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What Annoys You About Your Significant Other?

I recently got an email from a reader, who was stressed because her boyfriend gets on her nerves. “I love him, but sometimes he really bugs me,” she said. “Does Alex ever annoy you?” Here’s my answer…

YES. People are annoying:)

Annoying things that Alex does: Sneezes really loudly in the middle of the night (terrifying). Doesn’t take The Bachelor seriously. Takes forever to get through airport security. Never wants to go on vacations to rainy places (even Maine).

Annoying things that I do: Am bossy. Clip my toenails on the sofa. Can be super chatty, especially when he’s trying to read. Am chronically late. Steal bites from his dinner plate. Get inexplicably grouchy when I drink red wine.

Here’s the thing: Over the years, I’ve realized that literally anyone in the world you spend lots of time with will inevitably annoy you. Even if it’s your mom. Your best friend. Ryan Gosling. Gandhi. No matter who you date, they will drive you crazy sometimes. And that’s OK. You don’t have to fear being annoyed.

Alex is wise in his old age:) and last night, he said something great, as we were talking about this post: “Young people in relationships tend to give negative things too much weight and underrate the positives. Negatives often get three times the weight of positives. But look at married couples in their eighties. Their little annoyances are often all they talk and joke about. “Oh, Miriam always says this…” “Oh, Herb always does that…” The little annoyances are acknowledged, accepted and part of the fabric of their relationship. They try act like they’re driving each other crazy but they really can’t live with out each other. Annoyances aren’t a deal killer. They’re a natural part of a long, happy marriage.”
Great answer, Alex. I can put up with your scary sneezes. :)

So, let’s celebrate those annoyances! What bugs you about your significant other?

P.S. Colorful wedding dresses, and to pee or not to pee.

  1. Oh it’s so true! I think it’s the love that allows you to take deep breaths and let the little annoyances go. I know that after 1 and a half years of marriage, there are still somethings that bother me but I laugh at them and think “oh hubs” instead of getting angry like in the beginning. Leaving wrappers, orange peels, and tooth picks everywhere just to name a few ;) But when he’s away and those things are missing, I miss him and them! -JB.

    http://madewithlovebyjackieb.blogspot.co.uk/

  2. I just got married a month ago. Will put Alex’s quote/comment next to my clipping of Ralph Waldo Emerson’s “Success”

  3. Great post, such wise words!

    Also my fiance sneezes really loudly. It almost hurts my ears! He also leaves he’s stuff around the house. When he shaves his beard, he leaves his hair everywhere in the bathroom.. not cute! And steals my blanket every once in a while, even he says it’s too hot and wants to leave window open all night.

    Sure I have my own annoying things too. Like being super nervous before a trip, any trip. I’m bossy too. I leave my socks on the floor. And teabags around the kitchen table.

    But we are getting married anyway! ;)

  4. Anonymous says...

    My boyfriend, when he’s in the middle of a deep thought or an idea for a story/poem/performance piece, sometimes gets really distant and spacy until he’s figured out whatever he’s working through. I’m also a writer, so I understand the reasoning behind it, but it drives me nuts! I work differently and I accept that some creative people get moodier than others. Other than that, he’s an amazingly supportive and kind partner, and he makes me laugh more than anyone else, ever. Taking the good with the bad, always :)

  5. Anonymous says...

    So how do you tell what’s an annoyance, and what’s a deal breaker. Drinking too much, too often? Being too jealous? Where do they fit? xx

  6. I love that you addressed this! It’s funny since I’ve been feeling a little moody these few days and my husband has been annoying me, and I hate feeling mad at him but yet I just can’t help it and that just makes it worse. But you and Alex makes such a great point – that annoyances are natural and to be expected in any relationship, and in fact they should even be welcomed. Thanks Joanna! xx

  7. No relationship is perfect- thankfully! My father is 14 years older than my mother and they have been married 30 odd years. Seems to work for them!

    http://www.ramblingmuse.com

  8. LOVE this post. So true and a great reminder to all of us. Thanks!

  9. What a lovely post! It’s a beautiful place when one finally realises that it is possible to live with the annoyances. A marriage gets better from that point on :)

  10. I agree with Alex and you both. I have been married for almost 20 years now and I think the quirks are the best. As long as you are lite hearted about them.

    I’m messy and Josh sings songs about me being a mess maker and it makes me laugh. Josh is resistant to change and it can be quite funny. He is also a loud sneezer (it scares me).

    I think the acceptance of the annoyances is what makes a marriage great. Plus it can make you a little more accepting of yourself, which is a great bonus.

  11. Ha! I think I needed to read this — my husband’s laugh drives me nuts and I felt so bad for being really annoyed by it — but I like seeing it from that perspective…we all have annoying habits!!

  12. Thanks for this post Joanna. It’s true, sometimes we see the annoying things and we forget the good things. I think it’s a good idea for your readers to forward it to their partners. I did. I will also be posting this on my ‘Weekend Reads’.

    Natalie

    http://streetandsuch.com

  13. Jenn B says...

    how wise and incredibly practical. hope to read more future mr. cup of jo-isms.

