Design

Have a Relaxing Weekend.

Blueberries and Cherries

What are you up to this weekend? The boys are doing a lemonade stand, and, after a busy week, I’m actually looking forward to… cleaning out my closet. There’s such a particular pleasure in getting rid of things and organizing drawers, and maybe I’ll listen to one of these podcasts. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few fun links from around the web.

A dumb way restaurants trick you into drinking more wine.

12 great family rituals to copy. (I want to do the vacation one!)

How hilarious is this photo coincidence?

Vivian the dog! Just supported on Kickstarter.

Wow, wallpaper can completely transform a room.

New study: Pregnant woman silently yearns for your opinion.

The coolest bike lock that you can open with your phone. (No more tiny keys!)

Can Tylenol help a broken heart?

What a beautiful hostess gift.

On kindness.

And, most important, and worth reading for anyone and everyone:

The powerful letter the Stanford survivor read to her rapist.

And Joe Biden’s open letter to her.

What a strong, brave, incredible woman.

(Photo by Veronica Olson/Instagram.)

  1. I love how you wrote rape survivor instead of victim. I hope she knows and feels that and realizes what an incredibly strong and inspiring person she is to so many. Thank you for sharing! xo

  2. that photo coincidence is crazy! it’s amazing how life works

    hammyta.wordpress.com

  3. Bindi says...

    People may disagree with what I’m about to say: but I feel strongly that things will only change when MEN begin to read these stories and shed tears. When they begin to shed tears for their sisters, for their mothers, for their daughters. We can’t do it alone. My husband paid a different kind of attention to all of this when I read the victim’s letter out loud to him. All he could say was: “holy crap. If this was my daughter…” And he could not even finish the sentence. We need to teach our husbands, brothers and sons. I feel strongly that this is a huge piece of this puzzle.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      yes, i completely agree. teaching consent at a young age is so important. one small example, which i read about years ago: before leaving a playdate/party/whatever, instead of saying to our boys, “we’re leaving, go give your friend a hug,” i’ll say, “we’re leaving, ask your friend if he/she wants a hug or fistbump.” even little things like that i think can help show children that you always need consent and everyone’s body is his/her own.

  4. lol the photo coincidence. What are the odds of seeing your mom in your husband’s photo?

    I’ll just be working this weekend…I wouldn’t have it any other way :)

    xo Azu

    http://www.raven-locks.blogspot.com

  5. Sarah says...

    I’ve read this letter before but I read it again just now. There are no words. No words.
    She is the bravest of them all when she shouldn’t have to be anything but an ordinary girl.

  6. There’s definitely a particular happens that comes from an organized closet – especially when it comes along with a well stocked fridge and clean sheets! Love all the links and the inclusion of the Stanford Victim’s letter.
    In more frothy fare, Royal Ascot is just around the corner in England. Getting excited for the fancy hats on the ladies and top hats on the men.
    http://theroyalpost.com/2016/06/09/royal-ascot-style-dress-code/

  7. Hannah Spring says...

    Very tickled to see you posted the NY Mag article on restaurant behavior/nudges! I work for a non-profit consulting firm in NY, ideas42, that uses behavioral nudges to improve programs and policies that are focused on social impact. A lot of behavioral economists do for-profit work where they help business make more money, but we’re not all in it for the profit! It’s also a very powerful tool to help people more easily do the things they want to do… like save for retirement, go to the gym, wake up earlier, have meaningful conversations, form healthy habits, etc.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      so fascinating, hannah!

  8. Friday links on point!!

  9. Ah I’m a sucker for anything dog-related. The kickstarter campaign looks awesome.

  10. Jane says...

    omg, I’ve been looking forward to cleaning out my closet all week when my husband takes my toddler to swim class this weekend. You’re definitely not the only one and glad to hear I’m not either!

  11. Ruby says...

    As an assault victim myself, I’m crying so hard after reading the letter of the Standford Survivor and Joe Biden’s reply to her. What a wonderful young woman. I don’t know you and we’ll never meet. But I wanted to say that you moved me. I wish you peace and the strength to get on with your life. And to Joe Biden, we need more like you in this world.

    • Julia says...

      I was deeply moved, too.

  12. india says...

