Relationships

Do or Don’t: Gaseous Emissions

Do or Don't: Gaseous Emissions

One night, my boyfriend asked me a special question…

“Why don’t you ever fart?”
“What?” I said, slightly taken aback. “Of course I do. I’m a human person.”
“But you don’t do it in front of me,” he said, then added, “It doesn’t make noise.”

What on earth was this?

“I just think it would bring us closer together.”

This was new. After spending my entire dating life trying to control such bodily impulses — don’t order the three-cheese lasagna on an early date, don’t drink another glass of red because it always produces a frog-like gurgle — this person was requesting I (freely, audibly) exercise them?

Then, a few minutes later: “Will you burp, at least?”

I would like to believe that I am a (relatively) mature adult person who accepts that human bodies do weird things. I would also like to believe that I am comfortable with the many angles of my own humanity, including the presence of body hair and the symphonic noises that sometimes arise after a multi-course meal. Still, I’ve watched one too many Esther Perel TED talks where she counsels that in order for your partner to remain desirable, they have to be, at least in a certain sense, “other.” And I’ve been conditioned to think that the sharing of certain bodily functions borders on too familiar — even, and perhaps especially, in the company of one’s partner.

Because it is somehow my job (since I pitched this story, we’ve been calling it “the farticle”), I posed this question to a bunch of friends.

“Gary farts all the time,” said one friend, about her husband of nearly a decade whose name is not actually Gary. “But I still won’t. Of course, sometimes it can’t be helped, but if I sense one is coming, I’ll excuse myself.”

“We’re comfortable with it, but only to a point,” reported another, about his partner. “Sometimes, if we’re watching TV together, he’ll dive across the couch and physically hold my nose shut with his hand until the coast is clear.”

“Personally, I am a huge fan of sleeping with a white noise machine to drown out any sounds that may escape overnight,” offered a third. “I am very much not open with my farting, and appreciate the same discretion in a partner. But if it happens, there is the unspoken rule that one must laugh it off.”

When it comes to the topic of gaseous emissions, I was surprised by how not okay with it everyone — except my boyfriend — seems. Is this just one more hurdle on the road to bodily acceptance? Or does decorum exist for good reason?

Anyway! I’d honestly love to know: Is there a point in a relationship where this becomes acceptable? Or do some people believe that it shouldn’t happen, lest you destroy the mystery between you? Is there a middle ground?

P.S. A secret to a happy marriage and do you pee in front of your significant other?

  1. I had a boyfriend who would NEVER, and then once one escaped and he was mortified. I was like, “Uh… you’re human.”

    When I married my current husband, I determined I would never have a fart free relationship. We’re very happy.

  2. Amanda says...

    I, unfortunately, only ever fart at night.

    I have never been fully able to understand this phenomenon, but the minute I lay in bed, I have no control. When I first started dating my partner, I would wait until he fell asleep and then quietly run into the bathroom to allow this to pass. Eventually, he asked me why I always snuck out of bed after he fell asleep, and I admitted to my secret night fart habit. After that, he would just let it rip whenever lol and I suddenly felt totally fine about my night farts! It’s been a good exercise in improving our closeness, however, it got out of hand one day when he came to visit my parents and absent-mindedly let a huge one rip while we were watching a movie. We’ve gotten so comfortable doing it around each other, we’ve forgotten not to do it around friends and family too!

  3. M says...

    Husband and I have been together 20 years, and we don’t fart in front of each other. We both somehow came into our young relationship thinking that it’s really disrespectful to the other person, and totally kills romance, and it was just unsaid. It took me yeeeears to even burp in front of him. We definitely pee in front of each other and he’s seen all matter of other *lady* issues, but farting? Nope nope nope. We both find it gross. It’s honestly not that hard to go in the bathroom if you need a release. :)

    This topic once came up with friends and they were horrified we didn’t, and I was horrified they all did! I’d assumed I was in the majority! Apparently not.

  4. Mel Flohr says...

    I married a man who is OBSESSED with fart noises. He carries around a little prank fart toy called “the pooter” and fake farts on people all day long. I mean, it brings him SO MUCH JOY, how could i fault him for it? I’ve learned that, yes actually, fart noises are pretty funny. But one day, years ago, he genuinely farted in front of me and it was the most awful thing ever. I dubbed it “the divorce fart”. The kind that makes you question your marriage.

    • Chantel says...

      Thank you for making my day a little better. That is hilarious!

  5. bethany says...

    Doesn’t anybody remember the scene from Good Will Hunting when Robin Williams’ character tells Matt Damon about the time that his wife farted in her sleep and woke herself up? “That’s the good stuff,” he said. Life’s little imperfections that magically increase your affection for your partner, rather than taking away from it.

    I always think about that scene all the time, and am so grateful I can fart in front of my husband and he can with me, because we accept that we’re too human bodies and bodies do weird things. And yes, this is a body-positivity thing. Embrace the imperfections!

    • Alison says...

      YES!

  6. LB says...

    My husband’s family doesn’t talk about ANYTHING personal, and this extends to accepting the fact that bodily noises and bodily smells exist. I have lived with him for 9 years in multiple houses including our small one right now, and I have NEVER smelled any of his bathroom activities. He does multiple flushes and somehow his $hit literally doesn’t stink. I have considered checking his bathroom drawer to see if he is hiding a tiny poo-pouri spray. Suffice to say the only time I’ve heard him fart is when he’s sleeping (he’d DIE if he knew he farted in his sleep, haha).

    And while I generally try not to let any farts happen in front of him, he’s lucky if I courtesy flush or light a match or candle. He knows not to visit the bathroom after I’ve been in there. I’ve told him he can relax about it but he says he could never.

  7. Sarah says...

    I am not a public farter. My husband is a silent farter and i always call him out on the smell. We don’t stigmatize it with our toddler – just laugh and recognize humanity. But i will say since having my daughter i have a major queefing problem that drives me insane! It’s incontrollable. Like after sex – i sound like a whoopy cushion going full throttle. And any inversions in yoga – nope! I’ll be laying on my mat to spare anyone from judging me for what they think is farting, but just my broken vagina releasing air.

  8. nora says...

    I LOVE THE COMMENTS here!!
    After two births, there’s no holding it in anymore on my part, my husband’s been pretty free with the gas since early on in our relationship, and my four year is… four and farts and burps are his favorite thing.
    My family is Colombian and very much all about manners, I even went to Argentinian finishing school Saturday mornings as a child. That said, I had two brothers and every day was some sort of burp singing contest between them and my dad or competitions for stinkiest fart aka the “silver bullet.” My dad once noted it made him feel “very American.”
    Cue to several years later – my little sister was around five at the time and my aunt was visiting from Colombia. My sister let out a HUGE burp at the dinner table. We all thought it was adorable and howled with laughter. My aunt was HORRIFIED. She turned red and could barely catch her breath – even having to excuse herself to the bathroom! When she sat back down she just shook her head and said “things are so different here.”

  9. Tara says...

    My husband, two sons (7 and 5) and I were in the car when someone had clearly farted. Since both our boys like to wait until the last minute to poop, we began questioning them who needed the bathroom. Neither would cop to it. A little while later, we could smell it again. I said to my husband that it was definitely our younger son who was doing it. He asked how I knew and I said that their farts smell different and I could tell them apart. He said, “That is the saddest thing I have ever heard.”

    • Mimi says...

      😂

  10. RO says...

    I will never stop farting in front of my boyfriend. He loves to make fun of me for it.

  11. Ari says...

    My husband and I leave the bathroom door open when we poop (obviously when we don’t have guests around). Now that we have a baby and have important things to discuss as part of our morning routine, we will have conversations with each other while the other is pooping or even wiping his/her ass. Friends find it shocking, but we’re very comfortable with each other. So, in short, farting is meaningless to us.

  12. Kirstin says...

    I was really taken aback when my husband and I were first dating because he so casually farted in front of me — of course every time he did I would burst into laughter (we’re very mature). It wasn’t until I lived with his parents that I realized bodily functions (and noises) were so embraced by their family that no one reacted when my mother-in-law let one rip or my father-in-law tooted as he lifted himself out of the chair, no one even giggled when their dog burped audibly after chocking down her food. At first it took all of my being not to snort when these things happened (coming from a family where the rule was you had to say “excuse me” louder than whatever sound came out of your body (my mother didn’t realize her rule would turn into a competition)). So now, thanks to my in-laws, I’ve embraced the fart…and have matured considerably. No more laughing at involuntary flatulence…well, not ALL the time.

  13. About a week into my relationship with my husband, I heard his stomach gurgling after a large dinner. I asked him if he needed to fart. He said he needed to, so I told him to go for it. I didn’t want him to be uncomfortable.

    From there, we just naturally fart whenever we need to. I still say excuse me. He doesn’t. But his farts are usually audible, like really loud! Mine are usually quiet or silent.

