Design

Have a Delicious Weekend.

strawberries photo by deb perelman

What are you up to this weekend? Anton’s seventh birthday is this Sunday (time flies!), so we’ll be celebrating with sparklers and a hamburger cake. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few links from around the web…

New hip hop stamps from USPS.

A lovely, breezy apartment tour.

My body is a confederate monument.” Wow, what an essay.

Four same-sex couples on parenting.

‘Would you rathers’ for parents during quarantine, hahaha.

Breadcrumbs are a better choice than croutons, every time.

Merriam-Webster updated their definition of racism, after a 22-year-old Missouri woman asked for it to be changed. (New York Times)

Yes! Never Have I Ever is getting a second season on Netflix. LOVED the first season.

Cute masks to wear every day.

Tip 50%, if you can.

Watch Jennifer Hudson belt ‘Respect’ in the trailer for the Aretha Franklin biopic.

And always ask yourself, are you taking a vacation or trip? :)

Plus, two reader comments:

Says Abby on a funny thing to do when playing games: Here are some card games played by two players. If you are looking for a really good, more strategic game, look no further than 7Wonders: The Duel. It is one of my partner’s and my favorites! Other great two-person games include: SkipBo, Phase 10, Ligretto and the teeny tiny travel-sized: Punto.”

Says Vittoria on what’s your comfort movie: “My roommate and I always quote the line from When Harry Met Sally: ‘I’m going to be 40!’ ‘When?’ ‘SOMEDAY!'”

(Photo by Deb Perelman/Instagram.)

Note: If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission, at no cost to you. We recommend only products we genuinely like. Thank you so much.

  1. Anon says...

    I just have this feeling the CoJ team sat at their planning meeting, pondering what, if anything, to say about Fourth of July this year, and couldn’t land on anything that wouldn’t have been contentious.

    Bottom Line that all posters can agree on, I feel – the 4th WAS different this year. Either because of the restrictions on celebrations due to a global pandemic, a global anti-racist movement that has opened the eyes of many, OR, if you choose not to accept these reasons as valid, then it felt different to you because many others DID refrain from celebrating and while you may not understand, you can still feel it.

    It’s a bittersweet moment in US history, as these comments represent pretty thoroughly.

  2. Paige says...

    Hey Cup of Jo! In light of the contentious comments section (and in other posts but I noticed this one especially), maybe you could do a post about internet etiquette? I’d also love to see a bit more feedback in the comments from you guys especially in moderating some of the conversations and ensuring it stays out of name-calling and nasty territory. Or maybe you could post (or repost if I missed it) your “commenting policy” for the blog? I really appreciate this space and blog and so enjoy coming here for the comments too and just want it to stay that way for all!

    • Christina says...

      Yes, I second this!!!!!

    • Roxana says...

      Paige, I appreciate your comment and think a post about internet etiquette would be interesting. However, I really appreciate the way Joanna and her team moderate the comments and that they allow comments that include name-calling or nastiness. While I believe these comments are ugly and offensive, they’re also an authentic part of a dialogue. When issues of importance are being discussed, they can serve as a reflection of the strong emotions many of us feel. I’m sure there are some comments that aren’t posted, but for the most part, I’m all for leaving them up.

  3. Liz S says...

    Our local newspaper did a story about the new University women’s soccer coach who was born in Poland who just became an American citizen. This is a quote from him taken from the story. The dark times he is referring to are the protests.

    “I think a lot of people will say, ‘Oh, we’re in a dark time because we’re going through all of this,’ but I’m thinking, ‘This is exactly why I came here,’” Citowicki said. “I don’t know if some of the other places that I’ve grown up in that you’d be allowed to have this conversation. You’d be told that this is the way it is and there is no changing it. America is a place where we can have those conversations and hopefully see improvements because we’re not perfect. We’re just a place that’s trying to be better, trying to be as perfect as we can be.”

    So brava Cup of Jo for risking your platform to try to make a better America.

    • Unity says...

      So well said! 👏

    • Rachel says...

      He was previously the coach at my alma mater, St. Catherine’s in St. Paul, MN! Glad to see him making this kind of impression!

  4. M says...

    This comment section made me sad.

    As a family we declined on celebrating the July 4th holiday this weekend because we aren’t free in this beautiful country, until everyone is free in this beautiful country. When someone says “Happy 4th of July!” to our BIPOC brothers and sisters, the answer has to be “Happy for who?”

    It isn’t that we aren’t grateful for democracy, it’s that we want equal rights for *all.*

    Instead we donated to the bail fund for the Lakota tribe who were tear gassed on their own sacred & sovereign land. And we donated to @together.rising who is looking out for those needing a helping hand right now. We felt best about that being the way to love our nation today.

    I certainly don’t know why Jo didn’t mention it, but it never crossed my mind that she had to.

    Happy birthday to your sweet boy, Joanna!

    • Katie says...

      Thank you for your eloquent explanation! To me it sounds like donations and advocating for justice is the most patriotic way to spend the fourth. The Declaration of Independence literally says that we are entitled “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” To everyone questioning those not “celebrating” the 4th of July – isn’t fighting for the very rights outlined in our founding the best way to celebrate?

    • Elisabeth says...

      M, exactly. I’ve been waiting for the Cup of Jo comment thread — usually so full of kindness and interesting, engaging people and perspectives — to descend into the selfishness and nationalism being exhibited by the rest of the US right now. Looks like this weekend did it. For what it’s worth, I appreciate Jo and crew for providing us with lovely and important content consistent with a value system that prioritizes equality and generosity.

  5. Chrissie says...

    The comment section bums me out this week! But it’s indicative of the times we live in right? For my part, I loved the roundup and appreciate the hard work of Jo and her team (which we get to enjoy for free!!)

    Celebrate the 4th (while recognizing why it would sting for some people) or don’t!

    Go to restaurants and tip 50 percent of you are able to or don’t! If, like most people, you can’t afford to tip 50 percent do 20 percent and be kind! Don’t complain if something isn’t perfect or takes too long. Let the waitstaff know you appreciate them!

    Cross your fingers for school back 100 percent in person in the fall or don’t! (Just recognize that not everyone has the resources or ability to successfully utilize distance learning!)

    This is all of our first global pandemic. Be kind to each other!

  6. Cheery and Stobery Such a delicious and Jucy fruits and full energetic.

  7. Si says...

    Thank you so much for your continued commitment to recognizing inequities and for acknowledging (through not acknowledging) that it is not a celebration if it’s only for those who have not been left behind by their country.

    This is the work that needs to be taken on. Thank you for your thoughtful approach.

  8. Chana says...

    Wow. Your silence regarding July 4th weekend is astounding. Has US history become so embroiled in today’s politics that it isn’t worthwhile to devote a few words to the many who’ve sacrificed their lives, to those who serve at great personal sacrifice, to tremendous moments in our history that have led us to where we are today (for better or worse)? Are we so afraid to speak up about anything that isn’t one specific party line? We need to learn from history, not erase it. I am a long-time reader of CoJ, and I am deeply disappointed at the stance you’ve taken. Silence speaks louder than words.

    • Roxana says...

      Chana, I completely agree. I was struck by the same thing. Very disappointing. Our country might be broken in some ways, but there is always something to celebrate and honor. Thank you for speaking up!

    • Becky says...

      Do you know anything about our country’s history and how celebrating Independence Day has white privilege written all over it.

    • Ameya says...

      Came here to comment the same thing, Chana! CoJ seems to be toeing the party line, where being anti-racist means being anti-American as well. Disappointed is the right word.

    • Anon says...

      It’s her blog, and she has every right to celebrate or abstain from celebrating holidays as she wishes. You have the same right, so go ahead and celebrate.