  14. my husband snores and we manage:)) coz we have a good bed in our guest room
    what really drives me :)) its him leaving all the different plastic covers from opening bottles or other containers, etc
    what drives him … its me not closing containers or plastic bags in the fridge to 100%:)
    we both manage:)
    we laugh about most of the time:)

    really good post:) thanks for it

  15. My husband takes soooooo loooooooong to make up his mind when he’s deciding to buy something: shoes, groceries, everything! But it also means that he’s trying to save money wherever he can, and that’s something I really like about him. We just don’t go grocery shopping together all that much anymore :)

  16. I love this! Just read it aloud to my husband. I very true.

  17. NO WAY ryan gosling does anything annoying. =)

  18. Anonymous says...

    Thank you for this post. It made me realize that all those things that make me crazy about my fiance are the very same things that I would miss the most if he were gone. For the first time ever I am feeling grateful that he picks his toenails, lets his dry cleaning pile grow to monumental proportions, and leaves his dishes in the sink.

  19. My husband said a few weeks ago, that every night he thinks about how much he loves me and then he thinks that he wishes I’d stop snoring. (I feel awful that I snore). It’s a sweet sentiment that we can take the good with the bad.

  20. i told kev i married him because he annoyed me the least! i agree, those little things that annoy one another become comical and endearing.

  21. I love this post! I get annoyed by my fiance clearing his throat or coughing when I’m trying to concentrate on something. I know that sounds terrible. But it’s an awful noise!

  22. Lina says...

    Great post! He sleeps with socks on and it aggravates me so much, also wants to watch 3 TV shows at the same time flipping thru channels on every commercial break. But I can live with that :)

  23. Thanks for this post. I love hearing how couples annoy each other.

    Him: leaves his toothbrush in the shower, folds shirts wrong, argues with everything you say, even if he is agreeing with you (we call it argreeing), practically whispers in public because he is afraid of anyone overhearing his part of the conversation, and is a low-talker in general – I usually just make up what I think he said (“you hear a nipple rash?” “who’s wearing fortitude socks?”)

    He is also a great cook, extremely supportive of my career, willing to clean things, adorable with kids, insightful about people, and a great listener.

    I need to focus more on the positives.

  24. The most annoying thing about the boy I love?

    He lives 2,000 miles away!

    *sigh*

  25. Your posts are always so timely. :) I commented before about recently moving in with my boyfriend after living alone for years, and I’m just now discovering things that annoy me, like his habit of listening to the radio super loud in the morning. Yikes.

    But I totally agree–these little annoyances are so minor compared to the positive aspects of our relationship. Great post!

  26. I love the picture at the end, so sweet, I hope thats all of us! At least all Alex does is sneeze! Occasionally my guy jumps up out of bed in the middle of the night and runs around the room in a panic. SCARY!

  27. It’s comforting to know my boyfriend isn’t the only man totally incapable of washing utensils. But after five years of living together, I could write a book about all of his annoying habits. He’s crazy impatient. If he asks me a question and I don’t answer right away, he’ll YELL it at me. He turns the glasses over when he puts them in the sink- why? So I have to turn them back over in order to wash them? He seems to think that only plastic drink containers go in the recycling, not plastic shampoo bottles, deodorant containers, etc. He clears his throat very loudly and dramatically. His toenails must grow at an alarming pace because he clips them daily. Sometimes I can’t believe I haven’t smothered him in his sleep!

  28. THANK you for sharing this post. it was much needed at exactly the right time!

  29. I love this. It makes me look forward to being married!

  30. Um, Andrew PEELS off his toenails on the couch and wedges the toenails in between couch cushions. He never says “bless you” when I sneeze. He completely ignores me when he’s around his sister. I do nothing annoying. Just kidding! I always make an enormous mess when I cook, I pick at my split ends, and I say “What?” a lot on the phone.

  31. Yeah I have a loud sneezer also. (Did you see the SNL clip? That is my life!)

    He smacks his gum. He wears his shoes on my carpet and puts them up on my coffee table. He takes 15 minutes to put ON his shoes. But I love him!

  32. Anonymous says...

    That hubby of yours is a smart man…and he doesn’t like the Bachelor…love him for that!

  33. Hilarious! I have to admit – one of the things I love is when my husband makes fun of the Bachelor. Even though I love watching it, his observations are priceless.

    Also, we totally embrace the things we do that irritate each other. We’re totally like an old couple. You have to laugh at yourselves, right? It’s part of the fun.

  34. Not only is my partner a loud sneezer, it’s apparently genetic! When her family visits, I’m constantly jumping out of my skin from an unexpected loud sneeze. But middle of the night is pretty bad – I would be annoyed too!

  35. My husband and I are in a long-term marriage study that follows newlyweds through “the early years” of marriage. Every six months we either go in for video-recorded interviews, or they have us fill out a VERY LONG questionnaire. One of my favorite questions goes something like “Ignoring all of your spouse’s negative qualities and considering only the positive qualities, how positive are the positive qualities?” (answers ranging from not at all to very positive) and the converse “Ignoring all of your spouse’s positive qualities and considering only the negative qualities, how negative are the negative qualities?” I really like those questions.

    Just for fun, my husbands annoying qualities are: how he will NEVER admit he is grumpy/in a bad mood even when it is CLEARLY OBVIOUS that he is, he won’t use nail clippers and instead rips the nails off (AWFUL!), how we are both terrible back seat drivers and both think we have far superior routes to hard-to-get-to-locations when really they’re probably all about equal (we’re 10 times more likely to fight in the car than anywhere else). He’d probably say mine were that I read with the light on at bedtime for too long, hog the bathroom too much in the morning, and don’t know the names of minor highways on the outskirts of town (example: I couldn’t remember how to get out to where we got married, he couldn’t believe it!)

