...

      YES this!! I’m so so so mad that every time there’s a presidential election the party starts out with all these promising candidates — Jerry Yang, Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, etc with truly electrifying messages of equality and empowerment and platforms that really excite and engage grassroots supporters — but then when the dust settles, the eventual presidential nominee is almost always another old white male! (Obama and Hillary Clinton seemed like the only exceptions to the rule in recent years, and even then I was truly disgusted at how they tried to sweep Clinton’s use of personal servers for official correspondence under the proverbial rug.) Yes Sanders is another old white dude but he was extraordinarily popular with young ppl, Hispanics and the working class with his man of the people, borderline socialist policies (which is a good thing to my mind — IMHO unbridled capitalism is precisely what’s at the root of so many of the country’s problems). Is the Democratic party so afraid of true change, so beholden to money politics/Wall Street that they’re willing to undercut themselves over and over to split the difference? It has felt like they’re truly tone deaf when they push the same policies over and over again without regard to what people’s concerns are in the moment. Yes no doubt Biden/Harris are still a million times better than Trump, but given that Trump has been so cataclysmically awful as president that at this point really even a lump of coal would be better than him at running the country, that’s really not saying much. One would have thought Dems would *at least* be able to get some political mileage out of Trump’s disastrous handling of the pandemic but they haven’t even been able to do that! And it was practically handed to them on a silver platter with a bow on top!!

    • kath says...

      Hayley and Vero: I agree with both of you so much!!!! the status quo does not cut it and it terrifies me that the democratic party refuses to understand that. i do think the dems are a mix of too beholden to special interests and just plain dumb.

  23. Mel says...

    I have kissed my baby 12356549 times. I’m checking the news obsessively but I need to, it’s just how I work. I did a 30 minute yoga class, took my baby and pup for a walk on this uncharacteristically gorgeous day (75 in MN in Nov!). I’ve accomplished a little work, but not much, and told my boss i’m taking Friday off (she’s in the same nervous state but at least her state (WI) JUST turned blue! Overall…we as a country, as a people need a lot of work. And a lot of love. Our hearts need work, our relationships, our biases, our policies, our politics, our nation. It all needs work. Let’s get this settled and let our headaches wane first. Also on a lighter note – thank God our littles came home with buckets of candy a few nights ago that only Mom knows where located.

  24. Anna says...

    I wonder if anyone has had luck having civil conversations with Trump supporters and actually feeling like they influenced someone’s thought or even vote? As much as I want to swear off every Trumper and think that maybe the Democrats need to go just as low….I still think the answer is going high. Practicing empathy, acknowledging fears and extending an olive branch have to be more constructive ways of bringing people together…practicing love toward others in order to show them what being a Democrat really means (even if 99% of the time I don’t feel like Trump supporters deserve it). How do we do that in day-to-day conversations without becoming heated, defensive or accusatory? How do we stay proud Democrats without causing more alienation toward Trump supporters?

    • Paige says...

      Hi Anna, I loved your questions and often ask the same. I voted for Biden but like 99% of my circle voted for Trump. It’s….challenging. I agree so much that the answer is to go high. Something I think about often is how I believe most, if not all, Americans want the same things: freedom – from fear, from judgment, from retaliation, from interference. We all want families to be supported materially and emotionally/mentally/spiritually. We want speech to be protected and for there to be real, meaningful conversations when we disagree. We want the freedom of the press and the right to self-determination. All of my Trump loving and/or supporting friends and family agree with these things. What we disagree on is how to get there and achieve those goals. Practically speaking, I do a lot of listening and loving my husband and kids and trying to live my life in a way that aligns with my values (and vote with my voice and dollars and body and all those other things too).

    • Kim says...

      I don’t think going high has worked out so well for democrats. And what does the other side do? They still think and say the worst of us. It’s not that I think democrats should play dirty like McConnell and Trump but I would love to see some real executive actions take place. Fuck their feelings, right? I would love to see them dismantle what they can of what Trump has done, and then some.

    • Calla says...

      Gosh I have no idea. In the past (with other politicians) I felt like this was more possible because often we could agree on the goals (the best standard of living for the most people, the best education possible, etc) and differed on the best path there. But in recent years there is such a celebration in “speaking your mind” and people seem to feel so emboldened to broadcast and encourage their basest desires. How do you approach a civilized conversation with someone who does not acknowledge other people’s humanity?

    • Anna says...

      As one half of a house divided :) I can speak to this.

      My husband immigrated here from the former Soviet Union as a religious refugee (Jewish), and this week voted for Trump. He is afraid of the far left and knows that for all of America’s problems, it is still the greatest country in the the world. I know a lot of people will scoff at that statement – most Liberals (myself included) tend to see what’s not yet fair or right and believe there’s ONLY upside to be had in America. More equality, more rights, greater wealth for all. We believe things can and should get better, and there’s so much beauty in that.

      My Trump-voting husband knows things can get worse, that empires fall, that there’s downside to be had. The Cuban Americans who gave Trump Florida this week know precisely what that downside feels like to live everyday. They know that in the scale of human history, even the poorest and most disenfranchised Americans living today are among the richest people with the most rights who have ever lived.

      So, all of that to say. I voted Biden, but I enjoy even these difficult conversations with people on the other side of the aisle. Oftentimes I walk away learning more, and sometimes my husband says the same about me.

      Otherwise, I am feeling that America is resilient. And hopeful for a Biden win. :)

    • t says...

      my husband too is from post-soviet ukraine. my mother is from socialist brazil. all we can say is YES TO TRUMP. none of these white virtue signaling leftists know oppression. none of you. enough.

    • anon says...

      @Anna of the house divided: Thank you for the perspective. I also live in a divided voting household. In fact, my extended family is also quite evenly divided, and I come from (and am) an immigrant. My husband (who isn’t an immigrant) was a long time democrat but last election changed to independent, though he has voted T the last two times. His reasons and various other family members of mine have voted for him are mainly economic reasons, and for members of my extended family, having seen their own country fall from grace from the left party. What you said about America, despite all the shittiness, can still offer much more at its lowest than what my parents country can offer at its highest is so true. If you have never lived through it, you can’t possibly understand the palpable fear. There is a privilege that I think many don’t recognize when they do a blanket criticism of the right/T supporters/conservatives and their views, that privilege is not having lived through traumatic societal conflict. I know I will get a lot of hate comments about how I’m making assumptions here, but I do believe there is some truth to it.

      I am lean left, but I must admit that I have been dismayed at the naivete displayed by some who think similarly as I do, and I have been disheartened that people who claim to vote for the fairness and equality only to see how many aren’t open to true dialogue but just want to have an argument about how “wrong” the other side is. I don’t agree with my husband, my dad, my uncle, my aunt, my cousins for their choice, but they aren’t stupid, illiterate, or even unfeeling. I understand to a degree why they have chosen to do so, and in the end, it’s their right.

      I don’t believe any politician is worth their salt, in fact, I feel all politicians are inherently corrupt to some level, it’s part of the job. Is there a lesser of two evils, sure, but don’t kid yourself into thinking B is going to work magic on the country. He will fail us in many ways he promised. The media has done us a disservice, serving only themselves and their wallets. It’s so blatant how the media, regardless of leanings, have played things up to work us up into an illogical frenzy. If you believe that *your media* is telling you the truth, know that all media cater to their audience to keep the money rolling. As with all debates and finger pointing, it is always somewhere in the middle. And by golly, the media has led everyone to believe there is no more middle ground, which is a crying shame, and that, is the root of our problems. Everyone has their heels dug in, and no one really wants to hear the other side out, nor do they believe the other side is smart enough to even have a conversation with, and this is why our problems can’t get solved, there is no middle to come to, and no productive discussions of compromise to be had . I’m so sick of this shit. We really needed that meteor.

    • Amy says...

      @Anon I completely agree with you! My favorite comment!

    • CL says...

      Hi Anna of a house divided, T and Anon,

      I think this is really great dialogue. I’m learning here and trying to digest what you have shared about common experiences in other countries with the left. @ Cup of Jo team it feels like there is something to explore and for all of us to understand more here. Will do my own research but would love to hear more about these loved experiences. Thank you ladies (presumably) for sharing.

    • CL says...

      *lived experiences

    • J says...

      To the second Anna with the husband… For the life of me I dont understand why any of what you said about his experiences would mean a vote for Trump? He is as authoritarian a leader as you have, eroding democratic principles at an alarming rate, even as we speak . If it’s the dreaded ‘socialism’ fear you Americans seem to equate universal health care and minimum wages with (while the rest of the developed world watch on bewildered), well then I really don’t know what else to say other than… reap what you sow.

    • Chelsea says...

      I really appreciate the comments in this thread and the willingness to consider why people are voting the way they have. I consider myself a moderate and have close friends and family on both sides of the aisle. I don’t like Trump and did not vote for him. Yesterday I was talking to a friend that immigrated from Iran as a teenager. She said she didn’t support Trump in 2016 but voted for him this year. Her experiences and those of her family in Iran have weighed heavily on her political leanings in the US. She said the night of the election she was on the phone with her cousin that was in the hospital trying to help her aunt who is extremely sick. My friend is a PA and was trying to talk to the nurses there and get her aunt the care she needed but said the hospitals are terrible and socialized medicine there is a mess. It helped me to hear her story and understand where she is coming from, even if I don’t agree with her 100%. I think it’s so important for us to take time to stop talking and to listen to other people’s stories.

  25. Lisa says...

    Despite what all the early voting suggested, I knew this was going to be a close race. And while I’ve had the news on all day so I could keep an eye on how things were progressing, it’s also a beautiful day where I live so I went for a bike ride to the library and checked out The Accidental Empress by Allison Pataki. Along with a 30 minute YouTube yoga class, I’m at least feeling good about how I’ve taken care of myself today. Exercise, books and semi-healthy eating! No matter what happens with the election, at the end of the day, all we have is our health.

  26. R says...

    Teetering between despair/nauseous and cautiously hopeful. I have one of my last exams of physical therapy school tomorrow morning that I need to do well on, and it certainly is not helping with the overall anxiety. Taking deep breaths and resolving to keep on pushing forward.
    Finding solace in Dr. King’s words that “the moral arc of the universe is long, (so unbelievably long) but it bends towards justice.”

    • liz says...

      Stolen from Robert Reich – nauseously optimistic!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      “nauseously optimistic!” = haha!

  27. AK says...

    As an Appalachian liberal, the world out there is feeling incredibly hollow today. Our country is desperately divided- I believe made worse from broken systems tilted to benefit the very few at the expense and pain of incredible income inequality. To make matters worse, our political system insists that its citizens choose between two overly simplistic narratives, both of which ignore the complexity of our population- a vote today seems fraught. I mourn for the pain of those who feel unseen and disenfranchised, with “no good choices” from where they stand. I feel hope in the narrative of change, but no pleasure in watching my neighbors and community lose the perception of theirs. I am sad for their backlash in fear- the racism/homophobia/nationalism/misogyny that seems to come from the bitterness of that struggle.

    • Heather says...

      Incredibly well said.

    • Adrienne says...

      I agree! Well said!

    • SG says...

      WOW! What an amazing piece of writing. I would love to hear more from you. Please keep making your voice known.

  28. jane says...

    Also I’ve been catching up on the Crown, (in prep for season 4 which looks like it will be great), and last night’s episode’s in Season 2 were so relevant to the election that it was uncanny. The Queen’s speeches about the value of integrity etc were so heartening that I felt uplifted a bit and for that reason recommend watching Season 2! She was not able to shy away from finding solutions to impossibly difficult situations and neither should we. Inspiring!

  29. Denise says...

    Really really really angry.

    Thanks for asking.

    • Heather says...

      Same. So much rage, and I’m Canadian! Just went for a walk in the forest near my work and counted the birds, which helped.

  30. Anonymous for this! says...

    Dear COJ readers, I wanted to throw out my perspective as a federal employee who has been trying to survive this administration after joining the executive branch under Obama. Even if Biden wins (!), I know a lot of people are so disappointed about the Senate (as am I). And it’s true that a lot of things won’t happen or will be more challenging as a result of the Senate numbers. But! I have to say that having a change on the executive side is still SO IMPORTANT to government functioning. Sometimes this may not be apparent from what is covered in the media. There is SO much at stake from executive orders to low level political appointees that can make a huge difference in the day to day of the civil service, those of us here trying to keep government working, even without the Senate. Fingers crossed for the best possible outcome.

    • riye says...

      So true! And thank you for hanging in there at work and fighting the good fight. :-) You rock.

    • Lauren says...

      You make an excellent point. Thanks for shining a light on what life is like as a federal employee

    • April says...

      Thank you for this reminder. If Biden does win we will at least have sanity in the White House and that is great relief even though it wasn’t everything I had hoped for.

    • Mika says...

      THank you so much for these words – you’re right, sometimes it’s easy to see all the darkness, but thank you for reminding us about the light. :)

  31. Reb says...

    My sister and brother-in-law welcomed a long awaited baby yesterday after 7 years of infertility, via a gestational carrier. The joy of his safe arrival has helped buoy my spirits for the last 24 hours. Any time I feel myself slipping into anger or despair over the election, I pull out my phone and look through the pictures from his arrival, think about the selfless sacrifice of the gestational carrier (a close family member), and revel in all the happy tears and newborn baby perfection. It’s the perfect election-anxiety antidote.

    • Emilie says...

      Congratulations to your sister and family, Reb! Thank you for sharing this happy news :) and welcome little one!

    • Dawn says...

      This is so beautiful, Reb. Congratulations to your family.

  32. Jackie says...

    Your bulleted list of key wins made me tear up because they are SO GOOD and SO NECESSARY in a world that must orbit on love. I am heartbroken that this country did not REPUDIATE racism, misogyny, anti-semitism, sexism, lies, cheating, and lawlessness. I am holding on to the good news that we are still winning, but this dark truth – of our overall moral sickness – is deeply disturbing. I am sorry to Black Americans and all BIPOC. We must do better.

  33. Courtney says...

    I was doing much better last night, when I was only checking Twitter and not watching the news when they only had 5% reporting. “There’s no point,” I thought, “we won’t know anything yet!” So then when I woke up this morning I immediately opened CNN, WaPo, and NYT and have been checking them obsessively all day and I have a migraine. I did do some self-care–took the morning off so I could meet a friend for coffee and go to the chiropractor. I’m feeling confident(ish) about the presidential results but terrible about the Senate. I just want to *know*, and be settled, and not have uncertainty (or lawsuits) hanging over us.

  34. Maywyn says...

    Instead of doing laundry, I had barbeque chips. I’m concerned what will haters do without you know who on twitter; admit their hatred is toxic or go on bashing Trump; the divide in America is built higher by that hatred; where did it come from; why focused on one man, and give others a free pass; results not all in, already there’s a calm filling the air; i can almost hear the nation breathing relief; and, why don’t I have cheese in the fridge!

  35. GJ says...

    I’m really struggling today. Yesterday my company gave us the day off (very cool move) and I used it to hike and try kung fu for the first time. I live in a state where mail-in ballots are sent to all residents, so I voted a few weeks ago. While it felt rewarding to see what my body was capable of yesterday, as soon as I got home I felt physically and mentally frozen. 67M Americans still think THIS is the guy? How disappointing and discouraging. Holding out hope for a Biden/Harris victory, though wishing it was a larger margin and know that a conservative Senate will cause great harm.

    That being said, I’m feeling very proud of my state – Colorado flipped a Senate seat, passed a paid family leave bill, Denver lifted its pit bull ban and agreed to put tax dollars toward homelessness and climate. I’m proud to live here and hope to see more progress across the board.

    • K says...

      Watching Dawson’s Creek (they were so young on that show!) on Netflix and eating Halloween candy …

  36. jane says...

    It is not helpful to anyone to allow despair or fear to ruin one’s capacity to respond, whatever the outcome. We should all be preparing ourselves because whichever way the cookie crumbles there will be a LOT of work, a LOT of vigilance and a LOT of action required by anyone who wishes to ensure the US remains a Democratic country.

    Biden is no cure for the erosion of freedom, respect and privacy that Silicon Valley and the mysterious lack of protective legislation has allowed to establish itself as a “norm”. Wake Up America.

    PS: I was thinking cheese too and may still go there but first I’ve made a giant celery juice. lol

  37. Emily says...

    For anyone wishing that they could do something to influence the outcome—you could! When people incorrectly submit ballots, they have the opportunity to “cure” ballots and make their vote count. Nevada has a number of incorrect ballots that could tip the election there in Biden’s favor. You can volunteer to make ballot cure calls to Nevadans here: https://www.mobilize.us/nvdems/event/357240/. The training is at 4pm ET.

  38. Mary says...

    I feel the same as many of you, but I write from a red state and I voted as my state did. I also drove nearly six hours in the last two days to help my child vote, although I knew that vote would not comport with my values. I value many things. I am so tired of being judged by people who don’t know me, and honestly, those people scare me. I am frightened to post or share my concerns with most people. However, for the sake of my children, I will keep trying. I pray the country is better place regardless of the results of an election with everyone working toward that end.

    • Emily says...