    Over the years, we have become so comfortable with farting and talking about bathroom issues with each other. On a weekend trip to Chicago a couple years ago, we dined at Eggsperience (one of our favorites!) for lunch before checking in to our hotel. We ordered some pretty hefty breakfast meals — the kind that don’t always sit well. We decided to do some shopping after lunch. Well… our stomachs had other plans. We were in Crate & Barrel when it hit. We both needed to use the restroom: EMERGENCY! We could barely walk. We finally found the bathrooms on the third floor. Thankfully, there were two individual bathrooms, and they were both open. We shuffled our way to the bathrooms and said good luck to each other. It felt like that scene in “Bridesmaids” … you know the one! It was one of the worst/funniest experiences we’ve ever had. We still talk about the “Crate & Barrel situation” of 2016. Haha!

    Maybe that was too graphic for this convo, but I felt like it fit!

    • Elizabeth says...

      This is absolutely hilarious and something I could totally see happening to my husband and I.

  14. Stephanie says...

    My husband says that farts are our family’s love language….

    That being said – there are things we won’t do in front of each other. We don’t leave the door open when we’re using the toilet – and I would die if he caught me plucking any stray hairs.

  15. Maureen says...

    My hubs and I have no issue with farting. It’s FLOSSING that I can’t stand. This is where I draw the line on how much intimacy is too much. I do not want to hear you floss no matter how much I love you.

  16. Sarah says...

    Last year, when I was particularly farty, I farted in the kitchen while my husband was down the hall of our building. He came back in and was like, “But I just took the trash out! How does it smell even WORSE???” I died laughing while he ran the disposal and checked the fridge for the source of the smell. Once I could catch my breath, I told him through tears that it was me. Every couple weeks, we will say “remember when I farted and you thought it was the trash?” and we will dissolve into a fit of giggles. He doesn’t fart with the same abandon, but it always makes me happy when I hear him fart. Like, hey! You’re human too!!

    • Regula says...

      This is hillarious!!!! 😂 I‘m on a train, reading all this comments, but yours really made tears running down my face! Just wanted to let you know that your far finally made it to Switzerland! 💨 Bon voyage!

  17. Loesie says...

    Hubby barely farts in our household, but I am very much a living example of that scene in Shrek where Fiona farts an entire serenade.
    I often blame my farts on my five-year old (sorry!), but he is always so nice to immediately clarify that it wasn’t him…
    For me the farting wasn’t really an issue when we started dating, singing in the car was much more of a burden for me. But then on the other hand, I sing in the car pretty much in the same way as how Phoebe Buffay runs.
    Kudos to the hubby for staying with my Fiona/Phoebe alter ego for all these years!

  18. aj says...

    If you have given birth to children and looking at the backside of 40, you just have to let it go, so to speak. If I excused myself everytime I had to do the deed, my husband and I would never spend time in the same room ever again

    • Kerri says...

      This made me laugh out loud in a verrrrry quiet waiting room 😂

  19. Leah says...

    I’m not particularly squeamish about farts, etc. I haven’t been embarrassed to pas gas in front of my husband, in the past.

    Except now, I’m pregnant with our first child, and pregnancy has made everything next level. Now, even I am embarrassed sometimes.

  20. Elle says...

    I always love the comments in CoJ. There is something so comforting about hearing the different nuances of people’s families, relationships, routines, and yet knowing we are all the same. We all want to be comfortable, to be accepted, to be loved, and we all have to fart.

  21. Sofia says...

    Growing up, it was definitely a part of every day in my family home, farting next to each other, us kids and the parents. But me and my partner just don’t do it and we’ve been together for 15 years btw with a second child on the way (the kid does it, of course!). I have heard him in the bathroom and iim sure he has heard me too, and accidental farting has happened for sure! But it’s just something we kind of naturally have decided to avoid doing. It’s just a habit like any other I guess. I’m more of a burper myself and that was getting out of hand… I gradually started to do it really loud (sweet bloating relief!), he followed suit and then ended up blaming me because “we sounded like pigs” :D so we both decided to take that down a notch. I like to mess with him sometimes saying we should take our relationship to the next level – meaning start farting in front of each other – but he never gives in and I don’t really want him to. Love this farticle though!!

  22. Kimmy says...

    farts are essential part of our relationship! burps happen less often. both my hubs and I LOVE cheese, but we really shouldn’t eat it. home is our safe space where we can eat all the cheese and ice cream we want. if you can’t do it front of your loved one, when can you do it?! I don’t believe love is sustained by the sense of other. love is sustained by the sense of together.

    p.s: we do warn one another so the other can run away if needed

  23. Em says...

    I never farted till my mid-late 30s. After having a baby, It Happens All The Time. What is up with that?! And I love my husb. dearly, but oh gosh, the Smells he makes. We joke (except I am not really joking!) of building a farting shed in the back yard for him. I wish he would go in a different room to toot, but he doesn’t seem to have as much control over it as me. We didn’t live together till we were married so I didn’t find out about his, er, digestion till it was too late! (Kidding, I would have married him anyway, but, wow . . . )

    • Bethany says...

      When you say you never farted until your late 30s, you mean in front of another person right? Because how could someone go 30 years without passing gas?

    • Em says...

      Bethany, I seriously never remember farting. Ever. I’m sure that’s a medical impossibility and it happened at some point! But I was distressed by my grandpa farting when I was a kid, so maybe I squelched it somehow.

      Now my poor toddler has “the screaming toots” as we call them. I wish I knew how to teach her to relax and let them out. Maybe it’s genetic and the ladies in my family are all tied up in knots down there!

  24. C says...

    My husband of almost a decade has seen me transform into a demon-possessed monster through three natural births and still, STILL I cannot just chill out and willingly let one go in front of him. In fact, if one does sneak out I will go out of my way theatrically blaming the dog or one of our kids, ha! He lets them go freely and often, to my disgust and annoyance, and totally would not mind if I did the same but I just can’t.

  25. Courtney says...

    I feel like after I had a baby in front of my husband…all bets were off. Anything is fair game.

    • Kathryn says...

      Yes!!! 3 vaginal deliveries over here. I mean, what secret could my body possibly keep from this man at this late stage?

  26. Stella says...

    I told my mom that my boyfriend and I had said “I love you” to each other, and the first thing she said was: “Have you farted in front of each other? You don’t really love someone until you can fart in front of them.”

    I call this the ‘fart test’ of love. Thanks Mom! xoxo

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      hahahaha yes!

  27. asia says...

    My family never farted much growing up, but I am happy to say that my husband and I (together going on 20 years now) have cultivated a culture of free emissions for ourselves and our two daughters. They are funny and life is too short! We call them “toots.”

    And as for when we were newly dating, we STILL laugh about the time that I tooted so loudly during the night that I woke us both up.

    • Jamie Y says...

      My fiance and I had something similar happen. Now whenever he farts, he just goes, “well you started it first.” It’s amusing except when it SMELLS!

    • Julianna says...

      That happened to my husband and I too, I farted so loud in my sleep it woke it us both up. He didn’t realize that though and got up to use the bathroom. As crazy as this sounds, it somehow resulted in us having having sex for the first time. I told him how it went down like a year later and he was stunned. But also yes, we fart openly in our house too and always blame it on the kid.

  28. Caroline says...

    My partner and I have been together for 5 years, through some really tough personal growth for both of. Traumatic family past for me, questioning of a life-long career path for him. We spent a lot of our early relationship talking through some heavy topics and relying on each other for support during growth.
    One of these nights that we were sharing, and through sobbing tears about my childhood, I farted.
    And he said, without missing a beat, “I love you because of farts”, and I erupted into a hearty release of laughter.
    We say it to each other constantly now, as a reminder. Life is hard, and I will be here for the farts and the trauma.

    • Sofia says...

      ❤️

  29. Tania says...

    When my husband and I were first dating, I accidentally farted in front of him. I was mortified at first, but we laughed about it, and after that we just let it rip when we were so inclined. We have been married 27 years, and it is still a source of humor in our relationship.

  30. Sofia says...

    ahaha Twyla, this is the best!! 🤣how can a fart story feel so relatable?

  31. Lisa Purcell says...

    True story: We call them “barking spiders” as in “oops, there goes a barking spider!” My husband & his family used to call them that and it just stuck.
    Love all the comments- lol!!

  32. Anonymous for His Sake says...

    My boyfriend and I are pretty comfortable with each other, and while we’re not gross or over the top about it, we’re both humans with various body issues, and we also assume that if this was going to continue, we’ll have various other human-y things to deal with together.

    That being said! About 4 months into our relationship, we were having a pizza and beer night at his place. Late in the evening, he was a little drunk and was laying naked on the couch and totally spread eagle (which was quite the view), and he let out the world’s largest fart. I was sitting in the chair next to him, fully clothed, and when I looked at him with what I imagine was shock and maybe a bit of horror, he immediately yelled out “Oh my god I’ve gotten too comfortable! I am so sorry!” That’s when we discovered the line. :D

    • Sofia says...

      laughed so hard at this!!!

