Design

Have a Sweet (Long) Weekend.

Cat by Mav

What are you up to this weekend? We’re heading to Atlanta to visit Alex’s sister and brother-in-law. The forecast says thunderstorms, but I’m crossing my fingers for a break in the clouds so we can lounge in their hammock. Hope you have a good (dry!) weekend, and here are a few fun links from around the web…

One mother’s best advice.

Five people on why they code-switch. Loved reading.

The canned tuna I bring to the beach.”

Whoot whoot! Nordstrom is having their big spring sale. (I just ordered this.)

Getty is bringing diversity inclusion to stock photos.

This hat made me laugh. (I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.)

New York City Ballet choreographer Justin Peck is a genius and he has been experimenting with tap dancing to pop songs. It might sound random but it’s SO GOOD: Elliott Smith, The New Pornographers, Bright Eyes.

Whoa, this adorable London studio is only 140 square feet.

I’m curious to take this personality quiz, which many readers said was really helpful in understanding relationships, parenting and life overall.

A funny peek into the royal wedding photo shoot.

More Memorial Day sales: Spring is having a major sale, including Club Monaco and Vince. And EltaMD is 20% off (which basically never happens) with the code EMD20. I’m in LOVE with this sunscreen, which has made my skin look SO much better.

Plus, three great reader comments:

Says Ann on my newborn baby: “When my son was four, I caught him, on the verge of tears, staring at a photo of my entire family at my wedding. I asked him what was the matter and he replied weepily, ‘You didn’t invite me.’ It nearly broke my heart! Not only is it so hard to imagine our lives before our children, but it’s so hard for them to imagine as well.”

Says Jessica on my newborn baby: “Whenever I feel myself becoming too cynical about life (which happens often, since I’m a forensic pathologist), I remind myself that every adult was once a newborn. It’s so easy to judge a stranger for their apparent poor life choices, or to reduce a life to the single, un-proud moment that is broadcast to the world. But it floods me with empathy to picture each adult as an innocent baby snuggled in his or her mother’s arms, who undoubtedly was filled with the same hopes and dreams for her child that I have for mine.”

Says Laurie on living in small spaces: “My favorite part of a small house is when my son yells, ‘Mom! Where are you?’ From four feet away, I say, ‘Dude. I’m right here. Always. Right here.’”

(Photo by Mav/3191 Miles Apart. Thunderstorm photos via GOACA.)

  1. Sam says...

    My uncle literally cried once after seeing mu grandparents’ wedding pictures cause no one saved him some cake lol

  2. Amber J says...

    YES YES YES to the Enneagram. Let us know what you learn! Most of the Enneagram experts say that the quiz should not be considered all-encompassing, so if you get some results that puzzle you, never fear — the best test for determining your ‘number’ is to read the descriptions and see what resonates the most — especially what STINGS the most. (Ouch!) For example, when I read that the 4 can be moody, temperamental, self-absorbed… Ouch. Yep. That’s me.

    The Enneagram has been SUCH a helpful resource for me, for my husband, for my friends, for all of our relationships with one another… Can’t wait to hear what you discover! I’m no expert, but I love to explore this with people, so always let us know if we readers can help offer insight.

    • Alexandra Marie says...

      I’m married to a 4! Y’all are a good bunch :). My 7 tendencies towards spontaneity help pull him out of himself sometimes, I think.

      What is your husband??

  3. A.Q. says...

    So excited (and proud!) to see mention of the Getty disability collection project, as I produced a shoot for this a few weeks ago, and it was one of the most rewarding projects I have EVER worked on in my 20 yr career. I’m plugging here only to support this wonderful tribe of talent, who are activists, aspiring filmmakers, and artists in their own right. Having the opportunity to work with them was a life-changing opportunity. I hope this project creates as much impact and change for diversity and inclusion of disabilities in the media as intended.
    https://www.oath.com/accessibility/getty-collection/

  4. t says...

    I remember once when I was a teenager and my mom was frustrated with some wrong choice I made she looked at me intently and said “when you were a baby you were so innocent and perfect and had your whole life in front of you and… look at you now.”

