Relationships

Do or Don’t: Gaseous Emissions

Do or Don't: Gaseous Emissions

One night, my boyfriend asked me a special question…

“Why don’t you ever fart?”
“What?” I said, slightly taken aback. “Of course I do. I’m a human person.”
“But you don’t do it in front of me,” he said, then added, “It doesn’t make noise.”

What on earth was this?

“I just think it would bring us closer together.”

This was new. After spending my entire dating life trying to control such bodily impulses — don’t order the three-cheese lasagna on an early date, don’t drink another glass of red because it always produces a frog-like gurgle — this person was requesting I (freely, audibly) exercise them?

Then, a few minutes later: “Will you burp, at least?”

I would like to believe that I am a (relatively) mature adult person who accepts that human bodies do weird things. I would also like to believe that I am comfortable with the many angles of my own humanity, including the presence of body hair and the symphonic noises that sometimes arise after a multi-course meal. Still, I’ve watched one too many Esther Perel TED talks where she counsels that in order for your partner to remain desirable, they have to be, at least in a certain sense, “other.” And I’ve been conditioned to think that the sharing of certain bodily functions borders on too familiar — even, and perhaps especially, in the company of one’s partner.

Because it is somehow my job (since I pitched this story, we’ve been calling it “the farticle”), I posed this question to a bunch of friends.

“Gary farts all the time,” said one friend, about her husband of nearly a decade whose name is not actually Gary. “But I still won’t. Of course, sometimes it can’t be helped, but if I sense one is coming, I’ll excuse myself.”

“We’re comfortable with it, but only to a point,” reported another, about his partner. “Sometimes, if we’re watching TV together, he’ll dive across the couch and physically hold my nose shut with his hand until the coast is clear.”

“Personally, I am a huge fan of sleeping with a white noise machine to drown out any sounds that may escape overnight,” offered a third. “I am very much not open with my farting, and appreciate the same discretion in a partner. But if it happens, there is the unspoken rule that one must laugh it off.”

When it comes to the topic of gaseous emissions, I was surprised by how not okay with it everyone — except my boyfriend — seems. Is this just one more hurdle on the road to bodily acceptance? Or does decorum exist for good reason?

Anyway! I’d honestly love to know: Is there a point in a relationship where this becomes acceptable? Or do some people believe that it shouldn’t happen, lest you destroy the mystery between you? Is there a middle ground?

P.S. A secret to a happy marriage and do you pee in front of your significant other?

  1. A Martin says...

    I could never trust anyone I dated who didn’t pass gas in front of me 😂

  2. Alex says...

    The day after my c-section, I had to ask my husband to wipe my ass for me after my first bowel movement. I was mortified, but I have never loved him more than in that moment when he just did it without questioning or laughing. There’s no going back from that one. Farts ain’t shit.

    • Lena says...

      “Farts ain’t shit.” This is the greatest moral-of-the-story conclusion I have ever read in the Cup of Jo comments.

      You’re my kinda peeps, Alex!

    • maggie says...

      haha THIS. this is exactly how i feel. After a messy and rough childbirth and recovery process…. farts aint shit.

  3. Bailey says...

    Open farter here, more or less from the start. We pee in front of each other and walk around naked too. It’s all about being comfortable with your person. This reminds me of that one cup of jo post ages ago when Joanna mentioned she pees with the faucet running so Alex won’t hear. I told my partner about it when the blog post came out and he STILL occasionally brings it up, dumbfounded.

    • Sarah says...

      Dumbfounded is just the word! This doesn’t compute for me, at home in our family I want us all to be comfortable to be ourselves – no filter. It’s tiring enough to be on guard at school/work – home is where we can let it go 😉

    • Caitlin L. says...

      ^^^ This is me too !

  4. Marisa says...

    My partner came down with a stomach virus on our second date and spent a very, very long time in a farmer’s market bathroom. Fortunately I’m a nurse with a strong stomach and hung out with him for the rest of the day. Thirteen years and two kids later, we’re still in love!

  5. Stephani says...

    When my husband and I were dating I accidentally farted and I was beyond mortified. But then he laughed and farted on purpose just to make sure i felt it was ok and not be so embarassed. 5 years laters and its still ok… he is the best guy and always makes me feel comfortable and at ease no matter what. I’m pretty sure that moment solidified that he was the one for me.

  6. shade says...

    I’m still laughing at “farticle” <3
    And no, there never became a point for us (a married couple) where it feels anything but something to embarrassingly laugh at.

  7. Tara says...

    32 years of marriage later and it can just make us giggle and giggle and giggle

    • Kate says...

      best comment ever ever ever :)

  8. Anna says...

    I have had this exact conversation, only in reverse. I grew up with brothers who would clear a room with their farts and then laugh. My boyfriend, who is Nicaraguan, and I were close friends for about 3 years before we started dating, so we were very comfortable with one another. A few months in, I just blurted out one day, “why have you never farted in front of me!” I assumed it was a given because all my male friends and family did it without hesitation. He responded, “because that would be rude, so why would I do that?” Then after a short pause he added, “but you know how sometimes I roll the window down a little bit? Well, sometimes I just can’t help it and I don’t want you to notice.” We just looked at each other for a moment and then burst out laughing. It started an unexpected and important conversation about culture and paved the way for many more awkward conversations. When either one of us want a good laugh, all one of us has to do is mention the time I asked about his farts.

  9. Charlie says...

    We fart in front of each other all time – multiple times a day. I think it’s hilarious and honestly like the honesty and candor. We love each other because of all our wonderful strengths + humanity. Being human doesn’t make my partner any less attractive – only more so because of the trust + love we have. I also go to the bathroom in front of my partner, but he won’t go in front of me. :) each to their own.

  10. Kaysie says...

    I recently had to have emergency surgery to have my appendix removed. When they were prepping me for surgery, I had to remove my contacts, leaving me blind as a bat. Only after I took my contacts out did they tell me I needed to provide a urine sample. I knew I wouldn’t be able to pee in a cup on my own, much less be able to feel my way down the hallway to find the restroom (that’s how truly visually impaired I am). I explained to the nurse that I needed assistance and she gave me the choice between joining me in the bathroom or having my husband come in and help me.
    I realized right then and there that my husband and I were on a ten-year streak of never peeing in front of each other. Mind you – this man has witnessed me GIVE BIRTH (without any drugs) so we’ve seen some things. We are not shy around each other by any means. But I decided to have the nurse come into the bathroom with me. For some reason I just needed to hold on a little longer to this one sacred thing, this unspoken promise that even when the proverbial
    sh*t hits the fan, we will still keep the door closed.

  11. Victoria says...

    It’s always nerve wracking being the first one to fart in a relationship but let me tell you, now that the cats out of the bag it’s honestly no big deal. I don’t find my husband any less attractive if he farts and vice versa. When we have “intimate” time we obviously keep those type of noises out of the equation and it’s truly a non issue. After being in a relationship with someone for so long it’s actually really comforting knowing I don’t have to hold anything in no matter how gross the noise or subject matter. Now if only I could fart in front of my girlfriends ha!

  12. Anna S Ficken says...

    My husband and I are funny – we fart ALL of the time in front of each other, but will NEVER let the other person see us use the bathroom – door always firmly closed, etc. Works for us!

  13. Rachel says...

    My husband likes to say we are a ‘gas positive household’. His delight in all bodily functions was helpful during a very long and…messy…labor with our son.

  14. L says...

    I am a 31 year old woman and I will never not find farts hilarious.

    Sometimes when it’s too quiet, my partner and I will just make fart noises with our mouths to break the silence.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Hahahahaha

  15. Mari says...

    My husband and I don’t comment on it much. It’s not that neither of us fart in front of each other, we just ignore it when it happens. Unless of us is sick, then we treat it like a symptom “are you feeling worst?” etc. I don’t like making fun of it because let’s face it: some people (like my mom, now that she’s older) have digestive problems and can’t control it. She gets suuuper embarrassed about her condition, and I feel so bad for her! So every time I see someone commenting on smells or stuff like that in public, I get pissed off and say something like “HEY DUDE! do you crap flowers?” hahaha I imagine that if someone laughs or complains about her, she would absolutely die of embarrassment. So yeah, I would love to live in a world where people just IGNORE FARTS. It’s normal. Everyone does it. It’s not funny nor a joke. You don’t laugh when someone coughs, or sneezes, then why the hell would you laugh when someone farts? That goes to commenting on bad smells on public restrooms. Like, really? Does anyone have flowery smelling poop? Anyway, super touchy subject for me hahaha I just wanted my mom to be able to relax in public :(

  16. Amy says...

    Husband to me: “You only fart when you are asleep.”

    I was mortified!

    • Anna says...

      I just had the *exact same* exchange and reaction… My boyfriend then tittered and said, “It’s cute! You’re off-gassing – like a star! You’re relaxed!” I simultaneously wanted to crawl under the bed and kiss him for being so accepting of our very human nature.

    • Lauren says...

      Anna! Off-gassing like a star! Taking the most earthy/’coarse’ thing and raising it to the heavens? Now that’s redemption! I love it and I’m stealing it :) :) :)

  17. It was all sort of anything goes after this particular episode way early on in my now husband and I’s relationship. In 2007, we were little baby freshmen hanging out in his dorm room when he went to the bathroom down the hall. I decided to do some stretching in his room while he was gone. Apparently, I bottled up some air in certain nether regions and didn’t realize it until he came back and I got up to sit on his couch. When I sat down, a loud, old-man sound came out, and I froze. It wasn’t an imperceptible squeak, people. It was a gurgly, very fart-sounding not-fart. He slowly looked over at me and said kindly, “um…so…can you let me know when it’s safe to come over there?” I quickly responded, half defending myself, “oh, you can come now! I promise it won’t stink.” To which he gave me a knowing look. To which I blushed VERY red, swallowed, gathered every ounce of courage in my person, and asked slowly, “ok…so…have you ever heard of a…queaf…?”

    • Katy says...

      My husband and I found this so hilarious! Thank you for sharing this story- you gave us both a much needed chuckle!

    • Sasha L says...

      I love this story!! I was wondering if anyone would bring up queafs 😉

      Bodies are so weird and funny.