  33. Sandra says...

    I have been with my husband 15 years and nope…we definitely do our best not to do it in front of each other. Of course there is the occasional accidental slip, but I dunno…if you hold it in out of respect for friends, co-workers, etc. why not your spouse?

  34. This is the best conversation ever. My Grandpa used to accidentally (or maybe on purpose??) let one out while he walked out of a room and would always blame it on “those barking spiders”. This still makes me smile and remember his quiet sense of humor. To this day — I’m 34 — farts, toots, fluffs, flatulence, whatever you want to call it, still makes me laugh harder than anything. We’re raising two spirited young boys and I love that I get giggle with them about this kind of thing, while still showing them how to respectfully be a member or polite society.

    But I do remember waking myself up in the middle of the night with a fart during summer camp — completely mortified. And again, later in life, with an ex-boyfriend. Luckily, my husband and I are accepting of each other despite how many soy products we’ve eaten.

  35. This made me LAUGH SO DAMN MUCH CAROLINE.
    Thank you.
    x

  36. annie says...

    this is SUCH an entertaining comments section… lovvvvvvvve it.

    i don’t get why people are so judgmental one way or another. unless someone punishes you for farting, or someone’s farts are so disgusting and out there that you vomit, i feel like everyone’s habit of either letting it out or not is fine. personally, i don’t want to fart in front of anyone. it’s MY thing! haha. and if my boyfriend of 4 yrs farts around me, he always says “excuse me.” which i find adorable and polite and wonderful. and by the way, we have a perfectly intimate relationship wherein we’ve suffered stomach complaints, flu, cleaned up after each other, and so on… and we also have a great sex life, and we love each other very much. so not farting in front of each other all the time hasn’t impacted our ‘intimacy’ and i find it hilarious that anyone could say it does, as it seems some commenters would. but… to each their own. carry on, everyone!

  37. Sarah says...

    Are you dating James Joyce?

    • LOL

  38. Rachel says...

    I have gastro issues ever since I got my gallbladder out a few years ago. When I started dating my fiance, I had to be honest with him from the beginning that I can’t always control what happens. It was very freeing from the start of our relationship. I am who I am, bodily noises and all.

  39. Twyla says...

    When my husband and I were newly dating, he left me in is car for a minute to run inside a store. While he was away I accidentally farted, and hoped the smell would dissipate before he got back. When he got in the car, he got a weird look on his face, said “What is that smell?!” and started sniffing VERY DEEPLY. He thought something was wrong with his car and spent about 30 seconds sniffing all around trying to figure out where it came from, until finally I couldn’t take it anymore and said “IT WAS ME! I FARTED OKAY?!”. He was dying laughing and after 20 years of marriage, we still laugh about it.

    • Anne says...

      Lol!! Hilarious!!

  40. lauryn says...

    This is a hilarious topic! I grew up in a family of aggressive farters and general vulgarity, but it was definitely still embarrassing & risky to do it outside of our circle. Even though my boyfriend and I were friends for many years prior to dating, and super comfortable with one another, I was WAYYY too afraid to let one rip during that early “new” part of our relationship until one night after dinner he FORCED me to fart in front of him. I tried to run away, but he grabbed me and made me let it out, and we both laughed so hard. I think he farted too just to make me feel better. Now, after nearly four years of being together, our mutual farting is almost competitive. Is it sexy? No. Is it normal? I think so. It is what it is.

    • Ann says...

      This is hysterical and normal!

    • Kim says...

      Saaaame… so def normal. Sometimes my husband pretends he’s grossed out, but it mostly a bit competitive and comical.

  41. Erin says...

    This is so funny because my husband and I were just talking about this last night! We’ve been married 10 years and he has never farted in front of me. Not even once! He said it helps him “keep the romance alive.” Honestly, I wish he would, just because I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable. And I have definitely farted in front of him! Not very often, but during the course of 3 pregnancies it became something I couldn’t always control, ha!

  42. Olivia says...

    My husband, the dog, and I are 3 of the gassiest creatures on this planet. It’s a massive source of hilarity for us and hasn’t affected our intimacy at all.

  43. Elizabeth Ryan says...

    This is wild!! My husband and I absolutely fart in front of each other- like… Every single day. We’ve been together for 7 years and he was WAY more open about it at first. Took me a while to get here and I will still try to not let him smell the more horrific ones… but we don’t care. It just feels like we’re best buds. And it hasn’t ruined sex for us or anything!

    As a matter of fact- we reached a milestone on a trip to Paris. We were literally in the middle of sex, missionary style, when all of a sudden I feel it. “Oh God,” I said. “I have to fart.” “So what?” He grunted. “Go for it.”

    So I did. It made a little noise, we had a little giggle, then we got back to it. Hahahaha. Writing it all out makes it sound so much odder. I NEVER would have thought I would be comfortable like that with him though.

  44. Calla says...

    Interesting! My boyfriend has a habit of burping loudly around me and it really bothers me, because it’s something you can just do quietly. For me it’s not so much a matter of comfort with another person as respect and good manners. I wouldn’t audibly fart around my SO or anyone else for the same reasons I wouldn’t chew with my mouth open.

    That being said, it does interest me that some people see it as a sign of intimacy. I have a male friend who says he would break up with a guy if they wouldn’t be willing to poop in front of him! Like total dealbreaker

  45. Elizabeth says...

    I have so many thoughts!

    So when I was younger, my parents used to make fun of a couple in their church group who didn’t fart in front of each other. My parents felt it was a sign of a lack of “chill” in their relationship–like they were somehow uptight because of this. I internalized that message and figured true intimacy involved farting in front of each other, apparently, so in my first marriage, I didn’t think much of it. I never really let it loose, but my husband would, and I didn’t care.

    Then years later, post-divorce, I’m living with my then-boyfriend-now-husband and he is SO AGAINST THE FART! We’ve been together for five years now, and he still hates it when it happens. Whenever he accidentally let’s one slip, he gets the cutest look on his face and checks to see if I heard. I pretty much always do, but sometimes I front like I don’t so that I can allow him to save face, haha!

    My husband’s theory on why he won’t fart? He says it is disrespectful to the person you’re around, no matter who they are, but that he definitely will not purposefully let one rip around the woman he has the most respect for. Hard to argue with a guy like that.

    I should note, however, that he has no qualms about burping, though he does always offer a polite, “Excuse me!”

    Also, I totally second the noise machine. You can’t help what happens when you’re sleeping, and it’s good to have that security!

  46. jr says...

    omg, im totally stealing this. hilarious. i snort laughed at “what a psychopath?!”

  47. This is such a funny concept. I’m anti, though my husband has seen me birth our 2 babies, so you’d think I could get over him having seen the worst of me!

  48. My take on this has always been that it’s common courtesy – like “please” or “thank you” or holding the door – to minimize others’ exposure to my burps and farts whoever those others may be. I think it’s the right thing to treat my husband with courtesy, so just as I try to speak nicely to him, I try to keep those sounds to myself. He’s much less skilled at dampening the emissions, but the philosophy remains: he always says “excuse me.”

  49. Zoë says...

    We called them “foofers” growing up, ha, which might be a Kiwi thing or might just be my parents. I do distinctly remember my father saying “ah well, better an empty house than a bad tenant” on occasions where someone let one slip, and once when someone ‘foofed’ in public and then was embarrassed about it, “quick! everybody breathe in and we’ll get rid of it.” :)

  50. Jill says...

    My husband and I have been together for over a decade, and married for a year (we met young!), so we endured the brutal, puberty-filled years of high school together. For years, we were both on our best (albeit, awkward) behavior. But once we broke the barrier, there was no going back. Now, we’ve nicknamed his farts “the duck,” for the sound they make. I’ll hear one from the shower and then hear him yell, “how’d the damn duck get in here?” On vacation, “sorry, didn’t realize the duck had crawled in my suitcase.” And if we’re out with other people and one of us isn’t feeling great, it’s a perfect codeword: “i just need to *duck* out quickly.”

    • Dani says...

      Oh. My. God. I’m dying…my fiancé just recently started calling his farts “the duck” and I think it’s hilarious. “whoa! where’d that duck come from??”

  51. Emily says...

    When, in my first serious relationship, my boyfriend said he was feeling gassy, I totally (internally!) freaked out. Now, with my current boyfriend — living together and after being together more than 2 and a half years — we’re pretty open with each other. I don’t love to fart in front of him but like any bodily function, things happen! And he saw me prep for a colonoscopy just last month, so… if our relationship can withstand that, I think the romance can withstand a few farts here and there.

  52. Amy says...

    I am dying at “the farticle”! I typically don’t fart around my husband (I swear I don’t need to, it’s like my body knows it’s in the presence of a human male), but when I was pregnant, I farted all. night. long. I had no idea it was happening and was mortified when my husband told me. Thankfully (??) he thought it was hilarious and it’s his favorite pregnancy anecdote.