    It stung and it has somewhat made me jaded that all these perfect babies that come into the world will grow up to be imperfect adults (including my own two babies!!!). Heartbreaking in some ways.

  5. re: the featured comment that the CoJ reader pictures people as a newborn baby. I’ve always said that EVERYONE should wear a photo button on their shirts that shows them as a baby. Can you imagine how much more love there would be in the world? World leaders wearing photos of themselves as babies. Teachers. Garbage collectors. EVERYONE. Anytime anyone confronts anyone, they’d be reminded of the same sentiment your reader shared.

  6. So excited to see you’ve taken interest in the enneagram! There’s a lot of wisdom in that model and it’s been super helpful for understanding myself and others, and helping me recognize healthy/unhealthy behaviors. Also, my friend Hannah Paasch started a thread on twitter called #millenneagram; it’s basically millennials as each enneagram type and how each type responds in different situations (millenneagram in the office, millenneagram stuck on a plane, etc). https://twitter.com/hashtag/millenneagram?src=hash
    It’s very niche, but hilarious especially when you know what type you are, and often offers valuable insight about how we interact with the world. She’s even writing a book about it, which will be published by Harper Collins later this fall. :)

    • Becca Lynn says...

      Heyyyy I grew up with Hannah Paasch! Small world!

  7. A says...

    That London apartment makes me panic, as if I’m trapped in a lift.

  8. Cassie Fields says...

    I’m unsure if I am behind the times, but I just recently started hearing about “code-switching”, I am trying to catch up on Dax Shepard’s podcast (which is amazing, btw) and I just recently listened to the episode with Joy Bryant. They speak about code-switching, and it is so interesting. I didn’t know there was a name for it, which is bazaar, because there is a name for everything (ie, ferrule).. anyway thanks for the article!

  9. Sarah says...

    Jo, I would love to see you note that the reason for the long weekend is that millions of American men and women have given their lives to preserve our free and open society. We can honor them while also celebrating more diversity in stock photos and seeking to understand code-switching, etc.

  10. Janet says...

    The enneagram is pseudoscience; there is no empirical basis for it, so I hope that people don’t rely on it to manage their lives. If you’re looking for self-insight that is based on years of science, look up the Big Five personality traits. Just two cents from a psychologist who’d like to see more responsibility in these posts.

    • Em says...

      Thanks for your professional opinion. I’m excited to look into that.

  11. Andrea says...

    I had no idea that what I did was called code-switching. I am born Singaporean-Chinese, immigrated with family to New Zealand and lived there for 10 years before meeting my husband who’s North-Norwegian and now live in Tromsø. My hubby and I used to kid that I speak 3 different kinds of English; Singlish, Kiwi and NorEnglish. I also have the 3 different personalities to match. I think this is going to be phenomenon that is just going to explode as our world gets smaller each day. :))

    • Emily says...

      This is a great primer on the enneagram!! I think it’s also important to note that the enneagram was created by a Christian mystic and the when used to it’s full purpose, it’s really to aid with your personal transformation & growth. There’s a lot of religious tie in and each type is said to reflect a characteristic of God. Certainly there’s benefit without being Christian, or of any faith tradition but to access the full power of it, that’s an important part.

    • Jill says...

      This is a great podcast!

      One thing to note is that online tests should be used as a guide, be sure to read all descriptions and place yourself where you truly feel you belong. And remember: it’s not about what you *do*, but about the *motivation* behind what you do (we all do similar things, but are motivated by different reasons).

  12. Megan says...

    Agree with everyone who says the enneagram is life changing. Also agree with everyone who says the tests aren’t helpful and it is better to study the descriptions yourself (or better yet, have close friends and loved ones speak into your type).

    • Enneagram = Life Changing! I’m a 3 and I did a class with a group from my church. I also recommend the book, “The Road Back to You” if you want to dive in.

  13. Anna says...

    Cute story behind the royal photos :) When I originally saw the pics last week I noticed how genuine and casually smiling (relative to other royal photos) they all seemed, especially in the kids’ photo. Now I know what was actually making them all smile!