    I also have a crazy photo coincidence story! In my first term at boarding school my room mate put up some photos on her wall on our first day, one of which was a general shot of the beach. I was looking at the photos closely one day and we realised I WAS IN THE BEACH PHOTO!!! We were only 12 or 13 at the time and thought it was the coolest thing ever but I’d kind of forgotten about it till now so thanks for the reminder! Have a lovely weekend :)

  13. Emily says...

    This week’s links, along with the comments above, are why I love this blog so much. Rarely do I read through the comment section on a website and find such respectful, intelligent, insightful commentary. Not sure if this speaks more to the great community of readers here, or careful editing of comments by Jo and team, but kudos! It’s so refreshing.

    I’d like to add my gratitude for the links to the (amazingly brave and powerful) victim’s statement and Biden’s letter as well. I feel so much outrage at both the media’s handling of this case and our legal system’s failure. However, I do find some comfort in the huge discussion that’s begun as a result. It’s so important.

    Equally important, as described in Jen’s story above about the female police chief in AZ, is having female representation in all the many places where it is so sorely lacking today. I also appreciated the Gail Collins link on Hillary’s nomination in this week’s email. I know that political discussions breed rancor, but I’ve been feeling so disappointed in the lack of discussions and celebration over our FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE. Regardless of whether or not Clinton is your own favored candidate, I feel like this moment deserved so much more positive attention than it seemed to generate.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      yes, i definitely hear you about hillary. thank you so much for your feedback. and we’d love to talk (much) more about her as her campaign continues. thank you again!

  14. Rachel says...

    Perfect weekend links! Thanks Joanna ❤️

  15. A says...

    Like all of you I’m moved by the victim’s letter. And while I’m not sure how well my next point will be received, I want to raise the discomfort I felt reading it alongside the link to the Albert Schweitzer quote on kindness.

    I want to be kind. As a woman from the south, I was raised to believe that kindness and good hospitality were the cures to every ill. But I want to stop here, today, for just a moment to suggest that kindness doesn’t actually cause “misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate. ” The bystanders who witnessed the scene of this horrible crime didn’t call upon a well cultivated sense of kindness in order to intervene. They more likely called upon righteous indignation. They were assertive and demanding. Above all, they were brave.

    For our boys we glorify determination and courage, but for our girls we applaud kindness and understanding. I’m not into it. Maybe tomorrow I’ll change my mind . But for today, for this victim, for all of the women and men around the world that have to fight for their future and their honor and their safety, I think we can do better.

    Let’s be brave. <3

    • ks says...

      thank you for these words, I couldn’t agree more. xx

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      that is an incredibly smart point, A. thank you.

  16. I look forward to your Friday posts every week. They are warm, funny, and thoughtful. Thank you. And even more, thank you, thank you for posting the open letter.

  17. I read that Stanford victim letter a few days ago and it was so long but I couldn’t stop. I was so moved and it was so brave of her to do that.
    These links are great, as usual! Have a great weekend x

    Life in Blue Skies | A Lifestyle Blog

  18. Mariela says...

    That letter is so important to read. I would argue that Brock Turner’s father’s letter is almost as important to read – to highlight the extremity of the rape culture we are currently living in. That educated and privileged men can think they have the right to 20 minutes (ANY minutes) of a woman’s body without her consent, and ACTUALLY believe that Brock’s sentence was ‘steep’. It is so, so terrifying and we need to do a better job.

    This letter to Brock’s father, from another father is brilliant: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-pavlovitz/to-brock-turners-father-from-another-father_b_10339418.html

    The best part is when he acknowledges that it must be a terrible reality to learn that his son is a rapist – but it doesn’t change the fact that his son is in fact, a rapist. This is why we need to TEACH our children about consent. We explicitly teach girls in very direct language to not drink too much, to not let their glass out of their sight, to not wear things too revealing, to know bullshit cliches like ‘boy’s only want one thing’ and ‘boys will be boys’. We have an absolute responsibility as parents of boys to explicitly teach them in very direct language that they do not have a right to ANY woman’s body. They may be granted temporary/limited access to a woman’s body, just like they may grant someone access to their own body; and this is only okay when they are 100% sure they have ongoing consent. We need to teach them that if they don’t have consent (and be explicit like, when a woman is incapacitated) this is RAPE. This may sound extreme, or like it should be common sense, but read Brock’s father’s letter or look at the stats – THIS is what common sense looks like in our rape culture. And it is absolutely our responsibility to fix it, because we have failed miserably.

