Design

Have a Lovely Weekend.

when harry met sally behind the scenes

What are you up to this weekend? We’re hanging out with my sister and mom, and I can’t wait to have the cousins together! Also, my mom’s husband is going to teach me how to make a Spanish tortilla. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few great links from around the web…

Queens native Awkwafina will be the voice of the number 7 subway train for a week. “This is 69th St, which is definitely, definitely not funny in any way.”

How do I make plans with friends without getting a drink?

The best question to ask in a reference call.

Air travel in the age of climate crisis: Is it wrong to fly? “Climate change implicates us all in a planet-sized injustice. If I fly, if I drive, if I heat or cool my home, if I buy stuff, if I eat stuff, all of this now has a cost that I’m not paying.”

Sticky banana cocoa bars. YUM.

A really great winter sale.

Baths are the coffee of the evening, haha.

Quiz: If you’re a democrat, which candidate agrees with you most? (I found this so helpful!)

The joy of ordinary life. “Show [children] the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples and pears. Show them how to cry when pets and people die. Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand.”

When being Jewish means being afraid. (New York Times)

Hair Love received an Oscar nomination!

Plus, two great reader comments:

Says Donna on a question to ask your kids about school: “‘Five Things’ became a ritual at our house. I’d ask my son to tell me Five Things about his day — except one of the Things had to be totally NOT true. I’d have to guess which thing he’d fabricated. And along the way, I got to hear four things that happened at school that day. He enjoyed me trying to figure it out. When he was older, he’d come home and say, ‘Five Things!’ to me and I would get to tell about MY day.”

Says Le on burning questions: “When it comes to cooking as a family, weeknight dinner is a frantic mess, and it’s usually my husband or me throwing something together. Maybe our toddler gets to sprinkle on some herbs, but breakfast. Breakfast!!! Breakfast on Saturday morning — we can mix pancake batter together, stir eggs, etc. If you think of cooking together as not necessarily a dinnertime-only option, then possibilities open.”

(Photo from behind the scenes of When Harry Met Sally. Awkwafina via Kottke. Reference call question via Swissmiss.)

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  1. I love what Donna said about having your kids do the 5 things game to tell you about their day at school. I feel like you may be able to get more info from them with this, than just asking, “How was your day?” It just makes things more fun.

  2. Charlotte says...

    re: the lovely comment about making breakfast as a family – when I was growing up, we realised as a family that an evening meal together just wasn’t going to happen, we were all to busy! So, during my teenage years, my mum, dad, sister and I all ate breakfast together, every morning before work and school – and my dad would read to all of us!
    My dad died 9 years ago this month and those family breakfasts are one of my enduring memories of him.

  3. Meg says...

    I just loved reading about Hair Love and am so excited to hear it received an Oscar Nomination. It reminds me of when my brother and I were younger and had different school schedules. My mom would help my brother get ready for school and my dad would help me. Every morning my dad would wash and blow dry my hair and style it with a bow or scrunchie and would help me pick out my outfit for preschool. He sometimes painted my nails (blue with blue sparkles!) and was primarily responsible for the family laundry. My mom would also help with these tasks, but there was something about my dad helping me with them that made it feel special. He was never worried about following traditional gender roles and instead saw these tasks as a way to further bond with his daughter. His behavior paved the way for me to find a true partner in life rather than someone who contributes less to the relationship and household because of traditional stereotypes. I am forever grateful for that time spent with my dad.

  4. Andrea says...

    I’d be interested to see an interview with a Trump supporter here to get a different perspective. I love talking with my friends who are Trump supporters, they do bring up points I hadn’t thought of or considered, even if we don’t end up agreeing.

  5. sam bodamer says...

    Hi Jo. I live across the street and found some lovely mustard mary janes on your stoop.

    just wanted to say thanks xx

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh my gosh, you’re so cute, sam! so glad you like them! they’re from doen and didn’t fit me! xoxoxo

  6. Embarrassed says...

    I am embarrassed to ask, but where is that picture from? Is it a movie the Meg Ryan stars in? Is that her partner? Why don’t I know this!??? Lol

    • Becky says...

      I think it’s when harry met sally. Rob Reiner’s directed.

  7. Sasha L says...

    On this MLK Jr day, as always my heart feels both joyful, and sad. Joyful that the world was blessed with a leader that could bring people from so many walks of life together for the common good, for equality. And sad that he was murdered, that his goals for a just and equitable society have not yet been achieved, that is some ways it feels we are sliding backwards. Sad for everyone who lives in fear simply because of who they are.

    But in reading the NYT article and many comments from Jewish readers and others about the very frightening rise in antisemitism, I am reminded that we have so much in common, and that’s something I believe Dr King would’ve been so careful to point out. In this time of growing fascism so many are living in fear. Just as many Jewish mothers have commented that they worry for their children, especially if they are identifiably Jewish, so many black mothers speak about worry for their children, and the heartache of losing them. How must the mothers separated from their children feel? In my own community, yet another native American girl, missing for days, has been found dead. Three of her siblings have also died as children. The heartache is unimaginable. I think so many of us could be united in our horror of the systemic racism, oppression and unfairness in our society. I think Dr King would ask us to join together, to not see one another’s struggles and oppression as so separate, but to fight together, for each other, knowing none of us are free until we all are.

