Relationships

Do or Don’t: Scheduling Sex

So. Alex and I have started a new thing…

Once we had a child, we found we had more random tasks than we’d had before. Instead of reading magazines, we’d be bouncing Toby on the bed; instead of sipping cocktails, we’d be preparing his bedtime bottle. On lazy afternoons when we’d cuddle up on the sofa, a chubby baby was smack in between us. And, at the end of a long day, after putting Toby to bed, we were beat. Suffice it to say, sex was taking a backseat to…everything.

But then…

(forehead slap!)…

We had an idea.

We could simply create time for make-out sessions. It was exciting to look at our weekly routine and choose some times where we could have a roll in the hay—say, Wednesday evenings and/or weekends during Toby’s afternoon naps. (Of course, we doesn’t mean we rule out spontaneity when the moment arises.)

Women’s magazines have said that scheduling sex is the death of your sex life (aka “it’s come to this?”), but I think the opposite. Planning can be a great thing. You plan a date. You plan a vacation. You plan a marriage proposal. You plan a wedding. You plan a surprise party. They’re all more romantic for the preparation. So why not plan time for sex, one of the most important and cherished parts of a marriage?

Anyway, we’re totally sold. (Just don’t come knockin’ this Saturday afternoon:)

So, I’m curious to hear: Would you schedule sex? Or definitely not? I’d love to hear your thoughts… xoxo

(P.S. GQ is into it! And three more romantic ideas…)

(Illustration by Gemma Correll for Cup of Jo)

  1. Ileana says...

    Hi Joanna! I’ve been married for a little over a year now, and found that both my husband and my sex drive has gone down. So I’ve been kind of scheduling sex on my own (to make sure we don’t go a long time without it) and initiating it. He’s always receptive to it, but I find that he’s rarely one to initiate himself. We’ve talked about it and he’s noticed he doesn’t think about it as much. On one hand, I think it’s incredibly feminist of me to be the one initiating, and incredibly feminist of him to let me do it. :-) But on the other, I wish he would initiate more often. Any advice on this?