Design

Have a Wonderful Weekend.

By Rose & Crown

What are you up to this weekend? Alex and I try to take a short trip every year by ourselves (no kids allowed!), so this weekend we are at the Jamaica Inn. It’s so lovely here, and it’s nice to have a moment to talk without two little boys climbing all over us;) Hope you have a good one, and here are a few fun links from around the web…

Wow, what an incredible Halloween costume!

How cute is this secret society of letter writers?

Wise words: “You never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge.”

Myself hanging out with myself made me smile.

Love this. Thank you, Alamo.

What beautiful photos of a mother and child.

Found! A comfy work dress.

These magazine covers are so ingenious.

And three of the many important pieces on Harvey Weinstein and sexual harassment:

Yes, this is a witch hunt. I’m a witch and I’m hunting you.”

Things that are Hilary Clinton’s fault, starting with Harvey Weinstein.”

Jodi Kantor on how she broke the Weinstein story.

Also, for comic relief: The Rock Test: A hack for men who don’t want to be accused of sexual harassment.

Plus, two reader comments:

Says Kate on a parenting question: “We had a few miscarriages after our first child. And I desperately wanted to tell my sweet daughter. She could see that I was sad. She could tell that something was happening (even as a three-year-old). And, most notably, she noticed a distance between the two of us. That I was holding back. When I got pregnant with her sister, I finally sat her down on the bed and said, ‘Mom has been sad lately. We want to give you a brother or sister but the babies keep going away. But now Mommy has a baby in her belly. Let’s say a prayer that it’s healthy.’ She put both her little hands on the side of my cheeks and said, ‘I can’t take care of you if you don’t tell me.’ Sometimes she still mentions the brothers and sisters that ‘left us’ but she also appreciates her sister all the more for being our survivor.”

Says Gayle on a parenting question: “My son, at 3, explained to me that you got babies at the grocery store because he always saw them in the carts!”

(Photo by Rose & Crown.)

  1. Emily says...

    Reader Kate, your comment changed my mood entirely. I am so moved by your tiny daughter and her big compassion.

  2. Catharine says...

    Kate’s comment was so beautiful and touching, as I am experiencing something similar. Following it with Gayle’s comment helped lighten the mood and made me laugh. Well chosen!

  3. Jodie says...

    and thanks reader Kate for your comment…I am now crying at work.

  4. Jodie says...

    I love that Halloween costume and wish I had a photo of our epic fail last year when my Husband and I tried to copy it. We looked crazy and a little bit like Smurfs.

  5. Lauren says...

    I was really put off by ‘The Rock’ piece to be honest. I know it’s meant in fun, but it picks up on a condescending vibe I’ve been picking up on for awhile from a lot of feminist thinking. If you want people to behave better and understand how their behavior comes across, I don’t know that mocking them is the most effective way to do that.

    (I would note, I’m a feminist, and my ideal of feminism is that everyone be treated equally.)

  6. Melissa says...

    Jamaica Inn is one of my favorite places in the world!! We vacationed there just before (literally, we found out the night we got home) we learned we were expecting our daughter. Such a special, beautiful, wonderful place. Just had to comment when I saw that y’all were going there. Hope you had a fabulous time!! We can’t wait to go back!

  7. Kali says...

    Completely unrelated but I had the thought the other day, would COJ ever consider doing a podcast? Even if it’s just readings of your posts and conversations about them? I love the voices of the authors and commenters so I’m just selfishly asking for a platform conducive to my life. <3

  8. Rue says...

    Sitting here BLOWN AWAY by “I can’t take care of you if you don’t tell me.” Adding it to my quote list.

    I was also just having a text exchange with my boyfriend about how I didn’t expect him to read my mind about how news stories on sexual assault are upsetting me, but that I also don’t want him to feel like he has to tiptoe around the subject with me. Had I waited 5 minutes to start this conversation, I could have just sent him this quote, and let me know that I will tell him when I want him to take care of me.

    • Kim says...

      Yes! Blown away and crying! Such sweet and wise words from a babe.

  9. Melisa says...

    OMG those two comments! Thank you for following up the first one with the second one, because the tears were welling up here at work and I needed that shopping cart laugh. What an amazing community you’ve built here!

  10. Melanie says...

    “she put both her little hands on the side of my cheeks and said, ‘I can’t take care of you if you don’t tell me.’”

    sobbing

    • Brittany says...

