What Kind of Lingerie Do You Wear?

The other day, a reader wrote in with a question, and I’m curious to hear what you think…

Hi Joanna,

I’m dating a new guy, and I want to get some nice lingerie, but…eesh. I don’t know where to begin. It got me thinking: What does the modern woman wear for special sexy times? Do women still wear garter belts or the thing that attaches your underwear to your stockings? Or is that just in the movies? I’m curious to hear the perspective of you and your readers.

Thanks! Molly

Hmmm, these days I’m wearing pajamas with socks to bed (WINTER), but for special occasions and trips, I’ve always liked Eberjey, which I’ve mentioned before—their chemises are soft and pretty. On the fly, you could just grab one of his button-down shirts and pair it with lacy underwear (like these!); it’s always a sexy look. If you want some inspiration, Lonely Lingerie has beautifully real models. And, just for fun, you could always try one of these “cheerleading” skirts from American Apparel;)

Please share: What do you guys wear? Garter belts? Slips? Regular old underwear? Help a lady out! xoxo

P.S. Did you have sex on your wedding night? Plus, an easy way to have more sex.

  1. mikki says...

    Before you invest in an expensive bra….go to get a professional fitting at a high end boutique….no not VS. I used to wear 36DD…Now I am wearing 32H. Most women wear wrong size.

  2. mikki says...

    Oh….forgot to mention all the colors of the Panache I have so far:
    Powder Pink

    I love them all!! Super sexy. Lets the girls be themselves, not pushing up or squeezing.

    • mikki says...

      and now bluebell lol!

  3. mikki says...

    I always wear my old standby Panache Andorra. I have a full bust and they have my size all the time in lovely beautiful colors. The most recent color I got is the bluebell. Panty to match also. The lace is sexy, delicate, sheer. Game changer for the busty girl. Full coverage but not grannyish. Very sexy!! My husband loves them so much. Another good one is the Panache Envy. They are everyday bras but make you feel comfy and sexy all day. I am going to be wearing lace top thigh highs, my bluebell set, and a garter belt under my wrap dress. I will feel confident, feminine, supported, comfortable and classy all day long. End of day, I can come home and my husband can unwrap the present and be very excited to see what is underneath the wrapping…so to speak.

    • Yes!! These are my favourite as well! WOOT!

  4. George Crooks says...

    I am wearing white camie knickers silk suspenders stockings which my wife has started buying me on the internet. I am a straight older man

  5. I am very small chested, and can get away with not wearing bras often. Second to none, are unlined lace bras. The lightweight comfort of lace feels like you’re not wear a bra at all, and if you have to unwrap yourself for any special occasion, it makes you look and feel sexy. If you’re small chested like me, try the classic Timpa Lace Duet Demi Bra – it’s a game changer. :)

  6. I wear it all! I feel sexiest in a lacy slip, but my husband loves stockings and garter belts so I have a healthy mix of both. I love Nordstrom and Victoria’s Secret.

  7. I love lingerie more than clothes and shoes… so here’s some of my favorite brands:

    °Fleur of England
    °For love and lemons (but I was deceived with its quality for the price)
    °Agent provocateur
    °Damaris london
    °B tempted

  8. It really depends if you have small or big boobs! I think triangle is the best for small ones, for bigger ones, in my opinion, i ‘m just in love with Chantal Thomass (you can see it on my blog This is so chic & sexy & durable! But it is very expensive so i buy one once a year!!!! ;)

  9. To make myself feel sexy I’ve found nice, satin and lace pieces through Victoria’s Secret. But when it comes to coming across sexy to my husband I just have to be naked..and I have found most men I know are the same way!

  10. I use Underclub! It’s this incredible subscription underwear service. I filled out a survey about my size and likes and every month they send me something great. Styles have ranged from Commando boy shorts, to Cosabella cheekies, to Hanky Panky thongs. I’ve even found so new designers I love. It’s super fun.

  11. S. says...

    I guess lingerie is something that you talk to your partner about, so you can wear something that he/she will like but also something that you like and feel comfortable wearing. You don’t HAVE to wear garter belts and stockings if that’s not your thing. If you like camis then go for that. I find that stockings are very sexy and there are self-held stockings that require no garter belt or anything.

  12. S. says...

    I like forever21, they make very cheap and good everyday underwear. For special ocassions I’ve worn lingerie from no, it’s not all trashy, you can find some really nice sexy underwear for affordable prices.