  36. Anonymous says...

    Love reading these. This is one of the few positives from being in a long distance relationship, because it makes me remember not to focus on thinking about the stuff he does that drives me crazy…like turning on the TV full blast at 3am, literally stealing my pillow from beneath my head (and he already sleeps with like, 5 pillows), scratching his back in the doorframe, packing everything he owns to go on a weekend trip, playing sound bites on his cell in a quiet restaurant…

    Oh, and nothing quite like the magic of having someone sneeze on you during the night! LOL! Not his fault but it was gross.

  37. Haha seems like a lot of us have loud-sneezing-guys at home! Mine especially does the loud sneeze at night too and it creeps the shoot out of me and wakes me up every time :-/

    But no one ever gave me better foot massages after a long day. Just love him :)

    P.S: i am little miss chatterbox as well and I can get pretty naggy. We all have our things to deal with I guess….

  38. Yes. There are times when my husband annoys me. He tends to want to talk to strangers all the time so he makes stupid jokes to cashiers in stores, talks loudly in lines hoping to get a conversation started with someone, stuff like that. It makes me cringe a lot, but it is a part of who he is…and well, I love him. He’s the best person I’ve ever met. How can I really fault him for being friendly? I know I drive him crazy with things I do too.

  39. Caitlin says...

    My husband , when he has finished a meal , NEVER places his knife and fork together , they always look like the hands of a clock at 4.35 , AND he never shuts the microwave door , drives me bonkers

    Ps and says preform , not perform

  40. Such a great point by Alex. He’s a keeper.

    My boyfriend LOVES when I take care of him (doesn’t every man love being catered to?) but he tends to get TOO used to it sometimes. I really enjoy making him breakfast and rubbing his back and doing his laundry because I know it makes him happy, but sometimes I like the reciprocation and when I expect him to do the same, he gets grouchy that I’m not doing it for him. Which is very annoying because I need a break sometimes! But, I know he does take care of me in other ways that I may not do for him either, so it evens out. He can pout all he wants, it keeps him in line! :)

  41. mj says...

    Funny, I realize all the wonderful things about my husband whenever he isn’t around but happens to come up in conversation.

    The things that annoy me:
    1. He twirls his hair incessantly.
    2. He eats loudly and too fast and with his elbows on the table.
    3. He is usually the most chatty whenever I’m trying to read a book or do something quiet.

  42. What a sweet post. I’ve been dating my boy for a little more than a year now. It’s safe to say we’re phasing out of the honeymoon stage and sometimes I worry about that. I start to notice habits like his lack of appreciation for farmer’s markets, how he doesn’t drool over my adorable niece and how every night we go to bed with a sheet over us and every morning it’s in a crumpled ball at the end of the bed (totally his fault not mine). But reading this I started to think about the amazing things he does like cleans my apartment after I go to work because he knows I’m having company, organized a surprise birthday party for me when I was afraid all of my friends were too far away to celebrate with me and doesn’t bat an eye when I wear purple/orange/hot pink lipstick. He’s rad and you made step back and reflect on that. Thanks!

  43. Thanks for this post! It’s great to know that these annoyances are “normal” and it’s not just me/us. I’m definitely using Alex’s words to put things in perspective when I’m getting lost in the negativity :)

  44. What a great post! My husband always takes his dress shirts off and hangs them on the back of the kitchen chairs, and instead of putting dishes in the dishwasher, he just fills them full of water, and leave them in the sink. BLECH! But then I never change the toilet paper roll after I’ve finished it,and I always forget to turn lights off…..so I guess we’re even:)

  45. He is so right. Young relationships do give too much weight to negative things. We/they jump to the end so quickly. When I moved in with Jake last year, we started fighting so badly I was convinced it was over. But I just knew that I didn’t want to be with anyone else so I’d have to just fight through it. Now we argue all the time about the little things that bug the crap out of us. ANd it’s not a big deal. I’ll continue to leave my hair straightener out all the time, he’ll continue to hang his towel in that stupid corner where it’ll NEVER dry, I’ll still steal the blanket no matter how many times he tells me not to and he’ll always be picky about how you peel an onion. It’s finding that someone who doesn’t care about the annoying things because they don’t mean anything. That’s the person for you :) Good post!

  46. I love Alex’s quote! That is so sweet and so true.

    My live-in boyfriend uses a new drinking glass for every beverage, even if he drinks water 3 times a day. Then leaves the glasses in the sink, even though he knows he won’t use them again. He trims his beard over the bathroom rug. He checks his phone during meals (“it’s for work!” he claims… it’s not).

    And boy, is he lucky, because I don’t do ANYTHING annoying at all. :)

  47. I think my husband has pretty weak taste in music and so I find his affection for Blink-182 rather annoying. But hey, he grew up in San Diego in the late 90s – he can’t help it. I am sure my penchant for “rapping along” with Dr. Dre is quite annoying as well :-)

  48. Great post! We tend to think that love is all about good stuff but it’s the negatives that give the spice (and spike!) to our lives- hurts but unavoidable and we’d better get used to it!
    I hate it when my man does the opposite I’m telling him to do (I’m bossy too) but I love him!

  49. HIs sneezes are so loud they make my ears ring. And his driving makes me carsick every time. But he keeps the house so clean, and does laundry all the time.

  50. Lynn says...

    Wise, wise man, Alex.

  51. Chantel says...

    I’ve been with my husband for seven years and have realized that certain things will never change. Such as: he leaves his clothes from the night before on the floor every morning. I actually have a routine of hanging his clothes up for him!