      Mary, I mean this with the most utmost of respect…if you are feeling persecuted because of your choice of candidate, perhaps you need to take a step back and identify what this says about you and your “values”. There is a reason why people are persecuting Trump, and it is his utter LACK of values and character, not his upstanding ones.

    • liz says...

      Mary, as a lifelong Democrat (yesterday marked my 8th presidential vote) I have you and your children in mind EVERY TIME I vote. Your kids might be LBTQIA+ and their rights matter to me. They’ll need a planet to live on, just like my own kids will. They need access to affordable higher education whether that’s trade school or university. I’d like to protect every woman’s right to access safe reproductive Healthcare regardless of the choice i myself might make. I genuinely believe democrats are altruistic and I think that is the most patriotic thing of all. I put country above myself every time I walk into a voting booth. What hurts is that I don’t feel that many Republicans care about MY family or country in the same way I care about theirs.

    • Kimberly says...

      Mary, I’m with you. The Democrats had a golden opportunity to hold out a hand to Republicans, discuss common ground, and encourage us to cross party lines. Instead, they mocked and ridiculed an entire party, not just a President. Consequently many of us went silent and did our talking at the voting booth.

      Emily, your comment does not come across with the utmost of respect. You prove my point. Rather than have your comments be about Trump, you instead attack Mary telling her to “take a step back” and identify what her choice says about her and her values. It’s unfortunate that you have not learned from last night. No one ever changes anyone’s mind by telling them why they are wrong.

      Until people from both parties are able to have mutually respectful conversations geared around understanding rather than denigration we will continue to be a nation divided.

    • Agnes says...

      I think it shows genuine respect Mary and says something good about you that you drove your child 6 hours to vote in a way that doesn’t align with you.

    • Molly says...

      I think sharing how we truly feel is OK & healthy. That’s how we’re going to learn. And I get it about the fear Mary but you have a leader who has been banking on you feeling that way. Did you have this strong fear 6 years ago? I too pray the country moves to a better place.

    • Emma says...

      Have you ever met a Muslim person? Had a person of Asian descent in your home? Eaten dinner with someone who doesn’t look like you. You’re scared of what – being judged? Put yourself in someone else’s shoes, Mary. Imagine how it must feel to be told you don’t belong in this country for your entire existence, as you watch people who look like you being mistreated and held back at every step. And then next time, vote with that person in mind!

    • AG says...

      @MARY thanks for sharing, and thank you for helping your child vote. I also pray for the same thing – a country that will be a better place regardless of the results of an election.

      @EMILY When I hear this – I mean this with the most utmost of respect BUT – I brace myself. It has a similar feel to – I don’t mean to sound judgmental BUT or I am just being honest BUT.

      @LIZ Military of all ages tend to be Republicans – do you think they don’t care about your family and the country? Did you know Donald Trump was a democrat from 2001-2009?

      My 2 cents – and I am not even a citizen so maybe my unsolicited US election opinion does not count?

      I

    • N says...

      Mary, I hope you know your child is probably even more frightened and scared to reckon with the fact that their mother voted for a candidate that condones racism, xenophobia, white supremacy and domestic terror, regardless of your humblebrag that you drove to help them vote for literally their own better future. Maybe instead of praying, you should try learning about what the party and candidate you voted for stands for.

    • Peggy Blecke says...

      Mary,
      I was afraid last Saturday when the police had to break up a “Trump Train” tearing up the parking lot of the center I work in. It wasn’t safe for anyone, either party, to safely step out of our building or out of their car.
      I was afraid today, 15 minutes ago, when stepping out of my car to go inside the ice rink to watch my sons game having to step around a group of adult men ranting about how much they hate all Dems… aka me.
      I think you need to see both sides. One side is definitely more frightening and it isn’t the dems.

    • L says...

      As a POC who was a lifelong Democrat and actually flipped during this election, I feel the same way. I live in a red state and chose to vote the same way for a number of reasons. My circle is 99% Democrats and I still 100% respect their views on the issues. However, I’ve chosen to stay silent within that same group, because I know the backlash I would receive for voicing my own perspective. For now I’ll just let the voting booth do the talking for me (just as Kimberly mentioned).

    • mika says...

      Mary – it’s a great thing that you drove 6 hours to help your child vote. That’s a very commendable thing.

      I live in a peaceful city in California, leaning Republican, but it’s pretty evenly split now. In all my years of voting (25 years), I’ve never seen such terrifying behavior from Trump supporters. They drive up and down our streets with flags in caravans, harass people, and yell racist things from their windows.

      I’ve always been respectful of my Republican leaning friends; even though I campaigned for Obama in 2008, my roommate was for McCain, and we had calm and important conversations about our differences.

      Things are different now. A Trump supporter in my family felt it was okay to scream and yell at me about his politics at my cousin’s FUNERAL. Others spew hateful and racist things on social media, and I’ve just had to block them because I can’t deal with the stress anymore.

      We all have work to do in terms of civil discourse, but I have never experienced the type of behavior from the Trump supporters in my life, and all of it is just disheartening and, honestly, just terrifying.

    • Rachel says...

      Mary, I respect you helping your children vote and in a normal election I would support a healthy debate of how to best move a country forward, but I have to ask, genuine question, how do you square the fact that the party you voted for is literally trying to keep American citizens in a democracy from voting? We can disagree on issues, I’m fine with that, I disagree with my family and friends all the time on choice/guns/economics/healthcare but how do we reconcile disagreement regarding the foundation of democracy? Even my Christian pro-life family members could not bring themselves to support Trump because the party has wandered so far from true Republican values. Gerrymandering/voter suppression/blocking the USPS/reducing polling places/advocating for not counting legitimate votes should scare everyone from both parties because just because your party is on top now doesn’t mean you always will be. If you have to cheat to win, it’s no longer about values, it’s about democracy itself.

    • Rusty says...

      Mary, without prejudice, look up:
      MALIGNANT NARCISSIST
      Malignant narcissism is a psychological syndrome comprising an extreme mix of narcissism, antisocial behavior, aggression, and sadism.
      Grandiose, and always ready to raise hostility levels, the malignant narcissist undermines families and organizations in which they are involved, and dehumanizes the people with whom they associate.

  39. Agnes says...

    As a Canadian, I am watching the US elections with some sadness but also with my hands over my eyes (only checking headlines of the most neutral news sources I can find). Checking my local news, however, and taking heart in the small news stories that matter to MY community. I can’t wait until things calm down and I can watch/read the international news again. I hope and pray for unity and some level of agreement and peace to come to you all in the States. Sending you all my best wishes. Oh and I’m watching Friends non-stop as a replacement for the news. As a Gen X-er I thought it was lame when it first came out. I’m so grateful for its humanity here in 2020!!

  40. Lauren says...

    I was a poll worker, and by the time we had closed our site and were canvassing in order to finish up and certify our results, I’d been there and on my feet for 17 hours. My portion of the job was done and I couldn’t help with others, so I just milled around watching returns come in and trying not to cry, and by the time we were dismissed and I walked home I felt like I’d been knifed in the stomach. I am having a really hard time today.

    Some uplifting things about yesterday: most of the poll workers were women, like me, and YOUNG – when I was signing out I saw that someone else had listed their DOB as sometime in 2003. All of us had also written letters and postcards to GOTV, and some of us had been driving down to swing states every weekend. Voters thanked us all day and many came back to bring treats; by the end of the day we had so many pizzas that we were encouraged to take whole pies home. It breaks my heart to learn that so many fellow Americans supported so many hateful people yesterday, but the ones who didn’t, the ones who fought, are fighting, and WILL FIGHT, are goddamn gems.

    • M says...

      Thank you thank you thank you. I am so proud of you.

    • Sara says...

      Lauren, something in your comment made me tear up. The gems, the hope, the guts? I’m not sure, but thank you from the bottom of my heart. Onward.

    • Thank you so much <3

  41. Loren says...

    The disbelief and sadness I feel over the closeness of an election that should have been a major landslide is crushing. How could Americans vote for this man who has put children in cages, separated hundreds of them permanently from their families, killed thousands and thousands of his citizens through his malign indifference, refused to condemn white supremacists, rolled back dozens of environmental regulations and workplace protections for women and minorities, and forced us to spend the better part of a year isolated in our homes, scared, and broke? How could Kentucky send Mitch McConnell back to the Senate after he adjourned it without a relief package for the millions of us who continue to scramble by without an income? How could South Carolina re-elect horrible Lindsay Graham when they had a Yale educated, brilliant, compassionate candidate on their ballots instead? I am deeply upset and ashamed of my country.

    • ali says...

      AMEN!!

    • MC says...

      Amen.

    • M says...

      Yes this, as a Canadian your election scares me because it represents a large slice of humanity in a country where freedom and equal rights for all is touted but desperately failing. I am sad and scared for my two young child that in these times, in the face of such a corrupt and evil person there can be so much support for Trump. I dont give a flying F when people say but we support the party not him, he is burning down the house!! I will forever remember that sea of red and i will never set foot in anynof those states or any non majority democrat state again. We arent perfect over here either but the US is a terrifying place even if Biden wins. Praying for you all that by some miracle those trumpers realize the evil of their ways. Be safe

  42. Irena says...

    I feel disheartened. I feel disgusted. I feel as if I am living in a country with so many people who don’t even acknowledge that we are no longer living in a real democracy given the behavior of the person in the WH. As upset I am at the possibility of four more years of this, I’m more upset that I live in a country where so many people are willing to disregard the behavior of an individual who has cost lives in this country due to his acts. And will cause more lives to be lost if he continues on his path to abolish existing health care options.

    That these people do not realize how much we’ve lost, or don’t seem to care, is beyond me. And all the excuses I’ve read here and elsewhere? Nope, you vote for someone who treats others as this person has? You are as bad as them. Sorry. Hate me if you will. I am alarmed that I live in a country where people allow this kind of behavior and threat to our democracy and for their “ideals” or whatever, are willing to vote for someone who they admit they think is NOT a good person but hey, you’ll do what I want you to do, no matter the cost to the rest of the people here.

    I have tried hard to understand others who vote this way. My friends said, don’t bother. They are unwilling to hear you and are happy to believe the lies that are out there. Sadly, I think they are correct. Our country is divided and no matter who wins, that divide will continue to grow.

    When people who are working to ensure our safety and our rights as citizens are outvoted (well, maybe not in the popular vote, which no longer counts, so not really a democracy are we anyway) by those who seek to exclude others, it’s a sad state. I can feel no peace, no sense of safety and no security in my country anymore living with this hate and divisiveness that is endorsed by our so-called “leader.” I hate to say it, but if I could, I, like others I know, would leave and live elsewhere. Not saying other places are better but the last few years have been pure misery. And it will be even worse if it continues. More lives lost. More misery.

    No excuses for those who voted for the current WH occupant. YOU are as responsible for the deaths, the destruction, the divisiveness in our country and the denigration of our democracy as the so-called “leader.”
    You vote this way, OWN it. And when you finally see how your own life and liberty are being lost, remember: It’s on you.

    That is how I feel.

    • Sara says...

      Same same Irena.

    • Calla says...

      Couldn’t agree more

    • Trisha says...

      Of all these comments, my feelings align most with you, Irena. But it’s 8:00, and Biden is ahead, and I’m not going to give up hope yet. If Biden wins, I will finally be able to breathe easier.

  43. BW says...

    My emotions are aimlessly bouncing around between anxiety and despair, sprinkled with tiny bits of optimism here and there. My entire body tenses up every time I glance toward my phone. I live in a small southern city where I serve as the only female on our city council. We’re a progressive council, especially for our part of the world. In recent weeks, with a lot of sweat and tears (thankfully, no blood), we were able to remove a Confederate monument from our town square after many months of active protests. After witnessing the very real threat of violence from pro-monument protesters and the horrible, hateful things they said with smiles on their faces — all while waving Trump flags and bearing MAGA gear — I am fearful for more of the same, and even more concerned for what it means for folks who don’t look like me or have the same privileges I have.

    It’s been a weird, almost out-of-body experience to watch this election play out over these past few months and into today (and likely tomorrow and the next day). I almost have to remind myself that I, too, am an elected official and that I can make a difference, no matter the outcome of this presidential election. You can, too. Keep the faith, y’all.

    • Jill says...

      BW, keep up the good work! Thank you so much for sticking your neck out for the good and decent people in our country. ❤️

    • Susan Magnolia says...

      Thank you for your hard work.

    • Lauren says...

      BW, thank you for all of your hard work! Removing a confederate statue is no small feat. You’ve made a difference and I am optimistic that you will continue to make a difference.

    • Calla says...

      Thank you for your work! I have always lived in very democratic big cities and have so much admiration for people who can keep their heads up in cities and towns where they are faced with so much more hate and vitriol face on. You are so appreciated and we need more people like you in the world.

  44. Amanda W. says...

    I live in Louisville, Kentucky — what I like to call (along with Lexington) a “beacon of blue in a sea of red.” I’m sad but not surprised to see McConnell get re-elected. He’s made it his life’s work to cripple this state in so many ways, because he and his fellow Republicans know that when people aren’t educated, they will often vote against their own best interests. And that’s how they win.

    But please, please don’t paint all of us in red states with the same brush. My own neighborhood is full of Biden/Harris, BLM, and Amy McGrath signs. My friends and family are all progressives. We are fighting the good fight in these red states, even if it often feels like a lost cause.

    • Shana says...

      Yes to the part about not painting all of us in red states with the same brush! Here in Texas when you zoom in to the county level you will see Houston, Dallas, Austin, etc. are all blue – now the state is red but my neighborhood was legit almost every other house trump-biden-trump-biden signs. Here’s to fighting the good fight in a red state along side others!

    • Ellen says...

      As your northern neighbor in Ohio, I could not agree more with your second paragraph. It hurts when people say they would “never move” to a red state. Even in most blue states, 1/3 of people voted for Trump.

    • Hanna says...

      Sending you solidarity from West Virginia. My husband and I fought for wonderful progressive candidates up and down the ballot who are imagining a better future for our poor state — and so did many, many of our friends and neighbors. Feels like it was all for nothing today, but we are still here fighting.

      So sorry about Mitch. Everyone in my family sent money to Amy McGrath, on top of our donations to West Virginia Can’t Wait.

    • Jill says...

      Amanda, you really are a beacon of light! Keep on shining. ❤️

    • Lauren says...

      It takes a lot of courage to be where you are and do what you do, Amanda, and I see you and appreciate you.

    • Lydia C says...

      Thank you for the hard work, Amanda!

    • Olivia says...

      So grateful for you, your family and your neighborhood Amanda! Change doesn’t happen without you all :)

    • Jess says...

      Thank you from West Virginia.

    • Paige says...

      I’m in Salt Lake City. Walking around the city, the number of signs supporting Biden/Harris, BLM, LGBTQ+, and local democratic candidates far outnumber the Trump signs. Once you leave the urban area, it definitely is pretty hardcore conservative, unfortunately, but this red state is certainly not *all* red!

    • Kat Rosa says...

      This warms my heart to hear. Hang in there! Sending love from California (where there are plenty of Tr*mp signs in my suburban town).

    • Mel says...

      Thank you for reminding us to not “otherize,” Amanda, and big hugs to you, your family, and neighbors for being a beacon of blue. I went home last month to help my parents with their voting plan. They live in a small town in Texas where literally half of their neighbors’ had signs for trump (the other half had no signs at all). It made me worried for my parents, as non-white immigrants. Perhaps the neighbors who aren’t broadcasting trump voted for social justice and progress.

    • Jen says...

      Thank you for this! We live in a red state — Texas — where we are surrounded by Trump signs and fear made me wait far too long to put up a BLM sign up in my yard. But I was pleasantly surprised to see a smattering of Biden signs in my neighborhood this election!

  45. Katie says...

    I’ve been obsessively watching Hamilton on Disney Plus / playing the soundtrack in the background when I need to leave the TV! It feels connected enough to our reality (waiting on election results), and it’s also oddly calming. This country has been in really precarious times in the past, but I have to believe we can make it through! <3

  46. E says...

    European here. I’m sad, anxious and spent the day glued to my phone so can’t imagine what you all must be feeling. However I feel thankful to be part of the Cup of Jo community in these incredibly trying times. Lighting a candle for you, America. Hoping for a swift end to this nightmare.

  47. Nina Nattiv says...

    I am nervous but I have faith in this country. I am a fundamental optimist.

    As a Jewish citizen, the success of the ‘squad’ hurts my heart. Three of these women are openly antisemitic. I support many of the same things that they support, so I don’t think people who voted for them are bad. But its a little stab in the chest when everyone fawns over them but I know that they are openly against my people.

    • Ali says...

      Agreed

    • Vero says...

      I would love to know more about this. From my understanding they have critiqued the state of Israel but not Judaism. From my understanding, critiquing the state and anti-semitism are not the same thing. Are you able to give more information?

    • b says...

      Nina, I’m also Jewish and had no idea anti-Semitism was the case with the women. Off to do some reading about this.

    • Emilie says...

      I’m sorry to hear about this Nina – I am underinformed on this issue about the squad, could you provide some reading sources so I can educate myself?
      Thank you!

    • Alice says...