  13. For those of us on a budget, I have also been very pleased with Adore Me. I like that it comes to my house in a little cute box and my husband is all “Hey, what’s in there???” That’s pretty fun. I also like that I don’t have to purchase every month if I don’t want to. I would compare their quality to Victoria’s Secret without the higher 70 to 80 dollar price range for a bra and panties set.

    That being said, I think sheer or thin lacy slips/teddies/baby dolls are a great way to go because they’re comfy to sleep in and graciously camouflage things you might not want to draw attention to while showing off your feminine silhouette.

  14. Yay, thanks for the heads-up on those nice Natori undies- I just ordered 3 for $45 on!

  15. Wearing nothing to bed usually works just fine. My husband and I have been married for 17 years, so he usually expects to find me in my pyjama top and panties under the covers.

  16. Just lacy underwear. Every day. But since 1st January I pair it right. Not random as “pink bra, red tongue”.

  17. Lacy underwear every day!

    I am always wearing sexy (lacy, cute thongs or briefs with matching bras) underwear- mostly because I have to live in scrubs/ can’t wear make-up. My partner couldn’t care less, but it is the one thing I get to do for myself on a daily basis that makes me feel pretty.

    The caveat is they have to be comfortable for every day wear- stretchy lacy underwear, cute mesh bras. I have had some crazy garter belts/ corsets but really, they didn’t feel like me so….never really get used ;)

  18. Ooh, I love the tennis skirt idea. Hmm. May have to pick up my bf from the airport in that. ;)

    A few favorites, not mentioned yet:
    Hopeless Lingerie (tastefully risque)
    For Love and Lemons (lacy and delicate)
    oh and Lille Boutique is having an end of season sale.


  19. I second the Eberjey recommendation. I got 2 chemises for our honeymoon and they are super flattering and super comfortable and now I wear them all the time.

    I do have this one sexy lace bra I bought a while back to seduce my husband and we’ve jokingly deemed it the “no-sex bra” because every time I put it on something happens to prevent us from having sex – getting too drunk, fighting, and even injury! So sometimes the underwear just doesn’t matter…

  20. E says...

    Honestly, I do Victoria’s Secret. A lot of it is trashy, but I’ve found a few things that I really like and I just buy them in a few colors. I wear a 32DDD, which most stores don’t carry and I hate buying bras online, so I appreciate that VS does have them in stock. Plus, I do love wearing silky/lacy lingerie pretty much all the time, and I ALWAYS match my bra and underwear! :)

  21. I just go with things that I think I would feel good about myself in from Victoria’s Secret… pretty bras & panties, babydolls, and flyaways.

  22. i have a small chest, so bras don’t usually help me much, haha. my boyfriend’s favorite is a simple black slip i have that i wear to bed sometimes, with no bra, but then he always wants to find out what panties i’m wearing with it – so i’ll match it with a lacy thong or something.

    i personally love the brazilian cut initmissimi panties. they’re chic, sexy + actually comfy! –

  23. I’m a big fan of the garter belt but it took me quite a while to really figure it out. I’m tall and the first belt or two were just too short. But once you figure it out, it’s delicious

    Also slips. All the time. Good for modesty AND for sexy time AND for nightwear. Not all that practical for me right now as I’m breastfeeding and pumping, but I’m looking forward to wearing them again when I’m done!

  24. Well, it’s winter – so that means warmer clothes currently. I’ve been living in satin pjs with matching tops all season. They aren’t lingerie, but still make me feel sexy while staying warm.

    Once it warms up, I’m a huge fan of nighties. I think they are practical, sexy, and comfortable. Obviously, thongs are not realistic for lingerie if you want to sleep in it – bikinis and cheekies all the way.

    Sure lingerie is for him, but I will not wear anything that I’m not comfortable in. If you are comfortable and confident in what you’re wearing it makes all the difference.

  25. There’s a beautiful shop on Etsy- luvahuva. So sexy and delicate.

  26. I second the idea that if you don’t feel comfortable in it, then you won’t feel sexy!

    For everyday I like Calvin Klein bars and cotton briefs with a bit of lace around the top. For sexy times, a pretty, lacy matching set makes me feel good.

    My favourite sexy-but-not-tacky lingerie is by an Australian company, Pleasure State (they seem to ship to the US).