    He also holds onto every last paper, receipt, gum wrapper, ticket stub…and leaves them stacked on his nightside table. Not exactly the apartmenttherapy look I’m going for!

    But what can I say…my husband is my world, I adore him more than anything and am more in love with him than ever. They are definitely mild “annoyances” :)

  52. Alix says...

    Nice post ! My boyfriend is really really chatty and never let me talk. But a french song says : “Le bonheur conjugal restera de l’artisanat local” (“conjugal happiness will stay handcraft” : it’s sounds better in french, it’s rhyming. Pardon my poor english)
    thanks for your very nice blog.

    Alix

  53. Wow, that is such a great quote from Alex! It totally rings true :)

  54. LOVE this!!! haha my hubs wears crocs EVERYWHERE! but I leave water glasses around the house like the girl from Signs

  55. Everyone who in a relationship benefits from this post: slow down and enjoy the good parts. I just spent my morning doing a chore I’ve asked my husband to do for six months and I was pretty mad and sad. But your post reminded me of all of the things he DOES do and that it’s no deal-breaker. Ways that I’m annoying? I’m a really clean slave-driver. ;) Thanks!!!

  56. Awesome post Joanna! I’m always trying to explain to my best friend (who’s single) exactly what Alex said to you last night. She’s so quick to discard a potential relationship because of small annoyances.

    My husband is awesome and I love him so, but man, I hate it when he wears his black socks with shorts (and no shirt) around the apartment. Silly I know, but he comes home, strips off his suit and tie and forgets the dress socks. It drives me crazy.

  57. Oh this post is great!
    I am totally bossy, and Dave is so patient about it.
    Dave chews loudly… and since I am bossy I tell him about…(not so patient) haha. xox Prepping for a July wedding! Can’t wait!

  58. Tai says...

    I live in Maine and it is not rainy. Well, it rains but it’s no worse than New York.

    Get on that plane to Maine as soon as possible!

  59. LOL, Joanna I love how you get grouchy when you drink red! My partner and I both do that, which is rarely a good recipe for a perfect evening. We sometimes go for it when we are both feeling masochistic though and that can be satisfying.

    I had a rant at my Hubby last night for ALWAYS GETTING THE BATH MAT EXCESSIVELY WET after his shower! Arrrggh! After nearly 12 years-young or not- I have come to realize this will always bug me, but at least I have something to nag him about :-)

  60. aww! This made me tear up! I really like the point of negatives being given three times the weight of positives – I am so guilty of that!

  61. I want to hang with Ryan Gosling long enough for him to become annoying! :)

  62. Stephanie says...

    This is such a great post. I hope that lots of younger women read this and take comfort! I’m forty-two and my partner four years older. I wouldn’t trade him for the world, even though he’s a disaster in the kitchen, leaving the lids off of everything and things strewn about the counter, and he’s always late when we have to leave a hotel room or get to the airport! I love that when we arrive at a destination though he folds all of my clothes neatly before putting them in the wardrobe.

  63. These comments are AMAZING. I liked what one of you said earlier: “I’ve learned it takes less energy to just be entertained by it than to let it enrage me.” True and wise.

    My husband… oh gosh. He never gets home when he said he would, leaves dishes in the living room, doesn’t clean out the espresso maker, uses lame cliches ON PURPOSE because he knows they drive me bonkers, loads the dishwasher in an extremely inefficient manner, eats a snack when he gets home even though we’re about to have dinner, hates making the bed, blows his nose constantly, and–as many of you have said–leaves beard trimmings on the sink!

    Yet I love him so much.

  64. Oh i love alex answer! and i think you are right too. everyone will annoy you. how i know my boyfriend is The right one? is the one person in the world i can spend a lot of time with and be just a little annoyed by time to time!
    i am joking of course, but that would mean something, wouldn’t it?

  65. “Everything Simone (first comment) said.” :)

  66. My husband is my very best friend. My very best friend who is LOUD about EVERYTHING. Like . . . sneezing, walking, closing doors/drawers, sitting in chairs, talking on the phone. All this usually occuring just when I’ve put our two children under 3 down for a nap. SSSHHHHH!!!

  67. Love this post! Made me laugh, as well as being so true!

    My boyfriend is brilliant, but he automatically puts the tv on, he volunteers to do the dishes just after I’ve finished them, and he gradually creeps over to my side of the bed during the night so I end up teetering on the edge! Nothing worthy of a deal-breaker though!

  68. Teri says...

    What a fun (and true) post to read!

    My husband has this thing where all of the sudden he can say (dramatic shakespeare-style): ‘Oh no!’ and then be still. It really freaks me out every time.I always ask what’s the problem and I have to wait a minute to finally get an answer, like:

    ‘you ate the last banana’, or ‘I got no socks’.

    Scares the hell out of me every time.

  69. Annie says...

    I agree wholeheartedly with Denise’s mother. Very wise indeed. When you are first together every glitch is a possible deal-breaker, every up and down is the end of the world. After many years together you’d kill each other if you still felt like that. In short: I am obviously perfect but my husband’s habit of clipping his toenails around the house is beyond tooth-grating. And he won’t hang wet towels properly. But he makes me laugh more than anybody else.