  8. Nicole says...

    I just have to say– I have been vacationing with my family for a week and ignoring the internet, which has been lovely. BUT, what a treat to come home and get to read a whole week’s worth of CoJ posts (and comments!). So much to dig into. Thank you!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Aww your comment makes me happy!

  9. Karen says...

    Canadian here! Loved the democratic candidate quiz…I took it even though I can’t vote and I’m genuinely curious: Do you want someone progressive in the White House? We watch the US in fascination and (at many times!) horror over Trump and wondering if disenfranchised voters will finally move the needle towards someone like a Warren, or Yang or Sanders? Of course people can vote however they like but would love to see a post on your thoughts for selecting the best candidate for America’s children and for the healthiness of the globe in general. There would be fights but healthy debates get people out to vote! It would also be amazing to read your insight, Joanna.

    • t says...

      I don’t necessarily want a progressive in the white house but at this point I will vote for anyone to get trump out. I re-registered from republican to democrat so I can vote in the primary (bloomberg all the way).

  10. Sam says...

    I love the Democratic candidates quiz, but I do want to join with the others here in remembering that a lot more goes into choosing who to vote for than agreeing with them. Electability is of course one issue. Another (that seems to be getting overlooked) is the idea of voting in line with the broader pluralistic aims of the country, rather than just what you take to be best or most moral. Think about one of the arguments against outlawing abortions—“you might personally disagree with it, but that doesn’t mean people who think it’s okay should not have access to it.” I take the point here to be something like we shouldn’t just vote in favor of our own values but in a way that allows most people to live according to their own values.

    I don’t hear people talk about this much with respect to picking the next democratic candidate, so it makes me wonder if I’m missing something…?

    • Sasha L says...

      Sam, I really like your point. Absolutely worth thinking about!

  11. Tricia M says...

    The best tortillas are always baked in the oven. You need to make one which has sufficient depth to it which baking helps. Best one I had was in the Mercado Colon food market in Valencia a couple of years ago. When I went back to see if the stall holder would give me the recipe the market was closed for the day. It’s a great, quick meal which everyone loves.

  12. Ariella says...

    Thank you for including the link to the times article. I really appreciate you hearing our concerns and responding. Looking forward to more jewish inclusive content going forward.

  13. Sasha L says...

    May I share my favorite Spanish tortilla recipe? It’s not authentic, but super easy and very delicious.

    Scramble 6-8 eggs in a big bowl. Crush 1/3 a bag of kettle chips (we like salt and vinegar), and dump them in the eggs with a pinch of salt and some pepper. Let sit for 10 minutes. (Do some push ups or put your laundry away or have a quickie). Heat some olive oil in a cast iron skillet on medium high and put in your egg mix when oil is hot. Now for the tricky part, once the top is just starting to set you have to flip that sucker. It should be lightly brown and crispy on the bottom. You can slide it onto a plate, then flip the plate back into the skillet. Or use a big turner and flip. The top will be wet and you may splash some egg, it’s ok. Egg cleans up. It’s easier to flip than it seems. Be fearless. Now finish cooking, it won’t take long. Slide onto a plate, cut into wedges. Serve with slices of tomato and salt on top. Or if you put a slice of cheese on quickly it’ll melt. Or just be my husband and douse it with ketchup.
    Eat that baby. Make lots of mmmm mmmm sounds.

    Ps if you lower the # of eggs and up the amount of chips, it’s thicker and easier to flip. I’ve also made tiny ones with just a few eggs in a little skillet. Perfect lunch!!

    • Neela says...

      I like your recipe instruction style 😄 And good idea for a mini-tortilla lunch!

    • rachel simmons says...

      oh my gosh i love you! your narrative!!! do you have a blog?

  14. C says...

    Thank you for linking to the article on Anti-Semitism. I’m identifiably Jewish in my neighborhood of Crown Heights, Brooklyn, and never before have I been afraid to walk my own streets in broad daylight. As my son turns three and will start wearing a yarmulke (head-covering), I fear the implications of the current Anti-Semitic climate more than ever. And yet, my family will not stop showing our Jewishness. We have every right to practice our faith in the open and be treated with respect. We have spent generations hiding, running, being oppressed and persecuted. I’m proud of being Jewish. The key is better education to combat prejudice, not hiding to pretend we don’t exist.

  15. Esther says...

    Thank you for posting an (albeit, small) piece on the rise of Jewish-centric violence in your city. I’m terrified to see it happening. Especially thankful that you’re not trying to connect POTUS to this rise in violence.

  16. NM says...

    Site administrator: With a concern about the Democrat Survey becoming a candidate preference battle you may eliminate my sentence about Biden.
    I just want people to understand that this election is not about which candidate aligns with one’s values. It is much more. It is about electability. We need to do everything we can to remove the current POTUS. Even if the democrat we vote for is not our first choice democratic candidate.

