Relationships

In Which I Lost My Wedding Ring

Joanna and Alex wedding

Last week, I lost my wedding ring…

I was climbing into bed one night when I realized my ring wasn’t on my finger, and probably hadn’t been for hours. It could be anywhere. I searched our apartment, my bag, our office, the sidewalk, the bathroom sink… but so far, no luck.

To be honest, I sort of don’t mind. Is that strange? First off, it was a super simple ring, so it’s not a big money loss, and also I’m not very sentimental. I loved wearing a wedding ring when we were first married; it was new and intoxicating. And I remember when I first referred to Alex as my “husband,” when we were in the airport leaving for our honeymoon. I was stocking up on magazines for the flight (New York, Bon Appetit, the September issue of Elle), and I told the clerk, “Oh, my husband is grabbing a bottle of water, too.” THRILL OF THRILLS!!!!!

But now that we’re older and wrinklier and have gone through so much, I’m not as tied to the ring. Alex also lost his ring a few months ago, so when we were hanging out this weekend, I was laughing: ‘We basically look like two people on a date.” A stranger might not know that we’ve been married for nine years, through many life ups and downs, and got two little stinks out of the deal. The ring, which felt so important at first, has been swallowed up by all the other things — bike rides on the Hudson river, nights watching Homeland, pet peeves, arguments, dinner parties, crying babies, giggling toddlers, debates over politics and ice cream flavors, sex, loss, depression, his toes! So many things.

The other day, I read a Yara Bashraheel quote, which resonated with me about marriage — not in a depressing way, but in the most unconditionally loving way: “Maybe home is nothing but two arms holding you tight when you’re at your worst.” And that rings very true to me. Someone who is there, alongside you, for all the highs and lows, and somehow still loves you.

Plus, my finger still has a clear indentation where a ring has lived for almost 9 years, so it kind of looks like I’m wearing one anyway!

But at the end of the day, it’s still fun to have a ring, right? I’ll definitely get a replacement, and it might be nice to try something new. Here are three lovely ones: black diamond, bateau and loved. I also really like this one, even though it’s offbeat.

Joanna Goddard and Alex Williams wedding

What styles do you like? If you have a wedding ring, what does it look like? How cool would it be to get a “no regrets” one?

(Photos by Max Wanger from our wedding, when we were tiny babies!!!)

  1. Dee says...

    My grandmother lost her eternity ring gardening. 3 years later weeding the same patch it turned up. All the sweeter because in the meantime my grandfather had died. I remember there were tears. So you never know!

    • Heather says...

      Chills

  2. MarMac says...

    I bought a simple gold band when we married 30 years ago! My engagement ring was a solitaire sapphire with two small diamonds on either side. I lost one of the diamonds about 15 years ago, and now the ring sits in a drawer. Why would I buy another diamond when there are…groceries to buy, or trips to go on. We visited Sri Lanka after we’d been married about 20 years and I picked out a simple, single sapphire that I wear with my gold band. It’s a sturdy ring, and is perfect for my small hands. Meanwhile, my engagement ring is still in the drawer.

  3. MaryMargaret says...

    Love the bateau! I have a simple thick white band with an oval sapphire and two white skinny bands that flank it. I LOVE them, but I like my hands free from jewelry when I am typing. I would forever take them off at work and just leave them sitting on my desk , or in a little “vide poche” we keep in the entryway, or jangling at the bottom of my purse. I lost the thick band several years ago and was heartsick. I searched for many months, but could not bear to call it in to the insurance as it seemed like giving up. After nearly a year, one morning I finally decided to make the call. Getting out of bed, I found it right on my dresser! It was like it had materialized out of nowhere…

  4. jac says...

    thin rose gold band with a tiny pink heart-shaped morganite. I would like a lil’ heart tattoo on that finger

  5. Sara says...

    I was super picky and took forever choosing the perfect engagement ring. Then we had babies and I seriously only ever wear my simple and thin wedding band anywhere anymore. I save my full set for special occasions just because I feel like it’s always in the way. It feels nice not to mind that.

  6. Sonja says...

    We were robbed a few years ago (while I was on maternity leave – ugh) and my husband’s wedding ring was part of the taken loot. I was devastated. My ring is easily replaced (and insured in our homeowner’s insurance) but his was precious. Though not generally sentimental and a minimalist to boot his ring held a special place in my heart. It was the gold bands of my great-grandfather’s wedding band and the gold of my grandmother’s band. It was my dad’s idea to make the ring out of the gold and it was clearly him truly accepting my fiance as his son-in-law. Alas. I hope it grace’s someone’s finger who loves it. I hope they like the personalized inscription as well.

    Side note, I must dash off to lose my ring and replace it with the Claire Kinder ring.

  7. Liz says...

    It’s funny, when I first got my engagement ring, I (somewhat obnoxiously… I blame youth/vanity) thought to myself that I would upgrade in 5 years. Well, it’s been 10 and now I don’t even wear it! It’s an unusual setting shape, so I never could find a wedding band to fit next to it. An once I had my babies I stopped wearing it since it always seems to scratch them no matter how careful I was. My husband doesn’t wear one either because of his job and we’re both fine with it :)

  8. I’ve been married 3 times. My first husband proposed with his grandmother’s vintage ring; we couldn’t find a band to match, so we bought a separate set. I returned the family ring when we separated, but ended up selling the set to a friend-of-a-friend who had lost her very similar set during a robbery.

    My second husband proposed with a platinum vintage reproduction that he’d picked out. We bought a matching vintage white gold band. When we split up, I sold the wedding band, but wasn’t able to sell the engagement ring, so I dropped it off at a local consignment shop. The consignment shop closed without ever contacting me; I was incredibly angry at first, but ultimately decided that it was the universe’s way of telling me that the ring wasn’t mine to mourn anyway.

    I remarried this year for primarily practical reasons – my husband needed insurance, we could use the tax deduction – and we have yet to buy rings, in part because we did it in a hurry, and in part because I was 3 months pregnant with our second child. I’ve loved reading everyone’s stories about their rings and am now inspired to start looking for rings for us once my hands are back to a normal size!

  9. Rachel says...

    When I was about 15, my mother left her wedding ring in our home so it wouldn’t get lost or stolen while we went on vacation. While we were gone, our house was broken into, and the ring was stolen. My mom wanted a new style anyway so she was okay with it (and it was insured). But the thieves also took our fireproof safe with important documents including my parents’ marriage certificate. So my dad joked for weeks that without the certificate and ring they weren’t really married anymore! Made us all laugh.
    A friend was just telling me they lost their ring in their yard and searched everywhere and couldn’t find it. The next year, they found it in the garden- a little plant had grown up and lifted the ring into the air for them to see!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      that’s incredible!!

  10. Candice says...

    I literally just lost my engagement ring in my living room. My kids are napping – – there’s no telling where it is.
    I know friends that got lovely tattoos around their ring fingers when they got engaged – – that might be the only way that I never lose my rings!

  11. After being together for twelve years and having a child we still have not decided whether to marry. It would be a second time for me so I feel skittish. However I was totally on board with getting a ring because there are so many pretty ones. Unfortunately I just started getting rashes from the little ring I have wearing since my first mother’s day so I think I may have to skip the whole ring idea.

    My mother was always allergic to jewelry and my father was in construction so they never wore rings and their marriage is 61 years strong. In my relationship now I know how special our family is to me and that is a wonderful enough feeling.

  12. JenMarie says...

    My husband lost his ring about a month after we got married. It was a simple white-gold band that matched mine, and its very nice designer immediately got to work on a new one. When it arrived in the mail, we sat on our dumpy couch and I took off my ring and we held hands and said new, off-the-cuff serious and silly vows to each other. Then we placed the rings on each others’ fingers with the ol’: “With this ring, I thee wed.” It felt so secret and fun and weighty. I remember that moment more than I remember our actual wedding.

  13. You guys are amazing, I think I’d have lost my mind if I looked at my hand and my ring was gone – but then, ya never know how you’re going to react to something until it happens – plus I’m not even three years married yet, so perhaps that has something to do with it too!! I really love the bateau ring you linked. My wedding band is 2mm platinum with mine and my Husbands names engraved on the inside alongside our wedding date.

    Rebecca

  14. Hillary says...

    My mom just told me THIS MORNING that she looked down and realized the diamond had come out of her wedding ring (after 25+ years of marriage). She was pretty devastated. It felt very strange to click on your blog today and see this story! I shared it with her right away, it felt like some kind of sign. <3

  15. LB says...

    Before I got married a few years ago, I had been reading a few women’s POVs on not having wedding rings, or not in the traditional “OMG HOW BIG IS IT???” sense. It really stuck with me. This giant rock fetish of our country is both gross (a diamond ring is not nearly as big of a deal in the rest of the world) and also, hopefully fading.

    My husband and I got married at city hall, and that same day, had an appointment to get our rings fitted at Satomi Kawakita, a Japanese jeweler in NYC.

    https://www.satomikawakita.com/

    I wear two rose-gold bands, one with stones so tiny the average gawker (or lack of gawking, ha) in the elevator could never see them. It’s simple, elegant, totally my style, and yet, not worth ten paychecks if I lose them (though I still hope I never do!).