    • rachel says...

      i cant agree more. its a scary world we are living in.

    • Jo says...

      As a fellow American, I respectfully disagree. There are many ways to honor our storied past that don’t include throwing a BBQ on the 4th. I personally feel that protest and action will always be more patriotic than platitudes about independence.

      Chana, I hope that you enjoyed your Independence Day and found a way to celebrate that is meaningful to you.

      I’ve also been deeply grateful to CupofJo for facing the current status of the nation, working on their diversity and I respect their decision to remain silent at time if that’s what they think is best.

    • Andrea says...

      Chana

      Wow. Your bald attempt at making an issue out of no issue is worthy of McCarthy. You might as well ask when Joanna stopped beating her children.

      Maybe everyone who reads this should have to report how they spent the long weekend. Those deemed not gloriously patriotic enough might need to go to a reeducation camp and reflect on the enormous sacrifices blog shamers have made throughout history.

    • whatever says...

      It’s clear that are worked up, offended, and indignant- but I honestly don’t understand this comment, what there is to be “deeply disappointed” about, or what “stance” you are inferring…but if you have something that you want to “devote a few words to” then why not just do that? Maybe write a few sentences to share? Silence is not actually louder than words in most cases and if you want to be understood it’s probably better to be able to articulate your point of view.

    • Becca says...

      I think you may be confusing July 4th with Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day?

    • Brittany says...

      I respectfully disagree with you, Chana. I find CoJ’s silence regarding July 4th extremely respectful and appropriate given the current social and political climate in our world. I imagine she and her team will not always be silent but, this year, it is absolutely fitting and respectful. Thank you, CoJ.

    • Adel says...

      Andrea, you are more than entitled to whatever your opinions may be, but please ladies- let’s keep this respectful. What has been disappointing to me is the lack of moderation on the part of CoJ to inhibit people from being rude to one another. It seems to me that when someone disagrees with the popular point of view on this blog, some feel that it’s okay to bite back hard and rude. Let’s welcome all dialogue, and please remember that when you reference the diversity embraced in the blog, true diversity includes a spectrum of left to right views.
      Joanna, perhaps you’d like to take a look at Elizabeth Holmes’ website So Many Thoughts (whom you introduced me to! Love her!) and see how she handles impolite and rude comments. She handles it really well. Comments such as “the internet is free, educate yourself”- especially from a staff writer- should not be allowed. Let’s just be nice, please!

    • Sasha L says...

      Adel, “let’s just be nice” isn’t going to get us all out of this one. “Let’s just be nice” is code for be quiet, don’t make a good, for heaven’s sake don’t call someone in to take responsibility for her actions/words/viewpoint. *Nice* can go f*CK herself. You want to have a dialogue about respect, equality and equity, privilege, kindness, reparations, the patriarchy, treason…… I’m down with that. Maybe someone else has time for nice, I’m too busy trying to save the soul of my country.

    • Adel says...

      Hmm, interesting perspective. I just don’t know, I’ve never thought of nice as a contradiction to action or strength of conviction. I’ve never met Martin Luther King Jr. but I’ve always envisioned him as a kind gentleman with strong convictions. All the true real life leaders I’ve ever met were nice people. I’m going to have to disagree with you on this one, and hope really hard that others do too.
      Something else to think about- Brene Brown has done a lifetime of work on vulnerability and shame, and the research is unequivocal: shaming others is never an effective means of effecting change. Just something to consider.

  9. JV says...

    Living with Mary Poppins for the win!! Makes me sad that this cannot happen. A mom can dream….

  10. LAEL DALAL says...

    50%! No. I cant! So entitled

  11. Anna says...

    Just chiming in to say that this is the angriest set of Weekend links comments I have ever seen on CoJ! Is this the mood in America right now? Furiously divided people in a rage over how much is acceptable to tip? If so I am truly sorry for your country. Is it Covid that has caused this, or Trump, or left/right divisions over BLM? Or a bit of everything? More and more I wish the Internet was just cat videos again… still, thank you Joanna and team for all your hard work and beautiful content, I appreciate it every day x

    • C. says...

      Anna,
      Yes I would say you’ve accurately described the mood in America right now. People are angry about everything, everybody hates everybody else, and people are very easily triggered. It is discouraging. We have not reached a collaborative, productive, problem solving, policy changing phase of dialogue. Maybe someday we will get there, but I don’t see anybody willing to take a seat at the table and work with opposing viewpoints. So solutions could be a long way off. Thanks for the concern. I still love cat videos.

  12. “My Body is a confederate monument”. Wow, what an essay, so powerful. Thank you for drawing it to my attention.
    I realised that I’ve been following your blog (on and off, mostly on) since before Toby was born (!), and I’ve never said before, thank you for doing your thing. Especially recently when the posts have been little nuggets of sanity during British lockdown. Without wanting to sound too gushing (I’m British, we don’t gush as a rule), I really do look forward to all the posts on your site.
    That’s all. I’ll shut up now.
    Tonia

  13. Elle says...

    Wow, so many comments about the 4th of July and how people feel entitled to eat out at the same exploitatively low cost, even when waiters are dealing with so much more, and only two comments about Caroline Randall Williams’s amazingly powerful essay “You Want a Confederate Monument? My Body Is a Confederate Monument”.

    I came to the comments with excitement to read about people’s reactions to this important piece and the wonderful news of the much needed update to the definition of racism. I’m disappointed by the lack of comments about these two links. I hope we don’t go back to business as usual after a spike in concern about Black lives.

    That essay is one of the best things I’ve read. I just keep reading it and telling people about it. I hope others read it. Thank you for posting it, COJ team!

    • EC says...

      Thanks for making this point, Elle. I’m kind of embarrassed that I almost missed this essay because the brittle indignation and entitlement on display in the comments section this week have overshadowed it. It’s one of the most powerful pieces of writing I’ve come across in a while, and I thank COJ for sharing and other commenters for bringing attention back to it. Excited to have Caroline Randall Williams’ voice on my radar now!

      on that note, I have a recommendation. Code Switch released a really wonderful episode this week that covers similar territory – https://www.npr.org/2020/06/30/885179622/we-arent-who-we-think-we-are

    • Jo says...

      Thank you for this comment. I agree with you and I want to second your comments about that essay. Wow.

    • LC says...

      Thank you for this comment. So revealing

    • Sasha L says...

      I had already come across that article earlier in the week, and it was profound. Along with another piece I read about Black women, slavery, breastfeeding and *wet* nursing, it certainly spoke to my soul about our history and the innumerable ways that racism destroys humanity. Imagine being forced to feed a baby not your own, before your own, and falling in love with that baby, because you are in fact human, and knowing that baby will grow up to OWN your children, should they survive…. Your own children, who are the half siblings of this little white baby. Your own children who you love despite their father being your owner and your rapist. What does it do to a people’s soul when this is family.

      There is SO MUCH to tell. We must listen.

  14. RH says...

    I used to think it was so nutty to hear right wing pundits say how those on the Progressive left “hate America!”. But then I’ve consistently observed a purposeful silence surrounding any national holiday here (4th of July, Memorial Day, Veterans Day) and I begin to think…maybe?

    In an increasingly globalized world, I sincerely wonder why privileged American writers and media influencers don’t relocate? Surely you can earn your income anywhere? If it’s so bad in your nation that you can’t acknowledge any good publicly anymore, hasn’t it become like an abusive relationship/home and it’s time to exit? Additionally, those who feel this way and migrate will provide more space and resources to those who are actively seeking citizenship and refuge here. I’m asking genuinely. Are other countries not good enough for consideration – is there a bigotry of low expectations in your choice to stay in America instead of build a life in a different culture?