  18. Nan says...

    I grew up with 3 stinky brothers who farted all the time and were massively proud of it. Thankfully, my husband didn’t come from a farting household so while he has farted occasionally in that way that cannot be helped, he isn’t proud of farting and never subjects me to it unless he literally can’t help it. I super-love this about him – so grateful (even though to fart is human and of course it’s OK if it cannot be helped). Don’t have 3 brothers and come from a farting household – the combination is deadly. ha ha

  19. Emily Dietsch says...

    this is hilarious–because i *just* had a conversation about this with a male friend, in terms of both family and romantic relationships. i swear, it only recently occurred to me that my parents passed wind in front of each other all the time, and yet i would rather dig my own grave than do that with someone i’m dating. never, never. so then i thought that perhaps my parents were the only ones in that “let it go” camp, but my friend confirmed his parents occupied it as well. maybe it’s a generational thing that has fallen out of favour?

  20. Sarah says...

    I grew up in a house where the boys farted freely all the time. And my brother’s farts were just disgusting. My boyfriend of nearly 3 years has never farted in front of me, and I kind of appreciate that.

    But one night about 5 months in, the day after running a marathon, I fell asleep early. He was still awake doing work next to me and in my sleep I farted so loud that it started him and woke me up. He said, “did something fall?!?” I pretended to be asleep. AND THEN IT HAPPENED AGAIN. We’ve still never addressed it! But it makes for a funny story!

    • Kate says...

      I literally just laughed so hard tears are rolling down my face!!!

  21. Andrea says...

    I grew up with two brothers and our house was definitely a VERY farty house.

    My husband and I have been together for 12 years and are very comfortable farting in front of eachother. I can’t believe that everyone isn’t!

    I read him some of these anti-fart comments and he said “maybe this is why so many people get divorced?” Lol

    • gk says...

      i love this! anti-fart correlation with divorce rates!

      i grew up where farts were something you blamed on the pets (even when you were say, in the car, and there were no pets around) and kinda giggled about in an embarrassed kind of way. also, we couldn’t say the word fart! our family word was…puffs :)

      i met my husband and his family was much more matter of fact. you fart or belch and you say “excuse me!” in an exaggerated/fake-embarrassed voice and move on. maybe you make fun of each other for a few seconds. but it’s no big deal. i also can’t believe that there are this many people who can’t have bodily functions in front of each other. what a tiring way to live! how can you make it through pregnancy/childbirth/postpartum/tough medical times/old age with a person and not pass gas?!

  22. Amber says...

    I had the worst pregnancy toots. THE WORST. There was no avoiding it. The baby had taken up all the room in my body and digesting food was near impossible. My husband thought it was hysterical (because he’ll forever be an 11 yo boy at heart) and still brings it up- 3 YEARS LATER. I go to great lengths not to fart in front of him now.

    • Anna says...

      I’m pretty sure as a 33 year old woman that I’ll ALWAYS be an 11 year old boy at heart. I’m laughing so hard at the comments I can’t breathe. I. Can’t. Breathe!

  23. Jess O says...

    I have never farted openly in a relationship (and very rarely in social settings; it makes me so uncomfortable, and I’ve been afraid of accidentally pooping in public since I was very young). I talked to my husband about my farting phobia, and he let me know in no uncertain terms that I fart all night every night once I’m asleep!!! It was so mortifying to hear!

  24. This is seriously the best blog post I’ve ever read on any blog anywhere, ever! lolol

    I actually posted to a Facebook “mom group” that I’m in asking this same question, and some said they do, others said they don’t. It was about 50/50

    I will not, and I’m quite positive that I never will in front of him! And we have been together for years. I never have in front of anyone I’ve ever dated either. If I need to then I just get up and go somewhere else. And he doesn’t in front of me, even though I think he wants to because he has asked this very same question to me before!

    Now me in front of my kids?…. That’s a different story. ;) Hahaha

  25. Liz says...

    This might seem hard to believe, but I do not like the sound or smell of farts. So, I’m not embarrassed when I fart nor am I saddened by the loss of mystery when my husband farts; rather, I am universally displeased when anyone (including me) farts, because they are stinky. And because to the extent they make a noise, they sound like, well, something that comes from a butt. So I avoid doing it in front of my husband (and everyone else) out of courtesy, but neither my husband nor anyone else in my family pays me the same respect :)

  26. Margaret says...

    My husband was extremely courteous about all manners pertaining to “breaking wind”, as he called it. But I grew up in a family that openly laughed and joked about potty humor when we were at home, so at some point I couldn’t stand the way he never, ever acknowledged a toot. It made me feel like he wasn’t fully in touch with his humanity or something! When we were dating, I went ahead I told him I’d be joking about it and he could certainly be his own way about it but I couldn’t hold myself back from my own jokes. He never judged me for it and sure enough, 9 years later I’ve corrupted him and we have so many giggles about potty humor. I like to think I’ve been the one who has “broken” him this way – although maybe it’s the fact that we’ve had two children and our three-year-old loves to fart.

  27. TBarrSegal says...

    Our internet password is TheFartingCouple. It’s so funny to witness guest reactions!
    We also have two boxer dogs, who are very gassy, and often have audible farts.🐶💨

    • Sasha L says...

      My little heeler is apparently unaware that he farts, and when one wakes him from sleeping he looks over at me accusingly. 9 out 10 ARE mine, I freely admit, but man, I am not taking the blame for his damnit. My hound dog is anxious and runs to her crate when she hears loud noises, like thunder, fireworks, or my farts. Both my husband and I start pleading with her “only a fart! ONLY A FART!!!” My farts are terrifying.

  28. Julia says...

    Whenever my husband farts from another room (likely thinking he can’t be heard), I always shout “pardon?!” Like I genuinely missed what he said, and he replies with some variation of an expression that sounds a bit like the preceding fart. And when I let one slip, he’s the first to razz me. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  29. As I was reading these comments, I was thinking about the fact that if we are lucky enough to grow old together, we will ultimately see/hear everything our partner emits . I watched my husband care for his 94 year old father, who was taking chemo medicine and sometimes lost control of his bodily functions. Accidents happened and my husband calmly and lovingly helped his Dad clean up. His father was embarrassed and my husband gave him words of love and comfort. (As my Dad used to say, “Getting old is not for the faint of heart.”)
    After almost 38 years together, my husband and I have seen each other in a lot of states.
    We fart and apologize. We sometimes laugh about it, because sometimes it is pretty funny.
    My husband was with me when I gave birth and my body did what it wanted while that happened. Some of it was yucky, but you could have put me in the middle of a crowded parking lot and I wouldn’t have cared what people saw.
    We still close the bathroom door when we have to poop. We’ll save that sharing for when it has to happen for one reason or another.
    I like that CupOfJo talks honestly about bodily functions one day, menstrual cups, vibrators and sex on other days, and gives me a good style post, a recipe or a book recommendation in between. Such a special blog. And the readers comments on this post are making me laugh.

    • Natasha Ayers says...

      Best comment right here!!! I have always seen bodies like this; there are lovely things and not so lovely things that these bodies of ours do. Babies are pure magic and smell like heaven, but baby poop is gross. As we age, our bodies do some gross stuff too, it’s just a fact of life. I’ve had pets most of my life, also- kittens are heavenly, but caring for geriatric cats is difficult and not pleasant.

      This article kinda blew me away… I had no idea people were so shy about bodily functions, much less the more chill ones, like farting! Growing up, my parents, while they were really old world and quite conservative, always found farting around one another to be kind of humorous and nothing to even discuss. Just a fact of life, we’d giggle about it, and move on. I grew up to have a really relaxed approach to the body, never finding shame in my bodily functions. Gave birth with a crowd of family and friends in the delivery room… heard that I pooped on the table at one point, etc. Oh well; this is what the body does. :)

    • Sasha L says...

      Natasha, I’m a birth doula, and it’s kind of a secret, but pretty much everyone giving birth vaginally poops. I think we should all find it reassuring, hey, everyone does it, can’t be helped and it does help the baby come out. But I know some women are so mortified by this they try not to push, because it feels like pooping, because it is pooping basically. Anyway, I think it would help if we were all more honest. I know loads of women will say, no way, I didn’t poop, but really, you probably did, it’s just no one told you. And it’s also why women should be encouraged to try pushing on the toilet to see it feels more comfortable. Pooping on a toilet seems a lot more ok to most of us than into a doctor’s face.

  30. Maggie says...

    My husband and I are not on the same page when it comes to farting. He finds them mortifying – if he accidentally lets one slip in front of me, he gasps and covers his mouth like an old lady. I am… not so reserved. And he gets so offended that I farted “at” him. Ugh.

  31. Eleanor (not my name) says...

    I kid you not, my husband just farted right next to me on the couch as I opened this…

  32. Brooke says...

    The best thing my fiancé did in our early months of dating was fart in front of me. It made me comfortable to fart in front of him, and the first time I did he got a big kick out of it. Now we just joke about all our farts and it’s just a thing that happens and is never awkward. I have enough stress in my life; being stressed about farting in front of my fiancé should not be one of them. Also-farts are funny. Why not just have a laugh.

    • Sarah says...

      Eating a healthy vegetarian diet leads to lots of farts. Husband, kids and I all fart freely and we blame our stinky farts on each other or the poor baby who can’t defend herself. We are so pro-toot, if our kids tummies hurt we often ask if they need to fart. I remember holding farts in during college when I was hanging out with boys I liked, so painful and my stomach would ache for hours afterward. No thank you not for me. #tootsforhealthybellies

  33. catarina says...

    My boyfriend is the most shy compared to me and he was the first to fart by accident when we were talking in bed one time, which promptly made him run away in embarrassment; I told him it was all okey, and that if he got used to my burping systematically after the meals, I could get used to his accidental farts. Even to this day he rarely does it, but when he does it shocks me every time ~ At the end of the day is all about if you want that on your relationship or not. You need to think for yourself if you would be okey with it, and ok with doing it, all the time or just sometimes. It honestly depends on person to person. but better communicate now than never ~

  34. Caitlin says...

    Been married three years, together for eight, and I don’t remember when we stopped the facade of not farting but pretty sure it was very, very early on. I truly cannot fathom holding in my farts around the person I live with, sleep beside, and share a bathroom with (off of our bedroom) in a small space! It gives me a tummy ache just thinking about it. But we had the same debate at work a few months ago and my co-workers were DEEPLY divided almost 50/50 between the “I cannot believe you fart in front of your partner!” camp vs the “Wait, you seriously STILL hold it in in front of each other? How!?” camp. So clearly this is a hot topic. But to anyone who still holds it in after years together…HOW!?!?!?!