      100% agree. Their antisemitism is frightening, especially since they are portrayed as a future of the party. It worries me that I may not have a place in the democratic/progressive party for much longer.

    • Jill says...

      Agree also.

    • Jackie says...

      I am proudly Jewish and I accept, because it is undeniable at this point, that Israel is not objectively 100% right/good in how it treats Palestinians. That doesn’t make me less Jewish or these women anti-semitic to want a fairer treatment of millions of unrepresented, marginalized people. I don’t think it’s anti-semitic to want Israel to do better.

    • Jess says...

      YES! Mystified as to why and how these women are celebrated…

    • Shira says...

      Couldn’t agree with this more.❤️

    • Laressa Gallagher says...

      Joanne – what is your response to this???

    • Vix says...

      Came to the comments to post something similar. I am not Jewish, but we cannot continue forward progress unless we treat antisemitism with the same passion as racism, sexism, and all the other isms.

    • liz says...

      agreed

    • Toni says...

      Agree with you completely, Nina. The antisemitism of these women gets swept under the rug. It’s frightening!

    • Toni says...

      To clarify, since there are a bunch of questions about the anti-semitism:

      Omar is prejudice against Jews. Instead of apologizing for her initial tweet using the word “hypnotize” in relation to Jews, she defended it. She defended it HARD! Eventually she apologized for using this word. Hypnotize is very offensive to Jews. To quote the NYTimes: The Jewish power to hypnotize the world, as Ms. Omar put it, is the plot of Jud Süss — the most successful Nazi film ever made.

      She also tweeted “It’s all about the Benjamins” in relation to Israel. It’s valid to criticize Israel but let’s not use slurs against Jews to do so.

      She continues to apologize for her tweets and her words against Jews. She claims she’s not anti-semitic. But she very clearly is. She keeps making mistakes, apologizing, making mistakes, apologizing. I wish cancel culture could take her away (my personal opinion) but it doesn’t look like that’s happening and I’m hoping she will think before speaking, tweeting, talking about Jews. Words matter. Implications of those words are harmful.

    • tali says...

      I agree, and feel the same way. I hold true many of the same values as these women. And I do not think it is anti-Semitic to support the Palestinian people and their right to statehood and self-determination, or to criticize the State of Israel. But their views and statements go well beyond this and are anti-Semitic. Anti-Semitism on the left is very real and very scary, especially now. As a liberal and feminist, I want to support these women whole-heartedly. AOC’s speech on the House floor last summer responding to Ted Yoho was everything — I admire so much about her. I respectfully wish these leaders would reconsider certain statements they’ve made and positions they’ve taken. They’ve alienated some of their strongest allies, but no one seems to care. This is sadly made more and more clear to me when I see posts like this.

    • Emily says...

      Thank you Nina. I’m a very progressive Jewish Dem and find this aspect of the squad extremely disappointing. To those commenting, it is not the criticism of Israel that is anti-Semitic. It is the comments made by Ilhan Omar saying to ‘follow the Benjamins’ and how Jews have ‘hypnotized the world.’ These are very, very old anti-Semitic tropes. Not criticisms of the state of Israel. And the celebration of people who say things like this, even those who are progressive, yay!– is scary to Jews whose families came to America to find safety from virulent anti-Semitism.

    • Astrid says...

      Rightwing white supremacist terrorists attack synagogues in the US, but your bogeyman for anti-semitism is the squad? Give me a break. Challenging an apartheid state is not anti-semitism. If you don’t see a future with Dems, despite Schumer and Gillibrand sponsoring anti-BDS legislation in the Senate, you’re welcome to join to the GOP.

    • Alex says...

      Yes. Thank you for saying that. I am also liberal and support most of their policy views. But it really scares me how much people overlook their anti-Semitism and hold them up as heroes.

    • E says...

      Frankly alarmed to read this comment thread. While I recognize that the allusion to anti-Semitic tropes is harmful (and Rep. Omar’s apologies are therefore warranted), valid criticism of an apartheid state and the complicity of the U.S. in that apartheid must not be equated with anti-Semitism.

    • Alice says...

      @Astrid – Yikes – what happened to civil dialogue and trying to bridge the divide? Guess you have just made it clear that I am no longer welcome in your party. Good riddance.

    • Emily says...

      E, Jewish commenters here are making an explicit distinction between the criticism of Israel (which is not anti-Semitic, many of us do this!) versus the actual USE and SPREAD of anti-Semitic tropes. Not just ‘allusion to’ as you said here. I would ask that you listen when Jews speak about their experience of anti-Semitism. If these things don’t seem serious to you that speaks to your own internalization of anti-Semitic beliefs (which can include the idea that anti-Semitism is over or not important, especially on the political left). Thanks!

    • E says...

      Astrid, we can recognize and condemn multiple types and iterations of anti-Semitism, from horrific murders in places of prayer to the spread of anti-Semitic language and tropes by politicians and laypeople. There is room for both to be bad, and for us to ask for more. I’m also not going to take the bait on BDS. That is a complicated issue with Jews who are both in support and in opposition for varying reasons. Let’s not play ‘good Jew’ and ‘bad Jew.’ There is room enough for Jews with a variety of beliefs in the Democratic Party, which American Jews have voted for in vast numbers for decades.

    • X says...

      Israel is not an apartheid state. It’s deeply flawed, and grappling with own reckoning with authoritarianism, but Arabs serve in the Knesset alongside Jews––in what apartheid state is this case? It’s also not a white supremacist endeavor: more than 50% of the population of Israel are Arab Jews, who I’m sure would have been happier to stay in their own countries of origins, had they not been murdered, persecuted, and driven out of them.

      For the record, I loathe Trump, and always have. But when I hear stuff like this, I think, why work so hard to try and be a good leftie when people make it so clear that being a Jew who won’t disavow Israel automatically means I’ll never be accepted? I wonder if those pushing back on this would ever think of doing so openly if another minority group pointed out victimization, no matter how dubious you found their claims. I wonder why there is always a loophole for Jews: it’s not about you, it’s about Communism, it’s about Israel, it’s about capitalism, etc. (For a great discussion of the malleability of anti-Semitism, Google the Jonathan Sacks talk called “The Mutating Virus.”) Last year in New York City, Jews were shot while grocery shopping, stabbed while participating in a holiday service, and beaten countless times while simply walking down the streets of New York. Hate crimes against Jews in New York City––the most Jewish city in the country!––far outnumbered hate crimes against other minority groups. Where were the hordes of allies marching across the Brooklyn Bridge with us? Where was the rallying cry against anti-semitism? (Gun control, yes; urges to votes, yes; “I stand with the Jewish community”? Much rarer)! Where were the posts decrying anti-Semitic violence on blogs like this one? When you consider how it must feel to be ignored, brushed aside, or told your suffering doesn’t matter, you can easily understand how a group like Hasidim (not that all Hasidim are Trump voters!) would rush to gather the crumbs Trump tosses them: no one’s ever given them a slice of bread.

    • Joaquina says...

      You have faith in this country? Lol ok.
      Never heard a Black or Brown woman say that.

    • J says...

      X – it is always so jarring to hear someone like yourself talk about ‘consider(ing) how it must feel to be ignored, brushed aside, or told your suffering doesn’t matter’ while the state you support oppresses the minority Palestinian people on a daily basis. And a simple google of apartheid talks about ‘a policy or system of segregation or discrimination on grounds of race.’ How is this is not exactly what the state of Israel practices and sanctions?

    • Anna says...

      This is such an informative thread. We’ve had something of a reckoning in the UK recently, with our Labour party (Dem equivalent) investigated for institutional anti-semitism and previous leader Jeremy Corbyn suspended from the party for downplaying the findings into a report on this subject. Anti-semitism seems to be a huge problem on the left internationally. Valid criticism of Israel quickly gets messy and becomes tangled up with anti-semitic tropes, as in Omar’s case. It feels like anti-Jewish sentiment is the last ‘acceptable’ prejudice; Labour politicians in the UK can’t even name it without adding the qualifier ‘… and other forms of racism’ – as if anti-semitism cannot be discussed as a topic on its own. I appreciate the chance to hear a liberal Jewish perspective represented in the context of the US election. I feel I have a lot to learn.

    • Lisa says...

      You can criticise the squad for their use of anti-Semitic tropes, and also denounce Trump and his alliance with white supremacist groups. Anti-Semitism is on the rise in both extremes, of the right and the left.
      What I have seen in the U.K. (where I live) with the investigation into antisemitism in the Labour Party is people going “but but but … the Tories are racist and islamaphobic, what about them?” Which is right, but it still doesn’t mean that the left has an issue with anti semitism. I am jewish (observant), but also quite progressive / liberal politically and I feel like there is nowhere for me politically speaking. I’ve just had to spoil my ballot for many elections (and we have had a lot recently in the U.K.)

  48. Vera says...

    I’m sitting here crying. I found this version of Alanis Morissette’s new song, Ablaze, where she performed live on Jimmy Fallon with her daughter on her lap. Her lyrics are buoying my spirits and if anyone is looking for some joy in this divided time I implore you watch it. Sending you all big hugs from Cali. <3!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jenJ4_TlZcU

    • Annie says...

      Vera! Thank you for this! I’ve watched it a bunch of times and shared on Facebook and even looked up the lyrics because they’re just so darn fantastic. This COJ community sure is something else :)

    • Kate says...

      Thank you, I needed that!!!

    • Karin says...

      THANK YOU!!! Crying, smiling.

    • Sarz says...

      Ah, parent-child songs always get me, too! Alanis is a big deal here in Ottawa. Another one I’d add to the This-Is-Who-We’re-Doing-It-For Playlist would be I’ll Follow Your Trail by Sean Rowe.
      Good luck, American friends! <3

    • Rusty says...

      Thank you.
      That really brightened my day.
      Oh….the light! xx

  49. Christine says...

    Last night, Portland OR voted overwhelmingly in favor of a ballot measure that establishes universal preschool—free preschool for all 3- and 4-yr olds and a living wage for every preschool worker. I volunteered for a tiny part of this campaign—collecting petition signatures, writing letters and meeting w local politicians, phone banking and organizing my social circles—and it was one of the most thrilling experiences of my life. Readers, WE CAN MAKE CHANGE!

    • Katie says...

      What an exciting victory for you all! <3 Hooray!

    • Stacey says...

      Yes, I’m so excited about this! AND we voted to establish a police accountability board by an overwhelming margin. National politics are getting me down, but the level of engagement and compassion that voters in Portland have has been encouraging.

    • Gill F. says...

      Scared and anxious but not at all surprised. We’ve known (and if you haven’t then please go do some learning) that this country is filled with white supremacists and hate and this isn’t news. Yet it’s still so scary. I’m scared to lose health care and rights as a member of the queer community and as a female presenting human. I’m scared for my black and brown community members and family and friends and I wish my sister was closer so I could hug away some of her worry as a mama to two biracial tiny humans.
      For now I’m treating myself gentle, reminding myself of the all the amazing humans we’ve voted in and all the rad things states have voted in. There’s still good in this place, despite it all. Get ready to fight, pals.

    • Bryn says...

      Wow, this is amazing, Christine! What great news on an anxious day.

    • Eva says...

      This is fabulous and really brightens my day! Congratulations!

    • Susan Magnolia says...

      I had no idea this was on the ballot anywhere! How wonderful! As a career preschool teacher I am reading this with tears of joy. Great news!

    • Jay says...

      Thank you for putting your heart and energy into helping children <3

    • Lauren says...

      Congratulations Christine!! Thank you for your work on behalf of those kiddos (and the exhausted mothers looking for childcare)

    • Catherine says...

      Congratulations, that’s amazing! I’m a huge advocate for universal preschool and voted for Obama in 2008 while very pregnant with my first son, hoping that he might attend universal preschool. It didn’t happen that way, but hopefully one day all children will have access to it.

      I volunteered for a local Democrat’s campaign in the Texas legislature, and he won his re-election! My county also voted in the majority for Biden, so I’m proud of that. Oh, and we ousted the corrupt and racist sheriff!

  50. By says...

    It has been a rollercoaster. But one bright spot today. My son Luke who is in first grade had a writing assignment to tell what he would do if he were president, and what he would do to make the world better. His words: “I wud let pepl mov here. I wud leav natur alone. I wud be nice.”

    My heart…

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh my gosh, that’s the sweetest. my niece had a similar assignment, and she said, “I would make sure everyone had a cat.” <3

    • Isabella says...

      My kindergartener had a similar assignment and had to draw a self-portrait. He said he’d “make sure everyone had everything that they need,” and drew himself offering the world a big bowl of strawberries. :)

  51. Maire says...

    I am keeping the faith today that my fellow Midwesterners will come through for us (and maybe Georgians too?!) and Biden will win this thing. I’m from a blue city in a bleeding red state, and I know how disheartening it feels and how easy it is to despair because I was in the throes of that last night. I think we have a long road to go but I don’t think the forces for kindness, equity, justice, and general soul force will ultimately prevail. We just have to continue to show up for the most vulnerable among us, lead by example, and most importantly, keep showing up to vote in the numbers we showed up last night and during early voting. Biden is going to have a landslide popular vote victory, and that has to count for something. At least enough to know that we are in the vast majority, even if the Electoral College says otherwise. We will build and build and not take anything or anyone for granted and prevail.

  52. Dawn says...

    We are definitely on edge here in Wisconsin as we await the numbers…I’ve been watching The Queen’s Gambit, noshing on homemade Italian Wedding soup and chocolate chip cookies (and a suspect amount of wine!). My two kids and I have been texting while they’re away at college, also eagerly awaiting the election results. Their text-ly presence is both calming and humorous in equal measure to me, and we are simultaneously cheering at a distance for each big and small win~ including Francesca Hong, the first Asian-American, and Samba Meldah, the first Muslim, to have just been elected to the Wisconsin State legislature for assembly! It’s been a long time coming and sweet, welcoming news!

  53. J says...

    Hey Joanna- very excited to read about Mauree Turner’s win! According to Mauree’s Twitter bio, Mauree uses they/she pronouns. So it sounds like “she/her” isn’t wrong, but would love to see you also use “they” pronouns for Mauree in your blurb! :)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      yes, great correction. thank you, J!

  54. Laura S says...

    I too am trying to understand how so many of my fellow Americans can think four more years of this kind of leadership is right for us. I am trying not to lump all republicans together as racist. And while that is hard for me, I see a sign. While the state of Mississippi voted overwhelmingly for Trump (currently 62% to 36%) they also voted to replace their state flag that had a large confederate emblem with a flag with a magnolia flower. To me this means that yes, some/a lot of Trump supporters had the empathy to understand how painful the old flag was for many of their black citizens. I think people are more complex than the media would have us believe.

    • Lauren says...

      Thank you Laura. I had no idea.

  55. Kristin says...

    I am trying my best to help my middle schoolers hold their emotions & uncertainty in between teaching themes of Greek Mythology to both virtual & in person students.
    I.am.a.hot.mess.

    • E says...

      I am a teacher too, and was so grateful I got to teach today, both in person and remotely. Working with these teenagers lifts up my soul and really grounded me today. They need their world to keep going, their lives to continue, and every day I remember that I contribute to moving them forward in that way.

  56. Sarah says...

    I live in Vienna, Austria where we had an extremely rare terrorist attack on Monday night. On Tuesday, we entered a second lockdown phase. I woke up this morning hoping for a landslide, instead heartbroken to see nearly 67 million people choosing to reelect a fascist leader. I happened to schedule an extremely painful sports massage this morning (yes, those are still allowed), and as the therapist was working away at my knots, I openly wept. I’m so sore, I can barely walk, but I will recover stronger than before. And regardless of the outcome (which I’m still hopeful will be victorious for Biden), I won’t let the bastards grind me down.

  57. SP says...

    I am in SC and two candidates I was very very excited about lost (HOW DID WE ELECT LINDSEY GRAHAM AGAIN AHHHHH)
    BUT… my county elected a female democrat as sheriff, kicking a deplorable man and his racist policing out. My county also voted for Joe Biden, making me weirdly feel a tiny bit less miserable about the whole thing. I have been reminding myself to take deep breaths all day and am planning on a long post work run and a big comforting meatball dinner. Sending hugs to all of you!

    • Jules says...

      I once lived in a district who voted in the long standing incumbent when he was currently IN JAIL for fraud. They all backed him because he had high standing in Congress. I think the same probably goes for those like Lindsey Graham as well…. What a shame.

  58. RB says...

    I am not sure that being progressive means that you are more economically secure, because plenty of people who have written for COJ seem to have experienced or experience economic distress and insecurity, and I wonder how many are one bad accident or terrible illness away from ruination. Even the economically secure tend to have massive student debt. However, I do believe that people here are younger, more urban and with more access to education and better schools. In many cases these types of people tend to be progressive precisely because they do not want to “conserve” the status quo. Many of us think that the typical Trumper is white, male, either very rich or very poor, most importantly older (likely a Boomer), and often very religious – perhaps because that is the groups that Trump panders to.

  59. Britta says...

    I feel proud to be an American! Very awesome to the see the number of voters that turned out and are invested in this election. I’m also hoping and praying that things remain civil. Just sending out so much love to our country – red, blue, and everyone in between.