  53. This post was a fun surprise as I JUST reminded my husband (of 13 years) of when I first farted in front of him in our early weeks of dating. He, at the time, was so surprised and said something like, “wow I didn’t think girls do that”. (I was his first girlfriend.) I was like, “Did you just say that?! Well guess what? There’s a lot more where that came from.” …or something like that. Last night when I brought it up I was complaining about my period (rather graphically) while our kids were yelling at each other about farting and changing the baby’s diaper. That’s how the whole “remember when” conversations started.

  54. Anne says...

    Loving this thread. I’ve been with my partner for almost 7 years, married for a little less than a year with a little 2 year cocker spaniel and we are definitely a farting family. For me, it shows a level of comfort and intimacy in our relationship and I love that. I also grew up in a family that was not shy about farting and other bodily functions, so I guess I’m just used to it. I find farts funny, always have, always will :)

    On this topic, I highly recommend listening to Call Your Girlfriend’s podcast on pooping (https://www.callyourgirlfriend.com/pooptacular/) Yes, it’s called Pooptacular :) It was one of my favorites of last year. It’s funny and also incredibly insightful–I learned so much!

  55. Alexa says...

    I was deep in the throes of early love with my now husband and “tooted myself awake” one night as he was already fast asleep. I panicked, embarrassed and woke him up. “Did you hear that?!” I inquired. He had no idea what I was talking about. I was so nervous that this was the end. He never holds back, but I still try to relegate it to the bathroom.

  56. Allison W says...

    My husband and I both let them rip, and I love it! It’s just one of the many ways that reminds me my husband doesn’t expect me to be this “perfect sexy idealized female robot.” Sometimes we like to blame them on “barking spiders” (I don’t even know where that came from), and most of the time we laugh about it like middle schoolers.

    But, that’s not to say that’s how everyone should feel about farting in front of their SO. Just ask some questions to see if there is anything at the core of the “no bodily function noise rule” like:
    Am I scared my SO will think I’m gross?
    Do I think that it’s something women just shouldn’t do?
    Do I believe my SO will loose interest in me?
    Or do I genuinely think farting is gross?

    If you answer yes to the last question, then hold it in, girl! No judgement. However, if you think there may be something to one of the first three questions, then I invite you to dig a little deeper!

    • Rachel H says...

      Love this process! It applies to so many aspects of life and relationships: body image, wearing makeup, social etiquette, etc. So many opinions and habits are harmless in themselves, but may be sign posts telling you to ask the questions and find out! There may be judgment or insecurity at the root, and who wants that lurking under the surface?

    • Kate says...

      Excellent comment, and great set of questions to gauge discomfort.

      Growing up, when my dad farted at the breakfast table, he’d look surprised and say, “Rats on motorcycles” or my my mom would say, “Your father is shooting rabbits.” I still have no idea where these term come from.

      My husband and I also let them rip, but when we have to do number twos, we excuse ourselves to “do a project”. LOL

    • Shelley says...

      My dad always blames barking spiders haha

    • Karla says...

      My husband says “barking spiders,” too! No idea where it came from either!

    • Kate says...

      My boyfriend grew up blaming Japanese Barking Spiders! This must be some kind of cultural reference? Or a regionalism? My family also blamed “rats” so my boyfriend and I have created barking spider rats as the culprit.

  57. Allyson says...

    I love this topic! I was anti-fart for so long! I had little brothers and they delighted in farting near, at or on me and I thought the mature, womanly thing to do was not find it funny and not engage. Then I started doing improv. And all of my personal boundaries shifted.

    Now, when my husband and I are watching TV at night, we fart freely. If the other one hears it, they mime picking up the phone and saying “hello?” like it was a ringing phone. So stupid but so funny to us. It is one of those private (well, until now) things only we do.

    • Fran says...

      That’s the best haha!

  58. Kate says...

    I asked my husband when we started farting around each other and he said, “I think on our wedding night. You just started letting it rip.” !!! I guess I just couldn’t imagine not being free and comfortable in my own home but I feel like I could have picked a better moment.

  59. Tessa says...

    After a quick courtship, my husband’s friend married an incredibly beautiful and put together Venezuelan woman (think Gloria from Modern Family). One night when we were all together, the conversation of farts came up. My husband’s friend proclaimed, “I never fart in front of my wife! Some things are private. I just hold them in.” She burst out laughing and said, “Sweetie, as soon as you fall asleep, you’ll fart for twenty minutes straight! I try my hardest not to wake you up from laughing!”

    • E says...

      hahahaha Oh my gosh can’t stop laughing.

  60. Tshego says...

    I dont mind gassing, but I hate how my ex turned it into a whole thing. I hated that he would go out of his way to do it in front of me. As for burps, if you dont say excuse me after doing it I literally want to punch you in the throat.

  61. Annelies says...

    We blame any less than cute cohabitation behaviour in our house on random break ins. “Honey?! I think a burglar came in but he just took a horrendously stinky poop?!” or even “What kind of burglar just unloads the ice tray and puts in back in empty?! What a psychopath?!” . Bonus points for dramatic delivery (hopefully we never have an actual break in because neither of us will come running).

    • Nicole says...

      Haha! we do the same thing in our house, but blame it on our dog – no matter what it is. I.e. – why didn’t you get a new roll of toilet paper if you finished it?– “Wasn’t me – must’ve been Dexter, I saw him leave the bathroom earlier!” Makes it much easier to laugh about it all.

    • Lauren E. says...

      My dad always did this but claimed a duck was following him around. Still makes me giggle.

  62. My now-husband and I met in a shared beach house. We shared a room of twin beds – and his personal wake-call every morning was basically letting a really loud one go. About 8 weeks later we were sharing “I love yous” and 12 years later we are still sharing the good , the bad, and the loud and smelly.

    Also – once you see your wife sh*t the table during birth, I think all bets are off :-)

  63. Brittany says...

    We have only one rule when it comes to gaseous emissions: NO FARTING IN BED. That seems to keep at least the partial romance alive which, after giving birth to twins and living in a house with only one bathroom, is enough romance to keep this marriage train chugging along sure and steady.

  64. Monique says...

    I grew up with maybe the most gaseous father alive! Whether it be a fart, a burp, or a bathroom sound, that’s how I grew up. Oddly enough I never farted in front of a boyfriend until my current partner. He is honestly just as bad as my Dad if not worse, and we laugh about it. I’m a burper and he’s a farter and together we’re the happiest gassiest couple in the whole wide world. LOL!

  65. JessicaD says...

    I LOVE this post and am chortling over the comments! My husband, daughters, and I are (too?) open about passing gas around each other and really do get a kick out of it, although sometimes it feels like a liiiitttle too much! But “the barrier has been broken” and there’s no going back (we have probably watched this video 50x): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_zS-3ofyo8. Cup of Jo? CUP OF CHEESE!

  66. Kelli says...

    I hate to admit it, but if my husband and I didn’t fart in front of one another, we’d never see each other! We’d spend our entire lives in separate rooms. Ha! I guess we’re each just gassier than the average bear.

  67. Rachel says...

    My husband and I don’t care at all. We just laugh about it. I worry about our future children thinking it’s normal though, so we might get some manners when kids are around.

  68. Bonnie says...

    I was raised in a household where we were not even allowed to say “fart,” or even “butt.” Now I have four young sons (and a husband who is sometimes not unlike a fifth child) and have had to loosen up a bit on the topic of gas. I am only unconcerned with the noise if no one else is within hearing distance, and still don’t like the kids to talk about it or be purposely noisy, but it’s become a very low-priority thing. You have to let certain things go (no pun intended!) when you have this many boys in the house. If my husband or a former boyfriend had had the same expectation as Caroline’s boyfriend, I would have had the same reaction as her. I still hold on to a certain level of belief in “proper” behavior.

  69. Beth says...

    You all HAVE to watch “Breaking the Barrier” on youtube

    This an old one, but perfect for this topic

  70. Lee says...

    My husband and I have always burped or farted in front of each other–my family was very open about this stuff growing up. To be polite, if we think it will stink, we go into another room. I’m grateful that I don’t have to try to control my bodily functions in front of him–that sounds like too much trouble to me!

  71. molly says...

    I’m in a 10+ year relationship and my partner farted accidentally during the first few weeks of us dating when I jumped on top of him. He ran out of the room and I didn’t see him the rest of the day :) Since then, we do whatever we need to do in front of each other. He is a fairly gassy person and said he used to hold everything until I was asleep and would crawl down the hallway (easier position to fart). We both agreed that the pain caused by holding it was ridiculous. It’s a natural thing to do: sneezing, coughing, etc. Why would we be embarrassed by it? I don’t love my dogs any less and I pick up their poop every.single.day. I actually find it pretty darn cute when they fart and laugh when it’s a smelly one. To each their own though!