    • Danielle says...

      Yes! I also come from a family of open farters and one of my irrational worries is being able to do that if I ever get married! Haha I don’t think I could hold it in FOREVER and it also gives me stomach gurgles thinking I would “have to.”

    • Jackie says...

      Some people just aren’t that gassy! My husband asks me why I never fart in front of him and I like to pretend it’s because I’m lady like. But to be honest, I’ve just never been much of a tooter. So maybe other are like that? Like if it’s so occasional it’s a lot easier to hide them? I agree though – not worth it if it’s painful!

  35. Karen says...

    Um, they’re called toots, please. 100% less offensive.

    • h says...

      my husband and i call them toots, too, and it makes us smile every time we hear the other say it, then smile extra because we know why we say it that way. it’s a sweet distraction from the fart!

  36. N says...

    I’m a private farter, in my family, in relationships, but not around my dog – we fart as we please.

    Once, in year 5 of a 6 year-long relationship (that has, thankfully, since ended), I ended a very ugly fight with a fart! The bf and I were fighting about some real life, deep, should-we-even-be-together stuff in his tiny basement Chicago studio. I was a mess of tears as I was visiting him from out of state and felt very …unwanted. So, I decided to “storm off” to the bed, which was right next to the couch where he was sitting, stewing in his anger. I fell asleep quickly and was abruptly woken up by my no-longer-mad bf who was lovingly giggling and laying on top of my back. He exclaimed, “YOU FARTED!! OMG YOU FARTED!” I was mortified, because apparently it was a smelly one (he didn’t hear it, HE SMELLED IT), but he was 100% delighted and that was the end of that fight.

    My new boyfriend, who is the most lovely human there is, rapid fire farts the smelliest farts of all time ALL THE TIME, but they make me laugh and he’s amazing, and if farts are part of the package, farts are just part of the package! I still prefer to fart privately. But I will say, I’m not a very farty person at all, so my stomach is never upset, don’t worry people, I repeat, my stomach is not upset.

  37. I was told once that there is a fine line between a brother and a lover. I believe farts to be that line.

    • I like this “theory”! I’m kind of astonished when people say they farted in front of their significant other since the beginning of a relationship. Some people call it “intimacy”, I can’t help but considering human gas beyond gross.

  38. Shelby says...

    I’ve been in an ongoing battle with a chronic digestive illness my whole life. That entailed a colonoscopy this year at 26 which was quite an experience to say the least! My precious husband had to endure all my gas and the aftermath of the industrial strength laxative you have to drink to prepare for the procedure. I tried to stay relatively illusive throughout the early years of our relationship but being so sick had throw all of that out the window. I’ve learned through this experience that for better or for worse sometimes involves gas :)

  39. Andrea K says...

    My husband and I have been together for 12+ years (both in our thirties now) and we freely fart in each other’s presence! For the most part we do try to hold it, but there’s really no point and we aren’t at all embarrassed. Of course, that doesn’t stop either of us from picking on each other or pointing it out every freaking time… haha. I’m sure at one point I was nervous about it early on in our relationship, but I really don’t remember the “first” time I let it go. It’s just what it is ;)

  40. Lindsey says...

    Literally on like, the third or fourth date, my husband suddenly said, “We’re about to get a lot closer”, and then proceeded to lay down on the ground on his stomach and let one out. Luckily for him, I have what an old friend called a “low brow sense of humor” (which is true), and I thought it was hilarious and random. To this day, laying down on his stomach is the surest way for him to release the Kraken…something about the pressure? Haha who knows. We are very, very open with each other on these things. I couldn’t imagine being in a serious relationship and feeling like I needed to hide the fact that I fart! But at the same time, I guess everyone needs to do what feels comfortable for them. :)

  41. Em says...

    The burp, the fart, the apres sex queef; it’s all out there in our house. It’s like a big, gross, stinky, sexy slumber party with my very best friend. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  42. Daisy says...

    I to am fart shy. Although, sincerly I think my husband could care less. To help ease my embarrassment with this my husband pretends to be the “fart sheriff.” Each time I accidently let one rip he tells me I’ve filled my monthly allotment & I giggle. The other morning I thought he was gone to his workout and I was free to toot alone, so I farted twice. Then I hear a quiet, croaky, “March… and… April.”

    • MARIA says...

      I am crying :-))))))

  43. Eloise says...

    Less than two months into our relationship with my now husband, I went to dinner without him because he had a class to teach. I ate aomething thay didn’t agree with me, got home, opened the door and let out a REALLY stinky fart, only to turn around to find him RIGHT behind me because he had forgotten something. To this day (11 years later) the dogs still hear about it – and about how bad “girl farts” are. Since then, though, we both let ‘em rip. And laugh. (And, apprently he had a pretty steady stomach ache for two months!)

  44. Julie says...

    So I’m engaged, We definitely fart in front of each other. I was actually laughing about this the other day. The one thing I miss about early dating was that we both held them in. Now my fiancé thinks it is hysterical to fart and then blame it on me. It makes for some good laughs together.

  45. Morgan Rose says...

    When my husband and I first started dating I broke the farting seal by accident. I was sitting on his bed watching a show with headphones on, while he studied and a fart got away from me. I had no idea if it had been a loud one or not since I had headphones in and when I peeked over at him he was killing himself laughing because apparently it had been the loudest fart EVER. My ‘checking to see if he heard it glance’ just made him laugh harder. 11 years later and he still giggles about it. We have been farting in front of each other ever since

    • Sasha L says...

      That’s so funny Morgan. Hoping *MAYBE* he didn’t hear?? Your face 😂😂😂

  46. Amanda says...

    My husband and I have been together for 21 years, married for 13 of those. It’s weird; we burp in front of each other all the time, and pee with the door open. But farting and, well, #2 in front of each other? Nope. Sure things, um, slip, but it’s kind of been an unspoken thing in our relationship. There’s no shame in it; there’s usually laughter when it happens. But there are so many things in life that can take the romance out of a relationship. I think that maybe it’s our way of trying to retain some of it, as silly as that sounds.

  47. Anonymous says...

    Oh, this is too good! I remember my now sister-in-law once asked my then-boyfriend (when I wasn’t around) if I farted in front of him. I suspected that this was a backdoor way of asking if we were sleeping together, because I always thought that I would never feel comfortable farting in front of someone until well after that barrier had been broken (and I suspect I’m not alone here).

    From more of a health perspective, I feel like holding it in can only make me more uncomfortable or bloated, so I usually wait for a moment (in the movie or in conversation, etc.) when something loud is happening :)

  48. Rachel says...

    We just have a no farting while eating rule, but besides that it’s a free for all.
    As a midwife I feel like I interact with the “keeping some things a mystery“ mentality a lot. And I often think it’s inherently gendered. People get so nervous about pooping during labor or even upset about their partners seeing their genitalia in a different way. It’s often a big barrier to cross when it comes time to push their baby out into the world.
    I strongly believe that a open fart policy is an important piece of destroying the patriarchy.

    • C says...

      Hear hear! All these comments about growing up with brothers ergo farting is normal speak to the patriarchy thing so clearly. And I know it was that way in my family, too.

      And pregnancy, birth, postpartum is such a messy time for the body. I had a csection with my first baby and needed help to get on and off the toilet. My husband and I are very open about our bodily functions and it was so natural to just have him help me out. At such a vulnerable time in my life, I know it was helpful to not have to deal with embarrassment on top of everything else.

  49. Dru says...

    This is so funny! I think we started doing it in front of each other about a month in and we’re going on 20 years.
    It’s a complete and total fartorama in my house. I admit I don’t have nearly as much to offer as my hubby and 9yr old son. My hubby can’t smell(never has) which really makes it hard for him to understand how off putting it can be. Alas I take full advantage of that situation.
    I got a sideways look from my son the other day. “It’s just weird when a girl farts!” That just makes me want to fart more to shake that notion.
    Anywho, whatever floats your boat I say!

  50. Ro says...

    I will pee with the door open, talk freely about my heavy periods, and burp with reckless abandon, but after six years together I still cannot bring myself to fart in front of my boyfriend. For some reason it feels like a boundary I’ll just never be able to cross. In fact, just last night I woke myself up with a loud fart (haha) and just about died from embarrassment. I felt like something was wrong with me for feeling ashamed, so it’s nice to hear I’m not alone! To me it just seems a little *too* comfortable, like it’ll destroy the sexy side of our relationship. (Though my boyfriend farts all the time and I still obviously find him attractive, and I know he wouldn’t mind if I did.) What a mystery!

    • Lauren says...

      This! This is exaaaaactly me!

  51. Maclean Nash says...

    The first night my boyfriend and I were together, we were lying side by side – he looked at me and said, “I’m sorry”. Confused for only a moment, he then released long, loud, wind. Confidently, he said, “that one is going to stink” and we both laughed! Call me crazy and disgusting but I was even more endeared to him!
    All my other partners had been so insecure about bodily functions and in turn, made me feel scared of being less desirable lest I let out a TOTALLY NORMAL human noise!
    To make it long story short, three years later the farter and I are still happily together. I honestly think it’s really sweet. I suffer from stomach issues myself and having that full disclosure has brought us closer. He always offers to give me abdominal massages when I am in pain (which I assure you is not sexy in the slightest). But it IS intimate and makes me feel incredibly loved and safe.
    So ya – I’m all for open flatulence.
    The line is drawn at dropping BMs with an open door.

    • Charlie says...

      Haha I love this comment. And… let’s go all the way: open the door!

  52. Carol says...

    We have been married for 25 years. Anything goes at this point!! But I would say that one year into the relationship bodily things started happening more freely-on his end. It took longer for me!

  53. Fran says...

    These comments are hilarious! We are in the ‘fart in front of each other’ camp, but not in an overly gross way I don’t think. We just excuse ourselves, laugh about it and move on. Happily married 11 years, together for 17. I guess maybe we are too comfortable about it but oh well. We do pee in front of each other but I draw the line at poop.

    • Brooke says...

      Same camp as you. We (at least I) also draw the line at pooping.

    • Lauren says...

      That’s exactly how my husband and I are :)

    • Katharina says...

      Same Here. I also draw the line at pooping. And changing my menstrual cup but more because he‘s not comfortable with that.