  19. Kris says...

    I love your Friday round-up, you always direct me to interesting content I would not have otherwise found.
    I’m pleased that you linked to both the Stanford victim’s and Joe Biden’s statements. I just wish you would have referred to her attacker as a rapist. It’s very disturbing to me that in California (and some other states) the difference between a sexual assault and rap is merely that he “penetrated his victim with a foreign object, not a sexual organ”. I think the more we all use the word for what this really was – rape – the more effective we’ll be in updating the laws. http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/06/brock-turner-sexual-assault-felony.html

  20. I love your blog and love it even more so for you using your platform to share the recent rape victim’s story. Thank you.

  21. Twyla says...

    That has to be one of the most amazing things I have ever read. Her determination to shed light on the truth and the ridiculousness of Brock’s defence is extraordinary. This should be required reading in every high school sex-ed class to teach young men the consequences of sexual assault prior to entering college. Bravo to her.

  22. Amanda says...

    Such a powerful letter. Thank you for sharing with your readers, Joanna. xo

  23. Thank you for posting the Stanford Survivor’s letter. Thank you for shining light on this.

  24. Mel says...

    Thank you so much for sharing the Stanford assault survivor’s letter (and Joe Biden’s letter in response), Jo. I have been feeling so sad, defeated, and lost about her story, how her trial was handled, and how the world seems to not be paying attention. Thank you for using your influence to shed light on her story.

  25. Laura C says...

    I pray for this brave woman and I hope that she will find peace soon. Praying for that.
    Have a nice one Jo
    Xoxo

  26. Casey says...

    That young girl’s statement was so powerful it brought me to tears; and to see Biden’s response was like breathing fresh air.

    I also can’t wait until the presidential election and will definitely start the TV dinner tradition as we watch Hillary WIN!!

  27. Carmen B says...

    Everyone needs to read the Stanford victim’s statement. I was already angry about the light sentence, and now even more after reading her statement. I’m glad we’re discussing it and so glad you included Biden’s letter too.

  28. Lisa says...

    Thank you for sharing those brave letters. I hope they can encourage others to speak out.

    On a completely different note, if you are looking for a hilarious podcast check out 2 Dope Queens. Jessica Williams of the Daily Show and Phoebe Robinson of Broad City host a stand-up show with other comedians. It’s tears in your eyes hysterical. Lots of smart, sharp funny ladies.

  29. michelle says...

    Clearing out and organizing drawers is so rewarding! If you haven’t listened yet, you should try out The Minimalist podcast, the guys who run it are pretty awesome and inspiring.

  30. Audra says...

    That article about heartbreak spoke to me so deeply…thanks for sharing. I’ve never thought to try Tylenol as a breakup cure :)

  31. Rose says...

    Her letter is so wonderful & powerful, but I do think we should be calling him Brock Turner the rapist and the issue the Brock Turner sexual assault. By including Stanford, or as many news outlets have, “former Stanford swimmer rape,” we legitimize him & give him status. She is not a survivor of Stanford rape. She is a survivor of an assault by Brock Turner.

    • Kat says...

      Important point.

    • Justine says...

      Calling her a survivor, and not a victim, is such an important distinction too.

    • Libby says...

      I agree with you 100%. To add to this, we need to talk about the two men who intervened…Those men are damn heroes. Those are the men that deserve headlines and reposts. Those men are what we need more of… I won’t let myself think about what could have transpired if they didn’t happen up this horrific act.

    • Aya says...

      Really good distinction. Thank you. I’m going to change how I speak of this case.

  32. Kali says...

    ‘You will never be defined by what the defendant’s father callously termed “20 minutes of action.”

    His son will be.’

    Best part of Biden’s letter. Gave me goosebumps.

    • Mariela says...

      YES. I am so thankful for these two sentences, they are so important.

      He made a DECISION, she did not, and our decisions define us. Unfortunately, the consequences are not distributed fairly between the rapist/perpetrator/abuser and the survivor/victim in our culture. Which is what makes it even more alarming to me when people focus on his ‘consequences’ (6 months, no more swimming, unable to eat steak anymore????? The superficiality is insane), and not hers. He CHOSE this, she did not. And thank you Joe Biden, for highlighting the insanity of those suggesting he get kudos for having never raped a person before this one.

    • Carrie says...

      Yes, very powerful and chilling statement!