  16. Tabitha H says...

    I’m so sorry about your ring! But I do agree with you, it’s not so much the actual ring, but the sentiment behind it.

    My husband actually has two rings — slightly different sizes (so helpful if your fingers shrink/ expand when the weather changes!) but both are tungsten carbide, and they were $30 each and indestructible. Which is perfect because he goes on gem/ mineral collecting trips with his family every year and is literally digging through mud. XD I have a matching filigree engagement/ wedding ring set from Blue Nile and I love them! He was a poor college grad when he bought my engagement ring and once he suggested that I could get a “better” one and I was horrified! I love the sentimental value and how the filigree pattern will gradually fade the longer I wear them.

  17. Meghan says...

    omg, bateau!

  18. Cynthia says...

    I have an anniversary band with channel-set diamonds I wear all the time. I need to have my wedding band and engagement ring re-sized, but I enjoy my anniversary band because of its simplicity. I rarely take it off. My husband lost his wedding ring shortly after we were married. It flew off his finger when he was doing yard work and we never found it. He didn’t want a replacement, because he doesn’t like jewelry except for a watch. Joanna, I really like the black diamond ring because it is so simple and elegant.

  19. Chrissy S. says...

    I am still laughing about the TOES thing! hahaha

  20. Tee says...

    Call me a weirdo, but didn’t you lose your original ring once already? -obviously a long-term reader

    • Kate says...

      haha I had the same memory!! Been reading for so, so long….

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      hahaha yes! alex lost his our first year of marriage when it fell down the bathroom sink, and then i lost mine in 2015 when it fell through a floor board at work! i mentioned it here: https://cupofjo.com/2015/08/link-list-weekend/

      so this one wasn’t my original one — we’ve just gotten simple gold band replacements. xoxo

    • Laura says...

      Thought that same thing! A crack in the floorboards.

  21. Ro says...

    My favorite thing about my ring is actually the tan line it has given me! There is something so nice about looking at my naked finger and still seeing evidence that love <3 Still makes me smile 15 years in!

  22. Em says...

    When engaged I (obviously) wore my engaement ring, which I completely adore..it is vintage, one of a kind. I scouted it for weeks before deciding to tell my boyfriend that was the ring I wanted. By the time I went to show him which ring I choose, it had been sold. I was devastated.

    I kept stalking the etsy sites, and the ring I had loved went back up for sale! Something had fallen through with the previous purchase. My boyfriend bought it right away (or, maybe I did and he paid me back?!?!).

    After about a year of being married, though, I decided to only wear my wedding band. I kind of always knew this would be the case. So, long story short, I would not be very upset if I lost my wedding band as it is just a simple thin gold band. If I lost the engagement ring I’m sure I’d be extremely upset.

    I love the black diamond ring you posted!

  23. Bianca says...

    I have a traditional engagement ring and wedding band that is beautiful, but when I’m cooking or playing with my toddlers I take it off a lot. I wanted a ring I could wear all the time without worrying about getting food in the crevices or losing it. I just ordered this https://www.etsy.com/transaction/1461157046. A family signet ring with all four initials (2 for us and 2 for the little ones we created). I’m so excited about it and how it better reflects what my marriage is today. (me + best friend + 2 minis). I don’t think one has to wear a ring to show your commitment. Being confident enough in your commitment to each other so that you don’t need to show outwardly signs of it is a beautiful thing too.

  24. Alyson says...

    Around this time last year my husband and I (together 6 years and married 8 months at the time) were in a serious money funk. We owed a lot (by our standards) on my engagement ring — the equivalent of 3+ mortgage payments. After many tears and unfiltered conversations we decided to return the ring to cancel the debt. I never take off my silver wedding band but am uninterested in replacing the diamond ring. It was hard choosing the first time because nothing felt right, especially being poor, and I don’t miss the covert comparisons from random strangers. We’ve paid off a lot of student loans, gotten better jobs, and are generally in such a better place; if anything, I’d love this little promise ring as a quiet reminder of big decisions and new beginnings: https://www.jared.com/en/jaredstore/r6-rings-101524–1/diamond-ring-1-10-ct-tw-round-cut-10k-white-gold-12054190199/101524/101524.101534

    • B says...

      I just want to say that your courage and common sense and very hard choice to do the right thing has really touched and inspired me.
      Bless you.

  25. Laura says...

    My husband and I did a “ring warming” ceremony at our wedding. Before we exchanged vows, we passed our rings around to be “blessed” by all our guests. Every time I look at my ring, I’m reminded of our beautiful wedding day and all the well wishes we received from our beloved friends and family. I would be devastated if I lost it!

  26. Cate says...

    I have taken my engagement ring off for a portion of each of my pregnancies and left it off while the babies have been small (always nervous about scratching them with it). With three kids under 4, I’ve had it off for most of our marriage, ha! I always eventually put it back on again, which somehow makes me feel more like a wife and not just a mom.

    This last pregnancy though, I also removed my wedding band because I was worried my fingers were becoming too swollen. Now that the baby is here I keep meaning to put it back on but forget every single day. Now, wearing nothing, I feel much like Joanna described. We’ve been through so much, what’s a little ring?

  27. Moriah says...

    My boyfriend is proposing sometimes in the next couple of weeks! I hate surprises, but I know it’s important to him that I don’t know what’s happening. I wanted an opal ring instead of a diamond. I found a fake one I loved, so he contacted the designer and asked if she could make a real version: https://www.elizabethstonejewelry.com/gemstone-starburst-ring-opal/
    I’m so excited the designer agreed to help us! And I’m even more excited to marry the most kind and patient man I’ve ever known.

  28. Helen says...

    I’m so relieved to hear other folks have lots their wedding ring! Mine was a simple gold band, which I lost while we were in the middle of a move only two years after we got married. Oops! I still have an iphone 4s because I don’t like to carry around something of too much value and considered never getting a replacement, but we recently decided we will buy another ring during our anniversary trip to France. This will be a fun way to get rid of my guilt and commemorate our trip!

  29. Kiki Machado says...

    OMG, I nearly fell from the chair now as I came to my computer to calm down after realising I LOST MT ENGAGEMENT RING today! I took it off my finger at yoga and put it inside my bag, and I probably lost it when I bought some fruits and took my cardigan quickly out of the bag. Reading your post made me feel less bad. But will try to find tomorrow. :(

  30. Bel says...

    I have the most beautiful wedding ring, the inspiration came from Cup of Jo but it was handmade. It’s just gold with a few tiny black stones around it <3

  31. Chloe Jensen says...

    You should checkout Octavia Elizabeth jewelry. She does custom engagement/wedding rings. She did my husband’s wedding band which is so special since she also happens to be my best friend. She is a young, female bench jeweler out of Venice, CA.

  32. Em says...

    I. WOULD. LOSE. MY. ISH.

    more power to you.

    • Sarah says...

      Same!! I never take mine off. Well only to be cleaned and inspected by the jeweler.

  33. Lauren B says...

    I have the Black Diamond Bateau from Claire Kinder x Fiat Lux as my wedding ring – I love it so so much! Perfect crossover of bateau and pave.
    But at the end of the day, a ring is nothing compared to the arms of your partner.

  34. So beautiful! My roommate (and best friend of 10+ years) just got engaged, so she is on the opposite end of the spectrum (much like you were saying at the beginning)! She’s scared to do laundry, the dishes, cook, sleep, and probably even breathe in it! She loves it so much, it’s the most expensive jewelry she’s ever owned, so she’s terrified of doing anything in it ?. She almost forgot to wear it to work the day after to show it off to her coworkers. I’m sure 9 years down the road, the memories behind the ring will become more valuable to her too ❤️

  35. Abby says...

    I have a thin & delicate yellow gold wedding band that’s most often stacked with my engagement ring, but I do love wearing it all by itself. When it’s alone on my finger, I don’t feel like I’m flaunting my marriage, but rather, it’s a reminder that someone loves me as much as I love him. I also wear thin gold bangles- one for our wedding day and one for each year of marriage after it (so I just got my 4th!) and those cheap gold bangles mean just as much to me. I can’t afford the bangles from this company, but it’s where I learned about the tradition! https://www.yearlyco.com/

    • Becca says...

      I absolutely love this!! Thank you for sharing, I’ve totally gone down the rabbit hole of gold bangles this afternoon. My third wedding anniversary is coming up in September, and I might have to start the tradition! I see lots of much more inexpensive options on Etsy, but I think splurging for a solid gold bangle for the 10th, 20th, etc would be nice!

  36. KS says...

    My husband and I got married at 25 and 24, respectively. We were young and had no money – everything we had went into our wedding (in retrospect we would do it so differently now). Now we’re older and are more established; I have a real career and make significantly more money (I’m the primary income in our family) and I occasionally mention to him that before our first child I’d like to “upgrade” my wedding and engagement rings. It’s funny how adamantly against that he is; he feels very strongly that these are the rings we got married with and we can’t upgrade or change them out. I can’t even fathom feeling so strongly – especially since he barely even wears his (he can’t wear it to work)! I’m the one who wears mine day in and day out, and while I do love my rings still, I’d like to get something a little…bigger…I know it’s vain!