  72. Linds says...

    I’m pregnant right now and it’s as though my body is comprised of 40% baby and 60% air waiting for a chance to escape. I’m surprised I don’t zoom around the house like a balloon that’s had its knot suddenly let out.

    At least my toddler thinks it’s funny?

    • Jorden says...

      Hahaha! Fantastic image.

    • Kristy says...

      This is great – thank you for the visual – I just snorted my drink on accident LOL LOL LOL

  73. JB says...

    In the first few weeks of hanging out with my now husband, we were goofing off in the kitchen and I jumped on his back for a piggy back ride, just as he slightly bent over, pushing his butt into my stomach, resulting in a full-on, uncontrolled, unexpected fart (from me). Mortifying…but later, hilarious. The timing was just so bad, the relationship so new, but there was nothing I could do to take it back and it kind of (literally) took the pressure off from our earliest days to pretend that something that EVERYONE does doesn’t happen. We’ve been together nearly a decade and as far(t) as I can tell, are still attracted to one another. :)

    One thing I CANNOT handle over any other bodily function is spitting. No excuse, anywhere. If you need to spit, do it in private. Why the distinction? I have no idea.

  74. Meg says...

    I’ve been married 10 years, with my husband for 13+ altogether, and we avoid farting in front of each other. Occasionally one slips out — what are you gonna do? Of course, our eight-year-old daughter has NO reservations about letting them rip and finds it hilarious. She did admit to me once that she tries not to fart at school, though. I have family members who fart pretty freely and growing up there was a lot of belching at the dinner table by my dad and brother, which always grossed me out. I accept that bodies do things, I just don’t want to witness every last one of them! :D

  75. Laura says...

    Farts are part of life, so I don’t find them embarrassing. It was however a challenge living with my boyfriend in our tiny 1 bed where It was very obvious if I disappeared in the bathroom for a long time and the walls were paper thin. Now that we’ve been together for a looong time we jokingly say we’re ducking into the bathroom ‘for a business call’ and the other one knows to give the bathroom a wide berth.

    • Kate says...

      Haha!! A business call!

      We call it doing a project!

  76. talia says...

    My husband does all.the.time! Honestly, I find it gross. Yes, it’s part of the human experience, but excuse yourself from the room already! I don’t do it in front of him.

    • Dee says...

      Totally agree

  77. Lauren E. says...

    One of the very first guys I ever let spend the night in my bed used to thrash his arms in his sleep. So I playfully told him one day and he came back with, “Oh yeah?! Well you FART in your sleep!”

    I was MORTIFIED. My now-husband confirms this is true. Shrug.

  78. I’ve always been the woman who refused to fart in front of a partner. However, then I traveled around SE Asia with my partner and we went to India together. I got food poisoning 6 times! 6!! The walls in all India hostels are paper thin so not only did he hear me have the most painful and explosive diarrhea of my life, but he also walked in while I was pooping in the toilet and puking in a bucket at the same time all while crying hysterically. It truly didn’t phase him and he still found me sexy and I realized that I had made way to big of a deal about trying to remain “mysterious”.

  79. Jessica says...

    The Farticle! And these comments! My husband and I have been together for just over three years (married for three months). We’ve of course farted a billion times in front of each, mostly without acknowledgement. Only within the last few months have we started talking (and laughing!) about it. A few examples:

    1. I fell asleep next to him on the couch one evening and let out a hugely loud fart. I heard it in my sleep, but my sleepy brain also thought that maybe he didn’t hear it? When I woke up I asked if I had been snoring, and he said, “Well, you weren’t SNORING….” and I was like, SHUT UP I KNOW I TOOTED.

    2. When we go to sleep we usually spend some time cuddling in one direction or another. I was laying on his chest and he wanted to roll over so he asked if he could roll in my direction. I said, “Yes, but in a couple minutes.” …because I had just farted. When he did roll my way I confessed. And he said, “Yeah I knew that’s why you said that. What you didn’t see is me fanning the covers while you were in the bathroom because I had just farted.” He confessed to doing that all the time.

    3. I have my own office at work, a decent size with a door that closes off to everyone else. He does not, and is jealous of this for farting purposes. As he says, “Close the door and be free!”

  80. Connie says...

    This whole post is giving me giggles. The (f)article, the comments thread…all of it. I REALLY needed this after such a long week. lol. Sounds like your guy is a keeper.
    ;)
    My husband and I have been together for 12 years. When we are awake and together, I think we both try to be as “refined” as possible (we’ll burp, but not, say, burp the alphabet, lol). Noises from within the confines of the bathroom are what they are (And may it be known we are NOT a couple that leaves the bathroom door open. Nope.), and we are both pretty candid about the fact that farts happen when you’re sleeping (he says that apparently, my farts are tiny and sound adorable…if that’s true, yay. If he’s lying, I love him even more for crafting such a darling lie). If farts happen in the light of day, we usually crack up because it’s just being human, and it’s silly.

  81. Kate says...

    I was (well) brought up to believe that farting is in fact hilarious. I grew up with a brother and many many male close friends and they didn’t care so why should I? Its liberating ladies to, in the words of Frozen, LET IT GO.

  82. Sarah says...

    It’s so weird that we have so many strict rules about the very natural and normal sounds and smells that come from our bodies. Let them live!

  83. Jenny says...

    ‘One night, my boyfriend asked me a special question’ hahahaha. I laughed out loud in my quiet office at this. Great post!!

  84. Erin says...

    I held mine in for a year and suffered from terrible stomach aches. Our first getaway together, we were stuck in our car in a snowstorm and I knew I would not be able to hold it much longer. I politely said, “Babe, please have forgiveness” and let it out. “Forgiveness” was our code word for letting it rip, and we’ve had 8 beautiful, gassy years together since. AND, we still find each other sexy ;)

    • RB says...

      oh I absolutely love this!

  85. K says...

    I fart in front of my boyfriend ALL THE TIME. Most days. He’s used to it. Sometimes we laugh, sometimes we don’t acknowledge it, sometimes it punctuates our conversations. And it’s glorious.

  86. Rachel says...

    My husband and I fart audibly in front of each other and always have. He takes pride in it and is always impressed when I let go a particularly noisy/long one. I’m getting better ;)

    As for the smell…… I’ve never laughed harder than when one of his best friends simply said, “Everyone likes their own.”

  87. Julie S says...

    We both fart whenever (luckily either of us arent very gaseous). We both laugh almost everytime either of us do. Its become the normal somehow and I have to say i like it better this way.

  88. Nina says...

    In our relationship burping or farting is more than acceptable, my boyfriend thinks it is hilarious!!! when I fart and somewhat surprisingly thinks it’s cute when I burp (loudly). We gave up on the air of mystery a long time ago, there are plenty of other ways to keep each other interested.

  89. Joy says...

    We’re a mixed household – my husband and kids fart frequently and joke about it, but I just can’t bring myself to. Grew up non-farting and that is deeply engrained. At any rate, this is one of my kids’s favorite songs these days and SO appropriate to this convo: Fart Out Loud Day https://g.co/kgs/TcgqoB

  90. Anna B. says...

    My husband and I have no problem with this, although I will admit it isn’t helpful for the romance!

  91. Jess says...

    How sad that women feel the need to maintain a level of mystery- isn’t the whole purpose of a relationship to establish intimacy? How can you be both intimate and uncomfortably holding in a ripper? As a women living with IBS, with a husband holding it in all day at work, we would hardly see each other if we had to keep excusing ourselves to toot. What a supremely miserable and outdated notion that a women must remain mysterious and inencumbered by healthy bodily needs in order to stay desirable and sexy, as if our brains have nothing to do with it.

    • Inch says...

      Okay, no snark intended here but I do feel like a different perspective needs to be represented. The false equivalency in many of these comments is that intimacy is necessarily tied to a complete surrender of personal privacy, and that if if one is not happy with the latter, they are sacrificing the former. That’s not necessarily true. There’s a lot of processes and noises that the human body can produce and not all of them are attractive to all people. I know my partner farts. He also burbs, and poops, and spits, and trims his toenails and nose hairs and for all I know may pick his nose on occasion. But he doesn’t do that sort of stuff in front of me (at least, not on purpose or regularly) because he knows I think these activities are IMO at best unappetizing and at worse gross. I don’t do that sort of stuff in front of him either. We’re not racing out of the room — sometimes gas happens — but it is not a sign of our closeness or intimacy that in general there are aspects of grooming and elimination that we do separately. For me, intimacy is tied to respect. I would not be attracted to a guy who believed he was demonstrating closeness by stinking up the air we both breathe, and I don’t think expecting and wanting to be treated at least as well as he would treat his boss or a stranger means I’m pretending to be unencumbered by healthy body needs. I don’t like people farting around me. I am closer to my guy because he tries to respect that.

    • Sasha L says...

      Well did Jess. It’s certainly lingering sexism that allows men the freedom of their bodies while women are supposed to pretend our bodies don’t work in the exact same way.