    • C says...

      What a lovely sentiment in the midst of all this divisive tension. People on all sides of this are human beings and individuals and I wish everyone on both sides love and peace and a way forward that will allow all of us to hear one another and try to respect and understand perspectives that our not our own and that force us out of our comfort zone. Peace and love to all.

  60. Emma says...

    Thank you, COJ community, for making me feel so SEEN! The sadness, anger, frustration…. it is all so very real and so very heavy. One thing’s for certain: There’s still a lot of work left to do. Sending a big hug into the world your way!

  61. RB says...

    Today I am anxious and almost too scared to hope for a Biden win. I am not only disheartened by the number of votes that are pro-Trump, I am terribly disappointed that Democrats who ran well funded, organized campaigns like Sara Giddeon and Jaime Harrison were not able to win contested seats to flip the Senate. I believe there needs to be some soul searching done with the Democratic messaging especially among rural voters to figure out how the Senate can be taken back by 2022.
    Lastly, as overwhelming as this whole week and year has been, I am trying to remind myself of this quote by S.C Lourie: “Breathe, darling. This is just a chapter. It’s not your whole story.”

  62. Emma says...

    I am trying to remain cautiously optimistic. But also…having such a hard time not thinking that every person who voted for Trump is racist/simply does not care about other people. I am trying to understand, but still baffled people think this man is fit to be president. Have they no humanity?

    • Sonja says...

      Emma, it baffles me too. There have been so many calls for civility but…what about accountability? Do I have to play nice with my relatives who supported racist, harmful policies? Or, can I instead, hold them accountable and create space? I think accountability and space. You want to spend time with my children without me? Nope. You want to “give your opinion” when it’s racist? Nope. You want to talk about policy? Sure. You want civility? Then earn it. You don’t get to vote for people and policies that cause immense harm and claim the moral high ground.

    • Kim says...

      Uneducated people who see a racist and have decided that’s not a dealbreaker. If you ask, they vaguely mentioned the economy or abortion. It’s selfish, uneducated people often voting against their own interests.

    • CL says...

      Sonja thanks for this comment. I had been feeling the same way but also feeling guilt about feeling like I will have to regulate certain family members interactions with my child – who will be the only member of my side of the family who is mixed face.

  63. Amy says...

    It is hard to wrap my head around, too. I am a democrat, but most of my extended family votes republican, and their number one reason for doing so is and always has been abortion. They do not care what else a president or any other politician does so long as they are anti-abortion. And they fully believe they are justified in doing so. I am pro-choice, but having lived in a red state for so long and been surrounded by white evangelicals, I believe that we will always be deeply divided by this issue, sad to say.

    But the fact that the numbers in NC and GA are so close gives me some hope for the future. There was a time not too long ago when VA would not have been blue.

    • Irena says...

      It always amazes me that people vote based on a single issue: Anti abortion.
      It is also amazing that these same folks have no problem when we treat others as if their lives did not matter and allow behavior that puts the lives of our fellow Americans in jeopardy every day.

      So, you don’t kill a fetus, that’s wrong. But you allow members of “law enforcement” to kill others? Hmm. Never understood that level of hypocrisy.

      You allow people in government to blatantly deprive others of needed resources that put people’s lives in real jeopardy (Yes, where IS that great health plan promised on January 20, 2016? Hmmm. ???) And that’s OK?

      The lives lost to COVID are beyond belief. Could have been prevented if someone actually took this seriously rather than acting as if it didn’t exist.

      So I have lost hope. I truly thought my fellow Americans would vote for a safer world and not believe the lies out there. How anyone could vote for an obviously uncaring, racist individual who believes they are above the rule of law? Deeply disgusted and discouraged and even all the voting is not enough to offset it.

      And should the Democrats win, but not win the senate? We’re right back where we started with McConnell et al.

      I am beyond despair. And I’m not alone.

    • Amy says...

      Irena, I agree with you 100%. The hypocrisy is astounding. Honestly I find it very difficult to be around my family and others with this mindset.

    • Eva says...

      @ Irena: I don’t understand the criticism about the lives lost to COVID. Let’s say we shut our country down entirely (and disregard the fact that this is unconstitutional and no president could have actually done this), what about the lives lost due to the economy crashing and people losing their jobs? Not to mention all the mental health issues? Yes, people died/continue to die with COVID, but who’s to say shutting down the country entirely wouldn’t have resulted in more lives lost in the grand scheme? There will always be new viruses that arise and people will die. You cannot prevent every death. Who’s to say a death due to COVID is worse than a death from suicide due to extreme lockdown?
      I just don’t think it’s black/white that there was only way to handle the pandemic. No one would have done the perfect job. There would be things to criticize from every angle.

  64. Rachel says...

    Kids ripped from their parents at the border. Left neglected and abused in cages. Cages. Even if Biden wins, how can 67 million people endorse—through their vote for Trump—the abuse of children? My heart riots at the truth of it.

    • Irena says...

      Yes, the same people who believe no one has the right to what happens to their own body. Protect the fetus. Allow children to be abused with some even dying.

      There is nothing to make that OK.

    • Sonja says...

      My hear riots. That’s beautiful and perfectly describes how I feel.

  65. Megan Lec says...

    I’m a nervous wreck and desperately trying to channel my energy into positivity. My little family (including my three week old!) went on a very long walk this morning to keep the news at arms length. I also turned off my text notifications and data last night so I can (hopefully) mindfully look up updates instead of stress refreshing.

  66. Anonymous says...

    I am deeply, deeply humbled. Knees on the floor, head bowed. As a white, college-educated straight woman, I am learning this morning that I have vastly misunderstood and underestimated the scope and power of what we’re fighting against. Four years ago, I was devastated when Hillary Clinton lost, but I really did think that if we all gave some extra money, donated some extra time, stayed engaged that it would be enough. SURELY, I thought to myself, it would be obvious to to my fellow Americans how destructive Trump has been for our country. How silly I must have looked to the marginalized communities who have been doing this activism work for GENERATIONS. What arrogance to think that I could sashay in and somehow tip the scales after hundreds of years of social injustice. I know tons of women in the COJ community worked their butts off in this election, and I respect that so much. But I could have done more and I didn’t, and today, that’s my burden to bear. I’m not letting myself off the hook, though. Tomorrow I stand up and start again and do better.

    • S says...

      I feel this too. Why didn’t I do more? I woke up feeling ashamed. Would love to hear what you are doing to start again, do better.

    • J says...

      I love this so much and feel the exact same way. Thank you for putting into words the feelings I’m feeling today.

    • Leli says...

      Im humbled by YOUR words. When black women cried tears it was with the hope of this. Someone getting a glimmer of the suffocating system we are all dealing with. Now imagine the scope and size of this on your neck every day. Thanks for verbalising it so well.

    • Anna says...

      I feel this so much. It’s especially a hard blow to hear that many more white women voted for Trump this year than in 2016. I know this is unsurprising and is what marginalized communities have been telling us for decades. I know that and I’m still so disappointed, no matter the outcome of the presidential race.

    • Audra says...

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I, too, underestimated the magnitude of the forces we face. I thought after 4 years of this, people would be flooding to the polls to remove Trump from office. The red all over the map of our nation tells a different story. There is so much work to be done.

    • Portillo-Pelàez says...

      Un seul mot, bravo, tes mots mes touchent beaucoup.
      Silvia Portillo-pelàez

    • Alina says...

      Agree with this sentiment 100%.

    • Eve says...

      I fear you speak for too many of us.

      Regardless of the outcome, lets seek out one other, band together to keep ourselves involved in the process.

      Our kids’ futures depend on us!!

    • A says...

      This resonates. All this fear and uncertainty is new to me. How ignorant to think this is the “worst year ever”. But you’re right, from here on out, we will stand up and do better.

    • Nancy says...

      I am humbled as well. This comment made me tear up as a queer Latina woman. Thank you for this.

    • M says...

      Thank you for writing this, I am feeling it too. I live in Iowa and am soul-sad for our results, not surprised but still heartbroken. I thought enough of us were pitching in to pull us out of the red, to help the Senate. Still trying to practice patience today, holding hope for Biden/Harris and our country. Beaming big hugs to all of you too as we wait.

      Taking breaks for some sunshine, planting daffodils, and painting with my toddler.

    • Hanna says...

      All of this. Yes.

    • Lindsay Galen says...

      Thank you; so well said! Taking a few moments here to take this all in, shed a few tears and then time to brush the dirt off and jump back in. My eyes have been opened to the magnitude of the battle before us as well.

    • Cam says...

      You’re in luck! There are still ways to help make sure everyone’s votes are counted. There are phone banks that are easy to sign up for that help voters make sure their absentee ballots are not rejected. There are lots of events to help in key states and many last through the weekend.

      https://www.friendsvotetogether.org/protect

    • H says...

      THIS.

    • Andrea says...

      For four years we have endured this pain, but you are exactly on point about the work so many have done for generations to work for basic humanity and justice for marginalized communities. Yes, we will stand up and start again and do better. You have expressed this heartfelt feeling so well.

    • Lauren says...

      “How silly I must have looked to the marginalized communities who have been doing this activism work for GENERATIONS. What arrogance to think that I could sashay in and somehow tip the scales after hundreds of years of social injustice”

      Thank you for this – the reminder I needed that this will be a lifelong battle

  67. Kelly P says...

    I’m very stressed, but trying to just be zen about it all. I don’t know – it’s tough. I’m in the UK so it was looking pretty dismal when I woke up and I stress at a chocolate bar at 7:30am. Oops. Things have been looking up as the day progresses though. I’m so proud of my adopted state (AZ) and my home state is looking good too (MI). Now if PA would just hurry up and get things counted!!! At this point I’d say I’m cautiously optimistic but I still haven’t exhaled.

    I spent the day reading Glennon Doyle’s Untamed. I really enjoyed it and it helped buoy my through some of the more stressful moments of the day.

  68. Lora says...

    My highlight came when we were trying to explain to our 2.5 yro daughter why we were looking at our phones so much and said that Mr. Biden and Mr. Trump are both trying to be president. But she translated “Biden” into “Vitamin” since she sees me take a prenatal vitamin every morning. So now she’s talking about Mr. Vitamin and it somehow softens the whole thing.

    • Melinda says...

      That’s so cute!

  69. Elizabeth says...

    I honestly was not expecting a landside at all, first because the polls “predicted” the same thing in 2016 and I didn’t want to get my hopes up so I have been very cautiously optimistic. And second, I’ve been *trying* to read as much conservative leaning news as I can stomach to try and understand, and honestly have felt VERY scared for the Democratic party for a while. Although I’m disappointed in the results right now, I’m trying really hard not to spiral like I did in 2016. But this is easier for me to say because my state remained Blue and all my preferred local candidates won (our mayor is still undecided).

    Also, I was a poll worker yesterday in Richmond, VA and I’m still riding high from my experience. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I was definitely a little nervous about people behaving. Everyone was so friendly, respectful, and showed so much excitement to vote. It made me proud of my city! And, the few interactions I had with obvious Trump voters (had on Trump gear), were not what I was expecting at all. It just confirmed to me that the world is a much nicer place when you’re off the internet, and face to face with people. I do wonder what poll workers experienced in the swing states, though? Anyways, I’m staying away from politics as much as I can today (HA!) and plan on cooking a big dinner and baking chocolate banana bread this evening to keep me occupied.

    • Lauren says...

      I worked as a poll worker in upstate new york- not a swing state but my county is solidly red. I left feeling so upbeat. There was an undeniable excitement of people exercising their right to vote and so many first time voters!

    • PJ says...

      Your statement about Trump voters really disappoints me. You really need to get out in the world and not believe everything the media tells you. There are good people all around us, we just have different beliefs. If everyone thought the same way it would be a boring world!

    • celeste says...

      PJ, lay off, what an incredibly rude thing to say to someone who donated 15+ hours to our country.

    • Charlotte says...

      Elizabeth! Thank you for being a poll worker! I’m glad it was such a rewarding experience.

      And PJ- why did what Elizabeth say really disappoint you? Her post was optimistic about volunteering, interacting with new people and challenging her own assumptions. It doesn’t make sense why you would tell her that she really needs to get out in the world.

    • K says...

      reading news you don’t agree with (especially without fear that it’s going to brainwash you) is an incredibly powerful tool, i’ve found.

    • Elizabeth says...

      Hi PJ,

      I’m sorry that my comment disappointed you. I think I should have included more context about what’s going on in my city. The reason I was nervous is because there has been violence between Trump supporters and people protesting the monuments in Richmond, and just this past weekend, during a Trump parade throughout the city, there were gunshots and bullet casings found down the street from where I live. Luckily no one was injured, but it just made me feel uneasy about how people would act on election day. That’s all I meant. I know there are Trump supporters who are not bad people. My dad voted for him twice and my in laws and most of my husband’s side of the family are very vocal Trump supporters. I don’t agree with them, but I still love them.

    • Ramya says...

      Thank you for having served as a poll worker, Elizabeth.

      PJ – I’m not sure what your criteria for “good people” is. Sure, one can be polite, friendly, law-abiding, love your family and friends, pay your taxes, etc. But if your “beliefs” lead you to vote for someone who promotes racism and the notion of “shithole countries”, misogny, birtherism, making fun of the disabled, lying about the pandemic and hardly batting an eye at the 200K+ deaths under your watch – to just scratch the surface – you’re not a good person in my book.

    • Jules says...

      I voted in PA, which is a heavy swing state, yesterday morning and everyone at the polls was so nice (even though freezing) and talkative once it warmed up. We waited almost two hours and even though there were some technical issues, the poll workers were so sweet and said everything was moving smoothly enough.
      Side note: Thank you to everyone who worked at the polls! I know it cant be easy and you are appreciated!!

    • PJ says...

      Hi Elizabeth,
      Thanks for the clarification, after hearing what your town has gone through I would feel the same.
      Thank you for your service at the polls, I was not trying to be rude as was assumed by another reader.
      This has been a year like no other and wish their was more kindness in the world. Peace & Love!

    • Cynthia says...

      Elizabeth, thank you for volunteering at the polls. I live outside Richmond in Henrico county, and the city has been going through some trying times. My husband and I voted in person on Tuesday, and we were concerned about how people might behave at our polling place, but all went well.

  70. Una says...

    I am a nurse-midwife at a very busy practice in Pennsylvania and do 24 hr shifts in the hospital. Normally I am running from 5 pm until 5 pm the next day and sleep is a mere dream, but of course, OF COURSE, last night the floor was empty. No laboring women, no phone calls, no triage, nada. I sat in the call room, trying to sleep, failing to get off my phone, feeling my heart sink lower and lower as the landslide victory I had quietly set my heart on also became a mere dream. Finally this morning, a patient from our practice arrived and I was able to busy myself with her care, and for that precious time I was whisked away to a place where everyone in the room is working towards a common goal, and the cheer that went up as a 9lb(!) baby girl let out her first screams was such a balm to my soul. In the midst of so much anger and suffering and fear and my own despair about America, life marches on, and her feisty cry was an excellent reminder that new humans are arriving every day and they deserve our continued struggle against tyranny, racism, climate change, and all the other battles dear to our hearts. Keep the faith! Do it for them.

    • Meg says...

      Beautiful. Thank you for sharing that.

    • Laura Millward says...

      As a pregnant woman this warms my heart.

    • jdp says...

      do it for the baby girl!!

    • Kelly says...

      This made me tear up, Una. Thank you for sharing.

    • Ashley says...

      Sobbing into my risotto and frosted donuts at 34 weeks pregnant at this comment. Thank you for what you do and being such a pillar of support.

    • CEW says...

      A random thought: could we get another list of ways to volunteer & get involved with the political process & our communities? (Much like the AMAZING RBG post that gave lots of tangible ideas for contributing to the 2020 election.) I want to do more to proactively work towards a better America rather than waiting until election years, and that was a really helpful resource.

    • Sally says...

      Thank you for this beautiful, optimistic and peace-focused comment. It does help to keep our eyes on the prize, especially on behalf of the wee folks in our world. xo

    • Rebecca says...

      This is so lovey! I am pregnant with my third child and my second was born the day after Trump won four years ago. What a day that was! This is a nice reminder about the beauty and hope that comes with bringing a new life into the world at a time when it feels so scary to be doing so.

    • Fay says...

      Una, I am crying reading this. Thank you for sharing. Really needed to read your words today.

    • Lauren says...

      “Her feisty cry was an excellent reminder that new humans are arriving every day and they deserve our continued struggle against tyranny, racism, climate change, and all the other battles dear to our hearts. ”

      I think you just wrote my motto for today (and the day after that and … )

    • Sara says...

      thank you xo

    • Birthe Templin says...

      Thank you for your touching words.

    • Trisha says...

      This is lovely. Keep doing you. You sound amazing! Cheers to the new little humans!

    • Quinn says...

      Goosebumps – love this. Thanks for sharing.

    • marte says...

      thank you for your wonderful words, una. So touched.

    • Laressa Gallagher says...

      I don’t think you should be assuming the baby’s gender! Not very progressive of you all. SMH

    • Jenny says...

      This just brought tears to my eyes.