    Or, do you not say anything for fear of a larger backlash for actually publicly celebrating a national holiday?

    Maybe you feel silence is the kindness way to handle the tension?

    Unfortunately, one cannot NOT communicate. Your silence is a statement.

    Trying to understand….

    • El says...

      Hi! I hope I can help you understand.

      Celebrating (someone’s) freedom is in bad taste when children are in cages in the U.S., Black and Native men are far more likely to be harassed and murdered by the police in the U.S., and Donald Trump is hosting an event at Mt Rushmore (a sacred place for the Lakota which was stolen, then vandalized with the faces of slave owners and genocide supporters).

      Imagine going to an indulgent dinner party that was held right next to a group of people who were starving. You’d hopefully feel pretty uncomfortable about that, right? That’s how celebrating the 4th of July feels to a lot of us who are aware and effected by the injustices I listed above.

      Or, if you’d like to read the 1850 perspective on this, here’s Frederick Douglas: “What, to the American slave, is your 4th of July? I answer; a day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is the constant victim. To him, your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty, an unholy license; your national greatness, swelling vanity; your sound of rejoicing are empty and heartless; your denunciation of tyrants brass fronted impudence; your shout of liberty and equality, hollow mockery; your prayers and hymns, your sermons and thanks-givings, with all your religious parade and solemnity, are to him, mere bombast, fraud, deception, impiety, and hypocrisy — a thin veil to cover up crimes which would disgrace a nation of savages. There is not a nation on the earth guilty of practices more shocking and bloody than are the people of the United States, at this very hour.”

      I hope that helps :)

    • DR says...

      Except nothing in your post demonstrated any genuine curiosity, your “questions’ were actually comments and accusations in the form of questions. Patriotism can often look like rage – what do you think ignited the Boston Tea Party? People who care get angry with injustice – if you need to twist that as “hate” that is your narrative and your issue.

    • Jess says...

      Wtf. Not acknowledging holidays doesn’t mean one hates ANYTHING. Are you aware that there is more to a nation and more to a home than holidays? The only abuse is your gaslighting.

    • Anon says...

      1) Choosing not to celebrate a holiday is not “hateful”.
      2) “Move to a different country”? Leave your family, friends, and home…. so that Trump can run the country as he wishes?

      I hope people who disagree with injustice and corruption don’t leave the country. They are the true hope for the USA.

    • FGB says...

      Thank you, EL. Beautifully said.

    • Becky says...

      Disgusted with your idea that people who dont fit your mold must leave.

    • RH says...

      EL,

      I hear your sentiments, and kindly submit that you are free to give up your citizenship to any one of those very children who were put in cages (beginning during the Obama administration).

      Please practice what you preach. You’re the one sitting at that fancy dinner table you mentioned while people starve: typing your response in your stolen house on stolen land, presumably on a laptop or phone device that is the product of corporate capitalism. But the fact that you refuse to acknowledge a holiday, go woke on social media, and quote Fredrick Douglass absolves you of your hypocrisy I guess.

    • RH says...

      Anon,

      My suggestion to consider moving is a celebration of immigration and globalization.
      Immigrants and refugees being able to come here are exactly what help to make this nation great.
      To those who recognize that America is stolen, colonized land (and truly wish to absolve themselves of their complicity) can migrate back.

      Enough with the performative stances on media. Leaving America will free up much needed resources and space for people pleading to come here.
      Your comment insinuated that moving is a bad thing, which ultimately disparages the many brave immigrants who do so. They leave their families, their jobs, their comfort in search of hope and a new future.

      Immigration is a powerful step for those who are discontent with their nation. I’m suggesting those who feel such disappointment in America stop being complicit: take action and go.

    • El says...

      RH, thanks for your response! It seems like you weren’t sure how to do more than have social media exchanges– my suggestion is to look into reparations as a substantive way to move past the hypocrisy you’ve referenced. Resource Generation (https://resourcegeneration.org/land-reparations-indigenous-solidarity-action-guide/) has information I’ve found super helpful. I hope it’s helpful for you too, and that you’re excited to start accounting for your position as a settler.

      Really glad you’re so sincerely interested in this work. :)

    • Katie says...

      I consider myself to be deeply patriotic and I did not celebrate the 4th – nor do I stand for the national anthem nor salute the flag. My family is as patriotic as they come, and have served in the US military since the American Revolution. How do we prefer to show our patriotism? By going to protests to advocate for equal rights, by running for local office, by performing community service, donating to important causes, and always voting. I would argue that fighting for a more just and equal America is the most patriotic thing you could do because it shows you believe that we, as a country, can (and should) do better.

    • Elisabeth says...

      RH, you’re not “trying to understand.” EL has done an excellent job of explaining and giving you tools; they did not need to do this emotional labor for you, and you’ve been nothing but purposefully obtuse and snarky. Exchange your citizenship for one of those kids in cages? What in the ever-loving logical fallacy is that? It’s disingenuous to claim that you’re trying to learn here. Be honest.

      EL, and Joanna and Co., thank you for your respect surrounding this time in our history.

    • Sasha L says...

      RH, is that what we are? Holidays? Caring about America is the celebration of holidays????

      Wait, I bet it’s also about veneration of the flag, right?

      For me, and call me a nut, my care for America is solidly about the American people (and public lands get some love from me too, if any survive this administration)………. The ones protesting, and dying of covid, and being bountied in foreign lands while serving their country. But yeah, fireworks and fabric.

    • Annie says...

      Immigration is a beautiful thing. However, our society is increasingly leaning towards the demonetization of immigrants. Immigrants, particularly those who are undocumented and those that are unable to vote to make their voices heard do not have the same power to push back against this as those with privilege. Your suggestion that privileged people take themselves elsewhere if they don’t like it is the antithesis of what one should be doing with their privilege. If all these privileged people you mention pack up and leave, what happens to those that have no power? It is the ultimate selfish act of someone with privilege to leave and allow others to suffer under an oppressive administration because you don’t like how things are going. Especially when the thing you don’t like is how those without power are being treated.

  15. Anonymous says...

    I think it’s telling that people are much more interested in quibbling about tipping than discussing Caroline Randall Williams’ powerful “My Body is a Confederate Monument” article. Can we take a moment to reexamine our priorities? Have white people already gotten bored and moved on from the anti-racism work they promised they were going to do?

  16. Mikaela says...

    Since you guys used Deb Perelman’s photo, maybe we could also get a link or a standalone discussion about her incredibly timely NYT article this week.

    • Erin says...

      Amen to that for all the full-time working mothers out there who are losing their collective minds.

  17. Molly says...

    Caroline’s piece is vulnerable, convincing, beautiful. Our parents are friends in Nashville. Her mom Alice Randall is a beautiful writer. Read her book, The Wind Done Gone, for a different perspective (one of the slaves) on the classic Gone With the Wind.

  18. CS says...

    A 50% tip?? A 100% tip???? I am sorry, but… Seriously? How about a 15-20% tip, wear a mask, be kind, and support restaurants regularly… and no take out apps as they apparently take a huge portion of the restaurant’s profit and don’t benefit servers (thank you commenters below for sharing this information).

    When I go out to eat, I am already paying for a meal at a much higher cost than a home cooked meal. Of course that makes sense and I am happy to do this as it helps a business, plus is fun and relaxing. I rather go out for dinner more often, that is truly helpful to restaurants and the economy. Pressure to pay that kind of tip will just turn many people off from dining out.

    • CS says...