  17. NM says...

    As a democrat I could get behind several of the candidates. BUT this election is about electability: Who can beat T. And we do not need the democratic vote split with a candidate who may decide to go independent. It appears Biden is the most electable. I can cry panic tears so easily when I think about the power of the Electoral College.

    • Angela says...

      When I hear someone say “electable” I immediately see stumping for a white, male candidate. What exactly does electable mean to you? I think we should ask ourselves if a candidate is competent, tough, and experienced and go from there. I get a nervous feeling every time I see Biden speak. He seems like he is trying to out-bully the current bully we have in office. Not to mention, I have significant issues with his age. Elect-ability is in the eye of the beholder. My candidate of choice is Amy Klobachar, but will get behind whomever gets the nomination. For your consideration:
      https://leanin.org/data-about-gender-bias-and-electability-in-the-2020-election
      https://www.genderontheballot.org/gotb-electability-2020/
      https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2019/8/15/18525308/electability-women-candidates-2020-elizabeth-warren-kamala-harris-amy-klobuchar-kirsten-gillibrand

    • Heather says...

      My husband and his father claim to sit at opposite ends of the political spectrum. I gave both of them this quiz this weekend, and they both had the same answers to almost every question. So fascinating. The quiz’s ultimate flaw is that even though both were strong Yangs, neither of them will vote for him because my husband doesn’t think Yang can win, and his father kept insisting that he’d never, ever vote for a democrat. Meanwhile, I like just about everything Warren posts on IG, but she was near the bottom of my results! It was a reminder to me of both how emotionally-motivated and irrational human allegiances and decision-making can be.

  18. Jenn says...

    I think cutting back on taking flights/ eating more sustainably/ buying less “stuff”/ avoiding plastic use/ using public transport or walking/ cycling rather then driving are all better options then pretending it’s business as usual. Those things individually don’t make a difference but collectively can help & our governments are acting much too slowly to avoid a catastrophic future.

    I at least want to be able to look my kids in the eye when they’re grown up & asking me what I did to try to stop climate change (and why they can’t go outside all summer/ are choked by bushfires and lashed by storms/ probably won’t be able to choose to have children themselves/ are living among millions of climate refugees, if they’re the lucky ones) and I don’t want my answer to be “nothing”.

    • rachel says...

      well said!!!!

  19. E says...

    I’d like to pose a question to this community of thoughtful, empathetic, intelligent people: is anyone else suffering from severe climate despair?

    Two of this weekend’s links – flying and baths – caught my attention particularly: I love to travel internationally, but don’t any more because of the environmental impact. I adore baths but don’t take them, because quick showers use so much less water. I don’t eat avocadoes, or tropical fruit, or fish, because of the environmental impact. I don’t drink coffee; it was most likely grown in a deforested area. I use public transportation; it’s more expensive and far less convenient than driving where I live. I’ve chosen not to have children. I don’t even get massages, because laundering the linens after an hour’s usage is just so wasteful. And yet – what has this martyrdom accomplished?

    I’ve certainly made no discernible impact on the climate crisis, but have absolutely succeeded in making myself (and by extension, my partner) miserable through my virtuous self-imposed suffering and restrictions. I’m not happier because I’m “saving the planet,” yet I don’t know how to unlearn everything I know about the impact my actions have on the environment. Just about every choice I make is done for the planet, yet most if not all are more expensive, more time-consuming and less convenient.

    I’d like to believe that individual actions do make a difference, but faced with the overwhelming apathy and ignorance I encounter every single day in my rural, conservative, deeply red community, I’m ready to give up entirely on saving the Earth and admit that we’re all doomed. Is anyone else out there experiencing this? And does anyone have any helpful tips for how to live according to your beliefs without making your short time here on this beautiful planet utterly excruciating?

    • J says...

      Honestly, as someone who works for a government environmental agency, I think the most important thing is engaging with your local/state/national politicians on climate change issues. Politicians at all levels need to know that climate change will be a deciding issue in their elections in order to take the issue seriously. So push your city council members/state senators/Congresspeople to treat climate change as their No. 1 issue. The changes that need to happen are at a SOCIETAL level and we need political courage (and innovation, and money, and muscle, and hard work) to make any headway.

    • J says...

      Also, I am getting so exhausted with this “environmentalism equals self denial” chorus— in order to make real progress here, we need to be able to show that environmentalism equals ABUNDANCE. That we will live in a richer, healthier, happier world (where you can get a massage and see a secret waterfall) only if we commit to saving the planet from climate apocalypse. Technology exists that lets us eat our cake and have it too but we need commitment from politicians to break our addiction to fossil fuels and make real infrastructure investments in renewable energy.

      Ok, getting off my soapbox

    • J says...

      Ok sorry one more thing— you can have a certain $ or % of your paycheck go straight to an environmental org (or, if you prefer something super tangible, a group that plants trees!). I have a friend who donated to Arbor Day foundation to plant one tree per paycheck.

    • Hope says...