  54. Laura says...

    To all the people who are constantly holding in farts, I’m sorry. That must be a rough life. If you can’t be comfortable around your significant other, who can you be comfortable with? My husband of 12 years and I have been “comfortable” with one another for 12.5 years of our 14 year relationship, it’s much more pleasant to not have to sit in pain holding in my farts. I do say “excuse me” though, I am a lady after all.

    • hahahaha, right?! I’m right there with you. My husband and I have been farting/burping in front of each other since just a few short months of dating. We’ve been together for 15 years. it makes life so much better. I don’t know how people can hold it in all the time. better out than in. ;)

  55. Karla says...

    How on earth does anyone live together and NOT fart in front of each other? This is mind baffling to me!

  56. Kelsey says...

    When my husband & I were dating he wouldn’t even pee with the door open. I told him I’d close it for #2, but if this relationship has legs then sometimes the door is going to be open. Same with farts! We certainly say “excuse me” if we’re in front of the kids but otherwise we just apologize if it’s a bad one.

    • Samantha Russell says...

      “We just apologize if it’s a bad one” Hahhaha Kelsey I just spit out my wine

  57. Elise says...

    Perhaps it is because, on an early pre-date with friends, I laughed too hard and farted against the sound-magnifying vinyl seat of the pizza parlor (right across from this cool/cute guy I liked, to the horror of everyone at the table) but my (now) husband and I have never held it in for each other. To pretend it doesn’t happen just sets you up for embarrassment when it inevitably does. And I already suffered the most embarrassing scenario ever and he still likes me.

  58. This is hilarious. I was VERY anti- when my husband and I first got together, but he was insistent haha. I came from a house full of women, but we still were not open about our bodily functions! So I think it’s less about gender/relationship dynamics and more about family culture, like if you’re a “naked house” or not, as Charlotte once famously talked about on Sex and the City.

    I would NEVER pass gas in front of a boyfriend when I was single, but honestly, a husband with whom you’ve had a child (who’s seen you give birth, and breastfeed, etc.) is just a whole different thing altogether. Also, once you live together, share a bed every night, etc., and you can’t pass gas in your own home, unless you’re alone? That sounds like a recipe for a stomach ache to me! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    • Lux says...

      Yes! All of this! Especially after you have kids. Nothing has been unseen at this point.

  59. Kimberly says...

    I almost always uncontrollably fart when I laugh, cough, or sneeze. I can’t help it. My husband and I have been married 20 years, and he loves that he can fart freely without my being judgemental. We, like many couples, apologize or warn the other to “get out while you can!” in advance and then laugh it off. Out of common courtesy, we try to save the other one from the painful smelly ones. But my husband loves teasing me after I let out an unexpected fart. He thinks it’s cute. And I laugh even harder when he shouts to no one in particular “From the rooter to the tooter!” like he’s a sports analyst announcing my farts to the world. He also accuses me of farting in my sleep, which he finds particularly enduring for some odd reason. It happens to the best of us. And our teen daughter is a laugh-farter, too.

  60. bisbee says...

    My husband farts whenever he wants (or needs to). I don’t…I go to the bathroom. Not to say it hasn’t happened…and what is funny is that he LOVES it! Still…it is not something I will do freely…and that is fine. It does not mean I am not comfortable with my husband…everyone is different, and that is just the way I am. Those who do fart in front of each other are not special…each couple handles these things in the way they want.

    I never found fart jokes funny…seems like 13 year old boy humor to me.

  61. Liz says...

    Love love this post, too funny! When dating my now husband, early on in the relationship I was showering and he came in to use the bathroom (not pee..) so I guess that’s when I knew we’d be very open about bodily stuff. Now when I see couples like my sisters who feel they have to be demure and can’t gas or burp I find it odd! That said, I can understand why some people think it makes a couple lose that sense of mystery.

  62. Mimi says...

    I grew up with a brother who thinks farting is hilarious (and still does). I was more than once the victim of him turning up the heater and locking the windows. Siblings!
    As much as I’m now able to find the humor in it I am grateful for a husband who was raised to be much more civilized – and who is trying to raise our son to be the same. But I’m not going to lie, I can’t help but giggle when anyone lets the gas pass, so long as they say “excuse me” once the laughter wears off. I think we live with enough shame and embarrassment. Humor, when the inevitable strikes, is like a balm to our sensitive egos.

  63. KJ says...

    These comments are hilarious! It reads like a comedy piece.

    We once had friends who would never allow any bodily functions to slip out or even be mentioned. They also happened to have the shittiest relationship and were in constant competition and were just generally hateful to each other. I’ve always wondered if it was all those restrained farts backing up and spewing out their mouths instead.

    That being said I know that there are LOTS of healthy non-farting relationships. Mine is just healthy AND farty. :)

    • Mo says...

      Hahahahaha

    • Jamie says...

      My father in law believed that when people held in farts it was a source of medical problems 🤣

  64. Henrietta B says...

    Fart-y relationship over here! My boyfriend had once told me that he had the worst stomach ache ever the first night we spent together from holding in his farts. I no longer hold mine in- even the bombs. And he most definitely will not hold them in anymore. We gotta let it out, you get a tummy ache if you don’t.

  65. Jeannie says...

    I thought this post would have advice on what to do if one’s partner’s farts smell terrible. I am disappointed. LOL

    Ugh, does anyone know what to do if their partner has stinky, stinky farts!?!? My love nugget (a big, hetero male), has SUCH terrible ones. They make me want to punt him out of our home.

    • Kat says...

      LOL! A daily probiotic vitamin works a treat!

    • joy says...

      Oh Jeannie, I am so with you. It’s not that I want my husband to hold his farts in and be in gastric distress, but they are NOXIOUS. Sometimes he goes to another room, but often he hopes (in vain) that it’ll be a mild one and doesn’t leave the room. It’s never a mild one.

    • Kara says...

      Hahaha I love that you thought that. It’s probably something he’s eating: common culprits include, broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, apples, bananas, and meat. He may need to cut out whatever food is causing it or just eat much smaller amounts!

  66. gfy says...

    “I am very much not open with my farting, and appreciate the same discretion in a partner. But if it happens, there is the unspoken rule that one must laugh it off.”
    Agreed.
    As to whether the issue decorum exists for a reason my guess is YES. At it’s core, attractiveness to another person is based upon complex primal signals that indicate health and/or ability to provide either a healthy birth or a genetic structure that will accelerate evolution. Gas is a dramatic announcement that one’s body is suffering from either a poor dietary decision (not a promising evolutionary choice partner-wise) or a lack of options in what to eat (poor ability to provide) – and in any case a body that is in distress and that naturally, healthily even, repels.

  67. Rose says...

    “Is there a point in a relationship where this becomes acceptable? ”
    Yes, pregnancy and childbirth.

    • Rachel says...

      EXACTLY.

  68. Kat says...

    I think the thing that keeps farting so funny is that it’s taboo in public, for which I’m grateful. The lengths we go to in public to pass gass wouldn’t be funny if everyone just let it out willy nilly!

    But, some of my favourite stories to share amongst friends are from terrible tummy experiences. It really humanises the ordeal and after you pull out your vulnerability card, everyone else opens up. After a recent ectopic pregnancy and surgery, my husband had to help me use and empty my bedpan, shower and clothe me. I will forever laugh at his farts and future poop explosions because he so generously laughed along and loved me. Having a life buddy to go through these very human moments is such a treasure. And, to be honest, being able to fart is a sign that you’re alive, and thank goodness for that!

  69. Adriana says...

    A piece of advice I received from one of my mom’s friends was to keep an air of sexiness with my husband. She instructed me to never allow him to see certain particulars of my beauty routine (waxing my upper lip, picking pimples, etc) and to never ever let him hear me fart. Seven years in and three babies later, he has probably only ever heard me fart a handful of times (mostly when I was pregnant!!).

  70. Cooper says...

    Recently I asked my husband if he missed our dating years, and he said no because he was basically holding in a fart the entire time, haha. Now we are a very fart-positive household!

    • Debbie says...

      Oh my goodness, you are in my house, LOL! My husband’s words verbatim! :-)

    • Joy says...

      omg this is so funny! “fart-positive household!”

    • Eloise says...

      This, word for word!

    • Samantha Russell says...

      Best comment award!

  71. Emily says...

    never intentionally. but once when we were dating, i farted in my sleep so loudly that i WOKE MYSELF UP. it was the early morning, and my husband was awake reading. we briefly made eye contact, then i rolled back over, pretending i didn’t know what woke me up. i know we all do it, but i do a lot of things in the privacy of the bathroom that i’m fine keeping to myself.

    • Patricia says...

      Haha! I one time farted while I was talking to a guy I had a crush on. My ass totally betrayed me! I had no idea it was coming, so I kicked a chair leg and crunched the pickle I was eating as loud as I could to cover up the sound. As if that would work! All of those sounds came after the dreaded fart, but I guess I thought if I created a cacophony of noises he wouldn’t notice.

  72. Paige says...

    Pro tip: blame the dog and the kids. I wait to fart until the dog or my toddler is around then say, “okay WOW. WHO WAS THAT?!”

    • Bee says...

      HAHA agreed. This is definitely one of the top ten advantages of having kids.

  73. Victoria says...

    Agreed! Best done in privacy or at least in the privacy of your own home. For example, I think it’s quite disgusting when my in-laws just let gas rip in front of anyone, anywhere – “excuse me” doesn’t excuse smelling (or hearing) their butt-air. I will say that now that I’m pregnant, it’s a free-for-all at home (only at home!) and with a little one around, there will be no privacy!

    • Diane says...

      I used to think the same thing… but as I’ve gotten older (not quite 50), I’ve noticed that they somethings just slip out. A friend of mine told me that (like during pregnancy) hormone changes can cause the sphincter to relax, thus allowing those pesky farts to simply. (Pun intended.)

  74. KC says...

    The first time my boyfriend and I slept together, we had great sex and then were spooning and cozy and I got suuuuper relaxed. And thereby farted ON HIS LEG FIVE TIMES in the space of 10 mins. So much for romance. They just kept coming. I stayed awake the entire night, clenched up, worried that number six was imminent. No clue if he was still awake or not, we never discussed it.

    But with five sons between the two of us, farts and jokes about farts are inevitable.

    • shade says...

      I am literally cry laughing at this…

  75. Sarah says...

    My friend is second generation British and a proper lady. She’d just moved in with her now husband. One night she awoke, only to find him grinning ear to ear. It finally happened. Deep in her sleep, she finally ripped a big one. She was mortified. He loved her all the more. To no one’s surprise, this couple is still happily married eight years later.