      I keep reading “I grew up in a house full of brothers, with a dad that loved farting…..”
      I hope my daughters would respond “we grew up in a house full of women who’s motto was better out than in.”

  92. Caitlin L. says...

    I have been with my husband for 10+ years and I can’t remember a time we didn’t casually fart in front of each other haha :/ ! We have total double standards and act super grossed out when the other person does it, but neither one of us cares. We love each other and are still very attracted to each other (but of course I 100% wouldn’t feel the same if a random dude was farting near me). I definitely don’t in front of friends (and if I did, at this point, my closest friends would not care at all…) It’s funny to me to read so many women don’t as a rule!

  93. Lauren says...

    The first night my boyfriend (now husband) and I slept together, we were spooning, and as I was falling into a peaceful sleep….PFFFFT!! I was MORTIFIED, so I stayed perfectly still, pretending to be asleep (sleep farts happen, right? RIGHT?!?!), while inwardly cursing my insides. Luckily he was already sleeping, and the next day carried on as normal. Crisis averted!!
    Fast-forward a bit, after we’d moved in together, and due to tight quarters (and my touchy, lactose-intolerant system), the attempts at being discreet with bodily functions became pointless. But it also brought us closer together. Him lovingly cleaning my vomit from a sink after a horrible bout of food poising, me caring for him during various flus and illnesses – we’ve seen/heard/smelled it all, but we are still head-over-heels for each other. We’re both human beings, with functioning systems, and we’ve learned to make light of these things (and even laugh!) because life is too short, and he’s my best friend, so who cares?!
    I brought up that mortifying night with him a few years later, confessing that I had farted, and mentioned how glad I was that he had been sleeping at the time. He smiled at me and said “Oh, I was awake and everything! I just pretended to be sleeping so you wouldn’t be embarrassed.”

    He’s a keeper.

  94. ANA says...

    In that case I have a rare gem of a partner….he is sooooo natural, open, he likes every inch of me, and most of all, speaking about this topic, he’s words and thoughts are: feel free to be you (on farting – we just laugh), I love your smell when you’re not all new after bathing from toes to head, all your marks and unperfections (what is perfection anyway), your whole unshaved body… – I love him. :D

  95. K says...

    Magical writer, even of The Farticle. I would say my husband of ten years is way too comfortable with gross things but he always has. I prefer to be a bit more discreet for the sake of my children seeing another perspective of social politeness. But sometimes you have to let out a loud funny one, which I’ve dubbed “honkey-tonkey”. Kids always laugh at a honkey-tonkey

  96. Kristin says...

    Once, many years ago, when my husband was still my boyfriend, we were getting ready for bed in my old apartment. Just as we were about to turn off the lights he let out a huge (and I mean HUGE) stinky fart. I just about died with laughter, as did he. It’s basically been a free for all since then. Honestly, he let’s them loose so often that if he had to leave the room all the time I’d probably never see him…

  97. Alyssa says...

    This is hilarious! My boyfriend is a very gassy person – both with actual farts and with burps. We realized early on that it was just a part of who he was. And I too have a similar body chemistry. It’s been freeing to not have to bottle up the farts. Because who, when they are laying in bed, comfortable beyond belief, wants to get up and go to the other room? Not this girl.

    We always laugh when one of us has a particularly loud, almost-song like fart.

  98. Clark says...

    I thought that the point of “letting it fly” comfortably came about six months into our relationship. Years later, my partner revealed that I’d been farting in my sleep the whole time.

  99. Julie says...

    I grew up lactose intolerant so the idea of holding in a fart has been especially relevant in my life. My boyfriend on the other hand just let’s it rip. The few times that I’ve let it slip, we both can’t help but laugh.

  100. swishmusic says...

    I can’t believe the timing of this farticle! I farted last night while asleep (yes it’s possible I woke myself up) for the first time lying next to my boyfriend of a year and I’m pretty sure he had his hand on my butt (only one cheek!) at the time. I was mortified, and cowardly chose to ignore and feign ignorance, but I’m fairly certain I felt him squeeze my butt gently and chuckle ever so slightly in response. I wish it had never happened but I guess you can’t fight it forever!!! It’s all downhill from here! :-)

  101. Sydni Jackson says...

    Wow. Cannot even imagine how a couple could go years without getting to the point of being comfortable with it. We’ve been together 12 years (married 8) and I think we started farting around each other after a year or two of dating. *shrug*

  102. A. says...

    I hope that my bodily functions don’t make me unattractive to my partner because I would never hold his against him and I am against double standards when it comes to what’s acceptable. If men are allowed to burp and fart, then ladies should be as well :) Of course, there are certain boundaries. While I happily let it out in front of my boyfriend – as you know it is not the first kiss but the first fart what makes the relationship – I would never do so in front of his family, or my sister’s partner, or my friends (tho we openly talk about bodily functions), nor would I do it during a dinner or in a public place.
    I am quite surprised how many of you ladies find it unimaginable to do so in front of your partners and I also wonder whether that is a cultural thing? For example, burping is accepted in many cultures as a sign of good cooking (not in mine). For me, one of the biggest differences is how British/US people sniff constantly – often at a table – instead of blowing their nose. In my culture, sniffing is considered impolite while blowing your nose (excuse yourself) is the thing to do. Anyone else has a similar experience?

    • Mari says...

      In Brazil we sniff it too. But my husband is German (they too find sniffing gross) and it’s so amazing that I can blow my nose anywhere with him. Sniffing is uncomfortable when you have a cold. Why the hell is blowing your nose a bad thing if you need to? Now I do it Brazil, too. Sue me.

    • Christine says...

      In South Korea it’s considered incredibly rude/gross to blow your nose at the table.

  103. Mona says...

    I’m 39 weeks pregnant and there is no way I can control my farts… my husband finds it amusing and is so sweet about it. But I do say sorry, even as we are laughing about it. And I expect him to do too when one slips out.. just as we do with burps. I just think it’s good manners and shows that we care about each other. Same way we wouldn’t pick our noses in front of each other… or blow our noses at the dinner table..

    • Mari says...

      In Germany you have to blow your nose at the dinner table, if you need to. They think is gross to try to keep it inside. I have no idea how to say this in English! Is it sniff it in? hahaha Anyway, if you do any noise with your nose, someone will promptly give you a tissue as if to say “just blow it already!”. Super mortifying! (but after 5 years married to a German, I don’t mind it anymore and find it liberating when you have a cold)

  104. Chloe says...

    I’ve always tried to mask mine, but my ex of 6 years was totally shameless. His farts were like TRUMPETS blaring… long, loud, not that far off from Will Ferrell’s burp scene in ‘Elf’. It was just comically overdone and way too frequent. He would let it rip anywhere and everywhere, with no regard for the people around him. In the grocery check-out line with a granny behind him? Sure, why not. Hanging out with my family? Duh, how could he not.

    He acted like he was physically incapable of holding it in, or excusing himself, when really he was just too lazy to bother. His friends would even give him a hard time about it, but he didn’t let that discourage him. I’m sure there are folks with true medical issues that cause this level of flatulence, and for those people I would be more understanding and compassionate, but for this guy — not so much.

    It was a huge turnoff for me, and I am *so* grateful that my husband doesn’t fart in front of me. I guess I’m a little scarred from the last guy — I don’t even want to dip my toe in the water, for fear of getting caught in a waterfall.

  105. Maya says...

    I’ve been taking the opposite route, actually.
    When I met my longtime boyfriend as a student, I had been slowly recovering from years of bulimia and my body was still getting re-used to processing food. I was extremely gassy – odourless but very very frequent farts that I just could not hold in. So it happened, quite a lot, especially at night – I tried to be as quiet as possible but I know he could still hear them. He was extraordinarily decent about it: even though I had only said I had digestive issues leftover from my bulimic time he never questioned me about it and appeared completely unphased by it.
    Now that phase is over, I’m actively trying to get to a point where bodily functions and smells are normal and not a problem at all (no apologies nor laughs needed to defuse the tension when it happens because there actually should be no tension), but if you can spare your partner from hearing/smelling them, all the better. We’re on the same page on this.

  106. Lisa says...

    “ Is there a point in a relationship where this becomes acceptable? ”

    Post childbirth

    For me because I think some of my internal organs got rearranged (c section) and for a while after I was windier than usual, and cared less

  107. Anneleen says...

    I was once in the middle of having sex with my then-boyfriend when he stopped doing what he was doing so he could fart – loudly, and then he resumed our activity. He was comfortable sharing thát but he was not comfortable sharing his emotions. Needless to say it did not last.

    With my husband, we’re quite comfortable sharing our noises: he’s an excellent farter, and I’m a killer burper. Our baby daughter excels at both :-)

  108. Maria says...

    At the beginning to of the relationship 8 years ago we had boundaries. No farting in front of each other.
    But now is different. We have relaxed and sometimes it will happen in front of each other…and we laugh about it.
    But do never over do it…

  109. Barb says...

    I have been happily married for 4 years and with my husband for 14 (I’m 32). I refuse to fart in front of him unless it is an accident, and still pee with the door shut. I have plenty of body positivity, I just think that some things are best left mysterious.