      I understand where you are coming from because there is a part of me that feels I’ve given up hope that we can change the trajectory that we are on. Still, I haven’t given up in actions because I just can’t give up, our actions are all we have. I don’t know where we are headed or what’s going to happen, but at least I try to do the best I can (and I am by no means perfect, I do a lot of things I shouldn’t). I would suggest that you be forgiving with yourself, though, and strive for the best balance you can. Maybe a massage could really help you relax, so go ahead and do that for yourself. The impact is relatively minimal. On the other hand, flying less (not necessarily never) is a high impact, worthwhile change. Try to choose “less” rather than “never”, focus on what you do for the environment (rather than what you don’t) and really let yourself feel great about the choices… you are making a difference and you are part of a growing force of people changing their ways. You are not alone. A lot of games have been won in the last few minutes… the key is not giving up because then we’ve lost for sure.

      Enjoy the little things, the small moments, and focus on what you do have and what you gain from your choices (eg: spending less money on tripS =more financial independence and less debt). A final thought: we live in a culture that tells us we should be doing and buying and having all these things that we don’t truly need. The consumer culture makes us feel so crappy and deprived when we choose not to take part. But the truth is that we really don’t need so many of those things, and the real deprivation comes from wasting our resources (including our own money) on things we are ‘supposed’ to have and do. It’s a fabricated need and an externally imposed desire. We don’t need all that stuff. I say enjoy the “creative deprivation”/ “voluntary simplicity” (it’s an actual thing). We are living in challenging times. No easy answers, but remember that you are not alone. Sending love, xoxo

    • Hope says...

      One last thing! I love the points made by J above! Agreed!

    • Joyce says...

      Unpopular opinion perhaps: go a week without doing all these things and see if you feel better.

      Take a bath, get a massage, eat whatever the hell you want.

      And I believe this is how to avoid a sense of martyrdom in the most general sense: instead of focusing on SAVING something, focus on LOVING IT. For example, you could go on long walks admiring the earth. You could bathe in a river! You could garden extensively. You could adopt a rescue animal. You could clean up trash outside. My point is, if energetically you’re doing something from a place of love, I bet you’ll feel better and might have better results.

      Here’s the thing: the planet doesn’t need us to save it. The planet will simply become inhabitable for the human race, but it will continue. Do you think the planet gives a shit dinosaurs are extinct? The planet needs us to LOVE it if we want to live here. And if you do things for the earth from a place of love vs. obligation, I think you’ll feel better AND have better results.

    • Sarah says...

      Hi E,

      I read your comment yesterday and have been thinking about it since. I think Hope and J’s feedback is so reasonable and useful. I just want to add some thoughts I’ve had in terms of how I think about climate change. I’m a teacher and care a lot about making certain changes (if you’re thirsty, and all they have is plastic water bottles, consider feeling thirsty until you can find a different option) and I talk to my students about these kinds of changes. It kills me that people will do anything to increase their comfort with no consideration of the cost. For example my coworkers put a space heater in the bathroom (in CA) so their <1 minute trip will be slightly less uncomfortable. That kills me! And I let them know! However! I suspect the way I communicate about these concerns is so intense and urgent and pressing and guilt-inducing, that they're just kind of like "that's Sarah" with a little good-natured lift of the eyebrows, but aren't really inspired to make much of a change in their lives. Nor do they realize why it could matter, or how it could affect them. I am still trying to figure out how to make it matter to others like it matters to me, and I think part of that is in relating what is important to them to climate change and the choices they make. It's so much harder than lecturing people, but likely much more effective at inspiring changes in behavior.

      It sounds like the misery you are feeling is not going to inspire the people in your conservative community to take up your cause. Like Hope said, maybe consider less rather than never, and in what ways could you contribute to spread your impact rather than leaving it constrained to your one life. Could you have a career in environmentalism since it means so much to you? Could you contribute monetarily to a cause that is working hard on this? Could you become more politically active? Those changes will more than offset whatever impact you are making my getting a massage sometimes. So much necessary progress could be made if the majority of people cut back on excess, like Hope said, but I don't think we're going to get there by the 1% who are most concerned cutting back on everything in their lives that is important to them. And it's not going to catch if that 1% are so miserable no one else wants to join them. Could you devote your energy differently, and also have that child you might want or at least an avocado on your vegetarian salad?

      Hope you find some good balance in your life! Appreciate the sacrifices you are willing to make!

    • jane says...

      You are definitely not alone. However. While there is enormous pressure being placed upon the individual to make conscious choices to “save the planet” (and I do think it’s vital that we each “vote with our dollars” and make more conscious choices where possible), the fact is that what needs to happen is legislation that effects change on the industrial level. If you want to see change then use your activist energy to write your local legislators and just cc ALL of them. Include the White House.

      Every time I see a car commercial I feel a jolt of anxiety because I see the endless stream of gasoline vehicles – full of plastic fixtures and synthetic upholstery that will never biodegrade – STILL being released into the world IN 2019/2020 and the literally millions of people who will blithely purchase them knowing where we stand. We all know gas cars should have been phased out in the 70’s and that’s why we are in the position we’re in right now.

      As for massages, why not bring your own towels for them to use? Then you can wash according to your parameters. Avo’s? Eat them very occasionally.

    • liz says...