      I am also sobbing. Oh my goodness, what a precious, empathetic child.

  11. Ciara says...

    The photographs of the breastfeeding woman were very beautiful. But as I read through the New Yorker’s commentary I couldn’t help but think does Ferrané’s wife’s have a name? Why is she referred to in the possessive – rather than as an individual actor in his work? Perhaps she wanted to keep her name hidden? I really couldn’t get past that…left feeling slightly bemused.

    • p.s. My boyfriend and I went as grayscale two years ago. It was so fun!

  12. Wow. I really like those Halloween costumes. They are simple and so impressive.

  13. So many interesting things, I can’t wait to have a good scroll though them all. I love the New York Times covers – aren’t they fantastic. And of course I’m always looking out for Halloween costume inspiration!

    Holly

  14. Ruth says...

    Oh my goodness, Kate’s reader comment. So sweet. I’ll be thinking about that for a while.

  15. Silver says...

    I just wanted to say to Kate that you seem like a very present mother – I hope your family are doing well, and I am so glad your daughter could show you that you are all in this together. I love that my eyes are watering my cheeks… wishing you the best.

  16. Zoe says...

    The Rebecca Solnit piece is sixteen billion kinds of perfection.

  17. Dee says...

    i wish there were such beautiful and artistic photos of women who choose not to breastfeed. there is so much shame heaped on women who choose to bottle feed instead- even the adverts on tv say ‘Breast is Best’ when they advertise formula!

    • Courtney says...

      I agree :) I had a hard time breastfeeding and no lactation consultant, doctor, or anyone would tell me to just STOP which is what I needed to hear. It sounds silly but I needed someone to tell me it would be ok, and IT WAS! There isn’t a lot of beautifying the idea of bottle feeding.

  18. Thanks for sharing my New York Times Magazine covers blog post :) They are pretty cool, eh?

    Have a great weekend <3

  19. Chelsa Williams says...

    we heart alamo drafthouse. took our little babe to several movies while on maternity leave – omg! having someone wait on you (especially refilling your water cup), while nursing/snuggling, watching good movie = new found bliss! happy to see Alamo getting A Cup Of Jo press :)

  20. Jeanelle says...

    These are probably the two best reader comments yet – both made me cry and laugh out loud in the same minute.

  21. Emily says...

    So cool to see a shout out for your husband in Tims Ferriss’s 5 Bullet Friday this week! Way to go, Alex!

  22. Di says...

    Can’t believe that dress is sold out already! It must be super comfy. Definitely will be searching high and low for an exact replica!

  23. Bets says...

    Kate’s daughter’s comment brought tears to my eyes. Kids are so perceptive, and their desire to help and be included is so strong. Best wishes to their family ❤️

    • MC says...

      Yep I definitely teared up reading that <3

    • Liz C says...

      Yes! How precious.

  24. Robin says...

    Those photos of nursing! So incredible. Also, sad as it sounds I know some men who would find that article about the Rock legitimately helpful (if you could get them to read it, of course!)

  25. Tanya says...

    I am crying. Oh my god. BLESS Kate and her family, thank you for sharing this with all of us.

  26. Wendy says...

    Kate’s daughter. ?

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      same! xoxoxoxo

  27. katie says...

    Teared up reading that Alamo movie thing. Really, really, really great to hear. There are so many kinds of us all over, wanting to have more fun, and it’s just wonderful that we’re all finally wising up and doing more to take better care of each other.

    • Silver says...

      I wish we had this in Australia… so so so much

  28. marsha says...

    Kate’s comment… this goes down as a top 10 in the Cup of Jo blog for sure!!! Never underestimate even the littlest of ppl in your life.

  29. Huge tip if anyone wants to try the greyscale costume: DO NOT use the grease or cream makeup you get at the Halloween store! It’ll smudge into oblivion. If you have time or are willing to get it shipped quick, opt for either water-activated body paints (a solid cake you spritz with water to make it liquid; it will set once it dries and won’t smudge) or alcohol-activated body paints (same idea as water BUT you need 99% isopropyl alcohol – has to be 99%; you can find it online). Water-activated will come off if you get it wet (or sweat), but is ideal for Halloween or other short events because it’ll be less likely to smudge but is easy to remove. Alcohol-activated requires more alcohol to take off and can irritate sensitive skin; it’s also pretty expensive. But if you need it to last all day (like a cosplay event or some such) it’s the way to go!