  37. Sarah says...

    In my spare time, I teach fitness classes and the topic of wedding/engagement rings comes up all the time. So many people ask me why I don’t wear mine when I teach, implying that something must be wrong, but it’s because my engagement and wedding rings are both so beautiful and delicate that I don’t want to put unnecessary strain on them. People have started wearing these rubber bands for fitness classes which I don’t understand because they are not terribly attractive to me. My husband and I have been married almost a year, but our marriage has never been about a ring- my husband doesn’t even wear one- or me changing my name (I didn’t). It’s honestly about the deep understanding we have of each other. I’d be so upset if I lost my engagement ring because my husband proposed to me with it in my most perfect place—on the moors where the Brontes lived and wrote.

  38. Sarah says...

    I just got married a month ago, and my wedding ring is very predictable, with lots of little diamonds around the band. The day before my wedding, my mom gave me a beautiful wonky old gold + diamond ring that my badass great aunt Eleanor bought for herself after she never married, and I wore it in my wedding. During the reception, everyone asked to see my wedding ring, but I just ignored them and showed off the one they didn’t ask about :)

  39. Alison says...

    My husband and I just took a trip to Oaxaca (city) in Mexico. While we were on a tour of a small mezcaleria there, the man leading us noticed that our wedding rings were different! He was so curious about why I had such a tiny silver band while my husbands was thicker with a design (I don’t wear an engagement ring). We explained about the custom in the USA and how individuals pick their own band style that they’ll enjoy wearing, but I loved his response. He said in their region, husbands and wives have the same ring, but engraved with the other persons name on the inside. His wife was hysterical when she lost hers once, but the people down the road from them found it and knew exactly who to return it to due to this :) it was very sweet.

  40. Audrey F says...

    The Yara Bashraheel quote has been tearing up at my desk! It totally hits home. Just last night my husband and I got into an argument and went to bed not talking. And mostly just b/c we were exhausted after work and our toddler was melting down. This morning he just wrapped his arms around my shoulders. No words necessary.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh, audrey, that’s really moving. love that. xo

  41. Lisa says...

    Our house was burgled and my ring was stolen. We weren’t in a place where it made sense to replace an engagement ring and I wore my grandmother’s for several years. But then a couple of years ago, around our 15th anniversary, I just really wanted something of my own. I picked out something completely different – an east-west set pear in rose gold with the most delicate band. It never comes off.

    https://www.jewelsbygrace.com/1-26ct-pear-shape-diamond-bezel-ring-gia-i-vs1

  42. I was struggling to decide on an engagement ring, which I should have taken as a sign from the start because I’m usually very decisive. We had been talking about engagement a lot and I told my now husband that I didn’t care if he had a ring. I was sure about him and could find some jewelry eventually if it was that important to me. He was like “Well if I don’t need a ring why are we waiting???” So he proposed with a costume jewelry ring that is so awful and garish I can’t even wear it as a joke, and a small square of paper with the word “ring” on it (an inside joke, that is now framed with our wedding photos). We hadn’t decided on wedding rings either, when my Dad’s friend who didn’t have children gave us his parents bands. He said we could do whatever we wanted with them, but I loved the idea of wearing another couple’s rings so we spent $100 to have them resized for our tiny fingers and that was it. I had originally planned on a small ring just like Joanna’s, but now I am very protective of this ring and hope they get passed on to another couple some day. I still love the look of thin rings (which mine is not) so I may buy another ring to wear for times when I could lose this one like long trips.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      i love the idea of wearing a couple’s bands. that’s so beautiful, like the strength and love is being passed down.

  43. Stasha says...

    One day at the beach our son wanted to swim to the floating dock. My simple platinum band had a tendency to slip off my finger when I was cold or wet, so I had my son take it to my husband who was sunning on a beach chair. When we returned from our swim, hubby was asleep and the ring nowhere to be found. I hope she it was on his pinkie…but when he awoke, he told me how our son had dropped it in the sand and thwn taken it to the water to rinse it off…and dropped it. It quickly disappeared. In tears, my husband hugged me in the sand. Our friend’s older father was there and asked what had happened. “Oh” he said, “you don’t need a ring to know that you’re loved.” ❤️

  44. Kara says...

    Almost as soon as I got pregnant I couldn’t fit my rings on my finger, so I didn’t wear them for about six months. After the birth of my baby boy I went to put them back on and could only find my engagement ring. I was so upset. My wife secretly had a replacement wedding ring made for me (it’s a simple gold band) to give to me on my birthday with the inscription “This time for all time.”

    BUT THEN I found my original ring a couple of weeks before my birthday. I thought it was weird that she wasn’t exactly ecstatic about that news! Ha. Now I wear both wedding rings every day––lucky me. :)

  45. Melissa Davis says...

    We bought our rings at an antique store, but they are pretty simple gold bands. My husband lost his sometime around Christmas 2016. I hate for anything to be lost and will search for hours and days until it is found. This time I really didn’t know where to look. It could have fallen into the mailbox at the post office, be anywhere in the yard or in the yard of the house we sold. It could have been in one of those horribly hard to get to places in the car. I was constantly looking for it whenever the loss struck me. New neighbors moved in, and he recognized us from the antique store where we bought the rings. When I told him about my husband’s lost ring, he said, “Most things, but especially jewelry, have a way of finding their way back.” This Christmas as I emptied a container to repack our ornaments and stockings I saw a gold circle on the bottom. It was his ring and it had come back. I know that it had been waiting patiently for us to find it, but it seemed like a Christmas gift. I was glad to find the ring, but I was even more glad to be able to set aside the searching.

  46. Claire says...

    I never wore a wedding ring but I lost my engagement ring early on and never chose to replace it. I was sad at first and also wondered if people would think we weren’t married. But at nearly 11 years in, you can see our marriage in the small way we lean against each other when a stranger compliments our toddler son, or the way my husband rests his hand on my back in the spot that’s always a little sore, or how I absentmindedly run my fingers through his hair. It’s in a shared look that means something someone said has triggered the same memory or reference for both of us, or how he knows exactly what I mean when I raise my eyebrows or lift my chin in public. It’s in the heavy bags under both our eyes after a rough night during the latest teething phase. Marriage isn’t rings or symbols. It’s all those little looks and gestures and moments that mean you’ve shared your life, that mean you’ve been through some heavy stuff together, but you always make it out the other side.

  47. Emily Fischer says...

    I lost my engagement ring almost 3 years ago when I was pregnant. I was sitting in our living room and took my rings off to put some lotion on. As I was putting my rings back on, I dropped my engagement ring. I haven’t seen it since. We’ve ripped apart our living room on multiple occasions, but it’s like it vanished into thin air. I did find a replacement last year that is strikingly similar to my original (which I loved). I do love the quote you shared. I believe that’s what it all boils down to!

  48. Kay says...

    I lost my engagement ring about 2 months ago and am still heartbroken. I actually realised that it and my wedding ring had come off somewhere that day, we found the wedding ring in the rubbish quite easily. My husband told me that at least we found the wedding ring, which he thought was the most important ring. However, to me, the engagement ring is far more sentimental as this is what first showed the world that he loved me. We are looking for a replacement but so far haven’t found anything that we both love.

  49. Cynthia says...

    I don’t have a wedding or engagement ring but…. I know they ring I want is an “investment” (haha!) so I would be pretty upset if I lost it. But I have all of my nice jewelry insured just in case I were to lose it.

  50. Greta says...

    The next time you’re at Brooklyn Crab, swing by Erie Basin in Red Hook. Their antique rings and modern designs are fantastic. We had such fun picking out our engagement/wedding rings there five years ago (my husband and I each wore an engagement ring that became our wedding ring). It’s kind of strange, kind of sweet to know that someone else wore this ring before.

    Their instagram feed is chockablock with eye candy, too: https://www.instagram.com/eriebasin/?hl=en

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      thank you!

  51. Jennie says...

    i love my engagement ring so much. it was perfect- vintage, art deco. we had friends over to trim our tree three months after we got married and it somehow got dinged (from a falling wine bottle). its perfect circular face became oval and a little offbeat. i felt heartsick at first, i used to think about it all the time, how i couldn’t keep anything perfect perfect. but my sweet husband kept reminding me that to be well loved, well worn, a part of our lives was the point. not a hand selfie for instagram. it is still the most beautiful thing I own- perhaps even more beautiful because it has been through life with me!

    • Anonymous says...

      In Japanese culture, there’s a concept called ‘wabi-sabi’, which roughly means the appreciation that something can be beautiful because of its flaws, not despite them. Wabi-sabi is centred around Buddhist philosophy and the idea that nothing is ever perfect, permanent or complete. Even after a potter has finished making a tea cup, it’s not ‘done’ – someone will take it home and drink from it, pick it up, wash it, perhaps for years. Over those years, it might become stained from use or chipped from an accidental fall, but these are marks of a life well-lived. It’s not a wearing away of perfection, but a constant, gradual process of becoming that which it was always meant to be. It made me happy to hear that you’ve adopted this same appreciation of your ring!

    • Lisa says...