  110. Megan says...

    My husband and I pass gas in front of each other all the time! We’re in our late 20’s and have been married for a little over a year but ever since we started living together (about 3 years ago) it just started happening. I think he did it first, and then I was like, “Well EQUALITY, so here you go.”

    We also have an amazing group of friends that are all very comfortable discussing bodily functions, and I have to say, it is a good way to remember that everyone is human and everyone is fighting their own gurgly, bubbly battle.

  111. joana says...

    well, i try not to. and he does to. so no double standard there! once we were on his balcony and i let a tiny one slip… and he pretended not to have heard it – and i really thought he hadn’t! – but then he started making fun of me ages later… i was sooo embarrassed!
    i think some things are better left private. i mean, intimacy grows and some thing change, for example, i used to get up in the middle of the night to poop when i was at his place, and i didn’t even force myself to do it! my body just reacted this way for months… but then after awhile it changed and now i can poop :) so some things are necessary, period, but those that aren’t, like farting, i think should just be private – on both sides! (luckily he agrees) :)

  112. Jules says...

    My husband and I have been married 21 years. We pass gas and I even say answer questions in a burp sometimes. We go to the restroom infront of each other, I mean #2 excuse ourselves to allow the private wipe. Each relationship is unique and fun. Its exhausting being something your not, if they love you, they will accept it and love it!

  113. Sanna Lötjönen says...

    Katy that’s brilliant! :D :D :D

  114. Klixie says...

    We are a family of bottom-coughers and tonsil rattlers. We celebrate all bodily functions, especially those that emanate from our top and bottom orifices. I cannot burp on demand, and am endlessly fascinated by those who can work their way through the alphabet, exhausting as it is.

    As an aside, we come from a family of nurses and doctors and do not shy away from discussing the reasons behind the expulsion of liquids, solids and gases. Around others, of course, we control our baser impulses…

  115. Nicki says...

    We fart and apologize, then forget about it immediately (we also use the bathroom in front of each other, so honestly don’t consider farting a big deal).
    My husband is French and big on manners, so he has taught our kids to do the same. Now I have to smile every time my 4-year-old and 2-year old daughters politely chirp “Pardon!” after they fart or burp. If I fart in front of them without acknowledging it, they correct me: ” Pardon Mama!”

  116. Helena says...

    No, no, no! To me, farting in front of each other at home is not something that brings you closer together😂 For me, it’s about respect, a fart often smells awful, and why would I want my family to have to smell awful things? I’m very sensitive to smell (and taste) and I often feel sick if someone smells bad.

    At our house, if someone accidentally farts it’s no big deal, but we have a rule that if you feel it coming and can go away to fart, you do that. Because it’s respectful. To me farting around other people has got nothing to do with closeness. And I don’t think it’s romantic. It’s like bad breath or sweat, of course we all have it, but we brush our teeth, wash and put on deodorant so that others don’t have to smell bad odors when we come close to each other.

    There are so many things we don’t do when we’re close (relationship wise) to someone. Most still choose to poop in solitude, most don’t tell their significant other if they see someone and find that person attractive. A little bit of secrecy is not a bad thing!

  117. Nichole says...

    Farting is a normal, everyday, bodily function. Like breathing. It happens. Since I am alive, I fart. Don’t repress. Express. My husband and I probably get as much joy out of our farts as we do anything else. It’s a constant source of mirth and adulation. (And just an observation about this thread: Many of the comments I read said either they don’t fart in front of their husbands nor families, or it’s only acceptable to during pregnancy and childbirth. Um, yeah, no. I’m a woman. I fart. But I fart, because I’m a human being with this digestive system. It has nothing to do with childbearing, illness, or otherwise. Let’s live, ladies. FART WITH ABANDON!)

  118. Well, you could give him a fart or *at least* a burp for Valentine’s Day! Hahaha. After all, he seems to neeed it so much!

  119. Elise says...

    Holding farts is bad for your bowels in general. However, I remember dating that guy and the first night we had sex, he farted during pillow talk. I asked him if he had, because I mean, ‘not sexy’ and he laughed and said ‘well, at least we got this out of the way’. It made me laugh, but I was a little taken aback though. If you have a gastric condition, it’s better to be upfront about it. Smelly farts are the worse. You can always go to the gas station, i.e. excuse yourself. For spontaneous audible farts, if it happens, laugh it off. We’re human after all.

  120. Veronica says...

    To friends and loved ones –
    I promise I’ll do everything in my power to protect you from my stinky farts because I love you so so much.

    But sometimes it just cannot be helped. Thank you for loving me.

    Your farty lady

  121. Sarah says...

    Yes as others have mentioned by husband and I have no qualms about farting in front of one another. Just a normal bodily function. After growing and birthing two babes with him – it is pass and parcel of the whole process. We just make a joke of it/tease each other and move on. My husband has even unblocked the toilet for me after a more solid emission! True love, surely?

  122. Emily says...

    I grew up with the canny ability to fart on demand (but for some reason could never burp until my 20’s) so maybe that explains my openness to being gaseous in front of my guy.

    My fiancé and I have lived together for 6 years and we fart in front of each other, pee in the other’s company, and will occasionally go number two but I have found this may be too far(t) and usually ask that there be privacy in this act. I’ve also found most of my friends have similar boundaries and talk candidly about it.

    But, I refuse to listen to him or anyone crack their knuckles so please don’t let me hear THAT!

    • Um, my name is emily, I also could not burp (still can’t), am very open to farting, and hate hearing knuckles cracked. Are you me?

    • Leah says...

      100% I agree with this about the knuckle cracking!

      Farts are no big deal, sometimes even funny, but knuckle cracking? No thank you!

  123. Ros says...

    On a first date, my amour at the time lent over to give me a goodbye kiss. As our lips met, he emitted a very loud fart. He cleared the air (so to speak”) by saying “ Well, I guess I must feel very relaxed with you! “. I thought it hysterically funny. It didn’t put me off him. Farting is natural. Better out than in is my motto!

  124. Lauren says...

    What I don’t get about the diehard non-farters is that nearly all of us fart in our sleep, and wouldn’t it be way more embarrassing farting in your sleep if your partner knew you to studiously and solemnly avoid it all day? It would seem like an angel or a nun farting or something, and I’d be so embarrassed looking that silly! :P

  125. AMY says...

    When I first started dating my now-husband, we had dinner with another couple who said that farting in front of each other was the true sign of closeness. At that time, I was horrified and couldn’t even imagine it. 20 years later, we let it all out and can’t believe how women still hold it in! I am known in my family for my gas-incontinence, which I attribute to having kids. My girls know it’s all their fault, along with my leaking bladder of course.

  126. Nigerian Girl says...

    Sweet baby Jesus! This ‘farticle’ has me in stitches. My Dad used to fart openly while I was growing up. No shame or apology. I’ve never heard my mum fart, not even at night when we’re sleeping in the same bed. As kids my siblings and I were pretty open and gross about our farts. We would just release a silent, super deadly fart and then laugh it off together. I remember releasing an unexpectedly loud one when I was hanging out with a boy I liked. He must have really liked me (or maybe he was just polite) because he didn’t bring it up or make me feel uncomfortable. I’m still embarrassed about it till today. Oh dear, I have anxiety just thinking about all this. Thank goodness I don’t have a boyfriend hehehe.

  127. Meredith Seiser says...

    My husband farts in his sleep. It is now skunk mating season in Oregon and occasionally we get skunked in the middle of the night. I groggily awake and immediately blame it on my husband. I have to fully wake up before I realize I owe him an apology.

  128. Christine says...

    My ex boyfriend would BEG me to fart around him for “intimacy.” Like I get it, but also, yuck.

  129. Jess says...

    Having discussed this many a time with girlfriends, my mind is always BOGGLED how people can be in a long term relationship and not fart in front of each other. Don’t you feel like you are walking on eggshells in your own home?! I can’t. I won’t. And seeing as my husband and I both delight in potty humor, it works for us. 15 years and 2 kids later, no romance is lost. And I only genuinely get grossed out/pissed off by the car farts when he doesn’t preface them with a courtesy window roll down.

  130. Megan says...

    Oh my goodness. I remember in college my best friend was dating a guy (her now husband) and she was saying how they farted around each other all the time and I couldn’t even imagine that. Now I’ve been married for two years and I root on my husbands leg as we snuggle all the time. We blame it on a spider. But i always remember my friend and how I’m happy to be close enough to him that i don’t have to hide anything. Although I do poop with the door shut.

  131. kristyn says...

    Wow. That’s a lot of love. I appreciate that, but I can also say, after being married 17 years to incredible person, that I love him deeply, and also DO NOT LOVE his farts.