      Note: I am ashamed to admit that I posted my previous comment without reading the article. I don’t ever do that, but I did. I had a knee jerk reaction that came from a very different context: I am Canadian and living where Covid has not hit too badly (thanks in great part to government response). Where I live, the minimum wage is over 11$ an hour. I realize I am living in a very different situation than discussed in the article. I was surprised to read in the comments below that a server in Manhattan might only make 3$ an hour. (Did I understand correctly??? I had no idea.)

      Having read the article fully, I admit I understand the author’s point, though I still don’t think I agree with the solution that everyone must tip 50%or more. The fact remains that many people cannot afford to tip that highly. Huge tips would mean that only the wealthy can eat out. Since it seems there is not much government support for these restaurants or their employees, they have no choice but to work through the pandemic. So it is still important to patronize these establishments, or they will sadly close and the servers will lose their jobs. What a conundrum.

      I don’t know what the solution is, and maybe it is not my place to suggest, but it truly sounds like the problem is in the system. Better minimum wage laws are needed, and support for people and small businesses so that they don’t have to endanger their health in areas where the pandemic is widespread. And under the circumstances, both servers AND clients should be wearing masks.

    • Elle says...

      15-20% tip is the baseline amount that one should tip under normal circumstances. If you take into consideration the fact that during COVID, restaurants are often seating fewer people to keep everyone at a safe distance (either because of government orders, or just because it’s the right thing to do), and waiters are putting themselves at greater health risk to serve you during this time, it makes sense to compensate them for that. Going out to dinner more often and paying less is not more helpful to waiters. Helping restaurant owners is great, and of course keeping the restaurants from closing is good for the staff, but waiters work on tips and if they work the same amount of hours as they used to but get half as many customers, then that is putting the most financially vulnerable people in the equation in a terrible situation. Of course people might say they are choosing to do this job, but it’s not as simple as that. Restaurant owners get to decide how they are going to operate during this time, and waiters have the choice of no income or less income for the same amount of hours plus more danger. We in the U.S. have never had to pay the true cost of food and dining. It has always been an exploitative industry, and it is more so now.

  19. Anna says...

    Tipping in America is insane. I remember when I first moved there and learned that waiting staff earned like one or two dollars an hour and couldn’t survive financially unless patrons left exorbitant tips. My husband and I couldn’t work out why eating out was so cheap compared to England, until a friend explained about routine underpayment of staff! Tbh we were so disgusted we stopped eating out after that. Surely it’s the system that needs to change to ensure proper wages – putting the onus on customers to make up the difference feels completely topsy turvy.

    • Elle says...

      Anna, I agree with everything you said about the tipping system being insane in the U.S., but either way the customer should be paying more. If we raise wages (which we should) instead of asking people to tip more, the restaurant owner will just pass that extra cost on to the customer by raising the price of dishes. Profit margins for most restaurants in the U.S. are razor thin. So the onus is on the customer either way. Customers in the U.S. need to accept that the true cost of dining out is higher than what we have been paying and tip more or support restaurants that pay a fair living wage.

  20. Anita says...

    I’m really surprised at people disagreeing with the 50% tip article (to be honest being British it’s crazy to me that service staff even need to rely on tips to make up their salaries, they should be paid properly in the first place!). I totally agree that going to a restaurant right now is a luxury, and restaurants and bars are being kept open to survive, and things are definitely not back to normal. Servers are being treated as frontline staff and have to deal with all the health risks frontline staff have been dealing with during the pandemic, just to survive. Thus, If you can afford to eat out, and are lucky enough that your health can withstand the risks of eating out, why not tip 50% or more? We clapped for our health workers, but we can’t help them from a monetary stand point. However, we can make a tangible difference to other front line workers like restaurant and bar servers. Sorry this is a little long winded, but just feels to me like the world has forgotten Covid still exists, things are not back to normal but are being forced back to normal so economies don’t suffer. I think we need to remember that and help where we can. And frankly if you don’t want to pay a larger tip to eat out, everyone is free to cook from home or get a take out!

    • Elizabeth says...

      You said what I was thinking, but with a lot more kindness and generosity of spirit than I could muster! I simply cannot comprehend how people feel they have a “right” to eat and be served on in a crowd of unmasked diners while the country sets a new record high of covid cases almost every day, or why they feel so outraged that someone might urge them to pay more for the experience during these times. The “burden” of ordering take out if you cannot afford to tip 50% at the moment is not greater than the burden of a restaurant worker who had to choose between earning any income at all and protecting their and their family’s health because we live in a country/state/city with a terrible social welfare system.

    • Elizabeth says...

      I think the tipping argument is more about transparency. In some states, workers are paid minimum wage, in my state that is $10/hour, and while I’m not saying that is a living wage, things do vary a lot. I find tipping quite stressful. Also the entitlement that some have around tipping is uncomfortable. I found a jar at my local Radio Shack recently. Really?

    • Katie says...

      Here, here!

      Servers have no choice but to serve you or else they lose their income. They are performing a service for you and risking their health in the process.

      If you haven’t lost your job in the pandemic or been furloughed, then you can certainly tip a little extra. Maybe not 50%, but something.

      My husband and I have been tipping more since the onset. I’ve also sent my hair stylist large tips when I would have had my hair done. I’ve donated to food banks.

      Shame on all of you.

    • April says...

      Katie, I can tell yours is a well meaning comment and that you are probably a very generous and kind person. But please consider: Those servers who are serving you have not lost their jobs, but that doesn’t mean that they could afford to tip 50% if they eat out. Does that mean they must never eat out, maybe to relax one night with their family? A lot of people are making ends meet, but not thriving. When they go out for supper, they are helping keep small businesses afloat. Please don’t tell people “shame on you”. That is so judgmental. Certainly people should be as generous as they can, but things are so complicated right now. How can we judge their circumstances?

    • Anonymous says...

      Katie,

      I think it’s more complicated than that. I am on unemployment but my husband is still working. However, he’s taken a lofty 10% pay cut and his company is going through rounds of furloughs. We have three children to support and we have no idea what our future will look like. Will my husband lose his job in the coming weeks? When will I work again? Will our children return to school in the fall, actually giving me the time to work? Ensuring we have enough for if/when even more dire times come is such a stressful unknown.

      So with that in mind, and echoing April’s comment, are we not allowed to eat out (and still support) our local restaurants because we can “only” afford to tip the standard 20%?

      I think many people are doing their best to support others while also caring for themselves. I’m glad that your job is secure and you can afford to carry on paying for services you’re not receiving. But remember, many are not as fortunate as you.

  21. Agnès says...

    The story about the dictionnary is so important, SO important: for the student who knows now that asking for a change does work, and for the whole society; a dictionnary is such a reference. Bravo.

    • M says...

      I agree! I told my kids (junior in high school & rising college freshman) & they were inspired & so impressed!

  22. Hanna says...

    Hey Joanna,

    just wanted so thank you for the week of lovely, thoughtful and diverse content this week! Thank you for providing it for free :)

    Have fun celebrating with Anton! Hamburger Cake sounds awesome :D

  23. Jo says...

    Get goosebumps every time I watch the RESPECT trailer, J HUD was born
    For this role and I hope it cements her as one of the greatest vocalist of all time, she is amazing – can’t wait for this movie

  24. T says...

    Wow, that tipping article made me so mad. Fine for privileged persons but what about those who are struggling? Stay home and feel bad or worse like a failure? Not have the right to go to a restaurant? This was absurd!

    • Elle says...

      Hi T,
      Going out to a restaurant is not a right, it is commercial offering that not everyone can afford. Dining out has been kept extremely cheap in the U.S. through the exploitation of workers in the food industry. It is not the right of one person to get a cheap meal and service at the cost of someone else. We made laws long ago in this country to try to stop the exploitation of workers who produce physical products and it could have been argued at the time that by doing so some people would no longer be able to afford those products. That doesn’t mean it was the wrong decision. Abolishing slave labor meant fewer people could afford to live on huge plantations, but that was also not a right. It would be great if there was a redistribution of wealth and everyone could afford the true cost of a meal out, but saying that those who are struggling should be able to go out to eat even if they can’t cover a fair living wage for the person who serves them is just passing the suffering on.