  30. Julienne says...

    The breastfeeding photos are so beautiful. I am a new mom and have been craving artistic depictions of modern motherhood, but it’s been difficult to find artwork that honours both the beauty and messiness involved in helping this small creature thrive… A friend sent me Liz Berry’s haunting poem “The Republic of Motherhood”, which might be a poetic mirror of what the woman in these photos is going through. Here’s a link: https://granta.com/the-republic-of-motherhood/.

  31. Laurilee Reiber says...

    That second Weinstein article is the best thing I’ve read about the whole disgusting thing and actually made me smile a bit.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      yes!!!!

  32. “You never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge.”

    Reading these words brought me to tears. I have been going through a very difficult breakup, and this was the wisdom I needed to hear. Thank you, thank you. I’ll be reflecting on these words this weekend.

    • Alexa says...

      Sending hugs and strength to you, Stacy! I’ve been there, and it does get better. These words helped me along: “There are certain things I want for my life.” I chanted these words to myself for months, and it helped propel me forward into a then-unseen future.

      Not sure if that’s helpful to your reality, but hopefully so. xoxo

  33. Jovita says...

    These posts and all the wisdom encapsulated in them are honestly one of my favourite things about Friday. Thank you for sharing!

  34. allison says...

    how sweet is Kate’s daughter? awww <3

  35. Emmie says...

    Or The Prison Test, “don’t say anything to a woman you wouldn’t want said to you in prison”. Ha!

    • Lisa says...

      Love it!

      What depresses me about this how many people don’t get it. Someone I know even did a whole fake “me too” post, which I don’t even know how to begin to respond. (He’s calling anyone who responds to it negatively a “snowflake”). It makes me wonder how unaware many people are, or they just don’t WANT to see

  36. Lilly says...

    ‘I can’t take care of you if you don’t tell me.’

    Nature or nurture, either way, it’s got to be fantastic to know you are raising a such a babe! That’s so lovely – thank-you for sharing .

    xx

  37. The Rock Test is the BEST THING I’VE READ in so long! Is it possible to make this mandatory as part of the Sexual Harassment classes at work? I’m pretty sure the guys would pay attention more and actually LEARN something. Thank you so much for sharing that link! What an amazing way to teach something you would think is common sense. But as Voltaire said, “Common sense is not that common”.

  38. Kate’s story about miscarriages! OH MY HEART.

  39. Melissa says...

    Have fun on your trip…and you should check out the novel Jamaica Inn by Daphne du Maurier :) It’s about a much different Inn than the one you are traveling to, yet the story is a page turner (I just read it on my recent beach vacay) and creepy and scandalous and oh so fun!!

  40. B says...

    “I can’t take care of you if you don’t tell me!” Oh my. What a kindhearted child. Congrats to the whole family.

  41. Denise says...

    O, also I now desperately need a kitten for my pocket!

    • Megan Cahn says...

      Haha, yes!

  42. Whitney says...

    My husband and I last went to the Jamaica Inn before kids, and we just dream of returning…enjoy!

  43. ‘I can’t take care of you if you don’t tell me.’ Crying so hard right now.

  44. Denise says...

    Jamaica for the weekend?! Divine. And also the Love That Will Be Ready quote is an encouragement. Thanks also for the Articles by women about sexual harassment. I now want a T-shirt that says ‘I am a witch and I’m hunting you.’

  45. Meg L says...

    “I can’t take care of you if you don’t tell me.” Profoundly true and something I needed reminding of.

  46. Jasmine says...

    Brilliant articles on Weinstein. Thank you for sharing.