  132. Meg says...

    My husband always goes in the other room to do it. Which is hilarious, because we live in a tiny home. You can hear anything and everything from any room in the house… doors opened or closed. Hell… I think people on the street could hear, honestly. I think I’ll tell him when we are sixty. Until then… his secret is safe with me.

  133. Katherine says...

    My opinion of farts has TOTALLY shifted since I had my son (now almost 4yo). In a past life, I never, ever did it in front of anyone, ever. Ever ever. Growing up, we even referred to them as ‘fluffs’, and I would hold one for hours to avoid doing it in the presence of a single living soul. But fart humor is one of the earliest things my son got. He thinks farts are hilarious- the stinkier the better (I know, ew). So, as a family, we now openly fart all the time to make him laugh. But only at home.

  134. Jamie says...

    After 6 months of dating, my boyfriend (now husband) showed me a video about “breaking the barrier” and when I laughed he was so relieved and said “my stomach has been hurting for the last 6 months!” He has not stopped farting since then, and his nickname is now the Gas Master. I rarely pass gas (my stomach just makes strange noises) but I’m glad there’s no barrier any more, even when I can’t breathe. We now have a daughter, and at 8-months old it turns out she’s the Tiny Gas Master (particularly when I’m trapped nursing her. It’s astonishing the stench that comes from her tiny body!)

  135. Sasha L says...

    Down with decorum, at least around those who love you.

    When I gave birth to my second baby (really wonderful birth, but won’t sound like it from this story), I spent about half an hour on the toilet, completely clearing room for baby, and my dear sweet husband literally kneeled between my feet holding both my hands and told me I was doing great, the whole time. His legs went numb from not moving. If that’s not unconditional love, I don’t know what is. After that, farting seems pretty charming really.

  136. Laura says...

    I have gut issues and though they’re manageable through diet changes, they do lead to a decent amount of wind. Honestly, I’m kind of surprised so many women have an issue with it! My husband and I fart around each other all the time, have been together for 14 years and don’t see an end to that any time soon. Life is way too short to excuse yourself from the room every time you have a small wind issue!

  137. Luz says...

    We are 100% pro shared farts in my family. I can’t imagine what a debilitating distraction it would be to have to hold your farts or leave the room every time you feel one coming on…maybe we are extra gassy?

  138. Hanna says...

    To me it’s a surefire marker of whether I truly love someone- if he farts and I love him more for it, he’s a keeper. In other relationships I was just grossed out by these emissions which signified to me that I didn’t truly love him.

    • Emme says...

      hahah such an accurate statement

  139. Catie says...

    i was so careful about this for the longest time. I never used the bathroom in front on my husband, tried to mask gas and suppress burps. Even after having a baby together, I was pretty fastidious. Then I had a medical crisis and ended up in the hospital, and he had to walk me to the bathroom, hold me while I went, etc. While that forced intimacy didn’t revolutionize our relationship, it did feel like a relief. Now I still try to be conscientious about not displaying all my bodily functions at any time (I mean, some level of mystery is sexy), but I’ve realized that for me, a lot of my concerns stemmed from old, sexist thinking that was buried in my brain. So while I might still excuse myself if I’m gassy, now farting in front of him—or whatever else my body needs to do to be healthy and comfortable—doesn’t embarrass me at all!

  140. shannon says...

    Dying @FARTICLE 🤣🤣🤣

    But seriously I was just talking about this today with my mother-baby group! A baby farted and someone said, “that’s a good fart!” Someone else said “like a man.” I realized…we ladies are the only ones holding it in. Kids don’t care. (Most) men don’t care. Should we all just let loose!!?

    • Jenny says...

      Hahaha this is so funny; it always gets me when a tiny baby does one of those super loud poops and everyone is like, “aww, that felt good, didn’t it?”, thereby very publicly acknowledging what we all know but would never, ever say out loud to adults- that it feels great to poop!

    • Katie says...

      YES!! Down with the patriarchy!

  141. Rae says...

    My family – no bodily functions. Excuse yourself from the room as and when necessary. Husband’s family – try not to do it at the table. Don’t fart on mum or granny.

    • Lydia Barton says...

      😂😂😂 loved this!

    • “don’t fart on mum or granny” is kind of a perfect life lesson right there. :)

  142. Katy says...

    The poor cat has been blamed for all farts for many many years. (Fart from general direction of husband. Husband: “Bad kitty!”) Even when she’s in another room. Or we’re in the car. Continued even after our beloved cat cat passed on.

    • Jody Winter says...

      Heh heh… our various cats have been blamed over the years. Or the floorboards. Never gets old.

    • marit says...

      I laughed so hard about this!

    • AJ says...

      🤣🤣

    • Michelle says...

      Ha ha, we don’t have a pet to blame ours on, so we blame my childhood toy who still lives with us (possibly for this very reason). This fiction has endured for years!

  143. Annie says...

    Do any of these friends have children? Because pregnancy and post partum most women walk around in a constant haze of gaseous emissions. It can’t be helped. Damn hormones. Also after all the weird stuff that happens to your body and pushing a baby out of your body with your vagina on full display for an entire room of strangers, there really isn’t much room for squeamishness in a relationship. Haha

    • Minna says...

      Agree. That magical phase of pregnancy when farts just pass magically from your intestine right into the room, no opportunity for holding whatsoever, pretty much sets the stage for the rest. Pooping on the floor during birth. Blood everywhere. Those giant mesh panties.

      Plus all the poop and farts that babies bring.

      It’s fine though, I can’t imagine worrying about farts anymore.

    • D T says...

      Ditto exactly this! Thanks Annie!

    • Sarah says...

      That was my reaction… I was more discrete until I got pregnant… now it can’t be helped.

    • Julie Lanctôt says...

      So true! I am in my premenopause, with all kinds of hormonal symptoms, and a new one is that I fart a lot and oh boy! the smell… Even I feel like fainting sometimes and can’t stand myself, bu there is nothing to do but laugh about it with my husband and the kids. Farting mama, overpowered-by-hormone wife but still happy-kind-generous me!! I say life is to short and precious to worry about farting (because hey, as all the comments here prove, everyone doesuit so why be so ashame of something everyone on the planet is doing?)

  144. i’m not sure when we got to this comfort level, probably early on because he’s a very gassy man and i still find him very attractive – so i dont think it affects the mystery. as for the double standard – i cannot physically fart unless i’m in a bathroom or asleep. when you reach that level i dont think there is anything you can do that will make your person unattracted to you? my bf finds it very endearing/cute when i startle myself awake with a “toot” as he calls it – he’ll let me know in the morning by calling me “tootanie”

  145. Katie says...

    One evening, my husband had some really horrible gas, and I asked him to please leave the room next time. So he stood up, dramatically marched out of the room, and let out the loudest fart. I tried so hard to act mad and disgusted but just laughed and laughed. In fact, this happened probably 7 years ago and I’m laughing again as I type it out.

    • Me too! Laughing as I read this!

    • A. says...

      love this :D

    • Lauren says...

      This made me laugh so hard!!!

    • Valerie says...

      Katie, thank you for telling this story, it made my day! I am dying laughing here on my sofa.

  146. Jess says...

    I vote that CoJ change the name of this piece to “The Farticle”
    Anyone else with me on this one?

    • Sasha L says...

      Brilliant!

    • Oana says...

      I’m with you on this!
      Change the name COJ!!!!

      Also, my father farts, all my boyfriends did and it’s ok. I’ll do it in my sleep and when it can’t be helped. It’s sign of a healthy digestion.
      Still my sister and her husband never do it in front of each other.

  147. Jess says...

    I’m DYING of laughter. These comments are hysterical!
    My husband regularly farts in front of me and says that it’s perfectly normal, and that I should feel Comfortable farting in front of him. I, of course, never will. But once I did by accidentally and he looked at me all weird and was like “did you just fart?!?”

  148. Jenn P says...

    I was someone who didn’t like to fart in front of people at all. And then I had a long hospital stay with gastrointestinal problems – the kind where you can’t be released until you pass gas and have a bowel movement. It got to the point where we would cheer every time I farted because that meant I was that much closer to being allowed to go home. Since then, I’ve been much less freaked out about tummy troubles – this is my body and sometimes it’s smelly.

  149. I grew up with a brother and boy cousins who glorified and extended their farts as much as possible – totally scarred me. So glad I’m married to a man who doesn’t do that. I get that farting is normal (I read a number of the comments) but I doubt I will equate audible farts with body positivity so much as juvenile humor. . .

  150. Minna says...

    I’ve been with my partner for 9 years, and we have a 2 year old. We all fart and laugh about it. It doesn’t ruin romance, and I don’t even think about it anymore. I doubt he ever did.

    I wonder if your farticle needs a different angle. Could your boyfriend be communicating a fart fetish to you? Often those things we socially suppress pop up in the boudoir. I don’t mean to pry, I’m just sayin. Even more reason to let it rip IMO.