  71. Mary says...

    For those who are disheartened that the election is so close, and who feel that this indicates that every Trump voter is wholly endorsing his antics… I would gently offer that perhaps, many of them are also using the “bus stop” analogy of voting? There are some loud, angry voices that truly endorse Trump. But I think there are many more who simply think this vote (Republican) gets them closer to where they want to be, policy-wise, whereas they have serious concerns about the Democratic platform. Some of those concerns may be well-founded. Some are undoubtedly results of conspiracy theory propaganda and fear of change.

    I’m not saying I agree with them, but as a therapist my job is to do my very best to understand people (who are often very perplexing). I’m also not saying that’s your job ;) so I don’t fault anyone who feels like this is a gut-punch. Your feelings are valid.

    Sending love to everyone today. Also advice from a therapist: move your body! It is one of the best, science-backed tools to stop an anxiety spiral.

    • Kelly says...

      It’s just…which policies would those be? To many of us, proper response to and management of Covid is at the top of the list, and Trump has handled Covid in an insane manner. And since when does the most powerful person in the world get to act like him? I just feel finished with people who voted for him.

    • Caitlin says...

      Yes to moving your body! I booked a walk with a friend last night and we walked for 2.5 hours. My feet hurt, but I am not nearly as depressed today as I thought I would be. I went on another quick one today while I was also able to bike to work! It has done wonders for my mood.

    • Lauren says...

      I don’t think the bus stop analogy applies when there are children in cages and the president condones neo-nazis

      But thank you for trying to help me understand people who right now seem so incomprehensible. Will try to move my body :)

    • EmBed says...

      That’s a really nice perspective, Mary. Thank you.

    • Audrey says...

      Very true! Thank you!

    • Jessica says...

      Thank you for this! I’m the only one in my moderately conservative family who didn’t vote for Trump, and yet none of them are feisty, hard core supporters of his. They are such good people. Someone else said this too, but I think it’s so true that when you get off the Internet most people are good and kind and trying to do what they think is right. My family included! I hope we can all move forward together with love and unity after all this is done, no matter the outcome.

    • K says...

      this is a thoughtful perspective.

    • Kim says...

      Thank you for this perspective!

    • J says...

      What values do these “reasonable” trump voters care about? Not taxing the ultra wealthy? Not providing affordable healthcare for all? Not paying attention to climate change or retaining membership in the Paris Agreement? Not giving people the right to choose what happens to their bodies in pregnancy? Not giving resources or relief to the millions of Americans who have lost their jobs during the global pandemic?

      Your trump voting relatives are not mostly good people. And when you continue to affirm them, you continue to normalize the behavior of a white supremacist who has financially benefited from the presidency, who deliberately incites violence, who encourages mistrust in the electoral process, and who got the best health care for free while my cousin died of COVID in a hospital, alone.

      Do better.

    • Jane says...

      Thank you for providing this prospective Mary, as a young conservative voter, it is a blessing to hear someone turn the Democratic analogy around for conservative voters as well. People, please do not believe every extreme that the media portrays. There are many young conservative voters out there who are not comfortable with the liberal policies moving further and further to the left.

    • Mary says...

      J, I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry for your loss. That must have been incredibly painful for your family.

      I’m not sure how much of your comment was directed toward me or other people on this comment thread. I just wanted to offer the perspective, for those to whom it might be helpful or comforting. I’m truly not demanding that everyone agree with me or engage in my line of thinking.

    • C says...

      I’m so sorry for your loss, J.
      ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
      You are correct, the lack of accountability is astounding.

    • CL says...

      Hi Jane- you may never see this comment since I can’t reply to tour comment directly. But curious to learn more about this move “further and further to the left” that I see so many express concern about. I personally feel Biden was the most moderate of the Democratic candidates that were on the table in the primaries. Which of Biden’s proposed policies has you, or others in this group, most concerned?

  72. Kristi says...

    For the first time ever, I am so, so proud of Arizona. Other than that, I’m with you, Joanna. Refreshing the NY Times over and over and clenching and unclenching my jaw. The few minutes of relief have been from talking with my co-workers and moments of laughter.

  73. Alison says...

    I am thankful for my husband, an engineer (always logical), for helping keep things in perspective-not to worry too much about the results we cannot control and to worry if Trump gets elected again. Of course, easier said than done…but in the process last night we found a fun new Amazon show called Life in Pieces. TOTALLY recommend as a way to not think about election stuff.

    I live just outside of Boston so we are always in a ‘blue bubble’…I am so truly disappointed by all the support Trump has received this election. 4 years ago people didn’t ‘really’ know what they were getting. Now they see the hate that he inspires and apparently, people are ok with that? I have the hardest time explaining this to my two middle schoolers! I want to give them hope (maybe I will show them the list of good news from this post!).

  74. I’ve admittedly spent some time clearing up misinformation shared on social media by Trump supporters. Maybe it’s wasted energy to even engage — I’m obviously not changing minds at this point — but it makes me feel better to put facts out there.

  75. Meg says...

    Really hard to hear right now– but Trump voters seem to have firm reasons for feeling that progressives don’t offer them a path to a better future, affordable energy prices, higher incomes, safer country, etc. I’ve been thinking about this a lot: many progressives, like most of us who are Cup of Jo regulars, are significantly more economically secure than the swing voters/conservative people who break for Trump. That says something about our own blindness to the needs of those who are less privileged than we are.

    Most important take away: each of us have got to challenge ourselves to come at this situation from a point of compassion and understanding instead of one of judgement.

    • Melinda says...

      This is a very insightful comment, thank you. No matter the election outcome, I hope that we can heal and come together as a nation. It’s what I pray for every day!

    • Sophie Wall says...

      Meg – this is so well said. This election has had record voter turnout and a lot of people clearly want Trump to be president. I have to reframe my thinking and realize this is how democracy works and figure out how I’m going to work to move forward for my personal happiness and work to make more meaningful change next election. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    • Alison says...

      Unless folks are making over $400,000 a year I’m at a loss for how they will be less economically secure with Biden, or how this country will be safer given the Republican position on gun control. These people voted for Trump because they are racist – period.

    • Kelly says...

      I do agree, but I wonder how to communicate with those folks, given their comfort level with electing a leader who assaults women and denies reality. I don’t know how to talk to people like that. How do they think the economy will look if we don’t manage Covid properly? It’s like children, acting out.

    • Lauren says...

      How much compassion & understanding do I need to show? I have a very different set of values than a Trump voter and from where I sit it looks like they are the group blind to the needs of the less privileged. Anybody that doesn’t see a problem with children in cages cannot claim the moral high ground.

    • Mary Beth says...

      This is definitely a helpful perspective. And/but, there are many, many economically secure and multimillionaire Trump supporters as well. I can empathize with individuals who are economically insecure; I have a harder time empathizing with millionaires protecting their financial interests, particularly when they use Christianity as their primary justification. Just say you want lower taxes at any cost. It’s more honest.

    • Katey says...

      It is also worth noting that many Trump voters are turning their legitimate concerns into grievances with disenfranchised populations: BIPOC, LGBTQIA, and asylum seekers (a lawful status, by the way), and other American’s in the viral underclass. Those people have lost sight of others’ humanity, of others’ inherent worth.

      You might be afraid my impatience for the intolerance and hatred those grievances breed might only breed more hatred. That is one way to look at it. Another way to look at it is: I hold my fellow American’s to a higher standard. Holding each person to a higher standard is a case by case undertaking, I know. But, surely, holding another accountable for their choices does not make me void of compassion.

      I can be compassionate and have ethical and behavioral standards. We all can.

    • ha says...

      I wish I could agree with your comment. But I feel given the economics of the last few years, it is evident that _that_ is not the driving force for the support, no matter what they say. There just isn’t the evidence that a difference in economic status underlies party loyalty. It is something else, that they choose not to name.

    • Kristen says...

      I’ll admit, my gut reaction to the results last night was F*** YOU, FLORIDA!
      This morning, I’m trying to take this comment to heart. Yelling doesn’t change minds. We obviously need to approach each other with respect, openness, curiosity, and humility, but I really genuinely wonder where we get the collective will to do that. Are we capable of understanding each other when we can’t even agree on basic facts?

    • patricia says...

      I know affluent, educated white people who voted for Trump in both elections. I also know a lot of middle class white people who continue to support Trump, including nearly my entire family on my father’s side. None of them are economically insecure. They believe in limited government. They are also a little bit (or a lot) racist. And they don’t like that the U.S. is finally accounting for other religions or ways of life besides Christianity.

      I’m the kind of Cup of Jo reader you mention, but I have the benefit of growing up in the Midwest and also living in Florida for awhile so I feel I better understand some of these people than those living in coastal, elite cities. Trump and the Republican party represent a past that supporters find comforting. I guess I don’t see it as monetary. I see it as outdated values and an unwillingness to accept that the world is changing. That it needs to change.

      It truly is a “them” vs “us” way of thinking.

      I will add that prior to Trump’s run for president, my very conservative father loathed him. We’d discuss his bankruptcies at the dinner table. My dad thought he was a crook. I’m afraid to ask him why he’s ok with Trump as a president.

    • IRG says...

      So we should exhibit the compassion that Trump and his supporters have never shown? No, I will show compassion for my fellow citizens whose rights have been violated, whose lives have been destroyed, whose friends and family have been killed due to COVID and police behavior.

      That is where my compassion will be directed. Not towards hateful human beings who do not care that lives have been lost to COVID and children caged and kidnapped.

      Sorry, No.

      They show us no compassion or caring. So…golden rule.

      You cannot be kind to these people. It doesn’t work. They don’t care.
      Again, NOT everyone who voted for Trump deserves our wrath per se, but in the end, you know who he is now and you still voted him in. No excuses.
      Own it: You are endorsing his actions and behaviors. NO COMPASSION for that.

    • K says...

      indeed. even if one thinks someone is evil and dumb, calling them evil and dumb isn’t going to make them less so, nor is it going to wipe them off the face of the Earth.

    • Meg says...

      There are a couple comments in this reply that I do think really get to the reason why I posted this comment in the first place, re: compassion vs. judgement. We’ve established in our country and in the culture that is very strong (thankfully) in the Cup of Jo Community that we shouldn’t discriminately against people based on their beliefs. Being Anti-Semitic, anti-Muslim, or anti-atheism is wrong, it’s anti-American.

      But if we think it’s ok for us to be Anti-Trump Voter, to make the same kind of judgements about people based on their beliefs– then we’re just as prejudiced as the racists. We are better, we should strive to be better, and anything less is a contradiction of the reasons we voted Trump out.

      America has been through hell in the last four years, it’s time to put those feelings aside and let healing happen. And it won’t if you continue to be as intolerant of them as you assume they are.

    • Kara says...

      Meg, I get where you’re coming from in your response, at the same time we have to remember the paradox of tolerance: in order to be tolerant, you have to be intolerant of intolerance. While I agree we should continue to have tough conversations in our communities, and we have to productively work towards building a better society for all especially if we come from a place of privilege, it does not mean we excuse away Trump supporters acceptance of the openly bigoted administration they chose to vote for. Frankly I never hear this type of comment of “compassion and understanding instead of one of judgment” from Trump supporters, so I also understand everyone’s wariness towards it.

  76. Kelli says...

    Stress eating my lunch at 10:30 am. Got a plan to go raid the company freezer for some leftover-from-summer ice cream sandwiches next.

  77. Stacy says...

    I’m… idk.. anxious, disappointed, but also hopeful. I didn’t watch any of it last night and was happy to see Biden in the lead when I woke up. But the more news articles I’ve read this morning and the refreshing of the AP’s election results page with no updates, has me on edge. I’m trying to be productive at work.

  78. Kate says...

    I am voting Blue but think we should be cautious about calling the other side voters as racist/lack of sympathy. By the end of the day, how we live & love & care for our neighbors and families show our true values. Please stay hopeful no mater what the outcome is. We all want to be loved and to love. That is the core value that I live by through this tough time.

    • Stephanie says...

      As someone who grew up in a very conservative part of the country and has very conservative relatives, I understand the wariness of calling out the “other side”, but I want to push back on something…

      “By the end of the day, how we live & love & care for our neighbors and families show our true values.”

      It’s really easy (especially if your neighbors and family look and think like you) to show kindness and thoughtfulness – they’re real people that you know and see everyday. However, I *do* think the choice someone makes at the ballot box says a lot about what they’re willing to accept (racism, homophobia, policies that only further hurt the oppressed, the list could go on an on), because of how that party/person/office will help THEM. It’s often a very selfish choice.

      I saw a lot of people I know and care about make really selfish choices yesterday and I think that there’s a HUGE amount of privilege to be able to say, “I know how they treat the people around them and that’s how I’ll view them, not by the choices they’re making at the ballot box for themselves and the people around them”. (Obviously, I don’t know anything about your life, I’m just talking about the privilege in my own life that makes me want to let people off the hook like that!)

    • Lauren says...

      @Stephanie – Thank you for saying that. You put my thoughts into words, it is not enough to treat only the neighbors and family that look and think like you with love

    • Natalie says...

      Well said, Stephanie. I remember my (conservative) dad trying to console (liberal) me when Trump was first elected by saying that it wouldn’t really affect our (white middle-class) family. Because, for him, the number one concern is making sure that we are safe and taken care of, and he doesn’t really have the ability or desire to look beyond that. I struggle deeply to understand his perspective, which feels really selfish, but perhaps the empathy I pride myself on is a privilege made possible the stable life he maintained for us.

    • Irena says...

      @Stephanie
      Agreed. You are right, how we vote represents who we are. Thanks for the pushback.

      That’s the bottom line. No excuses. No “well they really aren’t voting for all of what he believes”

      Yes, yes you are!

    • Sarah says...

      Lovely comment Kate. I agree.

  79. Sam says...

    I’m hurting deeply that so much of this country is so racist, unkind, selfish, and unwelcoming – but I’m heartened to read this comments and know I’m not alone. Not because I want you to hurt, too. But with so much ‘red’ on the map, it’s easy to feel like your views are so disconnected from what the rest of the country must ‘feel’. Although I’m hopeful for Biden to eek this out, I’m also feeling, “who cares?” Because of how many people voted for, and rabidly support, Trump. Their racism doesn’t go away in Biden wins. Their obsession with fetuses doesn’t go away. Their denial and subsequent destruction of the environment doesn’t help us breathe any easier.

    I often wonder, ‘maybe we’ve just gotten to the point in this country where we don’t want the same things. Maybe we can’t be in a relationship anymore?’ Perhaps this country is no longer fit for 1 President for all of us. Clearly we don’t have the same goals or values.

    I know that lots of wins happened yesterday, too. And I don’t mean to be all gloom and doom. But this is disappointing no matter how you shake it, IMHO. This year in particular has shown some ugly, ugliness that you can’t just pretend doesn’t exist.

    • Meg says...

      Do you think part of the ugliness is the supposition that Trump voters are just racist? Why would anyone cast their vote with a voting block that think they’re a racist deplorable? (There absolutely are racist crazies who want to kidnap governors and start a revolution. But enough come close to winning a second term? No way. It’s more complicated than that.)

    • Erika says...

      Sam- I’ve been thinking the same things. My hope is if Biden wins, it’s a starting point for a conversation re: your issues above. With things as they are now, there is zero discussion, zero give and take. It’s disheartening.

    • Sam says...

      meg – I don’t think they’re “just” racist, I think that’s a huge part of who they are, though. Their racism and white supremacy is deeply rooted. And just to be clear, racists never think they’re racist. That’s why they dog whistle and use campaign slogans like “make America great again” or terms like “thugs” or “very bad people.” You’re right, there are few people in this country who openly and proudly carry their racism. Sadly, most people just go around actually being and acting racist than actually identifying as one.

    • Katy says...

      Canadian here – so please take what I say with a grain of salt. For example – To me, universal healthcare seems like a fundamental right in a country with the

      I certainly struggle with understanding how voters can support Trump given his seeming disregard for hard facts and the numerous examples of his opinions being truly offensive to me. This is especially true since the American system allows you to separate your vote for President from other elected officials.

      That said, I think the reasons for voting are complicated and often economically motivated. It is a challenging thing to rank your principles above your family’s economic well being, and not something that North Americans are particularly conditioned to do. For example – people earning good salaries, but who are nervous about potentially losing an income given the current pandemic, higher tax brackets are worrisome. This is doubly true if you are in a sector where Biden promises dramatic regulation (energy). As an outsider, it was not clear to me what Biden’s economic plan was. The same lack of clarity couple be said of trump, although he has enjoyed substantial wealth creation in the market during is term, so there is the relative comfort of that.

      I know that there are a lot of readers here who do not share this view. This does not represent my whole view of the election but an observation for the outside.

    • Katy says...

      As a follow in to my comment – we were watching the results roll in after talking about how we hoped the election would go over dinner. My three year old said: “but Trump can’t be the winner because he was bad Man and not nice to people….. why is the map so red?” A pretty astute summary, of only it were true.

      We never used those words at the dinner table – we talked about his offensive comments against various groups, his unwillingness to take resPonsibility etc. My point – our children absorb so much more than we think – keep them involved in the conversation!!

    • Natalie says...