  14. AnneS says...

    Welcome to the ATL! It’s like a jungle these days but they have forecasted thunderstorms/bad weather for 10 days in a row and it hasn’t been bad at all. In Decatur try The Pinewood, Cakes and Ales, and the Iberian Pig. And Little Shop of Stories is a great kids’ bookstore if it does rain. :)

  15. Temme says...

    Jo, even though i don’t know you personally, I love you like a sister so I’m not gonna preach but please look into the safety of octinoxate as an spf ingredient you’re not only putting on your skin but putting in the water. I know you want to be an informed buyer. Hawaii just became the first state to successfully ban oxybenzone and octinoxate. Cheers.

  16. Laurel says...

    Great quotes this week! I love the quote from Ann. My oldest is 5 and it’s such a tender age! The first realizations that they merely fit into life rather than life revolving around them……I could see him saying something similar, haha.

  17. Tara says...

    I love tap! My most recent obsession is he Syncopated Ladies. They are some boss women taking on the world of dance!!!

    • Sarah says...

      Thank you for the recommendation! Love them!

  18. Tara says...

    If that tap is up your alley, you should check out the syncopated ladies! They are such boss women!!!

  19. Rachael says...

    Oh my word Jessica’s comment breaks my heart ♥
    X

  20. Adriana says...

    I never knew what I do is called code switching! I am a Cuban American living in southwestern Ontario, and I guarantee my behaviour, mannerisms, and speech change wherever I am (and whose company I am in). Good to know I am not the only one!

  21. Saw your husband and boys walking in my neighborhood! Hope you have a great weekend. The weather has been erratic so I’m hopeful we’ll have at least a little sunshine. Dr. Bombay’s Underwater Tea Party in Candler Park is great on a rainy day, just fyi :)

  22. Welcome to Atlanta! Collaborating with you is part of my dream list…hopefully one day we can do that!

  23. Leslie says...

    Oh. my gosh…Justin Peck. Thank you for showing me this. I am now following. And also, thank you for reminding us all about diversity inclusion. I am the CEO of a training company, and am continually amazed at the lack of work-appropriate photographs that I can purchase for use in my training scenarios. In addition to the dearth of photos of handicapped persons, I have been dismayed at the portrayal of women as objects. Contrary to what one finds in typical image repositories, woman in business don’t hang around the office wearing red spiky heels and blouses open to their navel with their bras showing.

  24. Stephanie says...

    Yes to the Enneagram! I’m a 2 and so appreciate the path for growth the test provides. But be warned that it can be a bit tough to read about the darker sides of your personality (especially if they ring as true for you as they did for me!).

    Two funny notes:

    As a 2, the Enneagram says I have to be careful not to eat too many sweets or breads. When I read this I thought, “How did they know?!”

    Also, my husband is a 9. So I’m a helper and he’s a peacemaker. In reading about how our numbers complement/challenge each other in a relationship setting I was pleased to see that these personalities naturally create a peaceful, loving home but had to laugh when it said neither of us wants to wear the pants or make the decisions. Got me again!

  25. Lakshmi says...

    Yay, you are coming to my city. Yes, it is expected to be a rainy weekend (and week after) but it is a break from the heat, so I am grateful. Have a lovely weekend. :)

    Lakshmi

  26. Hannah says...

    The Code-Switching article was fascinating! My husband was born and raised in Hawaii but spent a majority of his adult life on the mainland, where we met. We’ve moved (back) to Hawaii a few years ago for my husband’s job and I get such a kick out of my listening to my husband make phone calls and switch back and forth from Hawaiian Pidgin to American English depending on who he is speaking with.

  27. Oh! Jessica’s newborn baby comment <3 I actually use a similar technique at the office. I find male superiors a lot less intimidating, and much more human when I try to picture what they were like when they were little boys, a lot less sure of themselves and a lot more eager to please.

  28. Rachel says...

    Ditto, the enneagram changed my life! My husband and I talk about it all the time and it informs our marriage so much. Once you learn your type and the types of your closest friends/family, you become able to spot traits in people even when you first meet. It’s like a little window into how to best relate to people from the get-go, not to mention an incredibly helpful resource in understanding yourself and those you love. Can’t recommend it enough!