    • Alexandra says...

      This is adorably silly and sweet!

  76. Rebekah says...

    My girlfriend has made me so much more comfortable with my body! She’s a pharmacist and has said to me, which made me laugh to no end, if I can’t fart or poop in my own house… in my own TOILET, or any toilet really, where else can I??? We live together and I have had my fair share of stomach problems and I’m intolerant to ALL dairy. I almost cried with envy when I saw that baked cheese in a post on CoJ the other day… Anyway, a year and a half of dating her and I’m feeling so much better about farts (and poop) haha. Also I hear her voice when I’ve clearly eaten something off or simply need to fart or otherwise saying, ‘if you can’t poop or fart in a toilet, where can you?’ I’m more disgusting than her, but she doesn’t care, helped by the fact she speaks to many people about many bodily functions all day in her job. She’s also introduced me to enzymes, which means a little bit of dairy can be tolerated. But I still wouldn’t eat cheese at work and sit at my desk because none of my coworkers deserve that. On another note, I picked my sister up after her first shift in her new after school job and asked her how it went. She said, yeah good but my butt cheeks hurt. I’m like??? Then she explains she clenches her butt because when she’s nervous she needs to fart and didn’t want to fart at the first hour of her new job! Hahahahaha. This farticle is wonderful. Thank you.

  77. Samantha Hulbert says...

    My husband and I for 10 years and I still avoid farting around him. He doesn’t care when I accidentally let one slip, but I don’t know if I will be comfortable with that degree of “closeness”. Hahahahaha.

    • Inge says...

      Really? I accidentally farted when we were together for 10 days or so, in front of television when I repositioned myself on the couch. And then he was like: okay, fine, and farted too… After 7 years, he’s still saying: “you started it” if I ever comment on one of his farts :-)

      So funny to see all different comments!

  78. Beverly Hsu says...

    Lol, FARTICLE! In my waking state, I try to avoid farting or burping in front of significant others. When I’m asleep though… there have been a few times I’ve farted strongly enough that I startle myself and the bf awake. 😆

  79. Shelley says...

    My husband has seen it all lol. We started to be pretty open about burping and farting after a few years of dating. we still have a fantastic sex life. He has seen me with the flu throwing up and pooping at the same time (this one still makes me cringe) he has helped me change my pads after my ectopic pregnancy that required surgery and after our son was born, he has literally seen every single thing. I can’t imagine going through life with someone and being nervous or weird to share these things. I always think one day, you may need to change the diaper of your loved one, you never know what will happen in this life. Or maybe you’ll just get gnarly food poisoning. Might as well just be comfortable with the person you love most.

    • anony says...

      YES! I couldn’t agree more. I think Esther Perel and those in that camp that thing you need to retain that air of mystery don’t get that for some people, the more familiar you are, the closer you feel. Also, the feminist in me is not down with feeling like some parts/actions of my body are OK and some are not OK. Although, I guess I draw the line at pooping in front of my husband. We don’t do that!

    • Shelley says...

      Yes agreed we do not normally pee or poop in front of each other haha that was a one time freak incident haha.

  80. Caroline Gaines says...

    If only… my job was to uncover the depths… and write a “farticle”! I love Caroline’s writing!! Thank you, thank you for the writing and the joy on this snowy day!

  81. Mary Glenn says...

    Okay, so my husband and I do NOT fart in front of each other. We’ve been married for 12 years, together for 15, and we also don’t pee, poop or burp in front of each other. Look. We know we both do it. I’ve heard him do it in the other room and I’m sure he’s heard me do it in my sleep. But I like keeping it this way and having a little privacy when it comes to my bodily functions and I know he does too. But here’s the newest chapter in our “bathroom noises” story: we have two boys, ages 10 and 8. As you can imagine, farts are one of life’s biggest sources of humor for the boys! Nothing and I mean NOTHING makes them laugh more than a fart, talking about a fart or even thinking about a fart. But it’s gotten so out of hand with them and we do believe one of our jobs is to teach them a tiny bit of decorum, so lately we’ve been giving 20 push-ups for farting at the dinner table or while we are watching TV. We are trying to teach them that you really can’t just fart in front of everyone. Of course the secret is that I love them with every ounce of my soul, including their stinky farts, but I think we have to draw the line somewhere! They don’t seem to mind the push-ups, really, I think they get a couple more farts out in the process. ; )

  82. Ann says...

    With each serious relationship I’ve been in, I’ve become less and less discreet about farting. High school/early college BF? Never. College/mid-20s BF? Occasionally. Husband of five years and father of my toddler? Whenever the need strikes. It’s a comfort level that I really love in my own home. My husband, however, is a bit more uninhibited than I am and will fart audibly in public (but not busy) places. Whenever he does this while we’re out on neighborhood walks, I cringe and scan the area for anyone who might have heard it.

  83. Ella says...

    I find this whole thing hysterical. I am not into this at all and would never have imagined that so many couples fart in front of each other lol I’m kind of shocked. I don’t care if it happens occasionally, but I guess I just feel like making zero effort is gross. I want my husband to be comfortable around me but I see it as a human courtesy not to be overly smelly or gross in front of other humans, especially ones you like. To me it’s like not showering for a month, I don’t know it just feels rude haha.
    Mostly I just want to say that we should explore why we might consider birthing a baby to be the same as pooping based off some of these comments. My husband watched me birth our three babies. It’s nothing like watching someone use the bathroom. That’s the same thinking that considers public breastfeeding like public urination. I think it’s just super important to separate female functions from bodily functions so we can make sure we’re giving and receiving the appropriate respect our bodies deserve. Politically, personally, and socially.

    • Emily says...

      Ooh, well stated! I couldn’t put my finger on why so many of these comments didn’t sit right with me. My husband watched me birth three babies, helped me with all the “after” stuff and yet we still both try to not fart in front of each other. It just seems so gross and impolite and totally not in the same category as birth, breastfeeding, etc. when I imagine us as old people and one of us may need to change the others adult diaper it doesn’t gross me out as much as thinking about voluntarily pooping in front of my husband right now.
      Once, a friend incredulously looked at my husband when he said we don’t fart in front of each other and my husbands response, “do you ENJOY being around other people when they fart? Why would I not extend the person I like best in the world that same courtesy?” For us, it’s not about mystery it’s about politeness and grossness! 😄

    • agnes says...

      I’m on your team! (and lucky me, so is my husband).

    • Vanessa says...

      Totally in this camp! My husband has also watched me birth kids (& pull them out myself), as well as breastfeed them, but I would never use the bathroom with the door open or purposefully fart in front of him. So not the same! Our house is small though and farts are pretty much audible from anywhere, haha, so I won’t say we haven’t had laugh attacks when one or the other lets loose with a particularly illustrious one!

  84. Kat says...

    Lesbian chiming in here– I prefer that my girlfriend not fart around me, and I definitely don’t around her. In the interest of remaining sexy, I like to show her my best self, and ask the same of her. We’ve been together for 2 years.

    • Karen says...

      Ha ha ha! Okay. Where do you show your other selves?

    • Carrie says...

      I could never sustain that!

  85. Bridget says...

    Married for almost two years, starting farting in front of each other about a month into the relationship. Sometimes we get really silly and will do little kicks or jumps as we fart.

    • Patricia says...

      Hahahaha! My husband pretends like he is shooting intruders. He takes aim with a finger gun, and then let’s it rip. So disgusting/hilarious.

  86. Anna says...

    I think my husband asked me the same series of questions. I grew up with the firm conviction that burps and farts should not be conducted in front of anyone, and I think my body trained itself with that restriction. Now that we have kids, though, who obviously do not control when they burp and fart, we talk about it a LOT and make sure everyone says “excuse me” when they inevitably pass gas or burp. It’s become a bit of a joke between my husband and me, since now when he farts in front of me (not uncommon), I demand that he say “excuse me.” I still think burping and farting are bodily functions much like elimination – best done in privacy, if it can be helped at all.

  87. Jo says...

    The first fart is awkward, but after that, it’s such a relief to not have to worry about it. I don’t think you’ll ever look back. It’s hard for me to imagine the inconvenience of attempting to hide my gas from my husband! Ha!

  88. Bella says...

    Another IBS sufferer here. I decided long ago to ditch any attempts at discretion or bashful shame in front of my husband, especially given the universal nature of this type of body maintenance. Thankfully, we both find it endlessly hilarious (at least four years in…). As he likes to say “If there is ever a world where farting isn’t funny, I want nothing to do with it”. We also have an 18 month old, who now loves to laugh and point at her (or my!) bum whenever gas is passed.

    • Lena says...

      I’m totally with you on ditching the shame and embarrassment about basic body functions. Is it sexy? No! But neither is the majority of the things anyone’s body does throughout a given day.

      As someone who’s lived “in sickness and in health” with my husband for nearly 20 years, one of the best thing you can do for a relationships is radical acceptance of each other’s bodies. And good humored ribbing never hurts (especially if it reeeeeeeeeeally reeks). :)

    • Heather says...

      I’m on the same page about radical acceptance. I love that my relationship with my husband allows us both to be comfortable in our skin. And farting is satisfying! Better out than in.

      Any self-consciousness I had left about bodily functions and dysfunctions (urinary incontinence, etc.) went out the window after pregnancy/childbirth. Which is good, because these days I’m lucky if I get to go to the bathroom without a three-year-old asking me to read him a book or a one-year-old trying to throw toilet paper in the toilet behind me.

      The only downside of this relaxed attitude is that I sometimes forget to be more discreet in public – I’ll let one rip when I’m doing yard work and then look around, hoping no neighbors were within hearing distance.

  89. Sheena says...

    I’m trying to normalize my own farts haha
    I’ve been pretty private about farting and going to the bathroom my whole life. I’ve had to come to terms with farts, bathroom talk, and noises recently with my partner, work, friends, and strangers because I’m in the process of getting worked up for inflammatory bowel disease, and have a ton of gas lately (new symptom!)

    It’s been an interesting experience trying to be open to something I’ve tried to keep private because I can’t control it. I also am trying to be kind to myself so that I’m not embarrassed.

    • KR says...