      I think a large scale cultural change (in the US especially) is required to make a difference, and although you might be in the minority now, you’re actions are paving the path for more to be aware about the effects of their actions and you are normalizing folks making sustainable living choices on the regular. It is uncomfortable now because you’re a trail blazer in your community. Eventually (I hope) more ethical living practicing will become more normal and less inconvenient.

    • E says...

      Thank you, friends, for your thoughtful responses to my question about climate despair. I am absolutely guilty of both 1. hating myself for not doing more and 2. judging other people for seemingly not doing anything. (Sarah – the bathroom heater! I would go nuts! Here it’s idling trucks *everywhere*. Just be cold or hot for a minute until the cab adjusts, for goodness’ sake!) I am aware this does not make me someone people seek out! I will set to work on compassion for myself, for others, for the planet, for everyone and everything.

      Your responses have given me a lot to think about, and I appreciate your time. And to Joanna and the CoJ team, thank you as always for creating this warm, welcoming space where people feel comfortable asking difficult questions. Having a forum like this has helped me (and I’m sure so many others) more than you know.

    • Jean says...

      I hope it’s okay to suggest this – but gently, this sounds like you may be experiencing an anxiety or depression that is expressing itself through an ascetic commitment to environmentalism. I think it would be worth exploring, particularly if you realize it is having a negative impact on your relationships and yet you feel unable to change.

    • Christina says...

      Just came here to say I am loving this comment thread. Thank you, E, for sharing your true heart and opening up the dialogue about how difficult it can be to make sacrifices. Your dedication is inspiring! Thank you to the others here who’ve shared constructive ideas. What a cool place CoJ can be. xo

    • Meredith says...

      You’ve gotten lots of excellent advice here. My $.02 is that I once read it’s much easier/more satisfying to ADD things rather than to deny ourselves them. So I would first consider looking at what you can ADD to your life to make a positive environmental contribution vs. what you can give up. So instead of not eating avocados, make an effort to purchase primarily locally grown produce. Instead of skipping baths, could you add composting? Etc.

      The other thing I find helpful is to look at things on a “cost to me vs. benefit to the world” scale. For example, depriving yourself of coffee if you like it can be a negative daily experience. And yet, how much coffee are you likely to consume over the course of one lifetime? Is the DAILY deprivation worthy of the minimal to non-existent impact to the world? I would say no. Simply doing “better” (using your own mug, ethically grown beans, etc.) while still being happy is more sustainable than complete deprivation and also likely to make you happier.

    • Heather says...

      E… I think your heart is in the right place, and I personally appreciate all of your efforts, but I get the feeling you’re getting a little crushed by weltschmerz.

      Sometimes I have to remind myself that even when it seems chaotic, there is a harmony in the darkness and light around us. I’m not trying to gladclub you or anything, but focusing on all the things that are going wrong, and how helpless you are in the face of it, will blind you absolutely from joy, pleasure, and satisfaction with your own life and choices.

      Have you heard of poetry medicine? Well, I’m going to prescribe to you Edna St Vincent Millay’s “Renascence.”

      In this poem, the author can’t just notice the pain of the world, she takes it personally. All sins are her sins for which she must atone. All human failures are hers to regret. All suffering in nature is hers to prevent and hers to experience. It does not take long before the burden of these sorrows and sense of personal responsibility is so heavy that it pushes her into her grave. But, once six feet under, she misses life. She wants to smell the orchards and see blue skies and feel the rain and the breeze. So she re-emerges, now braced to balance her awareness with her sense of personal responsibility for the world around her:

      “The world stands out on either side
      No wider than the heart is wide;
      Above the world is stretched the sky,—
      No higher than the soul is high.
      The heart can push the sea and land
      Farther away on either hand;
      The soul can split the sky in two,
      And let the face of God shine through.
      But East and West will pinch the heart
      That can not keep them pushed apart;
      And he whose soul is flat—the sky
      Will cave in on him by and by.”

      https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/55993/renascence

    • gracemaries says...

      E,

      I highly recommend Peter Kalmus’ book Be The Change. He is a climate scientist wrestling with these very same issues and has lead the charge on no longer flying. I do think we have to do something but we can’t do it all, or all by ourselves. Can you find others in your community who feel similiarly – like a Climate Citizens Lobby chapter?

  20. Louisa says...

    Just going to say that I asked for “two truths and a lie” at dinner today with my Kindergartener. I learned she had a great PE class, a short recess, and her partner was Bertie (which is never good news – her “lie” was that she got to work with Hazel). Wouldn’t have learned any of this otherwise! And I got to share the least-believable parts of my day, too. This is a hit.

  21. Sofie says...

    Nothing so frustrating as not being able to read about Awkwafina or Hair Love because I’m in an European country… :(

    • jane says...

      VPN…

  22. KS says...

    The test is an eye opener for people like me who think they like one candidate and turns out they match the least with them. Who knew I was on par with Bloomberg and Biden and least with Warren. I was rooting for her so bad. Damn ignorance.

    • Katie says...

      Just a quick thought that you might consider trusting other ways you’ve come to prefer a candidate, not just a WaPo quiz. If you really like Elizabeth Warren, please don’t change your vote bc of this quiz!