    I’ve done the whole garter belt and proper stockings thing for special occasions, and it’s always been well-received! As for those saying it’s too awkward and fiddly to remove – don’t remove it! You can buy tie-side knickers (panties) that you can take off while leaving the rest on, or wear a thong that can simply be, um, pulled aside (sorry if that’s too much info!)

  27. For my honeymoon, I got some pieces at La Perla. Pricey, but soooo great-feeling & sexy. And for upscale and “naughty”, check out Agent Provacateur. Their store in Soho is awesome, and the salesclerks are so helpful!

  28. I love lingerie. Now, in my early 50’s (shhh) and in the best shape of my life, nothing makes me feel better & sexier than a beautiful matching set. I wear it almost everyday, and even if my husband doesn’t get to see it, I know it’s there and it’s an amazing morale & self-esteem boost. I buy inexpensive, and higher price when on sale.

    As far as racier pieces (i.e. garters, etc) I think it’s sometimes fun to dress up. We are going to Paris in May, and I just ordered a beautiful garter set.

    Favorite places are: Journelle, Agent Provocateur, Eberjey, Anthropologie, Nordstrom, etc.

  29. None. Because I’m plus-size and nice lingerie is non-existant in plus sizes.

  30. I have bought lingerie in the past and my fiance enjoys seeing me wear them but most of the time they are coming off very quickly so I just stay with what I have instead of buying more. I probably am due for an upgrade on style and quality but I never know if its worth it if he doesnt look at it for very long :)

  31. Victoria’s Secret has a pretty good range of sexy stuff.

    I do prefer basic lingerie with just a hint of lace on the trim for example, and their bras are super comfortable. Also, don’t wear thongs! I really think men prefer cheeky shorts which are way more flattering x


  32. For everyday comfort: Stella McCartney, Elle MacPherson. To look sexy: Agent Provocateur. Good for any occasion: La Perla.

    I personally like low-rise bikini briefs in stretch lace, and lined lace bras from La Perla or comfy bras by Calvin Klein. I love garters, stockings– all the classic sexy things — for special occasions.

  33. boy shorts cut. black. tomboy inside out. forever.

  34. Topshop have usually got a good range of lacy french knickers in bright colours that don’t cost the earth and that are fun. I used to adore these silky little pants that undid with a ribbon- had loads in different colours and husband adored them…..

    HOWEVER I am currently 8 months pregnant, and no lingerie can sex me up- bought an Elle McPherson red lace nursing bra with matching lacy knicks and his nibs laughed. Huh.

  35. I’m a huge fan of garterless holdup stockings…they’re particularly great (and practical!) for under fitted dresses and skirts. Otherwise…anything black and slinky, whether in lace or silk, or just very soft cotton. Aritzia has beautiful silk slip dresses that make the BEST underthings and night dresses, if you don’t mind splurging a little. And the seamless boy shorts and bikinis from uniqlo aren’t too pricey but feel very touchable.

  36. Your guy’s dress shirt & sexy undies is a no fail!!

    My hubby prefers black (he’s not big on the pastel & sweet looking lingerie. The sweet stuff is perfect when you just want yo feel pretty! Though it’ll work too! Haha! I feel old because I still walk into VS or Nordstrom and try on lingerie because I think the fit is so important. I’ve only ordered lingerie once online and that one happens to not be my favorite due to the fit. I really like a sexy simple soft slip like this one

    Oh and if your feeling extra sexy confident add some heels!!

  37. Loving those Lonely Lingerie bras!

  38. I try to mix it up a lot. I think men are very visual creatures and crave variety. My husband loves me in all lingerie

    I love all the crazy complicated stuff, simple matching bras and panties, teddies, bustiers, garter belts, babydolls, I love it all!

  39. This comment has been removed by the author.

  40. Hmmm, I am quite well-endowed and hence have always worn Marks and Sparks(Marks and Spencers) lingerie. Their bras have good support and you really can’t beat their cotton boycotts!

  41. I wear lingerie any time I’d like, it needs to look and feel good. I also buy sexy cotton underwear to use on a regular basis as well.I don’t do ugly underwear, it’s not my thing but there isn’t anything wrong with it. Since I already like nice underwear I don’t really buy anything special for my boyfriend (he doesn’t care as long as I’m in it) but I do have a school girl outfit that he likes.

  42. Lately I’ve been buying more of the bralettes, which are sort of barely-there lace bras in different colors. My boyfriend loves them, and they’re much comfier than regular bras! I also just recently bought a matching set from Asos that was really affordable and good quality. Asos is a great place to find some not over-the-top sexy pieces, and the best part is they’re all mix and match!