  70. Things that annoy me about my boyfriend… he gets nervous when he’s ordering food so it takes him ages to get his words out, he mumbles, he pulls wierd concentration faces when he’s working/ playing playstation, he insists on doing the cleaning and then moans about doing the cleaning

    things that don’t annoy me.. almost everything else :)

  71. I Want to Say On Thing That…………………………… “You Are Beautifull”

  72. My fiance always leaves drawers open and wears two pairs of socks every day so I always have to pull them apart when I do the washing. But I am SUPREMELY annoying. I always want to touch his face when he’s reading something and I steal his food too.

  73. I disagree with the young people weighting annoying things more than old; I think it is not the annoying part they don’t weight but the relationship all together. When you have a strong feeling of being together and seeing your future together, you just don’t weight the annoying things so heavily. When your future together scene gets foggy, you start to pick up thing like; he never, he always, I must, I never get etc.

    Very good post, once again!

  74. love this post!

    my (wonderful) man friend has little annoying habits like making weird mouth sounds, but he puts up with me and my horrible habits (miss perfection) so I can’t complain.

    ps. Ryan Gosling, annoying? never! :)

    Treasure Tromp 

  75. I love my bf, but he talks too much! Not comfortable with silence at all and narrates everything, especially when we’re driving together! ugh. ssssssssh!!!:)

  76. The first annoyances that came to my mind were pretty physical. I’ve always been sensitive about my own stomach and teeth, so my boyfriend’s crooked tooth and chubby belly bother me sometimes. As for behaviors, I’ve realized something really profound. Though I find the fact that he is always late and needs prodding to get ready and go places annoying, I’ve realized that this behavior is very much tied to a huge positive that I definitely need–he’s very patient. I think we even each other out a bit in that and several other ways, so it works.

  77. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD MY HUSBAND NOT TO TYPE IN ALL CAPS??! HE DOESN’T GET IT. AND WHEN HE TALKS BUSINESS ON THE PHONE–EVERYONE CAN HEAR HIM! We are in Santa Barbara/Montecito area and I told him that I was positive that Oprah would be annoyed with his morning conversations to his business.

  78. He is obsessed with conserving energy in the house. For example, if I leave a light on in a room that is not occupied, I get in big trouble.

  79. Alex made such a good observation, about younger people giving too much emphasis on the negative things. Didn’t we learn that from sitcoms like Seinfeld, Friends, etc? ;)
    So appreciate you two talking openly about your relationship.

  80. Tickles me when I’m tired. Can’t I just go to sleep???

  81. Oh! And he throws his dirty socks NEXT to the hamper instead of INSIDE it. No one else wants to touch those!

  82. I love this post! Let’s see…he can’t go to sleep without the TV on, he spends more time in the bathroom than I do, he leaves his bottle caps on the counter instead of recycling them immediately, and when doing dishes he doesn’t wash the silverware. I think I’ve got it pretty good. I love Posh Pearl’s comment about her husband telling her the wrong time without checking. Hilarious. But that would seriously get old.

  83. I love what Alex said… but maybe even more, I love his “old people” names. Miriam and Herb! Adorable!!

  84. Ah, I love this post Jo!
    So cute and funny and the images made me smile…Thank you!

    PS-
    Things my hubby does–socks on the bedroom floor and dishes on the coffee table

    My own craziness–my obsession with pine cones (of all things) and how we are usually late because of my “oh…wait…just one more thing!” Ha!
    You know what, though–it’s those things that also make us laugh, too!

  85. This is such an encouraging reminder for all of us–single, engaged, married. So important to have perspective and remember all those little annoying things–fake coughing out of nervousness, leaving his socks on the back of the couch, picking at his toe nails…to name a few :)–help make up the relationship real and genuine. Thanks for posting!

    Waiting for Sunday: http://maddisonhamil.blogspot.com

  86. Alex really is wise. He explained it perfectly. I’m slowly accepting all my hubster’s annoying qualities, which is also scary!

  87. Anonymous says...

    Hahaha this is a great post! I love all the responses :) My boyfriend does so many things that drive me NUTS, but I love him still. His worst offenses are inability to load the dishwasher, he is super easily distracted and doesn’t listen (I hate repeating myself), and he is the worst person I’ve ever known at looking for something. He will lazily glance around the room, then always asks me where is my “….”. Ummm its in plain sight, he just knows its easier to ask me than him actually having too look for it. So annoying!

  88. Love Alex’s answer! Too true.

    My boyfriend is super neat and tidy. It’s a good thing because our apartment stays clean but for me (a slightly messy person) it drives me crazy! If I start reading and then get up to use the bathroom he will put the book away in the 2 minutes I’m gone! Ugh!

  89. Alex “IS” wise! ^_^ My hubby and I have been married almost 30 years. He’s annoying…..YES!…And he would say that I am too. In fact we joke about it all the time. But my life would be a one note song and a poem without rhyme if I didn’t have him to annoy! ^_^ That’s true love for you!

  90. How timely. The Hubs and I were just discussing this. He bangs and I mean BANGS whatever cooking utensil against whatever pan with such fierce aggression while simutanously scraping the pot back and forth on the metal burner. Metal on metal scraping and banging. It drives me bonkers but I’m grateful that he shares in the cooking. The Hubs is a much better person than I in that he never finds fault with my annoyances although I’m sure I have plenty. Actually, he finds it annoying that I have to read “my blogs.”