  25. Madelyn says...

    Was I the only one disappointed after clicking on the hip hop stamps link?

    • Sarah says...

      Nope. I was excited & then quickly disappointed.

    • laura says...

      Lol I was so excited. I thought it was going to be pictures of like, Jay Z and Missy Elliot. It’s cool that they’re celebrating it though.

    • If you look around online there are some beautiful Marvin Gaye and Jimi Hendrix forever stamps. The Hendrix ones are particularly beautiful

    • Jenny T. says...

      Laura – I used to work with the team that designs the stamps for USPS and just wanted to chime in and say that they don’t feature people until at least 3 years after their death. So hopefully we won’t have any Missy Elliot and Jay Z stamps for a long, long time!

    • Annie says...

      Marvin Gaye and Jimi Hendrix are both incredible artists, but it is important to note that they are not Hip Hop. Soul/R&B/Motown (Marvin) and Rock (Jimi) are now celebrated genres (artists) among almost all groups of people (I assume this happened with time, I am not an expert, but I am assuming they were not always celebrated). Unfortunately, Hip Hop is still not readily or frequently acknowledged by our white-dominated society as the extremely influential art form it is. Enjoyed? Yes. Revered? Not so much. But all I have to do is turn on my radio to hear some local stations proudly claiming that they refuse to play “Rap and Hip Hop” with out any acknowledgement of the diversity of talent and content within both of these genres. Personally, I have not once heard stations claim they refuse to play rock or soul (though those same stations never play soul . . . and don’t play Jimi Hendrix . . . )

      The stamps are nice but I agree with others, I was underwhelmed. It would be great to see influential hip hop artists featured for their excellence.

  26. Janine says...

    The 50% tipping article is insane, but I cannot recommend the comment section enough. It is a laugh riot!

  27. Katie says...

    Wait. Hold up. ANTON is turning seven?! Where does the time go? *crying emoji*

  28. Becca says...

    Roasted chickpeas are a better choice than croutons too!

    • m says...

      100% emoji

  29. shannon says...

    Posting the weekend content on Thursday without explaining why is confusing, particularly for readers outside of the United States. Is there a reason the July 4th holiday is being celebrated with blog post action (early “Friday” post on Thursday, which implies the COJ staff heading off for a long weekend) but not words (a line or link in the post itself about the holiday)? I find this extremely odd; I felt the same about Memorial Day weekend which was also unacknowledged. I understand you may not be feeling excited about these holidays or planning to celebrate with any traditional activities such as a parade, cemetery visit, or barbecue. However, you’re apparently engaging in a long weekend (a luxury denied to many this year, may I add), so to leave the holiday unacknowledged with words is a real head scratcher.

    • CM says...

      Yeah I was also confused about this. I’m from the US but didn’t realize people were taking Friday off (I guess for the 4th? But Friday is the 3rd?)… a little explanation would be helpful.

    • AB says...

      I have seen nitpicking in the comments, but this one takes the cake. Remember that this website is provided to you free of charge by women who are battling their own struggles behind the scenes.

    • Georgia says...

      couldn’t agree more.

    • Agnès says...

      As a long time reader from France, the post is not confusing at all, it is quite obvious why there is a long week-end ;-) and why nobody wants to celebrate. Same in France, on the 14th, it will be difficult to celebrate as usual, many people have died and our country is mourning.
      This blog is lifting everybody’s spirit and the content is so bright and IT’S FREE; we should all be so grateful. Have a good long week-end Cup of Jo and all the readers.

    • Christina says...

      I found it confusing too, especially since the Friday isn’t on the fourth. It took me a while to understand, even checking the calendar to see what day it actually was :-). May I please ask the CupOfJo team to write just the slightest explaining, for those of us abroad from you?

    • Andrea says...

      Is this really a concern, or are you just picking a fight? There is no minimum content anyone has to post on a blog.

    • Becky says...

      Um no. You are picking an argument here.

    • Christina says...

      I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pick a fight. As a foreigner, I honestly didn’t think about the 4th of July, and since today is the 3rd, it took a while before I made the association. I only meant to kindly ask that it be mentioned why there is a day off. I sincerely appreciate the content and the work the whole team does!

    • Julie says...

      Just chiming in from a British reader – it wasn’t confusing to me and in fact I am so unaware of the days of the week that I didn’t notice! After your comment I thought oh yeah – it’s fourth of July. How complicated and fair enough that the team didn’t comment. I don’t find it to be a head scratcher and I echo the gratitude for the amazing, free, kind, thoughtful content which tries to tackle some of the injustices in the world whilst also providing lovely (and for me, very soothing) content and amazing comments. Each to their own, but I wanted to present a counter view. Endlessly grateful for this blog which has taught me a lot and gives me something to look forward to.

    • Agnes says...

      Here for the nitpicking. Hahaha. I’ve been watching too much Seinfeld recently I guess, it all just seems funny. What annoys ME is that we had Canada Day on Wednesday. Ugh, no long weekend. Enjoy the 4th guys, if you can. X

    • Colleen says...

      There’s a reluctance to celebrate the Fourth of July this year in the US, but it has to do with race, not Covid. I think that’s why there was no acknowledgement of the holiday.

    • briana says...

      this is so outrageous. this internet-bred culture of people thinking they deserve everything they may consume tailored to their specific preferences is beyond frustrating. who cares what joanna and her team decide to do. they are free to live their lives and run their business as they see fit; it is THEIR CHOICE. we are so lucky to get all of the content and thought provoking articles they choose to share, FREE OF CHARGE. they don’t owe you an explanation. it is not about you. if you are confused, take a second to think about why, and accept that someone made a choice, that you may not understand or agree with, but that it is still perfectly acceptable! the nit picking is so prevalent right now, it is so exhausting.

    • cilla says...

      Another European here. not strange at all. maybe Americans are more sensitive about 4th July not being mentioned, but for the rest of us doesn’t really matter. Enjoy the long weekend and the birthday!

    • Katie says...

      Since the 4th of July is on a Saturday this year, U. S. companies give their employees the day before off, the 3rd. Next year, since the 4th is on a Sunday, people will have off the day after, so the 5th.

      There is your explanation.

    • Christina says...

      Never would I have guessed that my question would result in so much anger, especially from Briana. When there is a usual schedule to the posts of the week, why is it outrageous to wonder why the schedule is changed? It doesn’t mean I feel entitled to anything, I really simply just wondered, and I got so yelled at. Not ever will I ask anything again.

    • Katerra says...

      It really annoyed me Memorial Day and Independence Day were not acknowledged. Even a reason as to why there was no acknowledgment.

    • jane says...

      I feel it’s a legitimate request to ask for a simple explanation. It’s a simple request for respect in exchange for readership.

      So much of the world is unstable right now – when a place that is know to be reliable AND considerate changes without a head’s up, though surely an oversight, we are going to wonder. This is not a big deal, it’s just a request for respect.

    • SB says...

      For what it’s worth, my Google calendar as well as my desk calendar say “Forth of July (Recognized)” for July 3. It’s a totally common practice in the US (and other countries, I know for sure Canada does it, as well) to, when a federal holiday falls on a weekend, take the weekday off that falls nearest to that day. (Friday for a Saturday holiday, Monday for a Sunday holiday). This is not that difficult!

      Even if you don’t use Google calendars, it’s not CoJ’s obligation to alert you to a federally-recognized practice. Not to be catty, but there was an incredibly about of nitpicking in your comment!