  33. VPo says...

    Thank you for posting the victim statement and Biden’s letter. I had read snippets of the statement this week, but was dreading reading it in full, imagining how heartbreaking it would be, but when I saw the post, I knew I needed to do it. We owe it to the victim (to all victims) to read her statement and glean even an ounce of understanding of what she has been through and what she will continue to deal with the rest of her life. We need to move past the discomfort associated with talking about sex, rape and consent and acknowledge that open discourse and education are important elements of changing a culture that sweeps so many of these attacks against women and their bodies under the rug. This woman is incredible and I hope she gains some measure of healing knowing that she has made a profound impact in how our country talks about sexual violence.

  34. Genia says...

    One of the scariest things to me in the Stanford story is that literally any woman can end up in that situation. It’s a matter of minutes between someone being a friendly person at a party or and someone going after an unconscious girl that clearly can’t give consent. It’s terrifying! She’s so brave for being so outspoken and strong. Thank you for including the letter!

    One of the things I read recently that stuck was me asked why we’re teaching girls to be cautious and safe and not teaching boys how to stand up for someone and act if they see someone in a vulnerable position. I think we can put a dent into rape culture by teaching younger boys those things!

    • Laura says...

      I totally agree. When you read about natural disasters, you can at least think, oh I live in the midwest, there are no tsunamis here, or whatever. but rape? yeah, i mean, it *could* happen to you. and it could be someone you know right now. that is really frightening, honestly.
      Joanna, i am so glad you shared this. It’s been on my mind so much this week, and as saddening and infuriating as it’s been, the one positive thing I can see is that people are talking about it and sharing it. I think people are really the most influenced by those closest to them, and I am really hoping that the more people realize what a problem this is, and how it affects their friends, sisters, daughters, girlfriends, whatever, we will start to see a cultural shift in the way we think about rape and sexual assault.
      xo

  35. Theresa says...

    Thank you for posting a link to the courageous statement from the victim in the Stanford rape and VP Biden’s letter. I’ve been on a mission the past week to tell everyone I know they must read it! It’s a conversation the nation and each of us must have…thanks for always being a forum for serious, as well as fun issues.

  36. A lemonade stand sounds like so much fun with the kids! My twin 5-year-old daughters finished their last day of Montessori school yesterday and it was quite emotional since they’ll be off to Kindergarten next year. They also get to perform in their ballet recital this weekend. Since we have had so much excitement lately, we’re going to spend the rest of our weekend relaxing by the pool. Have a lovely weekend!
    XOXO, Amy
    http://www.jeansandatea.com

  37. Thank you so much for sharing those last few. We cannot ignore what is going on in that situation, and her bravery is absolutely inspiring. I hope we can all hold onto that.

    Also, I’ve definitely been fooled by the wine glasses. Those sneaky restaurants…

  38. jen says...

    We just got a female police chief in Tempe, AZ. One of her first acts was to direct all the backlog of rape kits from the past 20 years be sent out for testing. Turns out cases where the officer decide d it was ‘he said, she said’ or the rapist claimed consent, were not tested. Wonder who made that decision?

    • Lynn says...

      That’s great to hear. Good for her! (and the victims)

  39. Lauren says...

    So glad you included the Stanford victim’s letter & Biden’s letter – I actually emailed them to the president of the University I work for earlier this week.

    And I need to get inspired to clean out my closet! I have too much ‘stuff’. Working to become more of a minimalist :-)

  40. jill c. says...

    those letters…that woman….her bravery….i am speechless. thank you for including them today.

  41. Amy says...

    Thanks for linking to the Stanford victim’s letter. I just read it and was so moved. What a brave woman and Joe Biden’s letter was so appropriate.

    Have a good weekend!

  42. RT says...

    I’m also cleaning out my closet this weekend, I cannot WAIT. I realized I only wear like, 12 things, max. It’s insane that I probably have hundreds of items of clothing in my closet. WTF!

  43. Arika says...

    So funny! I had one of those photo coincidences happen to me once. I was at a friends house my junior year in highschool looking through photo albums with her when all of a sudden, I see my dad! He was putting a life jacket on my friend in the photo. Turns out, about 10 years earlier, we’d attended the same wedding in Flat Head Lake, MT and had no idea!

  44. Fiona says...

    thanks for sharing these, especially the last two, so important and heart breaking and awe-inspiring.

  45. Alice Quin says...

    An incredible woman. I am so moved by her bravery.

  46. Another great roundup of links. Always something to learn here. I especially enjoyed the rituals.