    As for something that generally annoys me and I wonder if you can address it in an upcoming motherhood post: moms who constantly complain about how overwhelmed they are with their children. I’m not a mom and would love to be so maybe I’m extra sensitive…but seriously…food on the floor, fingerprints everywhere, poopy diapers, children who want to go indirection A when youre trying to go in direction B, etc…isn’t that a typical part of parenthood? I

    I’m having a hard time dealing with my stay at home mom friends who take time out from their “busy” lives to leave some complaint about their messy, cranky, poopy or otherwise typical toddler on FB. I can’t help but feel terrible for these children….just because they’re too young not to be on FB doesn’t mean moms have a free pass to complain outwardly about their children. I get the need to vent but taking it to FB just doesn’t seem right.

  91. My boyfriend and I notoriously get on each other’s cases when it comes to sharing food, especially if it’s something delicious. Isn’t that horrible…??

  92. Oh, and after he rummaged and organized all my things, now we go through my product. I swear he loves going through my lotions so he can throw yet another bottle away. I’m learning to deal with it and now I find it funny. But it really took me out of my comfort zone.

  93. I am a pack rat. I have lots of things. Ethan is a minimalist. Oh my gosh, is he a minimalist! I had three suitcases full of various travel finds and girly things and one day I came home to find that he had rummaged through all of them and organized all -all my beauty “secrets” were in one bag, all my clothes, all the trashy books I don’t like anyone to see. I was so pissed off and annoyed. He said he did it so I could have a better idea of where all my things were.

    I also jam bills into my purse and sometimes, and he has to organize all the bills in my wallet. It drives me nuts.

  94. Martha said…
    When we’re in the car and I’m driving, my boyfriend says “whoa” if I get within 100 yards of another car.
    ____

    I know what you mean! My husband gets all dramatic when I drive round a corner, dramatically swaying his body side to side saying ‘are we on a roller coaster….slooow down……we have kids in the car….it’s making me sick!’.

    ‘Everyone’ knows that you are more stable when holding onto a steering wheel. Everyone except him.

  95. Oh I love what Brandon had to say, how true. I feel annoyed when my husband leaves the refrigerator open while he whips up basically his whole meal! But ya know Ill take it rather than leave it!

    http://gandacummings.blogspot.com

  96. Anonymous says...

    Alex is DA MAN!!!!!
    Lovely post… I wish I had someone to bug me. Flying solo for now…
    All the best from Venezuela!!!!!

  97. My boyfriend and I just reached our four-year mark and there are many bullet points that I could list. However, Alex said it eloquently and hit the nail on the head when it comes to weighing the negatives over the positives. Instead, I really do try to think about all the positive things that keep us happy and wanting to continue. So far, I think we’re doing good. Glad to see that your husband recognized that as well.

  98. Brilliantly put and spot on! When I moved in with my now husband-then boyfriend, my friend likened cohabitation to how you put ‘in bed’ at the end of fortunes from fortune cookies, except with every little annoying thing your significant other does you end it with ‘for the rest of my life.’ “he will never put the toliet seat down for the rest of my life.” it’s not meant to harp on the negative but rather help you get to a place of acceptance quicker. Our differences or annoyances are what make the world go round and ultimately are the endearing qualities that make us love each other even more ;)

    Chelsea
    http://www.hautechildinthcity.com

  99. this is, without a doubt, your best post ever.

  100. Thanks for this post joanna! I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently…it seems that once you get over the “honeymoon stage” we as women start looking to see what’s not there! and tend to ovelook the good things that attracted us to them in the first place…. It’s so hard but I’ve promised myself I’m gonna try to remember the good things and don’t let the annoying things get to me. :)

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  101. Great post! It’s the annoying things that make relationship’s real and truthful.. . Maybe someone farting in their sleep isn’t a turn on but there’s an intimacy … even there!

  102. Thank you SO much for this post. Couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. And Alex – you are a wise, wise man.

    My husband and I got married just over a month ago. Life is great, but I do think it’s easy to focus on the negative little things more than all of the good stuff. Why is that?!

  103. Love this post! And what wise words – I think it’s such a refreshing way to look at the little annoyances in a relationship.

    My partner (also named Alex) is HOPELESS at multitasking. I know all men supposedly can’t multitask, but he takes it to a new level – he can’t carry on a conversation if he’s doing anything else at the same time, whether it’s spreading butter on toast, folding laundry, etc. So he’ll pause halfway through a sentence in order to finish what he’s doing, by which time he’s forgotten what he was saying :)

    He also has a pretty bad memory and will tell the same anecdotes over and over again, which he thinks I find annoying, but I actually find super endearing. Also regarding The Bachelor, I know he doesn’t take it seriously but he is sweet enough to indulge me and sound interesting when I’m talking to him about it!

  104. Ohmygoodness.

    Its like this post was made for me to hear today. But your husband is 100% right. Reminds me of another quote I heard somewhere how young people just dont stick out the negative stuff and just give up to early when they get frustrated or annoyed. Im young and live with my boyfriend and today he was driving me MAD.

    Thanks for this joanna :)

  105. wow, what Alex said is amazing! i’m gonna quote him on that! :)

  106. Anonymous says...

    This is an interesting post but I wish your “annoyances with Alex list” was a bit more plausible and less vanilla. It comes off as a little bit bland and breezy and not so much on topic as annoying per se. Annoying is when someone is loud, repetitive. When they keep their cell phone on the dinner table, when they leave the dirty dishes undone all of the time. When they have bad manners or they leave their wet towel over the back of a leather chair over and over. I would appreciate a more fearless list of annoyances.