      I love this. It’s a similar story with my engagement ring, which belonged to my husband’s great grandmother. It is small with a tiny diamond in the center. We were engaged as (poor) residents and he knew I’d be unhappy if he purchased something new. Instead, I have a ring with so many years of love in it. When I took it to be resized after he proposed, the jeweler showed me the crack in the diamond, which my husband and I had not noticed. It made me love it even more and I now look at it when I need a bit of a reminder of what marriage can be all about. We go through the good and the tough and the imperfect times, but we go through them together.

    • Jennie says...

      replying here because I wish I could thank anonymous & Lisa for the beautiful kinship of these comments. You both made my day and reinforced the peace I have made with my imperfect but perfectly loved ring. <3

  52. Dawn says...

    When my husband and I were a year into being a married couple, a spider bit me in the middle of the night on my wedding ring finger. In the morning I woke up to a swelled finger in which the ring was cutting my circulation off. We raced to convenient care- which was closed- and finally to my parents house where my husband borrowed my Dad’s wire clippers to cut the ring off (a big moment of trust!). I haven’t worn my wedding ring to this day (or any rings ever at night!) but I know to whom my devotion lies, and it’s not defined by a ring. Plus, I feel a bit like a rebel, not wearing one!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh my gosh, what a story, dawn!!

    • Fay says...

      I cannot tell you what a relief it is to read this! I thought I was the only one! Last fall, a mosquito, painfully swollen finger, middle of the night trip to the ER = both rings got cut off. It was so strange when the nurse handed them back to me in the little medical specimen vial. I’ve always thought I didn’t really care about jewelry or rings, but I really missed them! Looking down at the indent on my finger, without the rings, created a strange feeling of loss. A few months later, I got new rings, and it feels really nice to have them back. And, this summer, I’ve been DILIGENT about bug spray!

  53. alex says...

    I wear three stacked rings, almost always. An heirloom ring that belonged to my grandmother, my wedding band and my engagement ring. They represent Family, Commitment and Love -the three cornerstones of a good marriage!

  54. Merle says...

    I have a Satomi Kawakita black diamond eternity band too, after losing my rings in an accident. My fingers were too badly injured to wear a ring for over two years and this new ring holds new memories and marks a difficult time we lived through.

  55. Sara B says...

    My diamond ring fell off my fidgety fingers in a dark bar one month after our wedding. I looked high and low with the help of sweet strangers for the rest of the night, and after hours of no luck we gave up the ghost with a round of shots.

    Two weeks and lots of daylight (and sober!) searching later, I woke up to multiple frantic calls from my best friend–she had found it in her purse! A place we joked it might turn up…and yet never properly searched.

    Morale of the story–it’s always in your purse. And get insurance!

  56. Leah says...

    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years but we constantly consider ourselves married because we are each other’s person to lean on during the highs and lows. He hasn’t been able to get a ring as we have financial woes atm and I keep reminding him that it won’t ever matter because I have him wrapped around my finger. And he chuckles when I say that. I realized I don’t need a ring or a wedding cert to tell me that I love someone and they love me. And I especially don’t need those things to build a life with someone. Ring… what ring?

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      “I keep reminding him that it won’t ever matter because I have him wrapped around my finger”

      hahaha

  57. Kate says...

    So sorry to hear that!! Didn’t you lose your original engagement ring years back, too? I seem to remember a post about that. I love my wedding band and it’s just simple and gold, so someday I think it’d be fun to switch it up or add to it – we’ll see!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      luckily i still have my engagement ring — it’s a family heirloom. i keep it tucked away for special occasions :)

  58. Megan says...

    My engagement ring and wedding band both belonged to my husband’s grandmother (who passed long before we met). I love them both dearly (truly, the engagement ring is the vintage ring I always dreamed of!), but I especially love the band. It’s a super simple, thin platinum band, but it’s engraved inside with my husband’s grandparent’s initials and wedding date (1934!). I love carrying that piece of history and legacy with me each day. However, while my husband also has his grandfather’s wedding band, it couldn’t be sized properly to fit him. So, we bought a stainless steel wedding band for $20 at Wal-Mart for him and called it good. :) Someday we may buy him something nicer, but I think he is relieved to not have to worry about losing a family heirloom each day.

  59. SUsanne says...

    love love love that quote from y.b.
    when I met my husband and Wochenende started dating being with him felt like coming home.
    and after 18 years still does. he is my home, no matter where, no matter what.

    • Susanne says...

      oh my, autocorrect…
      when I met my husband and WE started dating…

  60. Lindsay says...

    We bought our rings on our lunch break one day. I only ever wanted a simple gold band, the tiniest gold band they had. It was at the moment I declared (in front of the salesperson) “you know what? I want to change my last name too.” It was so casual and easy. Just like our relationship has been and continues to be. I love it. On our first year anniversary I had my husband’s name engraved on the inside: BOB. It’s my favourite.

  61. Jessica says...

    I’d be devastated if I lost my engagement ring because the diamond on it belonged to my mother in law (and before that her mother!) and I plan to pass it down to my daughter when/if she gets married. I love the idea of continuing the tradition. My wedding ring on the other hand is super simple and I like the idea of just wearing that when I’m older :-)

  62. grace says...

    I am about to get married in a few weeks. My engagement ring is so special to me, as it was my fiance’s great great grandmothers. It is very unique and unlike anything I have ever seen. I love that it symbolizes not only marrying him, but his family.

  63. Jessica says...

    Check out Still House — the woman who owns this NYC business is absolutely LOVELY and hand makes the most beautiful rings (and does custom work too, including sourcing vintage diamonds)! I got the olva ring, which is so unique, understated, and beautiful. I love it!

  64. Astrid says...

    Greetings from your Scottish readers! We designed our own rings and they are square shaped with Hebrew language inscriptions no them. Absolute love wearing my rings 10 years later, I have been careful not to lose mine although my husbands doesn’t fit anymore, it slips off too easily!

  65. CaraM says...

    While I love my engagement ring and band, what I love even more is the box it came in. I love vintage things and my ring box was found by my Mother-in-Law, the ultimate antiquer. It is a glittery bell shape (I was engaged at Christmas) from the 1950s that she transformed into an ornament by adding a hoop at the top. Whenever we decorate our tree and I pull it out, it makes me smile and remember the engagement day. My husband left the box in the car when it was valet parked at our favorite restaurant and in a panic excused himself during the appetizer. Can’t wait to tell that story to our daughter when she is older!

  66. Loesie says...

    I was on the beach, walking through the water a couple of weeks ago and kept checking nervously if my ring was still on. Until at one point I thought: ‘If it falls into the sea, it would stay there forever and ever until one day, years and years later, it will wash up ashore in some place somewhere in the world and my ring would cause this big stir and everyone would try to figure out whose ring it had been.’ That thought made it a lot easier for me to walk through the sea. Hope this thought might make it easier for you too. XO.

  67. Janis says...

    My husband and I married as teens. He was 19, I was 17. We had no money, but he saved up and bought us a set ( engagement ring & both wedding bands) for $500. My diamond is a tiny one, but I love it to this day and never wanted to size up. Now 44 years later, we both still wear our rings every day. I also wear my mother’s ring on my right hand. I love it when my 3 yr old granddaughter asks me which ring is from when I married Papa! I would be so sad if either of us lost our rings. But, of course, life and love carries on, and so would we!!

  68. Elinor says...

    I “lost” my maternal great-grandmother’s engagement ring; enormously sentimental and beautifully unique (although not financially valued highly) – I almost never wear it.

    It was stolen in a house robbery while we were out of town last Easter. We weren’t home; no one was hurt; it was by far the worst thing I lost.

  69. Erin Khoury says...

    When I was growing up our family was getting ready to leave for church and my mom shrieked “my diamond is gone from my wedding ring.” My memory is that my sister, my mom and I all started to weep. We began looking around the house in a frenzy. My calm dad said “lets go to church, we can look for it when we get back.” As we walked down our stairs through our basement on the way to our garage someone said “I see something in the carpet!” To this day I still can’t believe it, there it was, the smallest sparkling diamond in our basement carpet.

  70. Lindsay says...

    Yay! I’m not the only one who feels that way?? I’m sorry to hear that you lost your ring, but your mindset is great.

    As much as I love my rings (my husband chose my engagement ring and we chose wedding bands together) I sometimes wonder if I should uhem…liquidate them and use the money to take us on a fabulous vacation. Then I wonder if deep down he’d be hurt that I don’t feel a stronger connection to my rings.

    This is coming from a woman who was recently crushed that her husband neglected to get her a card for their anniversary. Maybe I’m a complicated gal. With me it’s really about the little things❤️

  71. Emily says...

    My husband and I purposefully got the same, plain, white gold wedding rings with no engravings, assuming one or the other would get lost, etc and not wanting to place too much attachment on these particular rings. 11 years later and we still have the same ones!

    I only take mine off when making meatballs.

    • Margaret says...

      “I only take mine off when taking meatballs.”

      Thanks for the laugh, Emily!

    • Lindsay says...

      Lol! A good reason to take off your ring!

    • Angela says...

      Ha! That’s the only time I take mine off too. :)

    • I have very clear memories of my grandmother telling me that she always took her rings off when making biscuits. Every time I take my (non-wedding) rings off to knead dough, I think of her.