      I have Crohn’s disease so I’ve been forced to get comfortable with just about everything related to farting, pooping, etc. Sometimes you just have to throw your humility out the door in the name of your health. Just today I had to submit a stool test due to some new symptoms and I just had to smile and act totally natural while the nurse took out the vials and inspected my actual poop in a jar to make sure I had collected the sample well. She kindly started asking me about the weather outside to distract from the obviously awkward situation (although I know since she works in a hospital lab it probably didn’t phase her at all!). My husband has literally seen everything with me so we’re super open and really don’t care much at all. Does a part of me still feel embarrassed sometimes? Definitely. But I just take a deep breath, let it go, and move on with my life.

  90. michaela says...

    My husband and I both keep our gas under wraps, unless it’s just the two of us in our own apartment. Then it’s basically a free-for-all. I don’t really think either of us *likes* that we rip ass in front of each other with abandon, but we both have some digestive issues and we’d rather just be comfortable, and so far it hasn’t like, killed “the mystery.” (What is this mystery? I am fascinated by it. I don’t feel like a very mysterious person.) We generally just give the other person a pass unless it’s a particularly offensive one, in which case we openly shame each other for creating such a monstrosity and inflicting it upon the other person.

    • Elizabeth says...

      “The mystery” made me laugh :)

  91. Anonymous says...

    Growing up my best friend and her single mom used to invite me over all the time. One of my favorite parts of our all girl nights was how comfortable they were with their bodies. When we went out and her mom needed to pass gas, she would tell out the name of a song. We would always begin singing at the top of our voices no matter where we were. Can’t wait to teach this life skill to my daughter!

  92. Lib says...

    Prior to getting pregnant my husband and I always kept that private, but growing a baby has made some funky things happen to my digestive system and there came a point where keeping it private was no longer an option! Haha

    Now we ‘live freely’ with the one rule that we must always warn one another if a smell is about to come their way.

    There isn’t a single other person in the world I will fart in front of, but there is something strangely comforting about the fact that he is the one person I don’t have to hold anything back from; my thoughts, my feelings, even my farts are safe in his presence. Haha

  93. Katie says...

    Yes we are a free farting household. I was not as comfortable with the ole farting before my husband but he lets them rip no problem so I have no shame doing the same around him. BUT not all farters are created equal. My husband and daughters farts can stink soooo bad! So I do get mad at them sometimes if we are all watching a movie and then all of a sudden the stench makes you want to gag! At that point I complain and yell at them that they are disgusting and they laugh and high five each other.

    Whereas my my son and myself have much milder farts and can easily go unnoticed in sound and smell.

    So this free farting situation in our home is not all fair or equal in my opinion.

    • Bee says...

      “Not all farters are created equal.” This feels like important life advice.

  94. Carrie says...

    Okay, it sounds so crazy but I swear it actually really does bring you closer together!!!!

    Just be human together. Humans fart. It’s all good.

    It’s super embarrassing the first couple times then you’re just like HELL YES I can fart whenever I want now.

  95. Elizabeth says...

    I’ve been with my husband for 6.5 years now, and we’ve reached the stage where farting is acceptable and always funny. Even if I’m nursing a grudge, one fart from him will have me laughing like a little kid. Since I’ll only fart around him and my sister, it feels like we’re on a whole new level of comfort with each other, and I LOVE that.

  96. Emily says...

    The very first time I met my future mother in law, she said she had a very important question for me. She asked, “Did you grow up in a farting house?” I learned that a “farting house” meant a family that is comfortable with open flatulence, both in noise and smell. No, I most certainly did not.

    My boyfriend didn’t even flinch and looked at me, confirming “we grew up in a farting house. You’re going to hear a lot of farting from now on.”

    He was right. I’ve heard the whole family fart. Extended family, too. And now I can proudly say I live in a farting house, too.

  97. Kim says...

    I can’t remember when we started farting in front of each other, but my fiance and I definitely don’t hide it. I’ll still say excuse me if it’s audible and/or a stinker though. Some polite manners never die. I agree with other people who’ve said that farting actually makes you feel vulnerable and closer to each other. Also honestly, I fully imagine that at some point, for some reason, he will have to help me while I vomit, so he’d better get used to bodily functions.

  98. So I’ve been with my now husband since I was 18 and he was 21. One memory that is equal parts hilarious and cringey is of an evening very early on in our courtship where we were overnight together for the first time – I don’t think we’d even slept together yet when this happened. I have no memory of how we got to this moment but someone (I will go to my grave declaring it was him) audibly farted. In that make or break moment when we maybe mutually discovered we were the one for the other, total silence enveloped the space between us for a solid 7 seconds before we burst into a fit of laughter and then the other of us (ugh, so cringey, I guess it was me) farted back. I swear this is true. Chalk it up to lingering teenage immaturity but I remember it being hilarious. The same kind of thing feels like it could happen now with the same hilarity, though it doesn’t tend to. We leave the farts to our 3 year old who just discovered how funny farts are.

  99. Devin says...

    Ha! I now worry my husband and I might be *GROSS* because we are 100% open with body noises (just with each other, I should specify). No boundaries, that’s the secret to an 11 year relationship! We’ve been married for 4 months now and if anything, I feel like I have even more reason to tell him everything weird with my body. He knew what he was signing up for! Either way, we both think farts are funny and everybody does it… so why not? :)

    • KAS says...

      so glad this was the first comment because SAME and couldn’t agree more. we’ve been dating 8+ years and don’t care at all in front of each other. hasn’t impacted the romance at all :)

  100. melissa says...

    It’s come a long way, but our culture still tells women we should be ashamed of our embodiedness. But I have a body, and farting is what bodies do. What am I pretending to be, an ethereal being? WE’RE ALL ANIMALS HERE. I trust that my long-term partner will find me sexy in the context of me being *a normal human being.* We just let each other know if we feel a fart coming on so the other can get out of the way :)

    • Krisanne says...

      Yes. Thank you! So perfectly put.

  101. JZ says...

    Oh yes, bathroom humor is central to my husband and I’s relationship! My mother is in your camp and thinks we are totally crazy. I did NOT grow up in a household where we farted in front of one another or talked about pooping. My husband has IBS though so perhaps it was inevitable.

    Perhaps the most romantic thing my husband has ever done for me is take the blame for my extremely smelly fart while we were staying at his parents house. Years later and we still compare all fart smells to that one and laugh hysterically at the memory of his mother’s face when she walked in the room!

    • Akc says...

      Tears I’m laughing so hard.

  102. Lauren says...

    This made me laugh!! I am in a nearly year long relationship, and my boyfriend just admitted to me the other week that he always takes the stairwell when he leaves my 6th floor apartment in the mornings. When I asked, “why?” He replied, “I have been trying not to fart all night and don’t want someone to get in the elevator with me after it’s happened.” I was dead!! Haha

  103. My husband (of 4 1/2 years, been together for 9 years) and I fart in front of each other ALL. THE. TIME. and always have. He barely even acknowledges his own (though occasionally he’ll blame the dog for dramatic effect), but my farts, I’m sad to admit, are usually pretty stinky so I at least apologize profusely for them and sometimes even resort to feigning disgust and plugging his nose to save myself the shame. But TBH, I don’t feel that much shame.

    I simply cannot imagine living with someone for this long (almost a decade!) and exerting more than the *barest* amount of energy on keeping him from smelling or hearing my farts. If I do, it’s honestly out of courtesy and not some sense of modesty or to preserve my “feminine dignity.” We are LONG past that.

    But hey, we also go to the bathroom in front of each other, unless it’s going to be a particularly nasty/smelly event, then maybe we’ll close the door. *MAYBE*.

    Let it fly, ladies! No shame!

  104. Jessica says...

    My boyfriend and I have never farted in front of each other, at least not while we were both conscious. We talk openly about our various bodily functions, but do them in private if we can help it. In my last relationship my ex would fart constantly and loudly because he thought it was funny. Well, I thought it was gross and after a while he seemed more like an annoying brother than a boyfriend. I’m not saying his open farting was the reason we broke up, but it certainly didn’t help.

    I’m not a total prude about farting, if it happens it happens. I just find it a bit rude to force someone to smell and essentially inhale whatever is coming out of your butt, ya know?

    • Ashley says...

      Couldn’t agree more. To me it’s a nonverbal way of saying, “Eh, the romance is long gone and I don’t care much about impressing you any more.” I don’t ever want to get so comfortable in my marriage that we lose all sense of mystery and excitement.

    • Amy says...

      For myself, I agree with Ashley and Jessica. My partner has done it in front of me but usually says “oops sorry”. That’s fine. We’re human. But just a free-for-all would make me feel like the romance is gone and not trying anymore. I don’t think it’s nice to make someone smell air particles from my rear 😬 We have a great marriage despite our non farting.
      Now…I am happy other couples feel different and it works for them though! Just not for me.

  105. R.S. says...

    Oh my gosh. My boyfriend and I have no shame about tooting around each other. We even pat each other in a congratulatory way after particularly loud ones! I’d be mortified if coworkers or strangers heard or acknowledged my toots, but my boyfriend and family….? Nah. NBD.

    The only time I feel embarrassed about it is when the toots are particularly smelly – we call it “trash butt”. XD

    • Emma Bee says...

      Yes, we call them toots too! “Toot” was our daughters, like third word she ever learned (lots of tooting happens at our house obv).

  106. Mel says...

    Eh. My husband I farted burped and used the bathroom in front of each other long before we were even married. He’s watched me deliver a child, changed my bloody postpartum pads, and held my hair back while puking. We still have lots and lots of great sex. Farting won’t make you less desirable to someone who actually loves you

    • Emily G. says...

      THIS. My husband and I are the same! Once you have a baby, all boundaries are gone (if they weren’t already). We have great sex and then he lets out the fart that he was holding in. Haha! They’re all natural bodily functions, and we are comfortable sharing them while in our own home.

    • Carrie says...

      Amen!! It’s so fulfilling to just be real with each other.

    • Abbie says...

      Amen.

  107. Laura says...

    My husband, since our kids were born, has relished being able to pull out all his dads sayings regarding farting. “Oh it’s the rare barking spider!” “Is there a duck in here!?”
    I think it’s hilarious (not the farting per se but how much he loves being a dad).

  108. Ro says...

    I cannot image marrying or living with someone I didn’t fart comfortable in front of!

    • Devin says...

      LOLing at this, I love it :)

    • Carrie says...

      Seriously! I genuinely believe farting in front of your spouse will increase strength of bond and longevity in the marriage. Marriage is not comprised of being hot and horny for each other all the time so why worry if farting knocks you down a peg? You will still be sexy to him during sexy time, ladies!