      Agree with Meg. Just because someone votes for trump doesn’t make them a racist. I know plenty of people who voted for trump because they didn’t agree with Biden’s tax policy . You pick the candidate that may closely align with your policies on various issues but you may not agree with everything with that candidate .

    • Marie says...

      Oh my, how do you even begin to respond to such a comment? Almost half the country voted Republican, and you are dismissing their views and concerns by calling them racist and selfish, and uneducated. I repeat, half the country voted Republican! Maybe you should spend your time figuring out why they voted that way, instead of being so arrogant. There are many valid reasons for voting Republican. There are also many reasons for voting Republican beyond being Pro-choice. Trump actually gained more Black and Latino votes in this election. While it’s true there are racist hateful republicans, it’s also very true that there are racist and hateful Democrats. Some of the most hateful people I know personally are Democrats.

    • Anonymous says...

      I am so, so tired of being told that, as a Democrat, I am somehow responsible for the mental and emotional gymnastics it takes to believe that someone who aligns themselves with a racist president is not racist. It’s as if someone wearing a college sweatshirt screamed at you for assuming they went to or at least were affiliated with that college. Also, for the record, the People’s Institute for Survival and Beyond teaches in their Undoing Racism training that all white people are racist, so I call myself racist as well. I’m not proud of it, but part of being white in America is acknowledging the ways you benefit from its racist institutions. It seems that the difference is whether you try to dismantle those institutions or perpetuate them.

    • Sam says...

      Marie: re-read my comment. I don’t see anywhere I called anyone uneducated. I said we don’t have the same goals or values. And the most hateful people I know are Republicans…. so…. I guess we cancel each other out? I’m very clear on why people vote for Trump. I’m just not happy about why they do.

      And to the others: if you vote for a racist because it “you don’t agree with Biden’s tax policy” and it will benefits your taxes, you’re not just a racist, you’re an a$$hole. This isn’t a Presidential buffet. You don’t get to say, “I just vote for him to make more money!! I’ll leave the racism on the side.”

      Honestly people, get a grip. This is what’s wrong with this country.

    • April says...

      Just want to say I feel exactly the same Sam. I am from an area in northern New York State that leans Republican and most of my family and longtime friends support Trump. Although there are probably people who voted for Trump who aren’t racist, the majority of Trump supporters I personally know are, including my own parents and brothers. They of course all claim to not be racist, but after listening to them over my lifetime, they have shown to be racist over and over again regardless of what they claim.

      I have spent the last four years trying to understand why people I love who seem like great people can have such different morals and values than I do and I still can’t wrap my head around it. I can’t understand how things like your tax rate, your perception of how the economy is doing, stock market performance etc. could ever be more important than basic human decency. At this point, I have realized it will never make sense to me and I can only conclude that if you are okay with all that Trump is – sexual assaulter, racist, okay with the cruelty of separating children from their parents, etc. then you too are not a good person. That’s been really hard to accept when that is the only conclusion you can come to about your own family. I commend other people who can get past this with people they love and although I do still have a relationship with my family and many friends who support Trump, I will never get over their support of them. Seeing my mother support these things has been especially heartbreaking.

      Like you said, even if Biden wins its so disappointing to not see people come out and say in force that they are not okay with who Trump is. I honestly don’t even know how to go forward knowing so many people support so much hate. I’m not a particularly religious/spiritual person but damn what is the point of life if money is the most important thing to people. I am very grateful to Cup of Jo for being vocal about supporting Democratic candidates and liberal positions on issues as it gives me somewhere to go to feel less alone.

    • Amelia says...

      @Sam — Agreed. It is particularly baffling to me that Latino/Hispanics are actually voting more for Trump this time around, despite him consistently calling them “thugs”, “rapists”, “criminals”, and forcibly ripping apart asylum seekers/refugees from Latin America at the border. I mean how can they NOT feel personally affronted at being denigrated like that, or outraged at the inhuman treatment of their fellows? Same goes for white women turning out in even stronger numbers for him this year than in 2016 — really? Do they actually enjoy being denied the ability/right to make decisions regarding their own sexual health and reproductive choices/ceding control over their own literal bodies to old white men, or is it some hardcore religious brainwashing at play? Even if that were so, how can they condone a brute who has openly and repeatedly declared and demonstrated his contempt for women? Do these women not have daughters they would want to protect from rabidly entitled, p*ssy-grabbing a-holes like him? I feel like there’s been a break in reality somewhere because absolutely none of this makes sense to me.

      @Anonymous — I am 100% with you on this. I’m tired of being told as the liberal I’m the one that has to take into account how “disenfranchised conservatives” must feel. Uh, no, if those QAnon-believing gun-toting conspiracy theorist trigger-happy mask-refusing lunatics want to justify their belief in and support of Trump, I don’t have to buy into their excuses that they’re somehow still “good people”, when their actions have clearly shown that they are anything but. If you vote for a racist, egotistical, misogynistic maniac who thinks of no one but himself, spreads lies and misinformation on Twitter, willfully disregarded the pandemic and has used his presidential clout to pursue personal vendettas against anyone and everyone that he dislikes, then you are endorsing his racist, egotistical and misogynistic behaviour, and that means you by definition are similarly racist and egotistical and misogynistic. Period.

    • Liv says...

      Agree with Meg’s and other comments below. Many Biden voters, myself included, live in comparatively wealthy, liberal bubbles. The fact that so many people voted for Trump begs the question of why. They are not all racist and anti-abortion. And clearly there’s plenty of closeted Trump supporters, given how flawed the polls have been. So, we can either continue to just bash people for their support and categorize them, and they will vote how they are going to anyway, or we can start to have desperately needed conversations and repairing the rift between the two sides. Frankly, I’ve seen some pretty ugly statements from my liberal friends recently, too.

      And this comes from someone who really hoped for a wholesale repudiation of Trump as an individual in this election.

    • Natalie says...

      Sara , your all or nothing view of politics is what’s wrong with the world.
      Your narrow view is sad.

      I also said that Biden’s tax policy of increasing our taxes 35 pct is one of the reasons People may not want him in office. Again, fifty percent of the population has voted for trump. If you think 50 pct of the people are racist then maybe you need to look inside your self and decide whether you are the problem. This blog employs too many far left views of the world. Why can’t we have constructive discussion rather than labeling all trump supporters racist

    • C says...

      @Sam
      A presidential buffet w racism on the side, please! That is hands down the best comment of this whole thread.
      Accountability accountability accountability.

    • Kara says...

      Marie and Natalie, 50% of people did not vote for Trump. Less than 50% of those who voted did. It’s doesn’t discount that millions of Americans chose to support him, but it for sure isn’t half this country who is supporting him. If we chose presidents that way, he never would have been elected!

  80. Soph says...

    I worked at 17 hour day at the polls yesterday, so I am a surreal mix of exhausted, anxious, and numb. I’m not particularly close with folks at work, so it feels very isolating to be sitting at my desk, refreshing the news.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      thank you for being a poll worker xoxo

    • Lucy says...

      Thank you for your service!

    • Lauren says...

      From one poll worker to another – thank you for your service!

      I wish I could just stay in the room yesterday, in a little bubble with the lovely, kind, effective (biparitisan) volunteers. Leaving the polling station and refreshing the news was a harsh end to an inspiring day. <3

  81. Loren says...

    I’m at work – but barely productive. I’m holding on to hope while peeking at the updates every so often. Also listening to POPSUGARs Everything Will Be OK playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/56ZAngNFzmp39IktHeXGV1
    Inhaling gratitude, exhaling bitterness and fear.

  82. Kathryn says...

    Last night I organized my entire closet and made a butternut bisque while I watched the news. Then I muted it and sat on my bathroom counter for thirty minutes cutting split ends out of my hair. Today I am watercoloring a card for a friend who has to say goodbye to her dog while I obsessively refresh the poll results. I might go for a nice walk in the woods later. I might even bring a beer with me on said walk.

  83. Ryan says...

    I’ve been a nervous wreck, but I downloaded the new David Sedaris as an audiobook yesterday and laughed my way through my day of dog walks (I’m sure I looked like a maniac cracking up all alone as I ambled around the neighborhood) and stress-cooking. We ate a comfy, fat- and carb-filled dinner and re-watched Old School for the millionth time.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      this all sounds wonderfully distracting! :)

    • SP says...

      oh david sedaris! what a great distraction! downloading this immediately.

  84. Allison says...

    I was in the grocery store and Billy Joel’s NY State of Mind came on and I started to get teary eyed?! I miss NYC so much (working from home since March), and was feeling proud of NY’s reliable blue vote and all the NYers who always seem to pull together in stressful times. I guess the overall stress of this year is getting to me, if i’m crying in the grocery store!

  85. Emma says...

    I’m hungover from too much wine and not enough sleep. Today feels completely surreal, like we all have our collective breath held. Sending love to everyone.

    • Neely says...

      Same, Emma!

  86. Dominique says...

    I am doing the exact same thing as Joanna. Constantly refreshing the NYTimes page and watching Shitts Creek. Decided to throw in some yoga this morning to move my body and release tension.

  87. Katy says...

    My mom sent me a text today that said “I saw something on tv last night that made me think of you.” It was a video clip of Van Jones saying the fact that the race is this close hurts. He stated that there is a moral victory and a political victory and they are not the same thing. We may get a political victory and I really, really hope we do. However, seeing the numbers in this election makes it very clear that we can not claim a moral victory. Almost half of this country continues to support this administration and, as I was telling my mom last night, even if Biden wins, I will still feel quite disheartened. I just want everyone to give a damn about our planet and other people’s happiness and I don’t understand why that’s so difficult for some.

    • Sam says...

      Yes, this. Exactly.

    • Claire Ity says...

      yes, this is what i’m struggling with so much. i feel like there are “secret nazis/fascists” everywhere and it fills me with horror and sickness. who is this country? where is the humanity? i don’t even know where i live anymore. i am intermittently crying and dealing with a raging migraine. thank you so, so much Cup of Jo for asking, and for everyone sharing here.

    • Ana says...

      exactly. That is the heartbreaking thing. I truly believed that after the past four years of Trump showing exactly who he is, that people would not support him in the way they have. I get so furious at people trying to justify voting for him based on Biden’s tax policy (and yes it would impact me). If that is more important to you than the children in cages, the support of white supremacists and the incompetent handling of covid, then you are selfish at best.

  88. Jess says...

    I have truly never felt so on edge in my entire 38 years. I stress ate and drank last night before taking a bath and going to bed..to then wake up at 3:30 with my heart pounding out of my chest. Now I have no appetite and am trying to be present with my kids while keeping the damn faith. Always thankful to live in CA though.

    • Lauren says...

      I am sad but not surprised by the national results. I am both sad *and* surprised by the results for the California propositions. Not allowing affirmative action? Choosing corporations over schools? We Californians need to take a look in the mirror before viewing ourselves as superior to the rest of the country.

    • Jess says...

      Lauren, I too am disheartened by those proposition results. We have a huge demographic of people in this state and big business will always lobby the way they do. But it does feel good to live in a state where other progressive policies and of course democratic politicians are heavily voted for. I know nowhere is perfect and we are all finding little victories where we can :)

  89. Sarah says...

    I had to put my dog to rest yesterday. He’s my first pet, and I’ve never been sadder than I am today. I can’t even think about anything else other than my sweet sweet boy.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh, I’m so so sorry, Sarah. what was his name? he sounds like such a love. xoxo

    • Claire Ity says...

      sarah, he took a piece of your heart when he went. and you will always, always have him in yours. i know there is nothing to say to help the immense sadness, but at least we can make space for your grief here <3

    • Amy says...

      Sarah,
      I am reaching out and commenting for the first time on this blog–for you. In a sea of red and blue, I see you. I had to say goodbye for now to Buddy, my sweet, gentle, loving boy in September. He was one of “my persons” for almost 16 years of my life–some of the hardest ones. It was the hardest thing that has ever been asked of me even though I know it was the last loving gift I could give him. It’s a sadness I’ve never known. I know where you are today. Always remember you loved him, he loved you, and there were no doubts on either side. I know it does not feel like it right now. But one day we will both be ok. I’m thinking of you today Sarah. Because regardless what happens in the 2020 election it is how we treat each other that is going to make real change in this world.

    • Louisa says...

      Oh, Sarah. I’m so sorry. We put my dog to rest at the start of lockdown. She was the best and I miss her every day. She would have turned 16 this Friday. Sending love.

    • Nadine says...

      Oh Sarah, I’m so sorry. I lost my dear Chili a few years ago , I feel you.
      If you feel like sharing more about your sweet boy please do.

    • Jude says...

      I am so very sorry, Sarah. I’ve been there. Would love to know more about your sweetheart, if you’d like to share. Sending virtual hugs.

    • SGH says...

      Sarah, we had to make the decision to put down our sweet Gigi this last August and I think it forever changed me. What an impossible decision but one that is ultimately made from a place of deep steady love. Sending you a hug and hope our buddies can play together in the doggy afterlife.

      SGH

    • D says...

      Sarah, I am very sorry for your loss. Pets are family. I had to say goodbye to my sweet dog in July after 15.5 incredible years and I’ve never experienced a loss this hard. No matter what you may be thinking or feeling, you made the ultimate sacrifice for him. One day it will get easier and their memories will bring more smiles and laughter than tears (although I think those will be there forever). For now, you need to know that you made the right decision and that he will always, always love you.

    • Cynthia says...

      I’m so sorry.

  90. jdp says...

    my fifth grader declared this morning that the next time he has a quiz on the United States/capitals, he only wants to do the blue ones.

    along with that, this sums up how everyone in our house feels today:

    https://www.instagram.com/p/CHJF37GMVDf/

  91. Dale says...

    I also live in Colorado and I’m so happy that we’ve voted out Cory Gardner and that this once red state has turned blue. But I also feel very out of touch with reality. How do I understand so little about my fellow Americans? How do they understand so little about people like myself? Is it the education system in America? Is it straight-up racism, xenophobia, and misogyny? Is it our media? (I work for a local news organization, so I am hoping no.) I want to vomit and hug my family tight all at the same time. But I can’t because I live very far away and I don’t want to risk infecting my older parents with the virus. My husband is a true gun-owning, capitalist but thank goodness, a democrat. So, how am I feeling? Lonely and so lost while somehow connected and disconnected. Hurting and hopeful.

    • jdp says...

      agreed. everyone i watch, read, listen to, spend time with — they all feel as i do. who are these many, many other people across our country, and how do they seem so foreign to me? feeling exactly as you do.

    • Kate says...

      Yes, this.

    • Katey says...

      Oh boy. It’s our education system. Or, wait, is it misogyny? They’re so closely tied together.

  92. Katie Z says...

    On top of the grief, disappointment, and anxiety, I’m feeling gratitude that after reading these comments that I’m not alone. Seriously, WTF America? Last night I coped with wine, cake, and CBD but only one of those things are viable during the work day.

    Regardless, thank you, beautiful people, for sharing your sentiments and stating what should be obvious: the last 4 years have been more disgusting than I could have ever imagined. Trump has brought out the worst in people but he has never represented the sentiments of all Americans.

    P.S. Trump is seriously the biggest piece of s**t that has ever lived.

  93. Chelsi Rodriguez says...

    I left the office at 4PM, organized my apartment, snuggled my pup, and we suited up for a brisk run in the neighborhood. I called it the “election day 5k.” I tried to nourish my body with a salad with a little bit of everything in it (apples, walnuts, bell pepper, spinach, boiled egg, blueberries, and a squeeze of lemon and lime) with a side of raspberries and bubbly. My boyfriend came over and though we allowed ourselves to check the numbers every hour, we turned out Adventure Time, and ate a mega bowl of kettle corn (seasoned with tonys and dill). All of this to say– we tried to control the things we CAN control. And this is how we care for ourselves amongst the chaos. Sending love from Chattanooga, TN!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      love this itinerary :) xoxoxo

    • Hello, fellow Chattanoogan (and presumed BMO lover)! :)

    • celeste says...

      Sounds like a perfect day.

  94. Kristin says...

    Thank you for this post, COJ.

    I am so sad. And obviously anxious, on the edge of my seat, desperately hoping for a Biden victory. But mostly sad because I thought this race would for sure be a landslide for Democrats. I consider myself to be a fairly balanced person, and can respect that everyone has the right to their political views. But not this year. This is not Bush, McCain, Romney, etc, etc. America needed to show up hard to vote out a leader whose behavior is, in a word, horrific. But we didn’t. And it makes me so, so sad to think that the race has been so close, and so many people apparently think the president’s behavior is ok. It’s not.

  95. Kyle says...

    I am tired, distracted and anxious. Like, I’m reading blogs and not working. But also, cautiously optimistic. I am proud of my home state, AZ and for a few other specific wins. For distraction I have watched The Queen’s Gambit and a little bit of Friends. And shopped for holiday gifts online. I’m eating all the carbs and all the candy and maybe had two lunches today. But… maybe that’s because I’ve also taken a thc chill pill (legally, thanks to MA)… Hooray Green Medicine WINS! Radiating love, bear hugs, and tranquility

  96. Jules says...

    My little brother found out yesterday he is going to be a dad (Ahh!) !! So I’m just gonna think about that all day and watch The Crown.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      that’s so exciting, Jules!!! you’ll be an aunt! xoxoxo

    • Jules says...