  72. Danielle says...

    I have a little slip of a wedding band that’s from Rare Device https://raredevice.net/collections/jewelry/products/very-thin-gold-ring

    When we were kind of looking at engagement rings I kept looking at extremely modest non diamond rings. I’ve never wanted anything flashy and also my husband is a very frugal guy. In the end he was the one that really wanted to splash out a little more. Although the ring is still super modest by many’s standards I was really touched that it meant a lot to him to make it special. He told me that when he had it hidden in the house he would take it out while I was taking a shower and admire it’s sparkle.
    We had a harder time finding a plain band that he really liked and ended up with silicone for the time being . It looks like brushed gold unless you touch it and it’s kind of a relief that it would be an easy replacement if it were lost camping or hiking.

  73. Amanda G says...

    I haven’t lost any rings yet, but I did end up noticing my wedding band was missing a diamond TWO DAYS before we were supposed to leave for wedding! It had been sitting in it’s box and hadn’t been touched since the last inspection a month prior, so I was at a loss as to where the diamond might have gone! We ran to the jeweler and luckily, since I had picked a cheaper and mass-produced (although really lovely) ring, they had another one in the case that they re-sized within a day. Somehow, ordering a new diamond for the original band would have taken longer! I was so thankful for a helpful jeweler that pulled it together so quickly :)

  74. Ashley says...

    I lost my engagement ring at the office 6 months after I got married. After two babies and some weight gain, my wedding ring doesn’t fit either! It really sucks but at least the photographer took a picture of them at the wedding. I recently got a new band that I love. My husband can’t really say anything about it because he lost HIS wedding ring in the ocean a few years after we married!

  75. A couple of years ago my husband was cleaning out our pool filter on a chilly day and when his fingers constricted in the cold water, his ring slipped right off into a pile of leaves. We searched for it, but didn’t find it, and assumed it was lost forever. We found it about six months later just sitting in the grass in our yard. It had been there through the raking of leaves and countless mowings. So strange!

    My dad has lost his wedding ring countless times, and has found it almost as many times many months later. Once in his back yard where he had been pushing us on a sled in the winter and he found it when the snow thawed. Once when unpacking a box where it had slipped off his finger while packing it. Other times that I don’t recall. It’s kind of a joke in my parent’s marriage.

    My own ring is a big fake diamond that was kind of a joke when I got it. We were 24 years old and BROKE when we got engaged. I still wear it ten years later and it looks like less of a joke now that we both have good careers, but if you look closely the stone is very scratched and worn. I should replace it, but it’s so sentimental I just can’t do it! We do talk about replacing just the stone at some point, but even that seems sad. This fake rock has been with us through a whole lot of a very real marriage.

    • SB says...

      That’s so sweet!

  76. I love this approach! We had rings made, and whilst I like them, I don’t *adore* them and would be happy to start over. I have other rings that I would be more devastated to lose, like the emerald eternity ring that belonged to my grandmother. She wasn’t alive when I met and then married my husband, but she would have adored him (he’s scarily like my grandfather in many ways!), so I wore her ring as my “something old” and haven’t taken it off since. Oddly I think of that as much more meaningful than my wedding band as a result of the layers of memories attached to it.

  77. Camille says...

    This is so lovely, Joanna. My ring is the ring my husband gave me when he proposed; it didn’t seem fair that I would get two rings and he would get one so I told him he could get me a typical wedding band for our 50th anniversary. I gave him a ring that has “anam cara” inscribed on the inside, which means soul friend in Gaelic.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      “soul friend.” i’m in tears!

    • Claire Miller says...

      That’s my niece’s name!

  78. nicole says...

    I love that black diamond ring you shared SO MUCH. Wondering if I would be willing to actually get something similar when I get married. There’s an unnecessary pressure around what wedding/engagement rings should look like, but it seems like less traditional rings are definitely making more appearances.

  79. Traci says...

    I could not wear my rings for about a year after I broke my ring finger and I hated it. I felt naked. I remember pleading with the ER nurses not to cut them off my hand, even though it was swelling rapidly. They were wonderful and got them off, so I had to wait almost a year for the swelling to go down and then have them resized. The day they were repaired was wonderful. I just felt right again.

  80. My husband lost his wedding band on our honeymoon. Apparently this is pretty common; first time in the water, hand gets cold, ring is a little too loose… it took me eons to convince him to come out of the water. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so upset again, and it’s been 19 years. Finally I convinced him we could drive from Little Beach to Lahaina to buy him a new one. Before we left, I turned and threw mine, in, too, so they could be together. It was like getting married all over again! It was an instinctive thing, and it moved him endlessly.

    We drove to Lahaina and bought a pair of inexpensive white gold bands, came back the the beach and exchanged them. I loved wearing my diamond so much that I bought him one, too, the next year, and he wore that instead. For us, it’s always been that we wear some ring; which ring was not so important.

    Last year we were getting ready to move onto our sailboat to cruise the world indefinitely, we put our diamonds away and bought a pair of inexpensive knotted silver bands from someone on etsy. We adore them. They are so comfortable that I had the same experience as you, Joanna, just a couple months ago: I realized my ring was not on and that I had no idea when I’d taken it off! We ordered me another, and a spare for each of us since they are only $100.

    It’s all about the love. The symbol is nice, but the love is the thing.

    • Elizabeth says...

      Ahhhahah my husband also lost his wedding band on our honeymoon in Maui, just a few miles away from Little Beach!! He was devastated! Maybe my husband’s band and your husband’s band have found each other in the ocean and they tell each other stories about how awesome we are :)

  81. Sheila says...

    Bravo! I love that it doesn’t bother you to not have a ring. And that Alex lost his too recently. It’s not about the ring . . . it’s about the commitment, fun, kiddos, pillow time, laughter, and working together on issues together, among many other things.

    As for me, my first ring was stolen in a burglary and while it hurt back then, I’m over it now and happily sporting another one. Some days I go sans ring and seeing the indentation on my finger is a sweet reminder of our 34 years together (yes, 50-somethings like me read your blog too!).

    Enjoy choosing another band and sharing it with us, if you are so inclined xoxo

  82. Jaidy says...

    My husband was on a work trip in Paris, took the ring I made him off; put it in his bag and the bag was stolen. He had been having an affair.
    Even though we reconciled losing that ring I made was more of a loss than his affair.
    I also didn’t wear mine much- it had been a family heirloom that fit before I had my daughter but was too big after. I was afraid I’d lose it when one day it flung across the room while I was gesticulating.
    The rings only mattered to us – no one else is looking or cares- those rings don’t keep you together, they loss of them didn’t keep us apart either. We recently separated for good but hadnt worn rings since he lost his 3 years ago.

    • M says...

      I’m sorry, Jaidy.

  83. Kirsten says...

    I don’t think I’d care too much if I lost my wedding band, but I would die if I lost my engagement ring. It belonged to my most beloved grandma, and I worry about losing it all of the time. It’s not even worth very much but is totally irreplaceable. But funnily enough I’m not attached to wearing them at all–I often forget to put them on in the morning and don’t even notice until the day is halfway through. My husband had NEVER taken his ring off until recently, when he started working in the OR where you can’t wear anything. And our rings live together in a little box by the bed. So now we’re just those people “on a date” too :)

  84. My mom lost her engagement ring when I was little. Years later, we were moving out of our house and I found it…in the bushes. How it had survived so long out there I don’t know! My mom had gotten a replacement ring by then. When my now-husband proposed to me, the ring had the diamond from my mom’s old engagement ring. Needless to say, there is a lot of sentimental value there :)

  85. Amber says...

    Yes, I feel the same – the ring isn’t the marriage. I forget to wear my rings all the time. I’m just not a jewelry person, and taking my rings off when I get home feels akin to taking my bra off. I leave them off when I work out, or swim, garden, sleep (so uncomfortable to leave them on because I sleep with my face on my hands a lot of the time), and often when I’m working from home, I just forget to put them on in the morning. When I do remember to wear them, I wear my wedding band on top of my engagement band (its supposed to be the opposite), because I never got my engagement ring resized, and it’s a little loose, so the wedding band keeps in place. So many people tell me I’m doing it wrong… but again, the ring isn’t the marriage!

  86. Annie says...

    My husband has lost his ring three times in the five years we’ve been married. I bought cheap $40 rings for that exact reason (he’s been a spacey space cadet from the beginning, and I figured it was only a matter of time).

  87. Gaby says...

    Oooo, love the black diamond one.

  88. Kat Simonyi says...

    I ruined my ring when I started a new job last year and haven’t consistently worn one since. I thought I would mind at first, but there’s something kind of fun about it (I like the date connotation too!). I’m looking at replacements now as well and love your suggestions!

  89. I love this, but I would want another ring ASAP if I lost mine, I think. But I relate to the ring itself not really being the thing. I have one very similar to the one you lost, but in white gold. It’s tiny and simple and I may switch it up someday. My husband’s is made of wood, and has already needed replaced once since we got engaged in 2013 (it was his engagement ring, too, since we proposed to each other). Some people were very concerned that he chose wood, since it wouldn’t last forever. We don’t mind replacing it every so often. We saved the old one when it wore through, and I imagine having a bunch of broken wooden rings someday, marking the length of our marriage.