  107. this reminds me of my friend’s exboyfriend, who used to ask SO MANY QUESTIONS. If you were telling a story, and part of it involved driving to the store, he’d be like “what car were you driving?” “oh, your car’s white, right?” “how far was the store?” “what were you planning to get there?” “were getting anything not on the list?” “were you picking up cigarettes?” “did you get stopped at any red lights?”

    it was the MOST ANNOYING THING EVER, to me at least. she thought it was adorable!

  108. Really great advice. I feel like I’ve put so much pressure on myself to marry the right person so that I dont become a divorce statistic. Its sometimes hard to focus on the positives. But when I think over the course of my fiance and I’s relationship, I have so many great positives that come to mind. Thanks for the reminder!
    P.S. why is it so hard for him to throw things in the garbage? Like when he opens a bag of chips and sets the corner of the bag on the counter beside the garbage can. Its 2 f-ing feet away!!

  109. When we’re in the car and I’m driving, my boyfriend says “whoa” if I get within 100 yards of another car. He snores. He clears his throat for like 30 minutes after finishing a meal. He leaves the seat up. He brushes his teeth in the shower. He doesn’t clean up after himself very well. His excuse for not doing things is “I don’t know how”

  110. Great post! My hubby leaves the seat up…constantly.

    I’m quite certain that I’d never be annoyed with Ryan Gosling though. ;o)

  111. TiffanyH says...

    Wow! That was some sage like wisdom, anyone with that amount of insight is worth a lifetime of midnight sneezes.

  112. Claire says...

    eats all the leftovers, leaves his giant shoes right where i’ll walk, complains when he has to do dishes, won’t let the dog in the bed, smokes!

  113. Ha, great post. My s.o. has a habit of wearing these baseball caps so frayed in the rim that the cloth is clear worn away. I’m convinced he looks like a hobo in them but he likes ’em and adamantly refuses to wear any new ones. I guess I can’t complain since I like to wear my favorite old jeans even though they’re already ripped in the quad area (my rationale is that surely that’s back in style, although maybe only for teenagers!). But if he can put up with my quirks, I guess I can put up with his. :)

  114. L says...

    It’s so true. I found little things that annoyed me about my husband while we were dating, but when I asked myself if I could live with them forever, the answer was an easy yes.

  115. I love that you have a picture of Woody Allen for this, he’s the perfect example of someone you can love and get so annoyed with too :) My husband has scary sneezes too and snorts really loud in his sleep. So annoying!

  116. l love what Alex said because it is so true! This year will be our 5th year wedding anniversary and I can say what Alex says definitely applies to us. You and Alex are such a sweet couple!

    A couple annoying things about my hubby – he also sneezes really loud (it startles me and the baby), puts more than one French fry in his mouth at a time or takes more than one bite of a burger before chewing, and whenever I ask him for the time – without checking, he’ll tell me the time and it’s always wrong.

  117. Love this post. This past January my boyfriend and I took a month long road trip across the US. At the time we had been together for a bit over two years and we knew it’d be a test to our relationship and that we would probably learn a lot (more) about each other. He looks over at me one day with a serious face and says “okay so I have something we have to talk about, something about you I realized I really can’t stand” and my heart totally sunk. The way he said it sounded like it could be a total dealbreaker. Turns out he HATES when I leave the little shower thing up/on on the faucet in the bathtub. WHATTTT! I guess at one of the stops along the way he was hit with a rush of cold water because I hadn’t turned off the shower the night before. Let’s just say i let put quite the sigh of relief. It’s the little things!

  118. I loved this post! I too try to find the things that irk me about my husband endearing! Like when he talks about how he can’t wait to retire (he’s in his early 30’s) or wanting the remote from the movie Click to fast forward his bad days (I say, LIVE IN THE NOW and ENJOY IT). But I’m sure it annoys him when I constantly email him at work the latest disease I might have that I read about on Yahoo news. It’s the best knowing and loving someone, warts and all, and having them love you back.

  119. Over all my hubby doesn’t annoy me BUT I stopped watching regular TV shows with him because he complains about the unrealistic sounds a show makes (a computer would never make that noise!), cheesy characters (that kid on Glee is so annoying!), and music (how do you stand the music in Amazing Race?). I realized he just doesn’t like TV therefore only watch documentaries with him or movies ;).

    He also tends to put things in weird spots in the kitchen.

    I love Alex’s response and I agree with him. We definitely get wiser as we get older!

    Now here’s the real question – don’t you just annoy yourself sometimes??? I get so annoyed with myself when I leave my keys in the wrong spot, I can’t find my phone (when it’s in my hand) or I can’t figure something out. :)

  120. So very, very true. My husband snores. A lot. And he’s got a serious case of what my friend’s mom calls “guy eyes.” (Meaning he doesn’t even notice when the house is a mess.) But he’s one of the best cooks I know and he’s super romantic and sweet and funny, so I think I’ll keep him. ;-)

  121. This is one of my favorite posts ever. I am cracking up at these responses!

    My husband always has to shake his iced beverage in its glass. The sound makes me crazy!!! When we watch tv or movies, the room has to be totally dark and quiet. I like to watch tv and multitask (send emails, clean the house up, etc) and he gets so irritated. If I need to say something, he sighs and pauses whatever we’re watching so that I won’t interrupt. Ha!

    However, I’m sure he finds it super annoying when I’m surfing the web on my phone in bed super late at night, when I can’t decide where I want to have date night (I change my mind like a dozen times in ten minutes – it drives him nuts), or when I can’t stop mocking Star Trek (the tv series) when he watches it.