      I’m actually surprised how much I have to say about farting. This is really bringing out my inner philosopher.

    • Akc says...

      My husband has the worst gas, loud, and often stinky. I rarely have gas. I guess I am lucky. It does bother me when he is passing loud stink gas and I am gagging… Please go in a different room or walk outside!

      Anyways I still love him.

      Thank you for making me laugh until I was crying. I had a hard day and this was the perfect remedy to my stress and anxiety.

  109. MelTown says...

    After 16 years together/11 married we don’t (intentionally) fart in front of each other. Of course it happens (I’m a naturally gassy person so it’s usually me who slips, and when I was pregnant all bets were off), but it’s just not something we do. It really isn’t about mystery for us so much as courtesy. No one wants to be in a room that smells like farts. That said, with three small children our house usually smells like farts no matter what we do.

  110. Katie says...

    I’m really happy to see this conversation as it’s something I’ve been struggling with ha! I’ve been married for 8 years and it really grosses me out that my husband farts so much. I’m not overly proper or private, he hears me do it periodically, but he does it ALL THE TIME. First of all why?! I’m sure there has got to be some science behind it, but I just don’t produce that much gas. And secondly I just can’t get past the ew factor. He also burps freely which adds to the whole bodily noises that repulse me on a regular basis. He says it’s not good to hold it in and laughs it off every time. I love the guy, but ARRGH

  111. My boyfriend adamantly insists that we do not fart in front of each other, though I agree with your boyfriend. It’s a sign of comfortableness! He disagrees, and refuses to acknowledge that he has indeed let one out in my presence while asleep. I’ve begun to accept that I’m been doomed to a lifetime of private farts. Which I guess isn’t the worst thing.

  112. g says...

    Pretty early on when we were dating, husband and I agreed that it was ridiculous to pretend like farts etc aren’t happening. It’s one of so many things that makes me feel like I can be my real self around him and not worry that he’ll dump me for some petty reason. We wouldn’t do it in public or with guests, but when it’s just us we can relax 100%.

  113. Stephanie says...

    I come from a big family and a few years ago we got into a heated discussion about our public pooting preferences (I could die that we call it that instead of fart, but we’re southerners and we totally do! lol).

    It was so funny to hear everyone’s reasoning for being one way or another, especially since we all grew up in the same house. (I’m firmly in the no-passing-gas-in-front-of-the-husband camp. It never occurred to me to be any other way!).

    Our conversation took a big turn that cracked me up even more, and I’m curious, which do you think is worse to hear/smell: a fart or a burp? I say burp. So gross. But again, some of my family members strongly disagreed. Too funny!

  114. LB says...

    I wouldn’t want to live a life of constantly holding them in! How unpleasant. My heart broke for the woman who misses that about her single days. It’s a natural part of life! My husband and I have been free about our gas since a few months in when one of us. . . I think me . . . accidentally let one slip. At the time I was very embarrassed but after that it didn’t matter. Plus I echo those who noted that there’s not much “mystery” left after your husband watches you give birth. Let’s just say the baby coming out wasn’t the part that freaked him out the most!

  115. Melissa Sakow says...

    To me, it’s a sign of trust and security to be able to allow my body to be its creaturely, bodily self in front of my partner. What am I pretending to be, some ethereal creature? WE’RE JUST ANIMALS. I trust my longterm partner to find me sexy in the context of my embodiedness. We just warn each other if we feel one coming so the other can escape if they want :)

  116. Meg says...

    My husband and I give each other high fives when either of us rips a really big one 😂. Guess we are in the minority! I feel like there are too many other things to worry about than farting in front of your husband! If you can’t do it in front of them, what else are you holding back?

    • Robber Soup says...

      Omg I love this!!

  117. Laura says...

    I can’t see it as a big deal, my husband and I fart in front of each other with no issue, and did so even before we had kids. We’re still very attracted to each other. I find it weird when couples trouble themselves to hide it from each other. There’s going to be worse things then farts in a lifetime together! In public or with company (depending on the company) is a different story.

  118. I enjoyed this farticle and it reminded me of how my now husband on one of our first dates asked me quite seriously if he could fart in front of me (and how it had been difficult to NOT fart in front of me until this point). Naively, I gave him permission to fart freely. Now, ~18 years later, 2 kids and countless pets, we are all a freely-farting household (perhaps too freely, though.) :)

    • Juli says...

      Husband and I have farted in front of each other for the last six years that we’ve been married, though I’ve known him for twelve and can’t say I let one rip until it was official. Also I have IBS and we eloped in Ohio (where he was working) and drove back to Utah (where we’re from) the next day, during which I was having, let’s say, a lot of intestinal discomfort, so things were pretty real from day one.

      We do spend a lot of time with this one couple (married for about twelve years) who, in their marriage, have a rule that neither of them poops if the other person is in the house. LOL WHAT

  119. Kat says...

    My late boyfriend and I would have farting contests, and would congratulate each other on truly impressive ones haha. But I get that it’s not something everyone finds amusing and I definitely have friends I am more discreet around. Anyway, it’s something everyone does, and we all know everyone does it, so what does it matter if we hear it? Just adds extra opportunity to laugh with one another.

  120. Sarah says...

    I’m the farty one in our relationship! He is a discreet farter; I, on the other hand, am not. I love to cozy up under a duvet on the couch, which he sometimes affectionately refers to as the Fart Damper. (I, too, have tummy troubles– there’s only so much I can do!) He’s usually great about it, though the other week he forgot, fluffed the covers, and got walloped by a big one and we both had a good laugh :)

  121. Alyssa says...

    Due to some chronic stomach issues I actually do not understand how people do not do this in front of their partners. My current guy is very sweet about it and won’t let me banish myself to the couch. Honestly, as weird as it sounds, it does make me feel more vulnerable and therefore a little closer to him, especially since he rather endure it than sleep without me.

    • HEAR HEAR.

  122. Jenny says...

    My husband and I freely emit gases in front of each other. We frequently blame them on one of our dogs, even though we both know the true source of the toot. However, we both draw the line at using the bathroom in front of one another. We agree that doing so would “ruin the magic.” And I, for one, am all for keeping the magic in the bedroom. ;)

    • Alison says...

      My dad called them “barking spiders” when I was a little kid and he’d let one rip. It was a riot the day I realized these were not the cause. It kept things light and funny for our household. My husband and I have never used this, but it has me thinking the next time the scenario arise, I need to bring this excuse back out for a good laugh!!

  123. Christine says...

    Been together for 3 years, been farting and cracking up about the sounds/smells for 2.5 years. No regrets.

  124. C says...

    Towards the end of my difficult and very long labor, I pooped without realizing it and thought the smell was my husband’s b.o. after hours and hours of performing rigorous labor support. I asked him to go put on deodorant because I couldn’t stand the smell of him anymore and even though he knew and could see the true source, he just smiled and said of course and put on some deodorant. So farts are definitely no big deal for us anymore.

  125. KD says...

    When my now husband and I first started dating I refused to fart in front of him or even poop under the same roof. We met traveling and working in an RV that had us crossing the country together twice a year doing tours at college campuses and I still managed to keep by bodily functions under wraps. At one point him and the other two males I worked/traveled with sat me down to ask if I EVER fart. They seemed seriously concerned. Then one year into our courtship we went to India together… the things that happend (see: Delhi Belly) and were heard we couldn’t come back from. Ever since we freely fart (we call them Trumps – he’s British) and I’m actually quite happy about it (to my own surprise). I think we are past a time where women need to pretend they don’t do such things. We now have two little boys and we are all freely farting – it’s life. I wouldn’t want my boys to have the unrealistic expectation that women don’t also fart. I’ve got gas too boys. ;)

    • Akc says...

      Could there be a better name than Trump for gas that excapes from an anus? I think not.

  126. Margaret Forsey says...

    My husband grew up in a family that is very conservative about bodies. He has never farted in front of me. I fart pretty openly and giggle about it. He doesn’t seem to mind….he teases me about it ( in a cute way). I tease him about his lack of farts. Before we got married, I asked him if he would fart in front of me as a wedding gift. 😛 I do sometimes worry that I should have more mystique, in order to keep our relationship romantic……but that still hasn’t inspired me to hold in my farts. Farts are fun and funny and cute, in my opinion.

  127. Lourdes says...

    When my husband and I first started dating I told him he was allowed to be human around me. It took him almost an entire freaking year to pass gas in front in front of me. Turns out a girl he once dated didn’t allow it and wouldn’t even say the word “fart”!!! As if the word “venting” were classier or something. Nothing brings a couple closer than allowing the person you love to be human and vulnerable; whether it be emotional, mental, or physical. Fart away people, fart away!!!

    • Christine says...

      VENTING, lol I snorted in my cubicle. Poor guy!

  128. Sarah says...

    My now-husband started unashamedly farting in front of me after only a couple months of dating. Initially I was a bit taken aback, but shortly thereafter he used “I love you” for the first time, explaining that he knew he loved me after one of our first overnights together. I apparently have an inability to be both asleep and polite at the same time, wherein I fart EXTREMELY LOUDLY, on the regular, while sleeping. I’m so grateful that my nocturnal flatulence makes him like me more, not less. Eight years later, we still find our farts hilarious.

  129. Danielle says...

    Oh how I love this. Funny story: my boyfriend and I went to our first wedding together last year — about 10 months into our relationship. Note: we had, up until this point, ignored bodily functions and he politely waited until I’d leave the room when I KNOW he would fart. At the wedding , we downed tons of Indian food (Indian wedding), red wine and danced the night away. Suddenly, the most awful smell emerged and when I say the dance floor cleared out, I mean I watched each and every person make a terrible face and run away from the dance floor, until it was just my boyfriend and me. We just began laughing uncontrollably and ran back to our table. He looked at me sheepishly and I said, “That was horrendous. I know it was you, and it’s okay to fart in front of me from now on. Let’s not hide it.” He was so visibly relieved. It took 10 months, but we embraced it and laughed from then on. He usually ignores when I fart, but I always make a funny comment when he does it. It all depends on the person :)

    • Meg says...

      Ha! We have a very similar story — I am notorious for toxic roots after eating certain foods. My husband calls them “clear the dance floor farts”.

    • Eloise says...

      I’mliterally crying on the train from laughing so hard. Maturity is overrated.