  90. Shauna Gray says...

    My dad lost his wedding ring diving into a lake after he and my mom had been married about a year. They couldn’t afford to buy a replacement. When I was getting married my new husband didn’t want to wear a ring. I was concerned and kind of hurt – but he doesn’t like jewelry. My sweet, wise dad said to me: “It’s not what’s on your hand. It’s what’s in your heart.” Thirteen years later, my dad was right.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      that’s so sweet, shauna.

    • Twyla says...

      My husband lost his after diving into a lake too! We got him another one since (at a pawn shop of all places), but when I tell people he lost his original wedding ring in a lake, he always interrupts and says: “I didn’t lose it! I know exactly where it is!”. It never fails to make me laugh.
      I on the other hand would fall to pieces if I lost my rings…

  91. Rachel says...

    I have a wedding band, two small-stoned engagement rings and a beautiful gold ‘nugget’ ring that I wear on rotation–all from mothers or grandmothers on both sides of our family. I love that I can just wear a simple band when I like, or I can go all out and add my mom’s engagement ring, too. It’s like a beautiful, rotating cast of characters on my finger to always remind me of the incredible women in my family.

  92. I always only had an engagement ring (vintage, with an emerald), but it stopped fitting toward the end of my pregnancy and I never got in the habit of wearing it again. Last fall, when I was heading across the country to be a bridesmaid in a wedding (where I knew most of the wedding party and guests would be young and single), I felt the loss and the significance of having an unspoken way of communicating that I’m not looking to make a connection with anyone there. :) So I tried to put my old ring on and it was like two sizes too small! Instead of resizing it, I had my friend make me a ring (she’s an amazing jewelry designer) and I’ve been rocking it on my ring finger ever since! Well, most days. :)
    This is the one I wear!
    https://delusionsofgrandeurdesign.com/collections/rings/products/pepper-ring-gold

  93. Emily says...

    The story goes that the ring fell off my mother’s finger and my dad swept it up and threw it out with the trash. My dad denies this, so I’m not sure what really happened. Since then, my mom has had many “wedding rings” that ranged from a $10 faux-diamond ring from Claire’s to a ruby stone from Etsy. Somehow each one gets lost or left behind on a vacation. And each time, my mom gets excited to pick out a new ring!

  94. BreAnne Neuman says...

    Driving home from our wedding, my husband was washing his hands in a gas station and the ring slipped off his finger and went down the drain. He hasn’t worn one since, didn’t make it 24 hours :) but I love mine and never take it off. Its a combination of both our grandmothers wedding diamonds.

  95. Clare says...

    The bracket holding the diamond in my wedding bring broke a few months ago while I was doing laundry. I have the ring and the diamond stashed away, but so far I haven’t gotten around to having it repaired. In the mean time I’ve been wearing a simple little ruby ring that my husband gave to me as a birthday present just a few months after we started dating. It’s sweet and it still feels special to me since it represents a time when our relationship was new and fledgling. I think that after 9 years of marriage, a child, a major move, and all the rest, the simpler ring that has stuck around for so many years is more symbolic of our marriage than a flashy (but breakable) diamond ring was. Although, don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely getting the wedding ring repaired eventually.

  96. I’m so glad it isn’t just me that feels this way… I’m not super attached to my wedding ring and often leave the house without it depending on what I’ll be doing (it isn’t always practical to wear a wedding ring). I generally like having it there just because I’m used to a ring and lots of jewelry, but my ring isn’t particularly dear and I wouldn’t feel any less married without it. If anything, I think I’d like a stack of simpler rings… maybe one single small stone so that my wedding/engagement rings match my every day jewelry. Haha!

  97. Jessie says...

    I lost my engagement ring on our way to our pre-marriage class! I looked down before class started and realized that it wasn’t on my finger. I remembered taking it off in the car before we parked but couldn’t recall putting it back on. After searching our bags and retracing our steps I actually found it. It had fallen into the gutter next to the passenger door. It had been there for close to an hour! And now we are going on 10.5 years of marriage. No idea what would have happened if it had really been lost. Kidding. :) I probably would not have been able to forgive myself whereas my husband is quick to forgive.

  98. Amanda says...

    Oh Joanna, so sorry to hear about your ring! I have had friends lose them down kitchen sink drains, in gloves on cold days, and swimming. I love yoru look at it though, “…has been swallowed up by all the other things — bike rides on the Hudson river, nights watching Homeland, pet peeves, arguments, dinner parties, crying babies, giggling toddlers, debates over politics and ice cream flavors, sex, loss, depression, his toes.” Memories take over material objects for me any day.
    My engagement ring and wedding band are made by a jeweler in the city I live, Toronto, and her stuff is just so unique and beautiful.
    https://annesportun.com/collections/womens-wedding-bands/
    If my husband thought ‘push presents’ were a real thing, I would keep begging for the “seed ring”.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      they’re so pretty!!!

  99. D says...

    First time commenter but often reader! I’m sorry you lost your ring but enjoy your attitude about it. When I got married I picked a very simple band (like yours) and then every year on our anniversary I’ve asked for a ring as a gift. It can be an affordable trinket bought on a vacation from that year or picked up at a thrift store. It will allow me to rotate my jewelry and each one will be a nice memory of a year together. Also, it makes an easy to remember anniversary gift.

  100. That quote.. I’m teary eyed sitting at my desk. It’s a very sweet reminder that your person is the most important part of this marriage thing.
    That being said, I love my rings. I love that he picked my engagement ring all by himself (and knocked it out of the park with his choice!). And I love that it outwardly symbolizes that I’m loved by someone. I also love how proud he is to have me as a wife, and the rings are a visual reminder of that commitment.

  101. Jenny T says...

    When my husband and I got married six years ago, my parents gave me the wedding ring that had belonged to my grandfather and my husband’s parents gave him the wedding ring that had belonged to his grandfather. A local jeweler melded the rings together and made us each a simple gold band. Mine has three stones– one for him, one for me, and one for his daughter. I love the symbolism of blending our families– past, present, and future– together.

    • nadine says...

      Beautiful! Loved the symbolism, and also that his daughter is part of it.

  102. Rachel says...

    Love this!!! So many people get caught up in the ring nowadays. That’s not what it’s about.

    My ring was modest. One time my husband mentioned “sizing up” and I told him not to bother. Why waste money on that when we can travel, send our kids to college etc. That’s what marriage is about anyway

    • Lisa says...

      Yes! Mine is a simple silver band, all of about an eighth of an inch wide. I remember buying it and the jeweler actually asked if I really wanted it as my wedding ring. (“It’s a child’s ring,” were the actual words.) Yes, yes I did and do. Marriage is supposed to be simple, not at all in terms of the day to day (oh my, not at all), but in the bigger picture. I love you. You love me. We are together. I don’t need an over the top ring to symbolize that.

  103. Lindsay says...

    Sounds kinda fun you are both without now. Maybe an excuse to pick up new matching simple thoughtful rings.

  104. Diana says...

    Love this sentiment. Marriage is so much more than the ring(s) you wear. I have so many friends who opted out of the whole ring deal, I find it refreshing!

    I’m a big jewelry person so the ring was important to me but now I hardly ever wear my engagement ring (find its too impractical for everyday) and only wear my small wedding band.

    Funnily enough for our upcoming 2 year anniversary I’ve been not-so-subtlety hinting at that Ursa Major band in turquoise. It’s offbeat but its so beautiful. My engagement ring had turquoise and diamonds (he modeled it after a victorian antique ring: https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/182677328611065776/) so I think it would be nice to have a turquoise band as well.

  105. Samantha J says...

    “Maybe home is nothing but two arms holding you tight when you’re at your worst.” This is so beautiful, exactly what I needed to hear today.

    • Maclean Nash says...

      My jaw literally dropped when I saw this ring.
      Stunning.
      Hope you’re well xx

  106. Lisa says...

    I would be devastated if I lost mine (even though it’s a plain band) because from a Jewish legal perspective (lawyer … I love that sort of thing) the moment my husband gave me the ring we were officially married. But, I’m not averse to ever getting more jewellery. My husband lost his recently (in another country!) and I was seriously annoyed with him about it but he managed to get it back.

    My mother in law didn’t have a traditional engagement ring (I think I’ve seen it once, she hardly ever wears it) but instead wears a stack of rings which looks so chic. One is her wedding ring, one they bought on a trip together and I don’t know the story with the third. My mother has my grandmother’s Wedding ring which had worn down to a sliver after 50 years of marriage

  107. Whitney says...

    I would have a fit if my husband or I lost our rings. Both were handmade by my best friend from childhood: platinum band for me, triple layer band with white and rose gold for him.
    However, you’re right. Marriage is not merely symbolized by two pieces of metal but the bond you share together as a couple, a unit. Good for you for distinguishing the truth and refusing to get hung up on the “thing”.

  108. C says...

    I lost my wedding ring less than a year into my marriage—came off while swimming in a cold river and was gone forever. Friends said they’d be worried that it meant bad luck and the marriage was doomed, but we are 10 years in and going strong. Who needs a ring to signal you’re married when you’ve perfected the art of having an entire conversation in crowded social settings by just exchanging one quick look at each other? :)

  109. Alissa says...

    My husband lost his ring a few weeks ago! Poor guy had a actually taken it off at the beach and threaded it onto his watch band while he was digging with our youngest, and as he was going to put it back on it fell into the sand. After lots of frantic digging/sifting, we eventually gave up.