  43. I think any effort whatsoever makes my husband happy. When I’m feeling confident, I like something pretty and sweet from Anthro. If I’m just trying to step up my game and not wear plain cotton bikinis, I try anything from Hanky Panky. The lace is incredibly soft and they sell a thong that I will actually wear. Simple and classic. I just feel silly in anything over the top, but bravo to those ladies who rock the uber sexy lingerie.

  44. I recently decided to upgrade from Calvin Klein everything. I discovered ValentineNYC and I love their stuff – it’s for smaller-chested women and is so comfortable and sexy. I’d also like to get something from Lonely and Love Stories. I wear Base Range and Calvin Klein for normal days.

  45. Keep it simple and comfortable. My boyfriend doesn’t understand thongs/t-backs, but he also doesn’t wear skinny jeans so I can’t blame him. My favorite things are cotton and lace.

  46. During the day, I wear cotton undies with a nice comfy bra. Then on the weekends I spice it up with lacy combos or just a t-shirt with bikini briefs.

    I am in a 8 year relationship, he gets what I feel like haha.


  47. I honestly prefer regular old bras and panties. I think a push up bra and lacy underwear is the sexiest, although my boyfriend asked me to wear a garter with tights once. I did, but it was a pain to get in and out of and kind of killed the mood. I’m looking to be a bit more adventurous though, and invest in more babydolls and whatnot!

  48. I love Anthropologie for sweet, feminine lingerie (this, for example). The Victoria’s Secret look is not really my style. I like to go soft and pretty!

  49. My boyfriend and I just moved in together, so he still thinks even my basic cotton undies are hot!

    He does particularly like the lacy bralettes I wear on the weekends – I have one by Aerie, one Splendid, and one Cosabella.

    I feel best when I at least match my undies and bra, though!

  50. Lately I been wearing bralettes because they are just so darn comfy! But for sexy time, I like to keep it simple and just wear what my fiancee likes.

  51. I always just buy pretty bras with matching underwear. I don’t buy anything “special” because I find it to be a waste of money. Gotta be able to wear it everyday!

  52. Make sure it fits!! Go somewhere that will measure you and tell you the correct bra size. (Most women wear the wrong size, amazingly.)

    Otherwise, what Pearl said

  53. There’s a fun new company called Naja that employees all single mothers, with pretty, playful lingerie to boot! I also love The Lingerie Addict, it’s a blog dedicated to lingerie that features sales, vintage finds, things for people of all shapes and sizes and inclusive of people of all sexualities.

  54. oh gosh, i love so many brands– Araks, Only Hearts, Base Range an yes–eberjey… so many. we have a wonderful shop called Underwear here in Austin that sells all of the prettiest underthings.

  55. I live in Belgium and I wear a belgian brand called Primadonna. This is especially for larger busted women like myself. Really nice lingerie which lasts a long time, literally several years. They also make MarieJo for normal busted women. You should check it out, it’s fabulous, lots of colours and textures! Both also make marvellous swimwear… you won’t need any accessories when you wear something like this, trust me :-)

  56. I must have gotten the idea for you, but I sleep in Eberjey chemises, and have a couple that I designate as my “sexy” ones. They only make an appearance when I’m “in the mood,” so even if my husband doesn’t love them, he knows that if I have them on it is going on. Pair one of them with some lacy underwear and we’re game.

  57. I agree with the idea that feeling good about what is under your clothes can go a long way in improving your mood and confidence!
    I love hanky panky and other seamless panties. Being a little bustier but having a narrower back (32 DD-E) proves to be a challenge but the ladies at Nordstroms and recently Victoria Secret have been super helpful.
    Thanks for the Bravissimo referral, going to check them out. I hate trying to find supportive yet good-looking sleepwear :)

  58. Oh, I feel bad, my bf of 7 years gets me in thick camping socks. T-shirt still on. It’s freezing in NYC!

  59. I use Adore Me! It’s like a monthly service for sexy lingerie – their prices are unreal, they carry all sizes, and it’s SO cute. I always have a cute new set for date night – so important when you’re married!!! It’s here:

    PS – I don’t work for them or anything lol I just REALLY love it! Especially as a size 6 (nursing mom) DDD.

  60. Pearl, you are awesome!!! I love Journelle, too.

  61. Wow, thank you for these tips!!! So great.

  62. Check American Eagle’s Aerie line of Vintage lace underwear. They often have 7 for $26 deals and the lace is very soft and pretty.