  30. Reina says...

    Hey COJ team! Hope you’re doing fine and enjoying the long weekend :)

    I just wanted to say that I don’t agree with the article that says you should leave a 50% tip. The article is written in the form of an obligation! I agree that if you can, you should leave 50% (or more!) but if you can’t you shouldn’t feel bad… and yes you should go out and eat in a restaurant. We must help this industry and saying (actually claiming) that if you can’t leave a 50% tip you shouldn’t go will make many people not to go out and slow down the process of rebuilding the hospitality industry, when they could enjoy a really nice meal, not wash the dishes tonight, help their mental health… and leave a very decent and very good tip (and of course helping the business in the process).

    ♥️

    • Miranda says...

      Exactly… wondering why you’re encouraging us as consumers to make up for government policies that make it okay to pay a waiter $3/hour in Manhattan ? Why not simply petition for a real salary or minimum wage for waiters + restaurant workers? Goes back to the discussion on BLM – it’s not enough to make anecdotal efforts here and there, rather, it’s time for systemic change to tackle a systemic issue. This isn’t a matter of “tip more if you can.” This is about how to ensure that those at the bottom of the income pyramid have a minimum wage that’s compatible with the cost of living.

    • Elizabeth says...

      The premise underlying your comment is that people have a (moral? social?) obligation to support the abstract “hospitality industry” and “the business” but not the actual human beings who are being underpaid to put their lives at greater risk to prepare and serve you food while ensuring for your health and casual pleasure during this pandemic. Your argument is that tipping less is better because more diners will eat out, and will “enjoy a really nice meal, not wash the dishes tonight, help their mental health” — which shows not an ounce of consideration for either the mental health or physical health of restaurant workers. Indeed, your comment doesn’t mention them as people even once. If 75% of restaurants can’t pay their rent right now, how comfortable are you that the person cooking for you or waiting on you can pay both their rent and health insurance to belie the exposure risks of serving not only you but every other person who wants to eat out because they don’t feel like doing the dishes (and can afford to do so)? You SHOULD feel bad that we live in a society that screws vast swaths of primarily non-white people over because the lack of any real safety net or effective government response forces them to choose between having any income at all and keeping themselves/their families healthy. You’re not responsible for the entire structure of the country, but you are responsible for the way you act within that structure.

      I don’t know what your idea of a very good tip is, but if it’s not (or can’t be) 50% or more right now, then order take out and tip your very good tip there. You will still be supporting the “industry” that way.

    • Marie says...

      I agree! Eating out fits into my (student) budget only about once a month anyways, so being obligated to tip 50% would prohibit me from supporting local establishments at all.

    • EC says...

      Ok, do people know what obligation means? I’m honestly surprised this has some commenters so up in arms, because the post literally says to tip “if you can.” That means optional. That means, just a suggestion that fits into our current reality and is a thoughtful thing to do in the short term. It’s not a tax or a strongly encouraged CDC guideline, or even what justice looks like! All it is: a recognition of the risk that people are forced to take right now because you want or need the convenience of having someone else cook for you.

      honestly, many other underpaid essential workers are being forced to work and risk their health–for example, grocery store clerks, postal workers and warehouse staff processing orders for things you don’t need to ~support the economy~. But you wanna fight someone over how much extra $$ you want to leave for your takeout? just because you might feel guilty doesn’t make it an obligation. No one else is responsible for that.

      tl;dr you can agree that restaurant workers should be paid a living wage + work towards economic justice (which i’m not quite sure is “simple;” any of you tried labor organizing or passing legislation lately?) and still tip generously right this moment. and you’re free to look away and do whatever the hell you want.

    • ET says...

      I agree with Elizabeth completely. Everyone talks about needing to rebuild the economy but where is the concern for the workers. What used to be considered a “very decent tip” doesn’t cover the cost of what you are asking service people to do. Restaurants are seating fewer people for safety, so waiters work the same amount of hours to make far less. In addition, they are now putting their health at risk. The system was already exploitative, now it’s untenable.

      To Miranda, who said “wondering why you’re encouraging us as consumers to make up for government policies that make it okay to pay a waiter $3/hour”. If the government raises the minimum wage for waiters (as it should), the restaurant owners (who generally don’t see a large profit margin) will pass that cost onto the consumer by raising the price of the dish. What you as a consumer have gotten used to as the cost of a dish when eating out has been artificially low. The cost of a meal in countries paying a fair wage and not relying on tips is far higher.

      We in the U.S. have a huge problem with entitlement. Going out to eat and being served and cleaned up after is not something we’re entitled to, especially if it comes at the expense of others.

  31. karen says...

    Yes! on the 50% tipping.

    I recently traveled out of state for a small burial. It was very uncomfortable being “out” in the world: hotels, rest areas, restaurants!

    While we only ate outdoors, we HAD to eat out. We had no kitchen, though we did deliver pizza one night. These restaurants are mostly empty. And restaurant employees are wearing masks and shuffling around serving people who do not show the same mask respect. Or having to breath through a mask in a hot kitchen— touch your credit cards, share their pens.
    It’s stressful and not as lucrative for them. Tip those people. You didn’t have to make your dinner or do your dishes and that costs more these days.
    Thank you restaurant workers.

  32. Julie Boesch says...

    We’re on hour #8 of what is definitely a trip with our 5 children, my husband just yelled towards the back seat, “Daniel, that’s not your window, that’s your brother’s face! Move your hand!“

  33. Sarah says...

    Something about the tone of the 50% tipping article by Chris Crawley doesn’t sit well with me. I think it’s this line, where he’s just encouraged readers to tip 50% (or more – 100%!) on meals from restaurants :

    “What’s stopping you? Do you need to save that money for the vacation to Saint-Tropez you’re planning on taking once this is all over?”

    I assume it’s meant in jest but to me it could be interpreted also as patronizing or incredibly privileged. I am certainly not in a position to be saving for a trip to France, because I am trying to make it day by day while still supporting small businesses when I can, such as restaurants.

    It just … didn’t feel good at all to read this.

    • Jemma says...

      This comment captures my feeling of discomfort while reading the article.
      I refuse to eat at a restaurant because I can’t imagine exposing myself or the servers while I sit there maskless, eating my meal. But I have ordered take out a few times because it’s been TOUGH preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner every single day since self-isolation began. My husband can’t cook (and has a very demanding job, even if it’s done remotely) and my daughter is too young to help! I’m being made to feel guilty for just wanting one night off from cooking?
      We also live in the US, having moved her from the other side of the world, and we can’t even afford to go back and visit our very missed and worried loved ones, let alone a trip to St-Tropez!

  34. Rya Lauber says...

    My kids are in their 30’s but I still crack up every time I read Vacation or Trip: ” If you can’t see out the back window the entire time you are driving, you, my Friend, are going on a Trip.” Brings back memories of our family “vacations.”

  35. Kristin says...

    I am on a never ending search for cotton masks that are made in like 25 different shades of skin colors. I don’t want black masks (too hot in NYC), I don’t want white masks (makeup stains), and I don’t want cutesy colors or patterns that I match to my outfits (I am a 39 yr old professional running my own company). I just want them to disappear into my face.

    Has anyone seen these? Does anyone want to make these? Help!

    • Agnès says...

      Now that’s a good idea! I haven’t seen any. (maybe white masks, then dye?)

    • Mikaela says...

      Definitely check the Vogue link out, there’s definitely a set linked with multiple pale peach and warm brown skin tones available in that round-up. I almost bought one yesterday, but opted for a probably overly cutesy cheetah print. You only live once, so I may as well happy kitty through this crisis.