    • KS says...

      Of course Katie. The candidates offer much more than just the issues mentioned in WaPo, also I am aware that no candidate can do anything if the Congress doesn’t agree with it. No president has ever offered 100%of their campaign promise and that’s how we have a healthy democracy 😂. So I am all for Warren for many reasons ( her being women is Not one of them).

  23. Libbynan says...

    I don’t really care about whether flying is an ethical choice. What I care about is that it is an exercise in sado/masochism whether you swing that way or not. At seventy-two, I remember when flying was FUN! It was an adventure……now it is an ordeal. No more for me.

    • Michelle says...

      I feel you. Right now unless it’s non-stop, I won’t fly. I came to this decision this year. I have walked/ran through too many concourses. Flying probably is not good for the environment but it’s a speedy way to get to your destination. And I can’t ride my 10 speed to most destinations.

  24. Laura says...

    Spanish tortilla can be oh-so-deliciuos when well cooked!! Please let me recommend Deb’s recipe in https://smittenkitchen.com/2007/09/tortilla-de-patatas/. It’s the closest version to what I do here in Spain (seal of approval!) and is very detailed.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      thank you so much, laura!

    • Olivia says...

      So I’ve been living in Barcelona for 20 years and only recently can I say that my tortillas are actually any good! My husband always said I made frittatas instead of tortilla. There are many small details that make a tortilla what it is. To make the smitten kitchen recipe closer to the real deal (it’s close but missing details) i would cook the potatoes for much much longer till they are nearly mush. This helps to make the tortillas succulent which makes them delish ;)

  25. Sarah says...

    Do you take submissions for home tours? I have a friend who recently rehabbed a brownstone and who has decorated it in a really beautiful and funky way from all of your world travels, mostly to Zambia. She also does incredible work with HIV/AIDS prevention in Zambia and I think your readers would connect well with her home and with her work, which could use a boost on a bigger platform.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      i’ll email you!

  26. Omg, this post cracked me up because it was so spot on. this past Sunday. I have not had a hang over in a loooonng time, so it was pretty bad, and I was definitely in the fetal position in my bed all day, pondering my existence, binging on Netflix, and didn’t leave my room except to go pee. Lol. I am pretty sure everyone thought I was dead.

  27. Tina says...

    My nearly 3 year old daughter and us (Mum and Dad) LOVED “Hair Love”! We often wind down with some short stories on youtube and this came up a few days ago, it was an instant hit! My daughter doesn’t have afro hair (she has loose curls) but on some days my husband struggles, so he felt seen, haha. And the rest, *be still my heart*. I’m not big on screen time for my girl, but lots of short animated stories depict empathy and compassion and we have seen some real gems.

  28. Jen Goddard says...

    Could you send your weekly links to your email mailing list recipients? I rarely look at Facebook anymore and this is one of the only things I miss seeing!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      thank you for your note! hmmm, we send our email on thursdays and our link lists go up on fridays, but you could always look at the previous friday’s links each thursday? i’ll keep thinking about a better solution! thank you, jen xoxo PS your last name is goddard? are we related? :)

  29. Liz says...

    Thank you so much, Joanna, for linking to the NYTimes piece on antisemitism. I am Jewish and have been reading your blog daily for more than a decade—it is my most favorite space on the internet and reading it has so often helped me to feel less alone, buoying my spirit. When many other corners of the web that I read have been virtually silent on the rise of antisemitism and violence against Jews, I feel a deep welling up of gratitude that you have included it here. Thank you for making me and your other Jewish readers feel less alone in this frightening time.

    • Maria says...

      I live on the other side of the Atlantic and I love history ant geography and letters and memoirs… I found the piece from the NYTimes extremely moving.
      I am not a Jew and I find antisemitism a Big problem for all human beings. It is always in history a sign of bad things to come.
      Let us all hope and work for the best for all.

    • Lisa says...

      Agreed. I’m in the UK and the last few years have been scary, and getting worse. My 3 year old son LOVES going out wearing his kippah and tsitsit, and every time he does my heart is in my throat. I want him to b proud of being Jewish, but at the same time I don’t want him to be a target. Scary times

    • Sara says...

      I, too, am a regular reader and had been waiting for SOME mention of the rise in antisemitism in New York. It is a very real, very frightening problem for your Jewish readers and should most definitely be highlighted.

    • Sara says...

      Came here to say the same thing.

    • Maggie says...

      Agreed. This topic is at the forefront of my mind. I appreciated the article and being introduced to the writer – he has written other eloquent articles as well, found linked on his website.

    • KM says...

      Maria— I’m with you. Antisemitism always seems to be a canary in a coal mine, as they say. Never a good sign for Jewish people or anyone else.

    • Tali says...

      Agreed, it’s kind of shocking that this is the first time it’s being mentioned here. I’m a longtime reader and this is a beyond scary growing issue.

  30. Christina says...

    That democratic candidate quiz is so great. I am Canadian, we hear everything you guys are up to down there :), and find it next to impossible to not fall into the trap of picking sides based on personality etc. I cannot imagine how dizzying it would be to be an American democrat these days. (That said, I did get the candidate I love most!!)