  63. I think it’s whatever makes you feel great! Garters and stockings and the whole bit work great for some folks–for more over the top lingerie, Dita Von Teese has a VERY sexy and fun line that always makes me smile. In general, I like lingerie that works with the body I already have. I don’t like padding in bras! Lining is great for when Nipply Season (winter) looms, but I hate push up bras.

    (Also, a weird but totally useful tip–if I’m ever just feeling blah about life or the way I look, wearing a pretty set of matching underwear and some red lipstick with just like, jeans and a button up can just make the BIGGEST difference–even if no one else sees the lingerie!)

    Every now and then it’s fun to be able to break out something extra pretty! I live in Toronto, and there’s a line made here called Fortnight lingerie that is lovely and comfortable but also special enough for a fun occasion (or even just a fun surprise!)

  64. resounding yes to bralettes.

    and i’ll second the reader who mentioned wearing lingerie for herself; my husband appreciates it, to be sure, but i think there’s something…understatedly feminine about wearing delicate underthings day-to-day. (i’m on the smaller side, so i can get away with barely-there bralettes and the like — i know that’s not possible for everyone.)

    oh, and lately, i’ve been loving white blouses with the tiniest hint of a black bralette peeking out. its subtlety exists on a very fine line…but it’s fun to attempt to master!

  65. I think it’s totally personal (my guy happens to like matching sets and the smaller the better – hey G strings) but I also had a guy friend tell me once that if he’s really into a girl and something sexy is about to happen, the room could be on fire and he wouldn’t even notice. :)

  66. Oh how i wish I could wear those little wisps of silk and lace for sale at Eberjey, but for those of us with a little more to love, some support is completely necessary. My favorite busty girl place to look is an English company called Bravissimo. Some of their things are a little on the tacky side, but they carry up to a J (!) cup. Bonus: they also sell sleep shirts with built in bras and have a sister company (pepperberry) that sells clothes designed for curvy women.

  67. Oh gosh, thank you for posting this- your timing could not be more perfect. I am getting married (!) in a few months and had no idea where to shop for tasteful lingerie.

  68. Lacy AND comfy is what I’m forever searching for, and for sexy times, I love to wear thigh high black socks (especially in winter when nothing is more off putting to me then cold feet, literally haha)

  69. I find uncomplicated things sexy. I stick with a pair of Hanky Pankys lace underwear and a simple tank top. If I go the nighty route, it’s a cream silk one that’s unadorned or a cotton one with a deep V neckline. Complicated lingerie and garter belts are for the movies, not real life.

  70. My friends all tease me because I am mildly obsessed with lingerie. Some women it’s shoes or purses, but for me, it’s lingerie. No idea where it started but now it makes me feel sneaky and beautiful all at the same time. I know a lot of women wear it for men, but for me, it feels like a special secret superpower I get to wear daily and I 100% wear it for myself! I digress….

    There are lot of great brands out there that you can be both worn during the day or for special occasions. My suggestions below!

    A few favs:
    Everyday (but still have something to them!):
    – Negative
    – Chantelle
    – Eberjey
    – Huit
    – Cosabella
    – Timpa

    More adventurous:
    – Chantal Thomass
    – L’Argent
    – Myla
    – La Perla
    – Stella McCartney

    My favorite store is Journelle if you’re a bit lost looking.

    As for really special occasions, I love bustiers or body suits. Garters are a pain in the butt :)

  71. Oh, this is my favorite game. Lately, I like to wear a slip under my dress with a pair of tights like these:

    It’s comfy enough that you’re not fretting about it falling down/coming unhooked/pinching anything, and it makes you feel really pretty and sexy all evening. Plus– it’s nothing that fumbling hands will be mystified by when the time comes to slip out of it ;)

  72. Hmm…

    I don’t go too crazy, but my husband is a big fan of the recent “sexy-barely-there” bralette trend.

    The big thing is to wear things you feel comfortable and authentic in. Sexy times aren’t gonna be all that sexy if you’re distracted by these things you’ve gotten yourself tangled up in

    Also, flowers help :-)

  73. If you’re looking for bras and panties, I really like the Scandale line at Target (designed by Halle Berry!). I have 3 of the bras and 2 of the panties–all the pieces are super inexpensive and surprisingly well made! I bought the red bra for Valentine’s Day and my boyfriend loved it :)