  130. Rachel says...

    I feel weird saying that farting in front of each other is one way that my husband and I make each other laugh. We do it all the time, and then pretend to get mad at each other. We will comment on how relatively stinky or not they are, have lengthy discussions on how what we have been eating has impacted their smelliness or voluminousness. We have long debates about whether farting in bed is worse than farting anywhere else in the house. Farting is taboo, so breaking that barrier brings a level of intimacy. Not farting in front of my husband would make me feel like I was keeping an essential part of myself hidden. Yes, that sounds insane, I know. But everyone has their limit. I have friends who use the bathroom with the door open, or pee while the other one is brushing their teeth. That is a bridge too far for me! Peeing and pooping are private!

  131. Tess says...

    This is called ‘breaking the fart barrier’. I am single and love that I do not have to curtail the need for the comforting release and often wonder IF I ever find a significantly significant other how this aspect with play out. On the one hand, I relish the freedom to let the gas out, because of the instant relief. On the other hand, I don’t really want to have to be subjected to the frequency that that might entail from his end.
    I suspect I would like to have the quiet acceptance that if it sneaks out or happens when one is asleep, well, we are all just human and it can be accepted and laughed at; but perhaps not making our home feel like it is an Animal House frat farting fun fest might also be worth keeping just a bit of discretion on our respective parts. I have friends who are a bit stuffy on most levels of decorum, and yet her husband feels like it is okay to just
    create an orchestral tuba rip at will. I do not think it is entertaining or appropriate. Let it rip somewhere else, because at my age, it is not impressive or funny.
    I am really curious about what others will write here… get busy my CoJ gals. Inquiring minds definitely want to know. What is the consensus/ or the range of acceptance?!
    (All slight puns are gleefully left in place, even if not at all intentional).

  132. Jennifer says...

    I’ve been with my husband 11 years and we still avoid it when we can. If we can’t, we frequently will apologize before it happens (like if we’re in bed and too tired to get up). We also make a joke of it when we can’t avoid it—we’ll most frequently blame an imaginary frog. Like, “How’d that frog get in here?” We don’t use the bathroom in front of each other either. I put my mouth there, you know?

  133. Ali News says...

    Ha ha…. after 18 years together he still blames the dog if one escapes him… so no, not something we believe in “sharing”

  134. AB says...

    Nope, we keep that private. Of course, like the person quoted in the article, if one comes out we can laugh it off and excuse it but we at least TRY to have some level of courtesy.

    My mother-in-law, on the other hand, has no shame. She claims to have a sensitive stomach and she emits loud, rumbling farts in front of us all the time -at home, in public, etc. When I first met her it SHOCKED me and now it just annoys me. How can she not even TRY to be modest about it? My husband and I laugh and roll our eyes about it behind her back, but it truly does drive me nuts – just like many things about her, ha!

  135. Jess says...

    As a Marriage Family therapist wirh a specialty in Sex Therapy Ill tell you this is my #1 issue with Esther Perez! I don’t agree with the “mystery” at all and think she emphasizes gender dynamics that are soooooo archaic. I’m a happily married farter ;)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      that’s so interesting — and reassuring — to hear!

    • Rachel says...

      Amen sister

    • Rebecca says...

      Esther Perel’s perspective is *extremely* French, where love is very much a game of cat and mouse, even and especially well into marriage. I suspect this is because infidelity is so common and more culturally normative there. A heavy emphasis on mystery is the French spouse’s attempt to prevent wandering eyes.

    • Hannah says...

      YES! Oh gosh, I agree with you 100%. I am also a therapist who does a lot of relationship work and I think her take on needing to have ongoing “mystery” otherwise the passion and romance will die is… not to mince words, a load of shit. Honestly, passion and romance WILL come and go in a relationship. It will die off, it can be cultivated again but what is constantly needed is trust, commitment, partnership and respect. We will (hopefully) all be old and wrinkly and our bodies will creak with age and things will not work and there may not be passion but there will be partnership and love. We should not need to be filtered with our life partner. We should be accepted, flaws and farts and all!

    • liz says...

      love this thread!

  136. Kari says...

    I recently admitted to my husband that when I think back to my single years, one of the things I miss the most was farting freely and openly at home. So yes, I still try to avoid passing gas in front of him when possible, though he does not show the same restraint.

  137. Amanda says...

    neither of us do and we’ve been together 15 years (married 10)! We don’t go to the bathroom in front of each other either. I think we’re team Esther Perel (I love her!) and like to leave some mystery for at least a FEW things. For the record, he’s a family medicine doctor so it’s not like he *can’t* handle that human bodies do human things, but maybe because he sees that stuff all day I figure this is his version of leaving work at work ;)

  138. Bee says...

    My husband and I have farted in front of each other since very early on in our dating relationship. During our very first road trip together, we stopped for shady Mexican food about halfway through a 12 hour driving day. All of a sudden as we were cruising down some random highway in Arizona, a smell to shame all other smells hit my nose. I didn’t know where it came from, but I could feel my brain cells/nostril hairs slowly dying. Now-husband looked over at me and sheepishly admitted that the Mexican food wasn’t agreeing with him and that he had let one slip…but when I rolled down the car window, the smell only got MORE powerful, and that is when we realized it never came from my husband’s body in the first place. There was a truck carrying live pigs cruising right next to us the whole time, far worse smelling than anything that we could produce ourselves.

    That paved the way for over a decade of farting in front of each other. Our only rule now is that we have a warning system in place (literally saying “warning,” whether the flatulence makes its own sound or not).

    • AH says...

      This comment made me laugh out loud…love it!!!

  139. liz says...

    Sometimes my boyfriend will leave the room to fart, and then I’ll enter the room immediately after him to follow up on what seems like an incomplete conversation, just to find him standing there looking mortified waiting for me to smell the crime he had just committed. I think it’s hilarious :D

    // but yes, given the choice, I also would try to conceal any unpleasant releases in front of him. Feminist (and human) as I am.

  140. Amanda says...

    Been with my fiancé for 7 years and have been farting around each other since probably the second week…

  141. Megan says...

    My husband and I fart in front of each other all the time, and usually announce it loudly as a courtesy (and to introduce some humor into an otherwise smelly situation): “Watch out for that one!” “Keep walking, that one was silent but deadly…” I think we kept the mystery going, as you put it, only about a month or two into our relationship before letting them fly. And like your boyfriend, I do think it was him who set my mind at ease about it! He does fart in front of me far more often than I do in front of him. And now we have a gassy baby who outdoes both of us.

  142. Sonia says...

    “Sometimes, if we’re watching TV together, he’ll dive across the couch and physically hold my nose shut with his hand until the coast is clear.” Why do I find this strangely romantic?

  143. S. says...

    Love how Cup of Jo keeps it real on all fronts! Great article. As someone who has struggled with an Inflammatory Bowel Disease for almost 2 decades, I am on the opposite end of the spectrum. As discreet as I try to be, my husband and sons have learned to accept the fact that mom always has tummy troubles. While I am always mortified when I can’t get to the bathroom in time, the three of them are very sweet about it, especially when I have a particularly bad tummy day.

    • Emily says...

      I feel for you!

  144. Michaela says...

    I think farting is pretty tame compared to giving birth. My husband has seen everything. EVERYTHING!

  145. Dawn says...

    We’ve been happily married and farting for 25 years. It helps that we are both pretty much 14-year-old boys.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      hahaha i love all these comments :)

  146. Rachel says...

    In my experience, this stuff is so gender-oriented. Girls are taught that this stuff is gross, and that we should hide it, while boys laugh it off and keep it coming. And I get super frustrated when I’m supposed to demure and act embarrassed, or whatever, over these things that my body just does. My husband is from a foreign country, and he is totally unabashed about body things (burping, farting, weird coughs and sneezes, body hair). When we first visited and stayed with his family, I was amazed that people would just burp in the middle of a regular conversation and keep going like it was totally normal. It’s also been super nice because he doesn’t have any opinion about whether or not I shave pits or legs or bits, so I don’t feel any pressure about these normal things that my body does. I think I still say “excuse me” if I burp, but the occasional fart doesn’t leave me dashing from the room. And I buy way fewer razors than I used to–now I just do it when I want.

    • Lauren says...

      Same here, my husband doesn’t care about body hair either so I just shave/wax what and when I feel like it too! It took me a year or two to really believe that he didn’t mind, and now I love it and wish everybody was like that! So relaxing lol.

  147. Katie says...

    I have had this exact same conversation with my boyfriend of 4.5 years. I can’t seem to get past the mental hurdle of this issue! He’s only heard me pass gas once.

    I believe my tendency comes from my mother, who I have heard pass gas perhaps three times in my life. My father, on the other hand, has always let them fly freely. I think I subconsciously made a rule that women must never do so in public, especially in order to remain desirable. When I think about it, though, it is weird because it’s a natural bodily function.

    What weirds my boyfriend out, though, is how I won’t fart in his presence, but will burp with wild abandon.

    • AJ says...

      Same! I have been with my husband 28 years, and it has only happened once. I was very pregnant and it was definitely the baby’s fault. I have had severe IBS since high school, but it’s just not going to happen in front of my husband or kids. They fart with abandon, so much so that my husband just makes me crazy with it. They have actually had discussions how they never hear mom fart. So funny. He can watch me give birth, but tummy issues are private for me.

  148. Meg says...

    “What on earth was this?” made me laugh out loud. Been there!

  149. Emily says...

    I’m married to a GI doc, and he is firmly of the mindset that we should not be holding it in. We try to normalize it with our kids too. It’s total fart freedom over here.

    • Amy says...

      10 years married with three kids ( 7, 5, 3). We don’t make a big deal about farting at home; we just say excuse me and move on with life. So yeah, farts happen regularly. The worst is in bed though…I feel like I’m going to ferment in the stench all night and wake up oozing fart smell from my pores. So I flap the blankets to air them out and my husband hates that part haha!

      In public though – I subconsciously hold in my farts, and then end up with a super sore belly hours later and realize what I’ve been doing. That’s never pleasant.

    • Meg says...

      Oh god, please do not give that advice to people I have to share planes, buses, and offices with!

  150. Sarah says...

    My husband has farted with abandon since we first started dating. I wouldn’t fart in front of him until after we had a baby. Now there’s virtually no element of privacy in our home anyway, and my body is just different and my farts are … well, more frequent and unannounced. So it’s become a physically necessary thing to fart in front of him, oh well.