    I was so touched though, by how upset he was over losing it – we’ve been married for eleven years and have three kids, so I don’t doubt him! But seeing how visibly relieved he was when we got a new ring the next day was really sweet.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      that’s so so sweet, alissa. that’s really meaningful.

  110. Ruth says...

    On our honeymoon (5 years ago) we were going for a hike and my husband suddenly looked down and said, “where’s my ring?!” He had been wearing it for all of 10 days and never worn jewelry before so he was pretty panicked. We backtracked, postponed our couples massage that we were having after our hike, and sped back to our hotel. Fortunately, it ended up being back in our hotel room, because he took it off to apply sunscreen. We laugh about it now and while I’d be sad if he lost it (it’s engraved with our initials and wedding date), it’s definitely become less important. (Now mine on the other hand, was pricey and unique so I’m pretty attached and would be really upset if I lost it! I rarely take it off and when I do, it goes into it’s original box.)

  111. Lauren E. says...

    This is such a sweet post. I’ve only been married for a year and a half so I’m still pretty much obsessed with my rings (both engagement and wedding band). But I also have the ring indent now :) So even when I’m not wearing it, I’m wearing it.

  112. Sasha L says...

    What a beautiful post Joanna. Marriage is not about weddings or rings. It’s about love. Love despite everything.

    I lost my ring many years ago. I had been making homemade pasta, so took it off to make the dough. I didn’t find it until the next time I made homemade pasta. It was tucked into the cookbook! It was a very happy surprise to find it! It’s not my official ring, which is too *precious* to wear every day. That’s a very delicate antique ring which belonged to my husband’s beloved grandmother. I’ve always been too afraid of losing or damaging it to wear it everyday. I really like having a simple ring for every day that I can stand losing without tears.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      tucked into a cookbook! that’s so sweet!

  113. GJ says...

    I got married in May though we were engaged for 2 years. I actually found my dream jewelry designer – Satomi Kawakita – right here in the CoJ comments almost 5 years ago! I love Satomi’s simple, offbeat styles and am in love with my wedding and engagement rings!

    Thanks to whoever brought her to my attention :).

  114. Nina says...

    The No Regrets ring is my husband and my initials- might need to get that!

    My parents never wear engagement/wedding rings and my husband hated the feeling of his and never wears it. I get anxious when I forget to wear it. I like playing with it, feeling it there.

  115. Becky says...

    I vote for the black diamonds. It’s very different!
    My wedding ring was 35 bucks. I picked it out on etsy. We weren’t sure if it was going to come on time before we eloped prior to our wedding, soooo we picked up a 12 dollar “just in case” ring haha. It wasnt about saving a buck. I just really wanted something simple with delicate details. I looked on line at many places. Jewelry just isnt my thing but I loved my ring as soon as I saw it!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      i love that becky!

  116. Jackie says...

    I have also recently considered changing up my wedding band, engagement ring situation because it’s not the best for tackling kids and getting hands messy in the kitchen, garden, basement, etc. And also, where I live, everyone has the same ring set up.

    I like the idea of a simple gold band more and more.

  117. I like the idea of just a simple band. The amount of money spent on engagement rings is insane!

    My husband and I decided to get married shortly after my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I was the oldest of 3 kids, and it was a way for my mom to get to see at least one of her children get married. We got to shop for dresses together and picked out my wedding ring from the same jewelry store that she bought her wedding ring at decades earlier. The setting is very simple and has the diamond from her wedding ring as the centerpiece. The diamond is small, and probably has cracks in it…but it’s perfect. My mom cried when she saw the ring for the first time, she couldn’t believe it was the same diamond brought back to life.

  118. Bex says...

    Oh man. My husband said he looked at every single ring in the store before he found the one he knew I’d love. The wedding band I have fits the engagement one perfectly. While I occasionally forget to put it back on after dishes or a camping trip, I think I might be devastated if it was lost for good. It’s just an object, but the sweet act behind choosing it makes me tear up even now.

    I hope you find a new one you love! (That black diamond one is amazing!)

  119. AmyB says...

    It drives me nuts to not have my ring on, and I have to leave it off a lot for work. So I got tiny dots tattooed across my finger, one for my husband and each of our four kids. It’s small enough to be completely hidden by my ring, when I’m wearing it, and when I’m not I still have that visual reminder of our life together :)

    • Olivia says...

      I love that! Sorry to hear you can’t wear it at work, that would drive me crazy.

    • AmyB says...

      Nah, I’m a potter – I LOVE my work, and the rings go right back on once I’m cleaned up! I felt a lot better about it after the tattoo, tho – I really missed them when my finger was just bare.

  120. Ellie says...

    I’ve been married almost a year and a half and I love my rings together (though I am eager to add an eternity band at some point!). I have a simple 2 mm platinum band that is almost matching with my hubby (his is wider and a bit more rounded). I almost always have both rings on, but occasionally just wear my wedding band for cleaning, dishes, the gym, etc. Now that I think about it, I really should get on the engraving thing already! I think as time goes on, I would be more sad if something happened!

  121. Dimara says...

    After having my first baby, my wedding rings didn’t fit anymore. I got an inexpensive replacement and then after my second baby – that one didn’t fit either. Ugh. I saw a nameplate ring with my husband’s name that was perfect. It’s simple and not too precious – I love wearing it

    https://snashjewelry.com/collections/rings-all/products/austin-ring

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      so sweet, dimara!

  122. stu pennebaker says...

    i’m living far from home for the first time (teaching in honduras!) and realized i lost the ring my mom gave me when i graduated this morning about 5 minutes before my water bottle leaked all over my laptop in my bag…nothing like a second monday! simultaneously teared up and laughed when i saw this post- a ring (and a laptop) are just things, right?! thank you for always making me smile, especially on the tough days!

  123. Nathalie says...

    At yoga class I’d take my ring off and leave it beside the mat . . . I forgot it there so often but luckily the yoga bunch is pretty honest and I always got it back. I decided to stop wearing it so I didn’t lose it and that was over 10 years ago. TBH I’ve never found rings comfortable and always end up fidgeting with them. I’m tempted to get the ‘no regrets’ one – my initials are also NR!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      NR! that’s perfect, then!

  124. Heather says...

    I’ve only lost mine twice in 19 years. The first time we found it using a metal detector at our community garden plot, where the ring had come to rest in the mulch we had put down the day before.

    The second time was this January. I couldn’t find it anywhere and thought I must have lost it when I was taking off my Winter gloves off at the market or getting into my car or absolutely anywhere!

    Six months later my husband discovered it in his squash bag and the only explanation I have is that one of us is Gollum and the ring found us.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      hahahahahahaha

  125. Jessica says...

    I have a simple band in rose and white gold. It was so special when I choose it almost 8 years ago! I love wearing it and I often think what would happen if it get lost… and the answer is get a new one! Our marriage is already more than a band. I totally agree with you Joanna!

  126. Lois says...

    My mind immediately went to that big black box in your apartment, you know, the one with the TV. Maybe it fell in there? Or maybe you got rid of that box? I can’t remember.

    Either way — enchanting post.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh my gosh! haha, it’s like the black hole of our apartment :)

  127. Ali says...

    Check your pants pocket! Or the laundry hamper at this point. I was hysterical at work when I “lost” my wedding band and engagement ring. My rings are very traditional with nice diamonds so it would’ve been a big loss, and I am very sentimental about jewelry too. Turns out they were in my pants pocket where I put them while I put some shine cream in my hair getting ready for the office holiday party! People were tearing through garbage pails for me! So embarrassing!

  128. Amy B says...

    First, I’m happy to hear you’re not frantic! Secondly, check the freezer! My Mom lost her ring one time, and after 2 days of tearful searching, she found it in the freezer.
    My engagement ring is from my husband’s great grandmother (which was given to me as a complete surprise in Yellowstone NP), and my band is of a similar era from my Mom’s family (there’s a bit of mystery of who it actually belonged to). So, I’m fairly certain I’d be devastated if I lost either, especially the engagement ring – it seemed to be very specifically given to him, to be given to me, and I honestly couldn’t feel more honored to wear it. On the other hand (no pun intended), my husband’s ring was ordered online – so if he loses it, no biggie!

  129. I adore the idea of a “no regrets” one, and the offbeat one is BEAUTIFUL. That’s my vote.

  130. Sarah says...

    Do you still have your engagement ring? If so, will you try to find a band that matches it? Or did you never wear one at all?