      Oh my goodness!! I love these …and I also want an “Aunt” hat now <3

  97. Molly says...

    Staying positive (because I keep reminding myself BIDEN IS WINNING) by intentionally going places with my daughter that have bad wifi. It’s better for my mental health if I check in every few hours as opposed to every few minutes. Also, I’m keeping off of Instagram/Facebook as much as possible!

  98. KATHERINE says...

    Feeling disoriented and worried today, but taking some gladness from my local elections in Vermont, where we elected a straight Blue ticket except for our dear Governor Phil Scott, a Republican, who publicly voted for Biden yesterday, has led our state’s successful COVID response, and has worked hard for ALL Vermonters for years… he’s holding his office and hopefully will inspire some Republicans to find the moral path again.
    Today, I am thinking about how many Republicans vote out of fear that something is going to be taken away from them, but also how fear drives our most monstrous mistakes, whether it’s a frightened, biased cop using overly aggressive tactics, or a frightened parent who thinks their child might be different and is the first in line to bully them toward a heteronormative identity.
    I also think Trump’s support is indicative of how many people in our country are abused and in pain and looking for a mob boss to protect them.

    • Meg says...

      I think this is a very important observation. Thank you for pointing this out.

    • Julienne says...

      💜💜💜

    • Charlie says...

      I am having a tough time reconciling my political differences with my family. I was raised conservative and have since changed my political views. But my parents voted for Trump, and I really can’t wrap my head around that. I feel like I was raised to be a good person, and I don’t know how my parents can support someone who is so clearly not a good person. This election is about more than who becomes president for me- it’s shattered my view of my parents and made it hard to respect them. This is the lasting effect Trump will have on my life, regardless of whether or not he wins.

    • Marie says...

      Charlie,

      A vote for Trump is likely more a vote for his policies and his direction than for him as a person. Many politicians are corrupt, and not likeable. Bill Clinton was a sleeze bag, but won two terms. This is precisely why many people don’t want to enlarge the government or want government controlling more areas in their lives.

    • Katey says...

      Charlie, I hear you and I’m so sorry. I recently gave words to my feelings about my dad’s worldview. I’m disappointed in him. His acceptance of corruption, lies, and hatred has been so disappointing to me. His diminishment of adultery, rape, misogyny, and cruelty has be disappointing. His choice to prioritize “crushing the liberals” over any other considerations is disappointing.

      I chalk it up to this: some people just don’t think very much. They do what they’re told. They follow inherited behaviors and don’t think twice about it.

      Actually, I could go on and on speculating about why your parents (and my dad) make the choices they do, but I’ve learned not to. If you’re anything like me, I suggest writing out your core values. Then, write out the behaviors you’ll enact based on those values. Focus on following through on what matters to you. Time spent enacting and speaking about your values will do more to influence people than all the time you might spend trying to understand your parents. You’ll feel more empowered and you will actually make a difference! (Trying to understand your parents or getting them to understand you has diminishing returns, from my experience.)

      Tele-hug.

  99. Elbert Lauren says...

    As many other commenters have noted, the close election makes me feel like I live in an alternate reality – which in many ways, I do, as a well off, highly educated white person living in NYC. But, the problem of alternate realities is itself a problem, no matter who wins any election – how will we tackle future challenges–climate change, income inequality, job obsolescence, let alone the pandemic–if we aren’t even operating from a common set of basic facts, let alone principles. Is this problem, the problem of fractured perspective, something we can solve? How?

  100. Alex says...

    I feel mostly grief – that so many people in this country are so fearful, so depressed, so disenfranchised that they believe that Trump is the answer. I know lots of fellow liberals would change out my adjectives with “racist” or “greedy”. But I am trying to channel empathy, rather than disgust. Because as I keep hearing on every single media outlet over and over – “Our country is deeply divided.” I think the way forward is to repair that divide – and I think empathy and an an open door to redemption and love is the only way.

  101. Christina says...

    Echoing Sam above who says they feel like their whole body is a clenched fist. Last night after the kids were down I put on a CBD face mask and listened to some Dipsea (Joanna and gang, you should write about this!) It’s the 2020 version of “Calgone take me away. “

    • Bonnie says...

      As a native Texan, I was raised to respect our neighbors even if we disagree with them, to take pride in—and take care of—our community, and to stand up for those who are weaker than ourselves. It has been one of the most disheartening experiences of my life to watch my family and neighbors, those I know and love who taught me those very life lessons, to succumb to fear-mongering , bigotry and misinformation. I am equally disappointed that Democrats don’t know how to message to my salt-of-the-earth loved ones without resorting to name-calling and shame-based tribalism. I hope and pray that, whatever the outcome of 2020, we can return to a truly civil discourse, and start rebuilding our communities on whatever tiny patches of common ground we can find.

  102. LORDY, 2020.

    Kate Kennedy’s breakdown of the American Girl Dolls is everything. https://www.instagram.com/p/CF5XCr5nvTS/ Why does Kirsten ONLY got a spoon when every body else has purse?

    I’ve also eaten 7 CBD gummie’s and it’s 12:45 p.m. My neighbors are picking up mid day jello shots from my porch as I type.

    WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      “My neighbors are picking up mid day jello shots from my porch as I type.” = hahaha yes!

  103. C says...

    I don’t know exactly how I feel. I am stressed, sometimes I forgot what it is going on because I need to check what my son is doing in his zoom class right now?!.
    I am from Europe but currently living in US. I don’t think that we will stay. It is hard for me to write it but we do not have the same values. If I want to keep my values, what I really believe, I think that we need to leave. I still can’t believe how many supporters he has. I have the feeling that I am living in another dimension, in another reality for not sharing, for not understanding the support he has. Thank you Cup of Jo for giving me a place where I feel that I belong. A huge virtual hug in this very difficult time.

    • Eva says...

      Fellow European here, and I so hear you about the shared values. This is just not a place where I want my kids to grow up. Problem is, we are a bicultural family, and as long as Biden wins, my partner will probably not want to leave. As for me, I have seen enough.

    • MB says...

      I respect your comment about values and choices. Values is something not talked about much, and for sure can get lost in all the noise here. I think values will be rising to the surface, pondered, considered by many in the very near future. I was born and raised here, and the confusion and distorted thinking has surpassed any time I can remember from my 50+ years of life. There has never been a time, like this, where I feel more separate from the land I was born and raised. It is a very difficult and challenging time. Many blessings to you and your family on your journey.

  104. Courtney Katzenberg says...

    Thank you for this post. Reading the comments makes me realize that I am not alone. I have been SO on edge today. I also took my 4 year old for a Covid-19 test in an abundance of caution, after a student in another classroom tested positive. It just seems like there is too much stress in the world, it doesn’t feel right for us to have to carry all of this. I didn’t even want to call anyone for help because our country has stigmatized the disease and I feel ashamed (even though I know I shouldn’t.) I am sad, and frustrated and overwhelmed. Trying to remember the positives and will be turning on Normal People as soon as everyone is down for nap. Thank goodness for the best distraction ever!

  105. Naomi says...

    I’m focusing on the success of a great friend of mine who won her race for school board by a wide margin! She’s so awesome and is going to be so great at this job, and I’m so happy for her. There is some good in this world.

  106. Linda says...

    I am a ball of nerves today – waffling between holding out hope and steeling myself for grief.

    Thanks for giving us a safe and loving place to share this hard day together.

  107. Marki says...

    As an Arizona resident, I am focusing on the positive locally. We elected Mark Kelly to the senate, a gun-sense candidate; my legislative district is leaning blue; we legalized recreational marijuana; and it looks like our state is going for Biden. This kind of blue wave in Arizona was unthinkable in prior years. Even if Trump wins, I’m heartened by the change in my friends and neighbors’ minds.

    • Sage says...

      Same here, Marki! We’re in Surprise & have seen soooo many people driving around with their Trump flags waving from their cars. This took me by surprise.

    • Michelle says...

      Girl YASS! I’m a recreational weed smoker and win Biden wins I will spark up a doobie in his honor! Will be glad when weed is legal in every state!

    • Christine says...

      I am also trying to focus on some local breakthroughs. My Atlanta suburban county turned blue and had a majority for Biden (a real breakthrough) and elected a Black democrat as Sheriff. And Lucy McBath won re-election. I cannot watch the news, I got too many flashbacks from four years ago.

  108. Kelsea says...

    For everyone saying it’s so disheartening that it’s “close,” remember, it is only “close” because of the electoral college. Biden leads the popular vote by 3 MILLION and has received more votes than any presidential candidate in our nation’s history. Yes, we need to reform our political system including the electoral college and small state bias, but the people have spoken and overwhelmingly voted Biden for president.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      great point, Kelsea. xo

    • Sage says...

      I appreciate this viewpoint, but we also have a country in which at least 67 million people voted for Trump. That’s a huge, huge amount of folks. I don’t think all of them are evil but I do think there’s major work to be done.

  109. Sam says...

    My entire body feels like a clenched fist.

    • Emilie says...

      Thank you for giving the perfect description for this feeling. It’s like I cannot move within myself.

  110. I live in Pennsylvania–dark times for those of us biting our nails to see if we can do the right thing. Very sad it’s this close, not surprised at all, nervous about how this will drag out…but hopeful all the same. We have work to do.

  111. I feel sick to my stomach at the turnout for Trump. Holding my breath today (and probably tomorrow) until we hear more. A painful four years dragged into another few painful days! My husband and I talked about it and are trying to embrace the mantra that whatever happens, our love in our family will move us forward, we will still accomplish goals, and will still be able to make a beautiful life. It’s hard not to feel hopeless though.

    • Julienne says...

      💜💜💜

  112. Lauren E. says...

    So much anxiety. I watched The Shop with Lebron James and President Obama last night as a nice break from election nerves. It was funny and entertaining and soothing and it’s only about 20 minutes long. Highly recommend!

    • Marisa says...

      Yes to your mantra. I reminded my children last night that, even if Trump gets through, we will not let that affect how we behave toward others. We can still choose to believe in courtesy, empathy, charity, inclusion, and kindness.

  113. Claire says...

    My husband is despondent, and I am cautiously hopeful that Biden will win. He won’t listen to me though, even when I bring up the good things that have/are happening. I fear a dark cloud over our house for a while. I wish I knew how to help him feel less hopeless, but I get the feeling he sort of likes feeling that way, or that it at least gives him some sort of control. The bummer about it is, eventually his foul mood seeps into everything, even me.

    • Becca says...

      My husband is the same, Claire. I feel you. He’s despondent about the election, he’s terrified about Covid. I’m, of course, feeling similarly, but have been trying to hold it all together for my three kids for the last 8 months. It’s getting to be really hard, and I broke down for the first time in my car this morning. Sending you love.

    • Lauren says...

      Claire and Becca, sending you both so much love <3 <3

  114. Grace says...

    My boyfriend and I have banished each other to separate rooms for the time being because we’re both so on edge, we keep snapping at each other. I’m also keeping a close eye on the brownies I made because I think he’s going to eat them all behind my back…. :)

    However, I am really pleased with the results of my local election, so I am also trying to focus my attention more broadly. While the presidential race is obviously incredibly important and impactful, all this BS existed long before Trump and we need to work harder on a community level to agitate for change.

  115. Tess says...

    I’m from Europe and even I am holding my breathe all day. If the coronavirus taught us anything, is that every action – even small – can have a ripple-effect on the entire world.

    Being a world leading country, America has a huge impact on the rest of the world. The idea that this president will have another four years in office, makes me furious. It makes me worry about our climate, health, but mostly about the well-being of POC and women. I can only imagine how it must feel for you.

    Luckily enough, I had my children at home today, because of a lice-outbreak in their school (I was bewildered by the fact that there can actually happen other things aside of the pandemic, haha). So I took a day off and am washing, cleaning and combing hairs all day. Which is, weirdly enough, a nice distraction from the s***-show that is 2020.

    • Lucy says...

      As a Canadian, this. This election truly affects the entire world.

    • H. says...

      100% agree. Your climate policy is the world’s climate policy.

  116. K says...

    I’m remaining hopeful, but I think one of my greatest fears came true last night — that it wasn’t a landslide. People have lived through these past four years and think this is the right direction. That is really disheartening. Now my hope is all on a system that I don’t truly believe in to work out by a slim margin. Obviously, for Biden to win, would be wonderful at this point, but there are a lot of emotions here. A lot of propositions in CA are also not going the way I hoped. Oh man. Thank you for posting all of these pieces of good news though. I needed the reminder of all these good things going on.

    • Anne says...

      Thank you K for your words – I feel so similarly. I was hoping for a landslide after these 4 years. It didn’t happen. Many people want him another 4 years. I can’t understand it. I also don’t understand this spirit of changing my vote every 4 years (meaning one year democratic, one year republican, etc) – this idea that I vote for whoever is the best for me instead of the best for as all of us.

    • Ellen says...

      My two main hopes were for a landslide (or at least swift, decisive victory) and Democratic control of the Senate, which is not looking good and greatly limits what can be accomplished in a Biden administration. Feels very “2020” that even though Biden looks likely to win, it feels on par with 2016. Deeply depressing, infuriating, scary that millions and millions of people voted for someone who so clearly doesn’t deserve one single vote. Combined with our ridiculous Electoral College system and other structural societal problems that help Republicans and yeah, I’m not feeling too great right now.

    • nora says...

      In total agreement. That this was not a landslide is vile. Four years ago, it was hurtful that racism was not a dealbreaker. Today, how hurtful that racism is the deal maker. So many voted for the preservation of white supremacy.
      We are now at the mercy of the electoral college – a legacy of slavery.

    • katie says...

      I also feel similarly. I stopped watching CNN at around 9:00 last night (central). I had to step away. My husband kept watching and before bed, I did check the numbers again… and for the election to be this close… nearly half of the people voting being ok with Trump and the Republican platform makes me so, so sad. We obviously still have a lot of work to do. It’s going to be an uphill battle.

  117. Christina says...

    In Colorado, Iman Jodeh is also the first Muslim lawmaker to win a seat (Colorado State House). Which is wonderful!!! The pit bull ban in Denver was repealed. The late-term abortion ban in Colorado was unsuccessful. But unfortunately we now have a Q’Anon supporter representing our state in the US House of Representatives, Lauren Boebert. It’s a real mixed bag.

    Feeling absolutely sick today – my stomach is in knots. Trying to take care of myself and those around me. Trying to grasp onto hope. Wishing things weren’t so close. (Agree with Lynn : America, your racism is showing.)

    • Charlotte says...

      Thank you for the news about the pit bull ban in Denver, that’s great Christina! The ban has always been such a callous and senseless law.

    • Julie says...

      I’m in Denver too! We had some great results–our state senate may have a five seat dem lead.

      This is the FOURTH time CO has defeated any type of abortion ban in 12 years!!

      We flipped our senate seat!

      We voted in Paid Family Leave!!!

  118. Taylor says...

    honestly reminds me a ton of when I gave birth was induced and induction meds didn’t take, lots of stages of grief about would i need a c-section, then getting over it because i was going to have my baby and that’s all that mattered, then not actually needing the c-section but tearing and hemorrhaging after birth–i was in labor for almost 3 full days and while I would do anything, go through anything to have my daughter, the waiting and process was brutal and required a lot of intense therapy (both physical and mental!) after!

    I am looking forward to having Biden as president, with the Senate being red though our work is only beginning!

    • Taylor, with a similar birth story, these feelings actually relate so deeply. Thanks for making me aware of where I’m storing past trauma. xo

  119. M says...

    My two college age kids were in despair last night as our current president spoke. One was curled up on the floor, the other head hanging. It hit me that they are far more effected by the gaslighting & abusive behavior, because they are so rooted in reality of what the future is & can be. I am so heavy hearted – not just for what this outcome might be, but for the racism & misogyny that is being voted in mass numbers for again. I feel so much grief.

    • Tatiana says...

      Wow, this comment really got to me. Wishing the best for your kids. I hear you on the sadness and grief.

    • Becca says...

      They grew up with Obama. Can you imagine only knowing that and then switching to this? My teenager is feeling the same, and pile Covid on top of that and everything he’s missing out on because of it. It’s a lot to bear for anyone, let alone a young person.

    • L says...

      Held my sobbing 17-year-old on the floor for a while last night too. She is broken-hearted for all the people who will keep suffering and have their rights not protected, for things that may not be done on climate change. . . for the fact that whatever the ultimate outcome, racism, misogyny and hatred were not thoroughly rejected but given some support and validation. I’ve been through heartbreaking elections before, and they all hurt. But watching my child’s grief is another level of pain.

  120. A says...

    Trump has been trying to deport me, a legal immigrant, with his anti-immigration initiatives. I get to know this week if I stay in the country or will be asked to leave. I wanted to buy a sweater. I am waiting on the election result to buy it. If I am to be kicked out, I wouldn’t need it. I will have to sell my house and move. So waiting.

    thank you America for showing me hope.

    • Kayla says...

      A, your predicament tugs my heartstrings and I sincerely hope you will need that sweater. Hugs.