    • Shelley says...

      Skims (Kim kardashians company) sells masks in various nude shades.

  36. laura says...

    Eating out is definitely a luxury! My fear is that advising to tip so generously would prevent some people from ordering out at all.

    • Elle says...

      Laura,
      That would be okay. As you said eating out is a luxury. Not everyone can afford it if we pay the true (non-exploitative) cost, just as not everyone can afford a servant or buy a big house.

    • Marie says...

      @Elle, Almost all our food in the grocery store comes at an exploitative cost. Most of our food that is grown in the US is subsidized by our government, uses low-wage workers to harvest, and also comes at a huge health expense for those who live next to the food being grown. Farm chemicals are a real problem, and yet farmers in the Midwest keep using them because people in the cities want cheap food, and refuse to pay the real cost. The Midwest and other agricultural areas are paying the heavy price for cheap food. I am so tired of all the social policing, and arrogance. Everyone is guilty, so let’s be nice, and just try to do better.

    • Elle says...

      Hi Marie,
      I’m very aware of the ways all our food systems are exploitative as I have spent my life working in the restaurant industry, farming, and at non-profits working to improve these conditions. Saying that food from grocery stores is exploitative doesn’t detract from the issues with dining out. Both things are true, both need attention and care from consumers. What you call social policing and arrogance is often just people trying to raise the level of consciousness in The U.S. about an issue that truly doesn’t get discussed often enough because the people who are suffering are not people with power or a platform. It can be frustrating to be met with people prioritizing their desire for a luxury experience over someone else’s wellbeing.

      Maybe my reply was too curt and not a full explanation in this situation. I’m sorry for that. As I made my way down this comments section I was replying over and over in different threads to people who seem to feel that cheap food is an entitlement even if it is hurting others. It is really disheartening to read that so many times. Laura started by saying that eating out is a luxury, which I agree with, and then added the second sentence that seems to say that even though it’s a luxury, it’s more important not to exclude anyone from the experience than to protect the workers.

  37. Emily says...

    Hamburger cake is so cute!! I made hamburger cupcakes years ago with the bun being white cake and the burger consisting of a brownie. So much fun.

  38. Justine says...

    Whhhooooeeeee! I got actual chills listening to Jennifer belt that out. Can’t wait to see the movie.

  39. virginia says...

    I find the endorsement of an article suggesting to tip 50% very short-sighted and privileged. Tipping benefits mostly the waiters and waitresses, leaving little for anybody else. Instead of encouraging to unionize and raise the minimum wage, you are encouraging to shift the burden onto customers and make eating out something even more exclusive.

    • Leah says...

      THANK YOU! I am happy to tip 20% — I always do; and I also tip NJ gas attendants. It is a show of gratitude and a personal connection between me and someone who is providing me a service. But I completely agree that ultimately unionization and raising the minimum wage is the best course of action for everyone. Oh and can we please toss in effing single payer healthcare while we’re at it?!

    • Jordan says...

      Thank you!!

    • Christa says...

      I agree! I feel like asking individuals to compensate for a flawed/unjust system is exactly the problem with the US in general.

    • Elle says...

      I agree that it would be better to raise minimum wage, but it isn’t unreasonable to ask people to pay the true cost in tips until that happens. Individuals will be the ones paying the extra cost when the minimum wage goes up. Instead of paying a higher tip, it will just be built into the listed cost of the meal. The cost of a meal is much higher you go to other countries where they pay a livable wage and don’t expect.

      I feel like these comments reflect a belief that it is the restaurant owners who are not paying their fair share when it’s really the consumer. You have been habituated to an artificially low price for food. To stop exploiting workers you need to pay more. Of course there are some restaurants that are making big profits and not sharing the wealth, but that is not the norm. Most restaurants struggle with thin profit margins because U.S. consumers think they are entitled to cheap food and service.

  40. Rebecca says...

    please, tip 50% – bahahahahaha no. Be nice, wear a face mask, mind your manners and tip minimum 20% is my motto.

  41. Nadine says...

    How cool would it be to get a change made in the dictionary? Way to go!

  42. I’ve always dreamed of making it into the featured comments!!!! Love you COJ!! Also – Jennifer Hudson is freaking amazing.

    • Neela says...

      Hahaha, probably feels like you topped the class at school 😂

  43. Lou says...

    As a restaurant worker I want to add my two cents. Personally I’d rather you order from us twice than once with a 100% tip. The restaurants need your money too, not just the staff. If anything try to cut down on delivery apps and when possible order directly from the restaurant for pick up. Delivery apps take as much as 30% of the total. And the staff makes no extra money on delivery orders (during busy times it’s non stop app orders and it gets crazy!).
    Yes please tip but 20% is fine if that’s what you can afford. Also never let some blog post tell you what you can or can’t afford.

    • S says...

      Yes yes yes thank you Lou! I have completely cut out delivery apps and will only call restaurants directly to order. Come on people, it’s not that hard to talk to a live person! And I would love to tip 50% but the fact of the matter is my husband was laid off 3 months ago and I can barely afford take out but we do it for sanity’s sake.

    • Reina Rodriguez says...

      👏🏻

  44. Gloria says...

    I shouldn’t be surprised {you do live in Brooklyn, a relatively anti-America conclave} but it’s still sad to see you choose to treat this weekend like any other.

    I’m fully aware America {and America patriotism} aren’t popular right now with a very vocal minority, but this country is still something special and its purpose not fully realized.

    Personally I love America and still believe in her.

    • EC says...

      lmao “anti-America conclave.” huh?

      Please google (better yet, google image search) conclave. not to be a vocal minority or anything but I got an lol out of it

    • Anonymous says...

      This feels weirdly aggressive? The Fourth of July is like Halloween or Christmas – it’s a pretty major holiday and I don’t feel like anyone needs to be reminded that it’s this weekend. Maybe remember the “good for her, not for me” mantra of this site. Just because it’s not mentioned in this roundup doesn’t mean you can’t celebrating in a way that is meaningful for you OR that Cup of Jo is somehow “anti-American.” For my part, stamps honoring hip hop, a TV show where the main character is a Hindu-Indian teenager girl, and an upcoming moving about one of the most accomplished Black female singers in our history all feel much more relevant to the America I believe in than some article about old white slaveowners who lived hundreds of years ago. And if you’re interested in honoring “the Founding Fathers”, how about watching Hamilton?

    • Charlotte says...

      Oh boy, Gloria. Just going to say it:
      1) Where you live in America doesn’t make you more pro-American or anti-American, it just makes you… American.
      2) America’s “not fully realized purpose” you describe is exactly what a majority of Americans are intently focused on achieving right now (see the “that all men are created equal” bit of the Declaration of Independence you’ll be celebrating this weekend). Seeking justice and equality for all is the greatest show of belief in American democracy I can think of.
      3) Strongly loving America means supporting each other in these goals, not leaving snide remarks on a blog because it fails to mention the Fourth of July.
      Whew! Have a great weekend!

    • JL says...

      Oh my gosh, I hadn’t even noticed that until this moment! Now, I don’t think living in Brooklyn or all that has anything to do with it, but it IS weird, Jo, that you made a point to not even reference the fact that it is a holiday long weekend in this post. Maybe highlight an article about how celebrating feels different this year? Or how some are rethinking the holidays we celebrate? But to ignore the 4th of July all together does seem to be a bit pointed, and kind of knee-jerk. Any response, CoJ?

    • Jordan says...

      Thank you Gloria! I agree! There is not even the faintest mention that this weekend we celebrate our independence as a country – that should be on the forefront of everyone’s minds. Instead tipping 100% made the list which is a big NO.

    • Em says...