  29. Leau says...

    While that Fun Mom hat would have worked until my son was about 9, from that point on he called me the Fun Sucker! I did tell him it was part of the job description for a parent…right up there with embarrassing him at every opportunity.

  30. JOy says...

    These reader comments! Every one of them both hits me in the feels and makes me really think.

  31. Christine says...

    As a mother of a ROCKING 3-yr old with Down syndrome, as well as a graphic designer who regularly uses Getty Images – THANK YOU!!! Marketing is slowly realizing #inclusionmatters… Target is already a frontrunner. * hands-up emoji *

  32. Erica says...

    I openly cried at the Berkeley, CA stop of the What To Do When I’m Gone book tour, which I attended with my own mom. I know that’s weird to do but I don’t even care because that’s how healing this book is. I’ve been a long time fan of Hallie’s work, and this collaboration with her mom felt like it reached out and spoke directly to us after losing my grandma a few years back. It’s a no brainer gift for anyone grieving, the humor and genuine care they made this with says everything you know you can’t.

    • Marcy C. says...

      I ordered “What to do when I’m gone” after from last week’s link and would recommend it to everyone. I cried, I laughed and I immediately texted my sisters. Our mom passed away in Sept 2016 we are each navigating through the grief differently. The author’s advice was so like my mom’s…and it was a gentle reminder that around day 60, when you go to pick up the phone to tell your mom about something that happened at work and then realize you can’t call her, don’t stop there. Still have that conversation, and listen to her voice that is now inside of you. She’s part of your compass.

  33. Laura says...

    Once you take the enneagram quiz and start reading about the types, you’ll be hooked! It’s the only ‘personality quiz’ my very skeptical friends have said is accurate- probably because it focuses on each type’s biggest fear. For example 2s, the caregivers, fear not being loved, so they give everything to other people in the hopes that they’ll be needed and loved. At their worst or lowest, 2s can seem clingy and desperate, but at their best or highest functioning they are loyal and helpful/ selfless volunteers.

  34. I find the enneagram super helpful, but want to add that lots of people don’t find the quiz helpful. Reading the type descriptions (and sometimes reading ones by different authors) can make a much bigger difference. Pay more attention to the motivations than behaviors (because types can look alike). And if you come across a description that seems really gendered (this happens a lot with 2s and 8s mostly, but can happen with any) see if you can sift some of that out to get a clearer picture.

  35. Jenn I says...

    Laurie. Your comment – I just can’t. I miss my mom, but I know she’s always right here.

  36. Rebecca says...

    Oh the enneagram is life changing! The Road Back to You be Ian Cron and Suzanne Stabile is an excellent primer if you want to dig deeper. So so helpful both for self-knowledge and relationships.

  37. Catherine says...

    Ahhhhhhhh! I was just saying “I wonder when Joanna is going to fall in love with the enneagram? My whole crew has gone DEEP. Reading so many books. Listening to all the podcasts. It is fascinating and amazing!!! When I took the initial test, the results didn’t ring true. So I recommend just reading through the descriptions of the nine personality types. There will be one that makes your skin tingle its so frighteningly accurate. Let us know what you find!!!

    • Akc says...

      When I take an enneagram test I am predominantly even on four different types as the forerunner….what does that mean?

  38. Neen says...

    Laurie’s comment about small spaces …LOL. “Always. Right here.”

  39. becs says...

    And oh my goodness, the Enneagram is awesome. I like it better than other personality tests because it offers paths of growth, rather than being able to use personality as an excuse. Thumbs up!

    • YES to the Enneagram! It has helped me better understand my husband, parents and brother in ways that 32 years of experience with them hasn’t. Now I understand their thought processes, why they do the crazy-seeming things they do and how we see the world differently from one another.

      (BTW, I’m tied between a 1 and a 4. What number are you?!)

    • Rachel says...

      Agreed! I’ve found it helpful in my professional and personal life. “The Enneagram in Love and Work” was a particularly helpful book for me.

  40. becs says...

    Ooh, I’m from Atlanta, and I miss the magnificent thunderstorms! We so rarely get them in Colorado. But I hope for your sake that it is sunny weather.

    Also, try out Bell Street Burritos! An aquaintance of mine opened it a couple years ago. So delicious.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      thank you, becs!