    • Amy says...

      I hope you can stay!

    • Brittany says...

      A – If Biden wins, I want to buy you a sweater, too! I wish I could buy you all.of.the.sweaters to celebrate. I want Biden to win for so many reasons, but you getting to buy and wear a sweater is now chief among them.

      Joanna – if Biden wins, can we all buy ‘A’ a sweater? ;-)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      yes!!!! A, we will get you the coziest sweater ever. xoxo

  121. Courtney says...

    I’m trying to be hopeful that Biden will emerge the winner, but mostly I’m feeling depressed that it is this close. I’m mad that our electoral college system is so messed up and that our country is so racist. Regardless of the outcome of this election, the fights for equality and equity continue.

  122. Kerry says...

    It’s not over yet, I keep saying in my head. Breathe through it.

    Until then, the shiny-happy little voices coming from my son’s Zoom class keep reminding me that we will get through this. We can and we will — because we have to.

  123. jen says...

    Anxious, disappointed and a little weepy. Anxious because I’m hoping with everything I have that Biden/Harris are elected. Disappointed that in many parts of this country, it is blatantly racist. It makes me sad and disgusts me. Weepy because what has to happen for people to get a clue? I’m distracting myself by all this by reading “28 Summers” by Elin Hilerbrand. As always, thank goodness for books.

  124. Tabitha H says...

    Honestly? I’m feeling like I’m going to barf from the nerves. I’m trying to avoid checking the electoral college vote counter (with limited success). Trying to act like everything is fine because my boss is a Trump supporter. (I can hear
    him listening to Rush Limbaugh talking about the election right now.) I’m feeling really disappointed and hurt that it’s this close.

    But I texted my SIL to see if she’d like some of the brownies I stress-baked last night, and I was really glad to hear about all the ground breaking wins! I’m trying my best to stay positive!

  125. Sarah says...

    I’m anxious. I have butterflies. But- I’m a music teacher, and today I was able to teach a tiny group of 2nd graders for the first time this school year. It was magical!!! Someone else’s kids are the perfect distraction. I’m about to teach 1st and Kinder and I can’t wait to hear their sweet voices and funny stories.

    • A says...

      Same here, I just taught my 2nd and 3rd graders a song about happiness. It was the first time seeing them after 6 months, still via zoom, but it worked. Their eyes and happy singing faces distracted me and reminded me of the sweet things.

  126. SHSA says...

    I had a life affirming turmeric chai latte yesterday and a very extravagant piece of chocolate cake, picked up from a bakery on the way home from a curbside pick up at Target to get a nice smelling candle and some epsom bath salts.

    Last night, I decided that I was more interested in the destination of the election than the journey toward results, turned off the news, watched the Great British Bake Off, and then meditated when I woke up this morning.

    I feel so much angst and worry and sadness. I am trying to remember that nothing is permanent, even another Trump victory, and it will all be a season. I hope this season ends sooner than later, but it will end none the less.

  127. Lindsay says...

    Last night I started watching Catastrophe (for the third time!) and it’s such a hilarious, witty escape from the world right now. Wine helps, too :))

  128. marcella says...

    thanks cupofjo, always <333 I went to sleep around 11 last night and was fully expecting to wake up this morning to see trump had won so I guess there is hope.. a couple of weeks ago I cried after voting in my car, I almost cried at the voting booth (here in TX) but held it together til i got to my car. i was just so emotional voting biden/harris and thinking about how this year has been the hardest year of my life. just the thought of things maybe going slightly back to normal with biden in office made me cry. over it covid!!!!!!!!! anyways, maybe RBG will shine down on us today and things will change for the better, fingers crossed xx

  129. Jen says...

    I wanted a giant giant blue slap in all levels and I’m disappointed (but hardly surprised) that it’s a very close race. I’m horrified at the young man that won my district’s congressional seat but I’m delighted that my city just elected an all-female city council.
    Feeling very hopeful for a blue whitehouse and a blue takeover of senate in 2022.

    • Sarah says...

      You sound like you’re from Asheville (I am too!)

    • SP says...

      an all female city council! woohoo! that is amazing news to hear.

  130. riye says...

    I had yesterday off but opted to work a half day anyway–otherwise I was afraid I’d be fretting all day and night about the election. After work I read and watched cheesy movies with my bf. All the things mentioned above in the article are wonderful but like the previous commenters, I’m really disappointed that there wasn’t a stronger response for the senate. Back to work today so I’m hoping to keep my mind busy while the votes get counted. Take care, folks!

  131. jeannie says...

    I am waiting for results and keeping calm by planting daffodil bulbs that I hope will bloom in what will be a happier spring!

  132. Lia says...

    I’m feeling crazy. How is it this close????? What the heck America?????? This is not the future I want for my kids. Shame. Shame.

    • gk says...

      this sums me up, too. all i can think is: how is it this close? my mind can’t comprehend how so many people still support trump – with all that he has said and done – and all that he has NOT done on covid-19. how???
      (my head hurts)

  133. Ellie says...

    I’m so anxious and nervous, but very cautiously hopeful about the way the map looks this morning (ain’t over til it’s over). Sad to see that despite everything we have seen in the past 4 years, such a huge number of Americans feel that the president is doing a job and should continue to do so. The divide feels as big as the Grand Canyon and it seems like there is no way to cross.

  134. Rachel says...

    My heart is hurting that the presidential election is even a little bit close, although unfortunately I’m not surprised. I’m trying to stay off news websites at least until I’ve finished working for the day.

    I’m leaning into comfort in anyway I can with hot tea, watching comforting TV that doesn’t take place in modern day U.S. (ex: The Durrells in Corfu), sending my siblings pictures of pets, and celebrating victories wherever I can find them (the great news above, protecting abortion rights in Colorado, Oregon decriminalizing hard drugs!).

  135. Kate says...

    I am so disappointed in white women right now (I’m a white lady). So many white ladies are the pillars holding up white male supremacy.

    Trying to be hopeful in Iowa today, but it’s hard.

    • A says...

      Me, too.

      I live in Florida and I am white (and nonbinary). Living in the South and watching white women support this kind of candidate is so disheartening. It was even worse when I was teaching in an all-girls school. We have a long, long way to go in the areas of race, gender, and misogyny.

  136. Laura says...

    I woke up feeling quite sad this morning. I feel that while I may have strong opinions and beliefs about things, I am fairly good at trying to understand and empathize the perspective from the other side. And yet I’m having a really hard time wrapping my head around those who voted for the current president and everything he has stood for in the past four years. It truly makes me sad.

    Thank you for asking. I certainly needed someone to ask. I came here this morning to find a new book recommendation, as I finish up Olive Kitteridge. You always have great book lists.

    • Kim says...

      Laura, if you are looking for something in the same vein as Olive Kitteridge you could try My Name is Lucy Barton, which features some of the same characters. I loved it. Or if you feel like something totally different, I just finished and really enjoyed Song of Achilles by Madeleine Miller, about the love story between Achilles and Patroclus during the Trojan War. Happy reading!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      good question, Laura! have you read Olive Again, which is the sequel to olive kitteridge? it’s great! I also loved my name is Lucy barton, which Kim recommended. xoxo

    • Quinn says...

      Hi Laura – I can relate so much to what you said. Feeling very similarly.

      I’m currently reading the sequel to Olive Kitteridge, “Olive, Again”, and really enjoying it. Take good care.

    • Emma says...

      Laura, I feel the same and wonder how all these people that voted for Trump could do so, are they just like him or what I wonder. It makes me think that all these Americans are nasty, mean, sneaky and spiteful, ego manics full of themselves and if that is the case what does it say about us Americans? When in traveling in Europe I heard the comment so many times about the *Ugly American* as I waited in in for something, so made sure I was not that kind of person to be seen by the people of the country I was visiting. I am not like that at all, I work at being a decent person as life is work on who we are as an individual.

      Stress now………LOL……..I walk each day 2.5 miles, takes an hour as I know it is good for my body yet now I find I need to walk twice a day if not 3 times as I am so full of fear for our country and what will happen to so many of us. I will never trust a person who tells a lie to cover up another lie and that is our president now……totally untrustworthy and he has *Broken* his oath to the American People since the day he took office.

  137. AnnieOh says...

    I am feeling nauseously optimistic… but it is disheartening, and yet unsurprising that so many have chosen to white supremacy and hatred.

    I have a friend who has been posting good election news in her instagram stories which has made me feel great.

    As soon as it was announced that there would definitely not be a clear winner last night, I turned off my phone and turned on Singin’ in the Rain and that was like injecting serotonin straight into my veins. Highly recommend.

  138. Charlotte says...

    I am calm and hopeful that Biden will win in the end, but still disappointed. Emotionally, I wanted this election to be a landslide– an outright refutation of 2016. Instead, I find myself heavy-hearted to know how many Americans actually think that this is how our country should be run. It’s disturbing to say the least.

    I’m in my early 30s and a dual citizen, and at this point I can’t imagine staying in the US to raise a family. It breaks my heart because this is my home, but there’s such a groundswell of ignorance, racism, and nationalist nonsense that it is clearly not the America I know and believe in.

  139. Eva says...

    Devastated. I was really hoping for a landslide. I cannot fathom that such a large portion of the population would still consider him their candidate, four chaotic years later.

  140. Elyse says...

    I just found out a week ago that my husband has been emotionally unfaithful. Last night, friends of mine helped confront him to help me eke out the entire truth, so this morning I feel like a hollow shell, inhaling and exhaling her name.
    This morning I went on my insurance website and located a therapist in network and left a message to set up an appointment, also thanks to the aggressive Love of very good friends.
    So, all of this to say, I am NOT looking at a single thing about election stuff at the moment, because I just can’t have hope the way I had them dashed the last election, and the ways that my hope and courage and what-I-thought-I-knew-was-my-life have been shattered. So, I’m eating some strawberry graham crackers, waiting to hear from the therapist, breathing. That’s enough for today.

    • b says...

      Oh Elyse, my heart goes out to you right now. This year has been a doozy.

    • silly lily says...

      So sorry. Stay strong. Wishing you hope and peace.

    • t says...

      Elyse, sending all the hugs. This happened in my marriage a year ago. We were able to work through it but it was very very painful. You should be proud that you are prioritizing self-care and leaning on friends.

    • Sarah says...

      Elyse, my heart goes out to you. Sending love and strength.

    • Marianne says...

      Elyse, how very difficult. Breathe. Be strong. Believe in yourself. You will get through this. Hugs.

  141. HK says...

    Feeling very anxious and am glued to the election results. My husband and I did not sleep much last night, so we’re tired and distracted. The silver lining is that our beautiful 2 yr old daughter is so full of life and happiness –just seeing her face this morning melts away anxiety and gives me hope.

    • Sage says...

      HK, playing toys and singing songs with my 2 yr old son has been my silver lining / anxiety relief of the day too. Hang in there!!

  142. CaraM says...

    I’m proud of my state, Colorado, for voting out Republican Senator Cory Gardner. I’m trying to retain hope for Biden. But I’m largely feeling disappointed in the recent stats about how fellow white women voted – even more this year voted for Trump! I’m also sad that this race is so close – what does this say about my fellow citizens? I’m trying to work but I’m feeling very unfocused and distracted.

    • Sage says...

      I hear you, Caram. Win or lose the White House – I am dedicating myself to getting even more involved in volunteering and activism. There should not be this close a race. It makes me sick.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Yes, agreed completely. xo

    • courtney says...

      I agree! While sitting here, anxiously and despondently refreshing the results, I both have hope that Biden will win and confusion + sadness at Trump’s supporters. But at the same time, a part of me feels like it’s the New Year – regardless of who wins, I have been thinking about how to be a more involved citizen and positive force, dedicate more time to volunteering and making resolutions like that.

      Also, I’d like to recommend for this moment Rebecca Solnit’s book “Hope in the Dark”. It was originally published in 2004, but still brings such cherished reminders of what ‘hope’ means, how uncertainty and darkness mean possibility, if we act, and points out the way smaller victories have made significant differences throughout history.

    • April says...

      Agree completely Caram. As a white woman I am horrified by the voting results of white woman.

  143. b says...

    I feel okay, surprisingly. Work stress is taking precedence right now, but I’m checking the NYT when I can. Virtual conference production is no joke.

  144. Rachel says...

    Feeling awful, could not sleep, angry at everyone.
    It feels like the past 4 years of horror never happened/never touched a huge portion of people!
    And now the authoritarian dictator in training is claiming victory.
    We are screwed.

  145. Sage says...

    I woke up and greeted my son with a cheery, “Guess what, baby? You live in a BLUE STATE NOW!” (He’s two and did not care. But I’m extremely proud of AZ for flipping. Whatever else happens, that gives me hope for our future.)

    Looking at the national level, though, yeah, I’m sitting here trying to remember how to breathe, attempting to focus on work but finding myself refreshing 538 & The New Yorker election map roughly every 2.5 seconds. Wishing everyone well.

    • Kara says...

      This brought tears to my eyes. Way to go, Arizona!

  146. Lourdes says...

    I cried myself to sleep 4 years ago and woke up to a nightmare. This time around I decided to stay off social media (except to check Cup of Jo). I prayed and hope for the best when I went to bed last night. And, I actually slept!! I’m hoping for good news soon. I hope everyone is doing well and thanks for being a wonderful place for us to check in, Joanna. xoxo!

  147. Abby says...

    I am feeling nerrrrrrrrvous! And trying to focus on things to be thankful for if this doesn’t turn out the way I want it to, with a Biden win. Also, eating Halloween candy for lunch for the second day in a row. Hang in there everyone….

  148. Caitlin says...

    I’m not even an American, but I’m hopeful and disappointed at the same time. It seems so far that white women have doubled down on whiteness. I am sad the Senate is still red.

    I am also pumped about the good news noted above! And it’s looking very hopeful for a blue white house.

    So yeah, watching from afar, and both disappointed and hopeful. Now to get to work in my own back yard in Canada!

  149. lynn says...

    This is a great article, highlighting the sunshine amidst the dark clouds of what is happening as we hold our breath waiting on the results of this election. The fact that it’s close hurts my heart. America…your racism is showing.

    • Rachael Schiffman says...

      Republicans do not equal racist. This is an unfortunate generalization that is NOT true and extremely unfair.

    • kristen says...

      not all republicans are racist, but republicans who support the president are in fact supporting racism. and that is true.

    • Andrea says...

      Rachael, can you share more about what you mean? For example, what is your vision of someone who “isn’t racist” but voted Republican in this election? What does that person believe/not believe? What are they okay with/not okay with? Is there a theoretical “line” of racism a president could cross that would lead to them not voting for them? What would that line be?

    • Alycia says...

      Rachel, Republicans don’t even believe in democracy. Why should we believe they aren’t racist/sexist/homophobic/xenophobic/anti Semites and anti Muslim hypocrites who hate the environment and the poor? Prove us wrong for once. The time for being kind to this country/world destroying behavior is over.

    • Julie says...

      If you support a system and benefit from a system that perpetuates racism, you are a racist. Period. So yes, America is racist. Now, let’s get to work being anti-racist.

    • Nancy says...

      If you support a racist president, how are you not then racist? Do you believe the president is racist but support him anyway for other reasons? Then you’re still supporting a racist president, you just don’t care enough that he is racist. And if you don’t believe he is racist, why not? How else do you explain the remarks he has made about people of color and the support he has shown for white supremacist groups such as the Proud Boys or the Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville?

    • j says...

      @Rachael, I think it is helpful to remember that racism isn’t only about what you believe in your heart; it’s about your actions and their impact. It’s not just about active hate; it’s also about policy. Trump has fanned the flames of racism in our country, and many of the policies he supports disproportionately harm people of color. So even if folks are voting for Trump because of concerns about taxes or things like that, that action still has a racist impact.

    • Laura Scott says...

      I would like to use my mom as an example here. She is a first generation asian. A small brown women who came to this country legally in the 60s. She speaks with a heavey accent and has never had a great command of the english language, even now. She loves this country and has been happy as a clam raising her family here. She has always been a republican. She is the only republican in my family and extended family. She and my white, american born father have been cancelling each others votes out for decades. She voted for Trump. Twice. She believes in lower taxes, putting jobs and industry before the environment, she is pro life. She believes all immigrants should come here legally, just like she did. She has experienced racism all through her life here. I have several memories of going shopping with her and after interacting with a clerk, she would whisper to me in her heavy accent: she/he was prejudiced, I can tell. This happened a lot. My parents just bought a house in my town and plan on moving here. She said to me she hopes her new neighbors will accept her. So no, she doesn’t have a racist bone in her body. She is not a single issue voter but has always identified with the republican platform. She has vastly different political views than me and I still adore her.

    • Alycia says...

      Laura, if your mother puts industry before the environment, is okay with kids in cages, and votes for Trump despite his appalling COVID response she is not pro-life. I don’t care if she is an immigrant who came here legally and has experienced prejudice, she is just as racist as the rest of us. And worst of all, she continues to vote for a known racist who has done nothing to make her life in the US easier. We wouldn’t expect anyone to accept this behavior in other countries, we have gone to war over it, why should we accept it now, even if she is sweet to you and your family?