      “I love America more than any other country in the world and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually. ” James Baldwin

      We can do better, SO much better.

    • Abigail says...

      Appreciate your perspective. I’m living in the same relatively small Virginia town I grew up in, and I just can’t celebrate July 4th this year. I’m reconciling everyone’s experience of living in America, past and present, and it’s been a painful experience for many people. Maybe next year, maybe not.

    • Chiara says...

      Gloria, it’s not anti-American to have a complicated relationship with America! Some people will treat this like any other weekend, some will celebrate the 4th, some will commemorate and mourn the theft of indigenous land, some will serve in the front lines of hospitals overwhelmed by a pandemic, some will enjoy a day off. In the America I believe in, it’s a great thing that we’re not a monolith and it’s great to think of ways to improve – for example, celebrating Juneteenth instead of a independence day that meant nothing for anyone who was enslaved for another hundred years after 1776. Isn’t it most patriotic to celebrate – or at least accept – that not everyone views July 4 the same way as you? I don’t think that’s sad at all!

    • Em says...

      I had the same thought, Gloria!

    • Lauren says...

      Somehow I feel like this point could have been made without being so patronizing.

    • SG says...

      There is also never a mention of Memorial Day weekend or Veteran’s Day weekend—beyond to say that it’s a “long” weekend. It definitely seems like a conscious decision and I do find it disappointing. Jo has made a lot of money off of two very American institutions—the First Amendment and capitalism!

      Let’s be able to hold the tension. I can hope that Juneteenth becomes a national holiday and also marvel at living in the world’s oldest (continuously running) democracy. America is a very deeply flawed and still stunningly beautiful friend and I’m happy to celebrate her birthday.

    • bridget says...

      They are recognizing the holiday by posting this on Thursday.

    • April says...

      It’s Cup of Jo’s prerogative to celebrate holidays as they wish. With all the strife in the USA, the need for change, and the current leadership, mixed emotions on the 4th of July are understandable. CofJ is a blog that always celebrates what it means to be American: by being diverse and progressive, and using its influence to support the vision of what a beautiful country the USA has the potential to be.

    • Denise says...

      I’d like to mention that it is also her son’s birthday weekend. That can supersede even Christmas or Thanksgiving!

    • Liz S says...

      it’s a bit of a leap to go from no mention of the 4th to anti-american. people, a little grace here please.

    • Deanna says...

      lol @ the earlier comment “Jo has made a lot of money off of two very American institutions—the First Amendment and capitalism!”

      The First Amendment defends you against government action for or prohibition of freedom of expression, protest, etc. The connection you’re making is tenuous as it is — but either way, you can’t make money off it.

      While I’m here, American exceptionalism is a myth!

    • Andrea says...

      Hi Gloria

      Personally, I find your statement pretty b*tchy and baiting. I guess you’ve never been to the Tristate region, because here you’ll find America in all of it’s diversity and vigor. I think we represent the American dream and American values pretty well. We’ve even been a center of terrorist threats because of what we represent.

      NYC is America maybe even more than your mall-based suburbs.

      Kisses-A

    • Anna says...

      World’s oldest democracy, such bs. When did women and PoC get suffrage in the States again?

    • Sophie says...

      Lots of great follow up comments here but I just need to add that I’m glad Jo didn’t mention the holiday weekend. Americans are free to celebrate (or not) as they choose.

    • rachel simmons says...

      i couldn’t agree more. very well said. and sadly doesn’t surprise me AT all that there is not a single mention of this holiday weekend. so many people in our country have lived and died for our freedoms…. freedoms like …protesting?? such entitlement.

    • SG says...

      Hi Anna,

      Which country would you identify as the world’s oldest democracy?

      Thanks,
      SG

    • SG says...

      Deanna,
      Are ideas freely expressed on this blog? Does Joanna make a lot of money off of it? Could this blog (including posts openly discussing abortion, same-sex relationships, women’s rights, sex toys, etc) be published in Iran, Russia, the UAE, etc? (I have been interested in and learned from posts on all of those topics. I’m glad they can be published here.)

      Agree with you that American exceptionalism is a myth, and yet I can still feel grateful for the freedoms that we do have — which are certainly not globally ubiquitous.

    • SG says...

      Deanna,
      Also, Jo’s husband is a member of the press and a free press is outlined in the First Amendment so my connection is not tenuous at all, but incredibly direct.

    • Nicole says...

      Ugh please no. As an educator, Deb’s opinion is dangerous and misinformed. How are indoor restaurants too dangerous right now where your family is there for an hr and socially distant, and yet she wants schools in session full time which means me mixing with 24 kids, and thus 24 households, for a solid six hours per day. No other professional is expected that level of sacrifice to their health

    • Savannah says...

      YES Deb’s article is SO good!

    • Lainey says...

      Nicole, I am a former teacher. Both my spouse and I have been deemed front line/ essential workers in non-glamorous, non-super-high-wage industries and have been working outside the home. I read this article differently. What I took away is that current school reopening plans pose significant hurdles for working families and that this is a discussion that we as a society need to be working through. As a working mom of school-aged kids who is facing the potential of being forced to quit my job if home learning continues, I am terrified about what this pandemic will mean for me personally – but also that it is setting back women’s progress in the workplace by decades. I don’t think it’s anti-teacher to say that.

    • Anna says...

      Nicole, Deb isn’t advocating for schools to reopen when it’s unsafe or without proper distancing measures. She’s saying it’s utterly ridiculous to expect people to return to their jobs full time while children are not in school full time. She doesn’t claim that the solution is schools fully reopening; she’s highlighting the lack of support for families in the US and outlining how the burden of child rearing falls overwhelmingly on women.

    • Betsy says...

      I appreciate her article and realize the mess of this school situation, but I’d like to hear thoughts from someone without her job flexibility and socioeconomic privilege.

    • Robin says...

      Public school teacher here. I agree with Nicole that reopening schools in the fall is a terrible and dangerous idea.
      I also liked Deb’s article. She lent a strong voice to many working mothers. However it shouldn’t be economy vs schools. In this great country they should be symbiotic. Corporate greed should not be eclipsing public health.
      The disconnect between our economy and our schools right now is a symptom of our negligent government. That’s the elephant in the room.

    • Marisa says...

      The problem is that schools do double duty as day care for parents. As a former teacher, I witnessed many students being sent to school when they were sick, etc., because parents had to go to work. When there’s a snow day, because it’s literally unsafe for people to be on the streets driving, parents call and complain. The essential problem is that schools should educate, not baby sit! The whole system is completely messed up, and the pandemic has certainly magnified it.

  45. P.E. says...

    Can you share what deal Cup of Jo and Apartment Therapy have made? I’ve noticed a home tour in every weekly round-up lately. I’m happy to support; as a readwe I just appreciate transparency on those things.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      No deal at all! We just like their house tours. Thank you!

    • Karyn says...

      Loved that piece by Deb Perelman, too, and the coincidence that she made the great cherry/strawberry photo that illustrates today’s list 🍒🍓

    • jane says...

      Just read it and – wow. Excellent. Thank you for the link.

    • Catie says...

      Hi I really enjoyed Deb’s piece in the NYT as well! She’s a phenomenal writer (and cook of course!). I do want to point out the problem many parents are facing now of balancing childcare and the need to work is a problem that woman of color, especially Black women, have faced for many, many decades and I was disappointed to see that fact not acknowledged in Deb’s article. For so many women and families, this is not a new problem.

  46. Mouse says...

    That Caroline Randall Williams piece should be required reading for everyone. Powerful and painful.

    • Betsy says...

      Agree! Wow. What an amazing essay.

    • Elle says...

      Agreed! It’s incredible, just what we need to hear and understand. It should be shared far and wide.