  31. Anna says...

    Love the ordinary life post. It is often my children who are teaching me this most important lesson. Making me slow down and experience it – all of it.

  32. Julia says...

    I was just relaxing and rereading some older COJ posts (as one does) and thought you know who would be an AWESOME person to see interviewed in some capacity on the blog? Simone Giertz. Happy Friday!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Thanks for the idea!

    • Michelle says...

      ooh agreed!!!

  33. Jean says...

    Thank you, thank you for including the article on the increasing and historical hate towards Jewish people. It’s hard to put into words how sad and scared it’s been making me over the past few years, and it feels like progress in the right direction to finally see it addressed on my favorite site that’s influential to so many.

    • KM says...

      So well put. Thanks for sharing this comment!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      I’m so glad. More to come xo

    • Jeanne2 says...

      I agree. It feels like, as a society, we were moving in such a great direction. But then we came to a screeching stop and scarily starting regressing. As a minority, it’s been really scary. It warms my heart to see targeted groups and minorities support each other as well. You’d think that would come naturally but it doesn’t always. We, humans, are all in this together!!

    • Adel says...

      Warmed my heart to see Antisemitism highlighted- thank you!! As a grandchild of a Holocaust survivor, it’s frightening to see these patterns re-emerge. But really, for anyone this should be concerning. I’m sure you’ve all read the poem “First They Came” by Martin Niemoller, which ends with “… then they came for me and there was no one left to speak for me.”

  34. Joanna says...

    The Democrat quiz doesn’t allow you to weight the issues at all and I’m really cranky about that. And I certainly do t trust WaPo to be neutral.

    • Angela says...

      I think because it’s supposed to be the candidate that agrees with you most, rather than who cares about the issues you care about most. Some of the issues were ones that I was ambivalent about, but it was still nice to know their stance on it. WAPO or not, it was from the candidates’ mouth/ policy positions. I’m also starting to realize that no one is going to be everything for everyone. I was pleased to see that my candidate was my number one, and also that the ones that I just don’t really LIKE I’m not that ideologically different from. The giant orange baby has got to go and I’m behind anyone that gets the nomination.

    • Esther says...

      Thank you so much of sharing the NYT story about being Jewish nowadays. I think about my kids’ future all the time and am reminded of how my Turkish Jewish grandparents felt when they had to leave Turkey to escape the growing tide discrimination against the Jewish community. I hope my kids will have a better reality.

  35. Mary W says...

    Thanks for using the phrase “mom’s husband”. I’ve always referred to my father’s wife as such and I sometimes get quizzical looks. It’s what she is to me.

    • Loren says...

      I second this. So refreshing!

    • Jackie says...

      I didn’t know Joanna’s parents aren’t together anymore. Would love her take on all that. As a child of divorced parents, being a married person has been really important to me, but it also requires me to work really hard because I have no guide in how to be in that space, as a partner and as a mom. Would love your insights, Jo.

  36. Carrie says...

    Skipping all the links to come here and say how much I lOVE this photo!!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      How charming are they??

  37. Lindsey says...

    I’ve taken a bath every night for years, and it is often the first thing I recommend when someone is sick or tired or lonely or hates Donald Trump. A bath quite literally makes everything a little bit better.

    • M says...

      <<>>
      LOL! I too am a nightly bather. Steaming hot is best. Sometimes with bubbles or bath bombs. That being said it’s still not enough to cure my hatred for this man.

  38. Isabel says...

    I don’t understand why Food52 would change the traditional Spanish tortilla to a baked frittata. The authentic Spanish tortilla is done entirely on the stove top. It is not hard to make a Spanish tortilla on the stove top.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Good to know! Now I’m curious to see how my moms husband makes it.

  39. celeste says...

    Love that quiz…but wait, your mom REMARRIED? Congrats! She always seemed like such a lovely person.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Oh yes! She has been remarried for 20 years, crazily enough. He’s a really nice retired psychology professor.

  40. Heather D says...

    Heck with drinking — I need mom advice on how to make friends with other moms! I am the awkward mom who picks up my kid at preschool and feels too weird to make anything more than small talk. It just feels so NOT ME, but then again, I feel a bit left out because the other parents seem to be friends! What to do, what to do!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Where do you live? We can be friends! But if you’re far away, hmm, what about asking to set up a playdate with the kids? Then you’ll have a longer time to spend together and talk about more meaningful things. Kids are such an easy excuse for hangs!

    • M says...

      Heather D, I don’t know where you live but if you did love close I’d love to meet you. The best way to meet people I have found is through my children’s schools (easy when they’re at school age), library events and trips, activities I have put them in (swimming lessons, dance, soccer, anything you get to share and bond over). But I will say this, the gift of time and choosing friends wisely is something to appreciate. All the best to you!

  41. a says...

    I don’t ever call my grandmother “Bubbie” when in public. We don’t talk about being Jewish outside the home and I would never wear anything that identified me a such. I have given my children names that sound completely non-Jewish. These are all the subconscious ways I’ve learned to protect myself.

    • Joaquina says...