    My husband’s wedding band literally broke in half! We laughed and decided we were glad not to be superstitious! He’s in the market for a replacement now too!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      i love my engagement ring — it’s a family ring (within my family) that was passed down. my mom gave it to alex when he told her he wanted to propose to me. the only catch is, it’s a very old ring so the diamonds are loose, and if i wear it too often, they’ll fall out. so i save it for special occasions (like our anniversary, a dinner out, etc. :)

  131. Anne says...

    This reminded me of when Meg at APW lost hers and ended up with a vintage one she loves even more. I think Jordan of Oh Happy Day just did the same thing and replaced it at Catbird. Just a reminder maybe giant expensive rings are a bold choice.
    <3

  132. Carrie says...

    https://www.heartsonfire.com/shop-jewelry/rings/engagement-rings/felicityqueenanneengagementring.aspx

    But mine has an oval center stone. This was the ring I wanted but it was too expensive so my then-boyfriend showed the photo to our local Shane Co. guy and they matched it almost exactly. I have a plain wedding band that slightly curves around the center stone. I stare at it all the time! I feel it’s classic and regal but not showy, especially with the plain wedding band. It’s exactly perfect for me :)

  133. Ellen W. says...

    I try to not attach myself to things that are easily lost since I have a long history of losing jewelry, clothing, sunglasses, books, etc. But I am extremely attached to my wedding ring and I worry about losing it a lot- I’m even nervous I’ll jinx myself with this comment! My ring was my grandmother’s, and she remains one of the absolute best people I’ve ever known. She had twelve children and upwards of 35 grandchildren when she died, which is a lot of people to distribute heirlooms among. My mom inherited Grandma’s wedding ring, and she told me then that when I got married she wanted me to have the simple gold band. A few weeks later I met and began dating my husband. When he slipped the ring on my hand at our wedding I discovered it fits perfectly, without resistance or resizing. Even though my Grandma never knew my husband, I feel like wearing her ring as a sign of our commitment makes her part of our marriage and our life together. I try to tell myself that if I ever lose the ring it won’t mean I’ve lost that connection…but I would still be devastated.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      that’s so cute :)

  134. Sasha says...

    Hi Joanna,
    Didn’t you already once (a long long time ago) post about losing your wedding ring down the shower drain, or did I imagine this? You are not the same person you are when you got married. I mean this quite literally, as well as metaphorically: your cells turn over, your brain changes as you have babies and age.. Get a new ring to fit the new you! The bateau one is lovely!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      good memory! alex lost his down the bathroom sink about a year after we were married! he got another one and then lost that one. we definitely don’t have the best track record :)

  135. Heather says...

    Such a sweet post!

    I recently went a few weeks without my engagement ring after a little incident…

    I’d gone camping with my husband and our 3 kids at a camp site not far from our house. Everything was going great until bedtime, at which point everything fell apart for our toddler daughters, who could not settle down and were jumping around in our tent (designed for 4 people) deflating the air mattresses, stepping on peoples’ heads, in full riot mode. At 10 pm I called it for the girls: camping OVER. I loaded them in the car and drove home in defeat. I was in such a mood I neglected to text my mom to tell her I was coming home. She was staying at our house, and when she heard someone coming in the back door at 10:30 at night, she thought it was a burglar and ATTACKED. She ran at the door full speed, roaring like a Viking, and threw her 65 year old body as hard as she could against the door, crushing my hand in the doorframe. She used so much force it BROKE MY ENGAGEMENT RING. Probably, that ring saved me from some broken bones! At that point, the frustration from the bad night in the woods and the pain in my hand got to me and I burst into tears. My mom was frantic with apologies, and I looked at her and sputtered through tears, Mom, You are such a badass.

    • Joy says...

      Haha! This comment/”little incident” made my day. Am I the only one sometimes reading through the comments section thinking, “Wow, CoJ readers lead such adventurous lives!” Do you remember the comment a few weeks ago where someone was wearing white while walking to work, and it started to rain so she put a red folder above her head, and arrived looking like she ran into an axe-murderer on the way… I feel like these stories are so empowering somehow – like, I am MAKING IT through this crazy life!!

    • Amanda says...

      This is the best thing I’ve read in weeks! (So sorry for your pain/frustration/fear!)

    • Misha says...

      I’m so sorry for your pain, but omg: “Mom, You are such a badass” is going to be the BEST memory for you both. You both are!

  136. Trish O says...

    I am so sorry. I hate when things go missing. However, I totally get what you are saying. I have been married 21 years next month…and our life together is not represented by a ring. My husband also lost his ring…for a year. We looked all over. About a year later, my son found it in front of the house in the grass. I don’t know.

    It is amazing how an early relationship you need people to know with tangible identifiers..a ring, our name…now, our relationship is defined by family brunch on saturday, sitting up together making sure our teen gets home, my husband sneaking to the store to get us a secret chocolate cupcake that we DON”T tell our sons about. AND he got ice cream…the good kind. And i guess I don’t even worry if other people know our relationship…because we do.

  137. Caitlin says...

    My husband lost his wedding ring on a football pitch a few days before or first baby was born. In fact, I think crawling around on my hands and knees looking for it is why she came at 39 weeks! I was very upset at the time, but he ended up replacing it with his late father’s wedding ring, which is even sweeter. I loved your description of how the bonds of a life lived together come to overshadow the symbolic bond of the rings. In fact, it brought a tear to my eye!

  138. Jennifer Barnier says...

    I love your outlook, and how fun to get a new ring… I love that one from Catbird!

  139. Gina says...

    Like you…. I always wore my ring and worried I would lose it due to my job.
    I wanted a band to wear and even had to size up, go figure!!
    Recently, I received a simple diamond band (like the black pic) which is significant for my year of breast cancer and the fact that he was my rock through it all. I absolutely adore it!!!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      good for you, gina!!!! well deserved xoxoxoxo

  140. julie says...

    I lost my wedding ring (or at least, I thought I did) in Paris last year. So I decided that it was romantic, My ring lives in Paris! By the time I was unpacking at home a few days later, I was *almost* disappointed to find it, since I’d already moved on. But well, not actually disappointed, since Satomi Kawakita is SO lovely:
    https://shop.satomikawakita.com/collections/rings
    A ring is a thing, it’s the shared experiences that really matter!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      ooooooh i LOVE satomi kawakita. she’s so talented. “my ring lives in paris” = such a cute way to think about it.

  141. Kelsey says...

    My diamond fell out of my engagement ring on a recent camping trip. (We found it, thank goodness!) Like you, I’ve been married for 9 Years, and the 2 weeks that it was at the jewelers being repaired felt like an eternity. I felt so naked. I tried wearing a couple of my other rings on that finger, but it was no use. It got me thinking though. If we hadn’t of found that diamond, I probably would have replaced it but with something different. As much as I love my engagement/wedding bands, my tastes have changed.

    • Danni says...

      The diamond fell out of my mom’s ring and she had it replaced – then many years (and a move!) later, it turned up in a blazer pocket. She had the original diamond put back in the ring snuggled right next to the replacement one. I’ve always loved that!

  142. Gina says...

    Hello
    Like you…I have my wedding ring and always worried I would lose it due to my job. I wanted a simple band and even had to size up over the years, go figure.
    Recently, he surprised me with a simple diamond band (like the black pic) which I absolutely love. It is significant for the year I spent with breast cancer and his time spent as my rock through it all.

  143. Catherine says...

    In a few weeks, I will be celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary. When we decided to get married (I proposed, as I am the planner and always have been) I had my own engagement ring, that my beloved grandmother had left me, and I used my parents’ wedding band, since I lost my father as a young person. My husband gave me a new band for our 10th, and a new one for our 20th. I have them all stacked, and when I look at them, I see a culmination of all the love and loss and life that goes into marriage.

  144. Kristen R. says...

    We are just a year into our marriage and so I’m still loving seeing the ring on my hand and seeing it on my husband’s (and having a husband!). Funny enough, he’s on his 3rd ring! He lost it initially the day after the wedding (it was too big) and later found it, but lost it for good about a month later while doing yard work. Enter a temporary ring, also lost in the process of going to / from the gym and now the one he still wears (and has kept for 9+ months!). Every time we told the story of him being on his 3rd ring our friends would look to me for my reaction before reacting themselves. Honestly I think it is so funny (especially because it’s not in anyway a reflection of how he feels about us!).

  145. Gina says...

    All of these are so gorgeous!!
    Like you, I wore the ring for years and due to a crazy job I wanted a simple band to wear so not to lose it.
    Now…I still am cautious and even had to have the band sized up, go figure.
    However recently, he gave me a simple diamond band (like the black pic) and I absolutely love it!!
    It celebrates a year of my breast cancer journey and all his love as a partner
    that was by my side through it all.

  146. Katie says...

    Yes!!!! My husband lost his wedding ring on a cold winter walk with our son almost 4 years ago and mine wouldn’t fit over my larger knuckles after the birth of our first nearly 6 years ago (it can’t be sized). For a while we would talk about getting new ones but it feels so unnecessary now. Our commitment to each other is expressed in so many ways that feel larger and more meaningful. Plus I delight in looking like we are just dating when we are out without our three littles, it’s like it is my little secret that the sexy man next to me is actually my husband ;)

  147. Jesse says...

    What an excellent response to what could potentially be a heart break. I lost my mom’s wedding ring in high school. She had stopped wearing it because it didn’t fit her anymore (after decades of being a potter). I was on the bus coming home from a one-act play festival when I noticed it wasn’t on my index finger anymore. I searched my bag, seat, black rubber floor of the bus, and then, devastated, quietly tucked that secret into the back of my mind and kept it there until my twenty’s. I don’t know what was worse: losing the ring, or realizing when I finally confessed to my mom that she had blamed herself for misplacing it for all those years!