    But like everyone else has said, life would be boring if we were all the same. I appreciate my husbands quirky annoyances, and I’m sure he feels the same way.

  122. Anonymous says...

    He never says bless you when I sneeze. I guess he doesn’t believe in it.

  123. I love what Alex said, it is so true! My grandparents have been married for 60+ years and anytime I around them, all they do is nit pick and bicker about what the other one does. While my mom gets annoyed with them, I think it’s totally endearing. I think its because I look to them to see how people endure through all the ups and downs that life brings us.

  124. I get absolutely annoyed at my fiance when he snores really loud at night. Ironically the only time he does this is when I have to wake up very early the next day. :) But you gotta love them!

    Love this post!

    xx

  125. great post, thanks for the reminder about an old couple, cause it’s so true!!! my boyfriend also sneezes like it’s his job to be loud must be a ‘manly’ thing. he also wakes up and acts like he’s had 3 cups of coffee before i’ve even opened my eyes, it drives me nuts cause i need at least a cup of coffee before i can talk. i drive him crazy when i’m hungry… i get a little grumpy :) so he feeds me, LOL!!!

  126. I could relate to so many of these annoyances…open drawers, path of clothes, inability to drive and talk at the same time. But I must say that the number one most annoying thing my husband does is make a huge production out of his sneezes. They’re so damn dramatic that I started asking him to take a bow after each sneeze. Oh also, he makes the biggest gulping sound when he drinks. It drives me crazy, but I’ve managed to keep that one to myself.

  127. I think the things that annoy you are often the same things you love about your SO– the ways they are different from you and balance you out. For example, my husband (and his whole family) are chronically late and always underestimate their arrival times by about half an hour. But they don’t do it because they’re inconsiderate, they do it because they’re caring, so they’re always running behind because they were talking to someone, or doing someone a favour, or something like that. It annoys me, but I also love it. I think it helps me deal with the annoyances to realize this.

  128. I wish I could give this post two thumbs up.

  129. spoken like a true wise man! agree all the way!

  130. Oh this is so very perfect – My husband of 22 fun-filled years can make me crazy…when unloading the dishwasher, why can’t he put away the tupperware? I am a teacher, why does he ask me every Sunday night if I am ready for the week? and Pleeeeease just put the recycles in the bin – not on the counter above!

  131. I LOVE art! I went to school to study art and I search it out everywhere we go, but…Jason (my hubbie) has a severe allergy attack whenever we step foot into an art gallery or museum. I don’t know if it is psychological or what, but it drives me insane! But…he will be the first one to suggest we go into a art gallery if he feels me pause or hesitate a little bit in front of a window. He goes, snotting all the way. The thing that annoys me the most, is also the thing that reminds me how much he loves me. As time goes on, the annoying things, become “shake your head and laugh” moments. The key is to stay together long enough to appreciate the transformation : )

  132. Hahaha, all these comments are making me giggle. What a great post! And wise advice, too! As humans, we’re all hard to live with. I annoy my fiance when I leave a glass of water somewhere else besides the kitchen. And he annoys me when he leaves his blinker on (forever) after changing lanes or turning at a light. What silly things we all get annoyed at!

    Katie

  133. Chelsea says...

    Aw, that image gave me goosebumps! So sweet!

    Oh & that Alex, very wise…he’s a keeper!

    Happy friday, from Australia. :)

  134. Anonymous says...

    Wow, I read the post to which you linked, and didn’t realize Alex was 13 years older than you are! He looks young… does he color his hair? :-) My husband is also 13 years older than I am (and you are two years younger than I am, I think.) My husband has a very young face but is very grey-haired!

  135. This post has made my day. FANTASTIC!

    My husband is neurotically punctual, whenever we go on a holiday it’s stress, stress, stress until we are on that plane!

  136. My boyfriend does laundry and then keeps a “clean” basket and a “dirty” basket to prevent having to fold any of it or put it away. He also complains about how out of shape he is and then goes and orders a triple cheeseburger…I know that’s an emotional thing so I try to keep my mouth shut, but I know it annoys him when I bring it up :P

  137. His snoring used to drive me nuts. Then a friend of ours died(way too young) and his wife is now alone. The snoring doesn’t bother me anymore . Now it comforts me.

  138. My husband EXPLODES water all over the bathroom every single morning. He doesn’t seem to register it, either, so cleaning it up never enters his mind. Also, when he does the dishes, he washes everything except for the utensils. He leaves those in the bottom of the sink, and puts one plate over them, as if to hide them.

  139. my husband loves to talk over (and dance over) all work i try to get done when i get home. it’s annoying as hell, but so damn endearing i can’t really get mad at him. we got married after five weeks and recently celebrated an undisclosed anniversary. i remind myself daily…of the silly dances/songs/rhymes/riddles he would be interrupting my work with if he were here right now…it is all worth it in the long run…because when it comes down to it, the boy always makes me laugh. laugh until i pee or snort wine up my nose. nothing beats a man like that.

  140. Anonymous says...

    Not sure if someone posted this already, but Dan Savage changed the way I see those annoying, I mean quirky things my man does with his “Price of Admission”. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1tCAXVsClw&feature=youtube_gdata_player
    Now, when my man talks in his sleep (waking me up), puts the toilet paper on the roll the WRONG way (it’s over not under!) or asks me when I’m getting up on a lazy Sunday morning, I remember Dans insight and smile. – Lisa McKnight

  141. oneida Christensen says...

    ghandi! ha ha ha ha. this made me laugh.