      This breaks my heart. My grandparents were from Mexico, they gave their kids white American names and abstained from speaking Spanish in public. In fact my father, a Baby Boomer, remembers getting bis wrists slapped by his teachers for “slipping” by speaking in his parents’ language in class. And yet…in 2020 I was called “wetback” online and heard POTUS call my people “rapists”.

      The anti semitism, Islamaphobia, xenophobia, homophobia and overall bigotry that exists today is appalling. We have to vote and encourage marginalized populations to vote.

    • Frida says...

      As the grandchild of a refugee of the Holocaust, I hear you on this. So many moments of my childhood are framed by hiding our Jewishness. My grandmother would be so, so worried about the world today. And her fears would be justified.

    • C says...

      I gave my daughter a beautiful first and middle Hebrew name, the second name is for my aunt, who was lost in the holocaust. Now I worry I should not have done this at all. Already I worry because of my last name. I have always worried, fear that was passed down from the previous generation…

  42. Jeanne says...

    Thank you so much for sharing that Washington Post quiz re the Democratic candidates. It was extremely helpful since I’ve been resisting anything political lately, but I know I need to get my shizzle together and figure things out. I really appreciated the depth of it and the ease of it! I hope others take advantage of it as well.

  43. Fiona says...

    Oh my heart, the NYT article on being Jewish and Afraid – not my personal experience but I see the shift in so many friends’ eyes, an unquiet awareness of everything around them all the time. No one should feel afraid in their own home, in their own community. And those (Jewish, Sikh, Muslim etc.) who wear their faith proudly during such a hard time to me are so eternally brave. It makes me want to sit next to them on the bus, or stand next to them in the elevator, as though this tiny fragment of creating a buffer from the glares or horrible comments could be of any help at all.

  44. JLM says...

    i love the weekend links and look forward to them each Friday! I also appreciate the scope of the links— clothing sales, to book reviews, recipes, and thoughtful essays. I do wish they weren’t introduced as “fun links” especially when one is a profound personal tale of fear and antisemitism. Just a reminder that every word matters. (Maybe just “a few links”?)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Yes such a good call! I’ll change it now.

  45. Elle says...

    I would say that the list of “ways to make friends without getting a drink” also goes for “things to do with friends without spending much money”. Always looking for those too!

  46. A.E. says...

    Joanna & team, thank you for hearing the feedback expressed last week about including Jewish content on the site. It’s been a very hard time for our community and I’m glad to see this represented here.

    • Lisa says...

      Same here. It’s been a really hard time – I shouldn’t be scared of wearing my Star of David necklace in public, but right now, I am!!
      The best first step we can take is just open the door to discussion, so thank you CoJ team <3

    • LK says...

      Agreed – thank you so much for posting this.

    • Karen says...

      Ditto! Thank you for listening.

    • Anna says...

      Hear hear. Thank you, Joanna and team.

    • Melanie says...

      Agreed :) as a long time jewish reader. Xo

  47. Natalie F says...

    The joy of an ordinary life…wow, that really hits right in the feels. My parents were definitely those that encouraged extraordinary. Or rather believed that’s what I was capable of. Which of course, is a wonderful feeling most of the time – to know that your parents support you and are proud of you and want the best. But with that comes the feelings that mistakes, or changing course, or realizing that you’re happiest where you are, means that you’re not living up to your potential. That you’re not doing enough when really you are. Thank you for sharing this excerpt, it’s going to sit with me for a long time.

  48. Hilary says...

    I love the article about hanging out without getting a drink because:
    1. I don’t drink and
    2. I hate that hanging out with friends has gotten expensive!

    I also don’t really like going out to eat (please tell me I’m not the only one?) Now I’m all about walks, going to the park/river, or having people over for tea and snacks. Cheap, easy, low key.

    • Anonygirl says...

      You’re not alone. I hate going out to eat: it’s expensive, the food is usually mediocre, and I don’t like splitting a dish with anyone in my family because they’re all super picky eaters and modify everything to death. I’d be more patient if there were allergies to food, but this isn’t the case.

    • Tess says...

      You are not the only one. And many times the food is not great, so even if one were in the mood to spend $ on it, it is disappointing. Often the music is too loud as well so it is not easy to hear or relaxing. There are so many other things to do that are budget friendlier. I love the walks, make a tea or coffee at home to go, wander a new neighborhood… candles and a breeze on a balcony or near a window… great mood makers for catching up.

  49. AN says...

    The Hangout Spreadsheet is GENIUS, as is the Democrat quiz, so helpful to clarify my own opinions on specific issues!

  50. A.N. says...

    i loved the democratic candidate quiz! thank you for sharing that! it was actually an eye-opener…i thought i was a little more pro-Bernie than i actually am, HA!

    • MJ says...

      Same! I’m Yang gang according to this.

    • JessicaD says...

      I’m surprisingly Yang Gang, too! Hadn’t even considered it when I took this quiz a few weeks back, but have spent some time now evaluating him and do like what I see. The NYT has published transcripts of their 90 minute OpEd board interviews with each Democratic candidate and they are all really great. A good way to get decently in depth information in the candidates’ own words in a relatively non-stump speechy way.