  47. Cara says...

    I practice a real life version of “the Rock Test” everyday. When I am biking, when I walk to the subway at 8 am, when I am at Home Depot, when I go outside for literally 12 seconds to throw out my recycling–basically any time I am not with my boyfriend–I am a target for getting some comment. It happens every single day in the city, which I think might surprise people who live in less dense areas. I used to live elsewhere, and sometimes I am still surprised by this, years later. And I find it hard to talk to my mom about it for the same reason because it’s such a rare occurrence in suburban Delaware, and so she doesn’t recognize that it’s not OK when a random guy says “hi.” And usually the comments are something like “Hello, how are you?” They aren’t overtly sexual comments (though I’ve gotten plenty of those too). And as I type that sentence, I know some people must think I am crazy for hating it when a random man says hello to me. For a long time I struggled with whether I should acknowledge the person or not. Was I being rude? Or were they being creepy? And then one day it occurred to me, I NEVER see a random man say “Hello, how are you?” to another random man on the street. No one has ever done this to my boyfriend. It is not something they do because (1) they don’t care, they’re not trying to have sex with a random man and/or (2) they don’t feel superior to another random man on the street. They recognize this guy as roughly their equal and/or not an object of sexual interest. So now when a stranger approaches me, I ask myself: would they say this to a random guy on the street? If the answer is no, I ignore them. I don’t smile, but I also don’t say anything mean. I feel shitty every single time it happens, and since today is October 20th, it’s probably happened over a hundred times this year already. But all I can do is not let them know they make me feel shitty.

    • Kate says...

      Oh, I like this! (Well, really, I *hate* this, but you know what I mean). For so long, I had that feeling of rudeness guilt too, even when a guy is saying something “nice”. But now, after this last week or so, I’m over it. Just today, I was getting off the escalator at the subway on my way to work and a guy told me that he liked my jacket and that I looked “like a yellow ball of sunshine”. Sure, not a terrible thing to say. Except that he (1) said the EXACT same thing to me last week and didn’t even remember, and (2) tried to hand me a business card with his name and number on it. The first time around, I took it but threw it in the first trash can I passed, but this time I was just like “NOPE”. Talk to the hand. I just kept walking and didn’t look back.

      Even though my fiancé is a very personable guy and random strangers are always asking him where things are or for directions to something nearby, I’m guessing that a random stranger has never called him a yellow ball of sunshine before

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      i hear you!!! i got told to smile so often on the streets of NYC when i was younger and i could never figure out why it bothered me so much. am i that uptight that i can’t smile at a stranger, i thought. as i got older, i realized why. you’ve articulated it so well.

      do you remember this video of a woman getting catcalled?
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1XGPvbWn0A

      also this from broad city:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTAG2yAOzAU

    • Cari says...

      Yes! Great comment. I’ve been extremely lucky to not have experienced any overt sexual harassment- I work in education and have always worked under, and usually only with, other women. But there’s been a lifetime of too many ‘friendly’ comments, and also touching. Maybe not felony-touching, but hugs, pats, squeezes, mini shoulder rubs… I left a part-time job as a teen after I pulled away from the boss who liked to give (only me) shoulder rubs and then he started a round of negative comments: ” what’s wrong with YOU today?” ” Look out, it must be that time of the month!” Wish I’d been able to verbalize then why it felt so wrong.

    • Katie says...

      Joanna, YES! I get so bothered by men on the streets of New York telling me to smile. I once had a door man come out of the building he was working in to tell me to smile. I was so taken aback. I was in public, yes, but very much alone in my thoughts and did not solicit comments on my face or my temperament. It’s something that makes me feel insecure every time it happens. Like, do I look horribly miserable or unkind? What I would really like is to be left alone. I feel like my internal strength and “don’t mess with me”-ness doesn’t match the “girl” that men see on the outside, and it kind of enrages me.

  48. Hey Jo! Such thoughtful links as always? Glad to hear you’re enjoying my beautiful island. I went for a visit in May and didn’t wanna leave.

    I commented on Alex’s Instagram post and he asked for Ocho Rios recommendations. I sent him a list of recos on there but not sure if he saw them. I also direct messaged you a list of places on there just now!

    Have an amazing vacay.

    Donna

  49. I missed that first comment on a parenting question because that post (like several others you have posted in the past few weeks) got soooo many responses and it is so beautiful! i cried a little.
    on that note, i just want to thank you for posting such amazing content that is not only thoughtful, it is thought -provoking and it encourages the Cup of Jo community to contribute their own little grain of salt. I honestly always close the tab feeling that my life has been enriched in one way or another after reading this blog. Cheers!

    • Lily says...

      Agree!

    • Sharon says...

      Sisi, I could not agree more! That first parenting comment, oh man, what a good one! I love this blog and LOVE the comments, but inevitably miss some…. It’s so easy to forget how intuitive and wise children are…. And how deep inside, we all have a desire to protect those we love.